"Caiden." I stood at the foot of Caiden's bed; my hands crossed as I waited for a response. "Caiden," I called out once more. I had been standing there for a few minutes, trying to get him to wake up. Well, just trying to get him out of bed. He wasn't actually sleeping, but just lying there, waiting for... something. Or more like hiding from something.
Last night, he had been a mess. Whining; angsty; tired of it all before it had even started. He was excited for this ceremony before, to prove his worth to either me or to himself; but now, he just seemed nervous. Nervous, to show that he didn't fully know what he was going to do tonight. He didn't understand exactly what was going to happen. And I had noticed the subtle switch as yesterday slowly came to a close and he no longer had any reason to keep pushing his anxious thoughts away.
In the few months that I had been guarding him, I realized that he was actually a sensitive person. He liked keeping to a schedule so that he wouldn't be surprised throughout the day, and he had everything planned out as finely as possible. However, there were times that certain unavoidable situations popped up. Such as the time where a stable aid had accidentally let loose some horses into the castle. Well, it wasn't exactly his fault. It was, as one would call it, a series of unfortunate events, that started with the aid taking two horses back to their stables after a night walk, and his helper walking behind him with two horses as well. Before that, a couple of knights that evening had decided to spend their day off drinking and when they had come back to the house, they thought it would be funny to hide around a corner and scare one of the friends. However, they accidentally caught the stable aids instead. This, in turn, spooked the horses bad enough for the aids to lose control of their reins, and the horses ran off towards the castle doors; which were only open at that particular time because Caiden requested them to be, so that a slight breeze would waft throughout the halls. Additionally, Caiden had insisted that these few knights were to take a break because they had been working for almost two weeks straight, and he thought they needed one. So, ultimately, it was because of Caiden that these rather unfortunate events occurred. Or at least, that's what he believed.
Regardless, Caiden and I were in the main hall during that time, and I barely managed to push him out of the way of the trampling horses before he got caught beneath them. He appeared calm and collected when everyone was telling their sides of the story (after the aids had regained control of the horses), but afterward, he dragged me to his room and lay frozen on the bed for hours, trembling beneath the covers. I stood in the corner –which allowed him to feel safe and secure– and waited until he fell asleep before returning to my own room to rest. The next morning, I was the only one permitted in his room until noon, when he finally managed to get up and get his day started. It was only a little while later that he admitted he wasn't scared of the horses, but of the fact that he had to speak with the flustered and stammering mean –and that he had to smell alcohol on them while speaking– which caused him to feel drained, exhausted, and unwell. That and many more incidents where he had surprise company lead me to believe that he had some sort of social anxiety which caused him to get flustered around people.
But what do I know? I'm just a stupid mage.
Regardless, this was probably why we were in this situation; his body refusing to move beneath the covers on his bed, pretending that neither I nor this day existed. However, I can sadly say that we both very well existed in this time and place, and it was up to him to finally come out from his secure space and make his grand debut. The show took place in only a few hours, and there was too much to do for him to lay around. Unfortunately, there was only one way to get him up and active.
Fear.
"If you're not out of bed by the time I count down from five, I will purposefully make Romand watch over you the entire night and I won't even attend." Before I even started counting, his body shot up faster than a dog after hearing a bag of chips rumble and he glared at me in horrid anger.
"Don't," he begged. I shrugged, and slowly watched him crawl out like his body was refusing even the thought of moving.
There was no way I would have let Romand guard Caiden all night; my pride and my need to protect him (yes, I was aware of this nature) overshadowed my desire to torment him. Even if Caiden had stayed in bed all day, pushing his responsibilities onto me and the other workers so that he could fret, it wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, I almost wanted to allow him that liberty, because I knew that he realized there was absolutely no way for him to not attend this party and to not interact with other individuals in which he didn't know the conversation. He had a lot to fret about. However, I knew that it wouldn't be good for him, and I knew that it would only cause him to feel more anxious as the day wore on, so it was best to get him out of bed.
Also, I felt like I was allowed to speak to him like this, considering he was planning on asking me to marry him today.
I'm not sure if he believes I'm dumb, or if he is just really stupid, but I can't be certain how he had thought about this plan and decided not to tell me about it. It was clearly obvious from the day he suggested to hold this ceremony that I would more than likely be the "bride" in question because he didn't interact with any other person other than me. Additionally, through him designing our outfits together (down to our jewelry), and even avoiding the question about the ceremony altogether when I brought it up, it made it that much more obvious what his decision was. Though, I can't say I was really that upset about the issue. If he had asked me outright if I would be the person, he would announce his marriage to, I would've told him it was fine and allowed him to do what he wanted. I didn't find any problem in marrying him, especially considering I felt it would be too hard to separate given our currently circumstances and my... protective feelings towards him. However, I can't help but feel as if he didn't trust me because he wasn't willing to communicate to me about this majorly important issue. Although, knowing him, he probably thought that I would hate the idea or would be upset about him for it. He was pretty stupid so I'm not at all that surprised if that was his thoughts. All I can really do is make sure that he feels he can talk to me about issues and let him know how I feel about it after the announcement. There was no point in me telling him now and making him even more anxious than he already was.
"You don't actually have too much to worry about today," I told him, watching him drag his feet over to the closet to put on everyday attire. He groaned in response, but his silence told me that he was listening. "A majority of your day will be spent with the organizers setting up the rooms and also checking that every guest who had requested to stay the night has a room and a guard to watch them. There are also a few proposals that have come in today, so it would be best if you sent them a letter tonight so that you get to a rest all day tomorrow. Then, you need to be back in your room by five because guests start to arrive as early as six for the ceremony. You will put on your attire for the evening during this time." The ceremony didn't start until seven, but it was common courtesy to arrive before the host did if you were a guest, unless you are someone of a higher status, which means that Caiden can be late to any event he wanted. Though, because it was courtesy for guests to arrive before seven so that they weren't rude, that also meant that the host would arrive even later. So, since the party started at seven, Caiden wouldn't be showing up until 7:30 or even 8:00 to make sure that no one would be rude in front of him. That was also "common courtesy". This also meant that Caiden couldn't be seen by outsiders until this time, so he would be confined to his room or office, getting dressed and prepared until it was time for him to show up. That also meant that he would have time to be anxious then.
Caiden sighed but didn't object, which meant that it would be fine. I looked over at the magic clock hanging on the wall which read "10:43". I turned to watch Caiden coming out of the closet, his shirt half-buttoned and a frown on his face as he glanced at me. I gave a wide tooth smile in return, one that obviously wasn't real, but was my way to show him that I found the situation hilarious.
"But first, lunch."
***
Caiden's left arm was against his chest, holding up his right hand to his mouth so he could nibble and chew at the skin that hung around his thumb. His eyes dazed as he paced back and forth in front of me, his black shoes with white laces lapping and clicking against the floor in a rhythmic beat. I watched him from my position in his office chair, my posture slack and my feet crossed at the ankle. I watched as his eyes seemed to snap awake and drift over towards the clock on the wall which read 7:52. His pacing never ceased in this slight movement, so I continued to watch him drift up and down, digging a strip into the floor where his anxious body pounded. We were waiting until the last possible second to head inside, but it looks like our time had pretty much expired.
I heaved out a sigh, and stood up from the chair, causing Caiden to flinch slightly and flick his eyes a few more times up to the clock on the wall as if confirming the time. "We should probably get going," I muttered out, fixing my white suit. Caiden shook his head no, his pink hair bouncier than ever, but still managing to give him a more mature vibe than his everyday style, even considering his actions.
"We've still got time." His voice was a whisper and it wavered a bit as if he too was struggling to confirm this fact. I frowned at his attitude and walked over to stand before him. His eyes widened slightly at me, as if he was frightened. And for some reason, I found myself getting angry. I knew he had this tendency to be anxious in these situations, but I couldn't help but remember the confidence he had shown when he talked about this event. I had even tried to talk him out of it multiple times, but he refused and said that it was a great plan. He was the one who wanted to do this. He was the one who suggested this. He was the one hell bent on finding the traitor within the mage community. He brought this upon himself. And yet, here he was, cowering at the prospective thought of not knowing how to handle every situation before him. I know that you can't control anxiety but considering the fact that he was so confident in this even just a few days ago, I couldn't believe he was now hesitating.
He had me by his side, didn't he?
My thoughts poured over, causing me to raise my hands quickly and slap his cheeks simultaneously, leaving his face resting between my hands as I stared down at his shocked face. "You'll be fine." I ground out, "We'll be fine." His eyes were wild as he looked at me, trying to process the situation in his head. Then, I watched him close his eyes, and a sigh leaves his body. With that breath, everything seemed to drain out of him, as if all the tension caused his body to drag towards the ground. I slowly took my hands off his face and took a step back, crossing my arms across my chest as I waited for him to come back. His eyes stayed closed for a few moments as he willed himself to calm down. Then I watched him nod slightly as if confirming to himself that he was ready. His eyes then shot open and walked towards the doors of his office. I slowly trailed after him, watching to make sure he wouldn't start fretting again. Once we stood before the door to the ball, he froze again, waiting for his name to announced so he could enter. His gaze traveled to me as I stood behind him protectively. I gave a nod in response.
We'll be fine.
Caiden's POV
I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
I found my gaze traveling backward, as the announcer cleared his throat behind the closed doors, gaining the attention of hundreds of individuals to him. Alan's stoic and calm face nodded back towards me, and I felt my heartbeat slow down further in my chest. My shoulders straightened as I heard my name being called from the other side, and the knights on either side of the door gave me a slight nod before pushing open the doors to a brightly lit ballroom.
We'll be fine.
~~~~
Hello everyone! Saph here! I hope you've enjoyed this newest chapter and I wanna thank you guys for sticking it out for me! I'm sorry it is so late, I've been trying to write in between my chaotic school life, but it's been difficult. (Someone tell me why I decided taking Spanish would be fun? It feels like my life is falling apart haha) However, I hope you all still come back to read my story and learn more about my babies, because I'm having so much fun writing.
I did want to elaborate on the idea of Caiden asking for consent because a lot of people were worried about that. I hope that Alan managed to explain it well enough but if you're still worried, hopefully, they'll have a conversation in the future about this issue and Alan can help Caiden see what was wrong with his choices.
Also, I've attached a song that I sort of associate with Caiden in a sense and past Alan (not totally, but a few of the lines) and it's not necessarily something that inspired me but I have been having it on repeat for a while so I felt like I should share. And, if you want to, feel free to give me suggestions! Music is 110% of my life (I constantly have headphones one honestly) so, I always appreciate suggestions.
As always, thank you guys so much for reading. Let me know how you feel about this chapter or if you have any questions or concerns. Stay safe everyone and see you next time!