Emma's.
I'm incapable to be love.
Those lines keep on narrating to my head as we're now heading back home. Yes, I decided to go and leave her here. However, I will not give up on her, she's wrong about herself. She doesn't know how much I love her, how our children will adore their mama.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Emma, I feel like I failed you in another way as well as the Young Mistress." Devon was still here, still my bodyguard and friend. I guess Justine didn't mean to fire him. "You don't have to say sorry for my mistakes. I tugged you all along in here. I should be the one to apologize to you, I almost risk your job because of my inflexibility." I smiled feebly at him, letting my tears not fall.
"I mean I should tell you that the Young Mistress will come to the set, two days ago. It's really nice how she treats you like her queen, even though she's a dangerous beast in the wild."
"Justine is not that bad as it is, she needs someone to show her how beautiful she is." I protested to the young guard. "And I don't know if I'm that kind of person to make her understand." My tears betrayed me as they were now running down to my cheeks. This is so sophisticated on both sides.
"I should give you rest Ma'am. All will be alright between you two. You two are getting a family sooner or later, and maybe a break can help you both. If you feel missing something, then that is the one. That's where you will learn how significant she is for your life and the same for her." Devon smiled at me and he finally left me in the room.
I cried.
This feeling is so unusual for me.
And Justine made me feel this sudden emotion.
Maybe a break could be our answer, we are both devastated by this fast excursion of our relationship. I really am in love with her, I admit that already, and the feeling is still exactly and surprises every time I'm so near to her presence. I'm just the one who ruined it. And maybe these are my consequences right now, but I will accept them.
I love her, and I'll wait for you again, Justine. If you're ready once more, to reveal the real Justine. No matter who or what you are, I'll make it understand and fix you, honey.
___________________________________________
Justine's.
I'm having dinner now with my brother here at our resort house, still in Boracay, Philippines. Since this morning, I've been feeling nauseous and awful about what happened between me and Emma's status.
She's weird and I'm inconsiderate.
Why is it always at the end, I admitted guilt for what I've done and said to her?!
You're so dumb, Justine!
"Putang ina." I cursed at myself as I hardly touched my food.
"Language. We're clearly in front of our food, Justine. Did your mother didn't teach you some manners?" Joey scolded me like I'm his kid. "You know you can talk to me anytime, right?" I looked at my brother with concerned eyes. I was embarrassed to tell him how I fucked up real tight.
"I... I love, Emma. Truly and deeply." I confessed to him, this is the second time I admitted my feeling to others with him. Joe is always my buddy, and when I say buddy, he listens, teaches, and knows me better. But sometimes I'm so hard headed to him and mom.
"I know, but that's not the reason why you're so flustered since you came home." Joey knows me well, through my actions and gust, he understands what's an issue I'm having. "We have a similar case, Justine. You know Rose and I are not totally in love at first, dad was the one who planned our marriage." I was astonished as he conceded about his partner and him.
"But not so long, we tried, to know each other. First, it was hard to pretend 'cause we're like running dogs and cats. We became friends at first, then after years, I was falling for her, and wanted to give the world she deserves. And our love results to Russel." He was smiling as he tried to recall his memories with Rose, my sister-in-law. "Mom told me that faith will lead you to your own longings, with time and patience, of course. Marriage is a tough responsibility for the spouses, it fulfills your purposes for both of your lives. That's why you devote yourself to her, as well as her. You believe in each other by holding on and understanding each other, of course, love is the foundation of your relationship with her." Those are esoteric words that came to my brother.
"I didn't choose to marry her, dad forced us to get wedded." I was perplexed by what he was trying to point at me.
"Maybe faith brought you to each other. You love her right?" I nod my head to him, "And she loves you too. Damn you even made twins out of that love." We both chuckled. "Justine, if what's already on your plate, grab it. You're already perfect in every aspect. Live it. It's alright to be upset or mad, but never ever lose your grip on her. She's already your wife, whether it's a fixed marriage or not." Joey stood from his seat as he patted my shoulder. "In my case, pride doesn't help me to please Rose. Remember that sis." Joey said those lines and it made me realize how oblivious I was to my wife.
As the dinner was done and I'm heading to the beach right now, to clear my mind and my conscience.
When I felt sparks and butterflies in my stomach, I felt so alive and open. All because of Emma, she woke me up from this disastrous life I was going on. I thought she would just end me up dead, but no, she brought me up from my darkest time. She released my true colors. I was ready, I'm almost showing it to her, but there's part of me to go down and live there.
Why am I so immature and naive?!
I hate myself for being like this! I want a normal life, a normal being. And soon, to have a normal life with my family.
I love her, she knows that, but I'm so fucking scared to be rejected and feel downgraded by anyone, especially her. I wanted to be excellent for her, to prove that I can be with her and with our children. I don't want her to end up like Ginnie.
I laid my back to the sands as I watched the moon illuminated me. I'm tired of being like this. I should probably fix myself first, before heading down to her once more. Time and patience. I hope I can do that.
___________________________________________
2 weeks later
It's been a couple of weeks for me to stay here in the Philippines. I tried to find new partners and investors for my own company. Well, I helped Joey with our company to keep the problem solved. Everything is great and I miss my wife so much. Sure, I am always updating Devon and Bernard to keep my wife safe and healthy, I didn't want to know more updates about her daily life from the past 2 weeks. I know she's happy and exploring, and I'm healing and grateful.
I tried to be something spontaneous to myself like reaching my introverted problems as I became interactive with my brother's friends. I always talk personally now, such as my likes and dislikes, my hobbies and talents. At Joey's home, I tried to play my instrument again, I became alive and voluntary.
I smiled more often. My true smile, okay?
I believe Joey helped me from growing up, I tried to accept my flaws and imperfections. My favorite part was where I was looking at myself in the mirror, naked. Don't get me wrong, but again I was accepting my true identity. The scars from my body, my big dick hanging on the center, and my hideous poker and sad face. I realized I'm so pretty when I smile so I alternated it.
I was proud of myself, that no one can be perfect, except my lovely wife. I finally cured my own soul. I'm happy and glorious.
"For fuck sake, Justine! Wear something will you?!" I jumped and covered my body when my ignoramus brother came to my room without a knock!
"Jesus Christ! Know how to knock, stupid?!" I yelled at him from the outside. I quickly grab some sweatshirts and jogger pants. "What do you want?" I confronted him when I came out of my room. He was still facing his back on me. "I'm dressed now, you can now see me not naked, looking at my big cock.
"HaHa, hilarious. Anyways, dad told me that it's good to go home." He informed me. I raised my brows out of confusion, "I'm literally at home, Joe." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Tanga! Back in LA. Back to your wife." He swore at me while my eyes went into a heart shape. My wife, finally I'm ready to show what I really am. I'm not afraid anymore, except from losing you.
"Okay, I need to pack now." I was happy as I went back to my room, grabbed my luggage and my clothes from the cabinets.
"Someone is eager to see her wife." Joey teased me while resting from my door frames. "I am excited and thrilled! 2 weeks is a really long period for me." I smiled from ear to ear while throwing the things I needed. "Fuck, I need to buy souvenirs for my wife. I wanted to let her taste the famous mangoes we have. Can you order me some? Pretty please?" I begged my brother like I always do to him when we were kids.
"Look at you, I'm seeing the old Justine. Everything for our prinsesa." Joey pinched my cheeks like a gumball. "I told you, I'm not a princess, a princess has no dick, Joe." I joked at him but he was looking at me seriously. Oh, shit. "I'm sorry, you know I love my body and myself, but I'm different, okay?" I confirmed to him and suddenly he hugged me tighter.
"You're unique and special, okay? Don't forget that, I love how you changed for the better for yourself, but still accept who you are and be proud of it." I nodded to him since I agree with Joe. He's right, I'm unique and beautiful, no matter what.
"I guess I am a princess with a dick, and I'm proud of that."
"That's our Prinsesa. I'll order some mangoes now." Joey shook my hair and I laughed at his antics, I really love my family.
"Go get your Reyna." He winked at me while it shocked some electricity from my body as he told me to get my Queen.
I'm coming home, Emma.