If you take one crappy oneshot and combine it with another crappy oneshot, what do you get? A good oneshot, or an extra crappy oneshot.
Well, we're about to find out.
Things Get Better When You Fall (original) was a house with no framework.
Forever Is A Lie was a bunch of framework with no house.
I combined them- do we get a house, or a big mess?
Let's see.
MAJOR TW!! Suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, temporary eating problem, character death, THIS IS A SUICIDE-BASED FIC, DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT.
WC: ~1600
Enjoy!
To be blunt, Xay hadn't been doing the best.
Sometimes, life doesn't go your way, that's just a fact. Everyone gets used to it, everyone gets over it.
But sometimes, life doesn't go your way, many times over, and all in the worst way possible.
Things weren't going Xay's way, but a certain message in chat was the end of anything good going for him.
<Xisumavoid was slain by Skeleton>
Xay froze as he read it, reality not clicking in his mind.
Only the messages that followed brought the hard truth forth.
<MumboJumbo> WHAT???
<Grian> how- how did a skeleton get to him??
<TangoTek> NO- WHAT???
<ImpulseSV> I... I can't believe it...
<Keralis1> I saw it... I saw it happen- I couldn't save him... I'm so sorry...
<Ethoslab> it's not about what did the most damage... it's about what dealt the final blow.
Xay closed the communicator, tears burning in his eyes.
Xisuma, his brother, his light in the dark of the Void, was gone.
Xay didn't know what to do.
So he did the only thing he could do.
Xay locked himself away and cried.
He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to drink water. He didn't want to do anything, because how could he?
How could he when Xisuma was dead?
There was a knock at his door.
"Xay, I know you're in here," it was Hels. That was surprising, Hels and him weren't that close. "I left food and water out here so that you could get it yourself, but you never did, so I figured I might as well just give it to you."
Xay didn't respond. He didn't want Hels's pity, he didn't want whatever Hels had to give him.
"Xay, if you're listening and ignoring me, so help me I will kick this door down-" Hels took a deep breath and tried again. "Look. I- I know it's really hard, and I'm sorry, but you've still got to eat and drink like a functioning human being."
Xay stayed silent.
Eventually there was a sigh, and the sound of Hels leaving.
Xisuma used to do something similar, a voice in Xay's head reminded him. Force you to drink and eat.
That thought was what made Xay stay hidden away for another two days, only really ever getting up to, reluctantly, take water from outside, only to drink a small amount and stare at the rest, thoughts spiralling in his head like threads, encasing him.
And just like anyone else, when Xay's thoughts lingered for too long, they developed into something much worse than what he started with.
Grief turned into anger, not at Xisuma, but at himself.
You should've been there.
You could've saved him.
He's dead because of you.
You don't deserve to be here.
You deserve to die.
He should be alive, not you.
There's no one left here for you.
It's all your fault.
All.
Your.
Fault.
And you deserve to live up to what you've done.
When you're in a state of grief as strong as the one that comes with losing a brother, you can't distinguish logic from fantasy.
So Xay believed it.
He believed every single thought.
It made him start doubting if he should be allowed to live.
Xay found it harder and harder to get out of bed every day.
He opened the door, staring at the tray with food and water that Hels had left. This time, there was a note attached, and Xay picked it up to read.
Uh, hey, it read in Hels's jagged handwriting. If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me? I mean, I just figured it'd be good to offer and stuff, but I don't really know.
Xay stared at the note, a sort of anger burning in his eyes.
He didn't need Hels's pity.
It wasn't like the great knight of the Nether cared about Xisuma's death, anyways.
Xay crumpled it up and left it in place of the glass of water, which he took.
As per usual, he left the food.
"Xay's, it's been a week," Hels's voice came through the door. "You've eaten a grand total of once. It's not going to solve anything, starving yourself. I know I'm supposed to be going easy on you, but blazes do you make it hard. Eat something. Go for a walk. I mean, you've been drinking water, which is good, congrats, but seriously. Get out of that room."
"Get out of my life," they were the first words Xay had spoken in weeks, and his voice cracked as he said them. He didn't really mean it, it just... came out.
He almost didn't regret it when Hels didn't say anything, just walked away.
Xay hated it all.
He hated the universe.
He hated Hels.
He hated himself.
He had finally gotten out of his room, waiting until it was the sleep shift, when Hels would be asleep, to sneak out to go on a walk.
He kicked a small piece of netherrack, wiping tears out of his eyes.
He came to the edge of the cliff and stared at the lava.
He almost wanted to do it. Almost wanted to make himself do it. Almost wanted to end it right there.
Instead, he sat at the edge and continued staring down, wondering if, at some point, he'd convince himself and push forward, to death, which called him with open arms.
He stayed there for a long time, but ended up getting up and going back to the fortress.
Hels was awake when he arrived, and the knight glanced up at him with wide eyes when he came from the main entrance.
"You- you actually got out-" Hels breathed, and there wasn't a touch of sarcasm in his voice, shockingly. "You actually got out of your room!!"
Xay looked away from his awed gaze, walking past to go back into his room.
"I left food and water there," Hels tried. "Take it."
Xay didn't bother with either, locking himself back into his room.
It became a cycle.
He'd let his thoughts flow during the day, and he'd go outside at night and he'd watch the lava.
He knew one day that he'd end it.
But that day was never today, and it never really appeared to be tomorrow either.
Until there was a turning point.
"You're doing good," Hels spoke from outside, as usual. "Better than, actually. Getting out every night, I mean. And drinking water, and eating every couple of days."
Xay hated this. He hated having Hels look after him, he hated every ounce of pity he got.
"You're doing great," Hels continued. "But maybe eating more would be good? I know this is hard, but-"
"No, you don't," Xay spat. "You don't know, no matter what you say. You're just an arrogant knight that's never lost anyone in his life. You know what-"
Xay stood up, then unlocked the door.
"Get out, Hels. I'm done with your pity and 'sympathy'. I don't know why you insist on doing this, but it's stupid, and, just so you know, I've hated every second of it. I've hated every second I've had to hear your voice, pretending it knows everything and acting all sympathetic, which you're not. I'd rather drop dead than have to deal with you, and maybe I will. I might as well kill myself, so long as I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU OR ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS VOID-FORSAKEN LIFE."
And with that, Xay slammed the door, leaving Hels shocked on the other side.
It was the night.
Xay stared at the lava.
He lost everyone.
Xisuma.
Hels.
And finally, himself.
He fell.
He wanted to fall.
It would finally be over.
Would things get better?
They would.
Things get better when you fall.
Xay closed his eyes, waiting for pain to overtake him.
It never did.
Because when he opened his eyes, he was in the arms of Hels, gliding across the lava.
Xay's world came crashing down around him when he realized his mistake.
Hels didn't say anything when Xay started crying, and when they landed, Xay clung to him, absolutely sobbing into his armor.
He couldn't help it, and he only cried harder when Hels drew him close, running a hand through his hair.
He missed it. He'd missed the touch, even if he'd never really gotten it from Hels in particular.
"I'm sorry," he whispered when he regained control of himself. "I'm so sor-"
"Shut up," Hels's response was sharp, as if he was on edge. It should've startled Xay more with how blunt it was, but it was Hels.
Xay wanted to cry more, but he'd cried himself dry. Instead, he just buried his face in Hels's chest, hiccuping softly.
Hels sighed and, in what Xay guessed was an impulsive movement, kissed the top of Xay's head.
Xay froze, heart pounding in his ears.
"S-sorry-" Hels stammered. "I didn't- I-"
Xay pulled back to stare at him, then in an impulse of his own, kissed Hels's cheek.
"Thank you," Xay whispered. "For... everything. Everything that you did for me-"
"Don't thank me," Hels replied, his voice as soft as Xay's. "Thank you. For staying."
Xay couldn't respond, so he just hugged the knight, who sighed softly.
Xay felt like maybe, just maybe, a small hole in his heart had been stitched together again.
And he truly meant the words that he said next,
"For you, I'll stay."
Please keep in mind. This oneshot has nothing to do with me, other than the fact that I wrote it. I have never struggled with suicidal thoughts, nor with death. Everything is fine on my end, please don't worry :D
ANywho yeah no I should really write some fluff blazing moons above-
-Storm