"The day after you stole my heart
Everything I touched told me
It would be better shared with you"
***
The rain is pouring down heavily outside of his window and it's distracting to Kihyun who can't take his eyes off such a beautiful phenomenon.He has always loved rain,the freedom of going out while it pours,the feel of the chill water droplets hitting his warm skin in the summer, its smell in air.
All of this reminds Kihyun of his time spent at his family's house in the countryside when he was barely six and the world used to appear to him as some sort of fairytale ready to be explored.
He doesn't really remember when the world has lost its spark of magic or when this habit of hiding between the pages of the books has began but he still searches for that bit of fantasy in those written lines,dreams of experiencing it someday.
Everything feels dull and grey lately as he is stuck between the walls of his small dorm.Outside there is the ruckus of the exuberant youth going in and out of their rooms, chatting amongst themselves.
Kihyun tries to tune it all out and concentrate on his assignment but in reality he wishes he could spend some time with a certain person he foolishly yearns for but Hyungwon is not there occupying his usual seat by the window stealing the view as he often does and still being the most beautiful sight Kihyun has ever seen.
He gazes outside for some time before the sound of the door breaks him out of his reverié.It's a bit terrible of how Kihyun's thoughts can sometimes summon the very person that causes them.
Hyungwon appears inside of his little room looking very much unlike a human and more like some ethereal creature born from the magic that Kihyun loves to read in his books.
He is slender and tall,his long legs looking even longer in his black pants.He is not wearing his uniform's blazer but just a white shirt and Kihyun can't really take his eyes off of him.He grips his pen tighter.
"Huh? Weren't you supposed to be back by the end of the break,there is still a week left"Kihyun asked ,trying to fight a smile as he was really glad to see him.
"Well I had enough of my family and their borish parties so I booked the earliest flight I could find"Hyungwon responds as he makes his way through the small space to take his place in the armchair by the window."Besides I missed your sour face"
He's smiling by now and Kihyun mirrors him, feels himself get warmed up by a tender feeling.
"Well that makes one of us.Was England not to your liking?"Kihyun tries to busy himself with his notebook but he can only doodle some odd shapes from the nerves.He feels as if he was caught doing something he shouldn't have done.Maybe Hyungwon somehow knew,maybe all that infatuation was written on his face in big bright letters.
"It wasn't so bad,it rained there a lot too,I just didn't enjoy the company very much"Hyungwon was looking out of the window but there was this melancholy surrounding him,this unusual sense that there was something unspoken in the air and Kihyun was a little unsure of what to do so he kept his attention on his now messy page.
"Actually I've met someone"Hyungwon continues unaware of Kihyun's inner conflict or on the way Kihyun's posture had changed.
"Oh is that so"Kihyun knows that his affections for Hyungwon would get him nowhere so he tries to be happy for him but Hyungwon is always going back and forth between people and never seems to be too serious about anyone.He had once told Kihyun that love is the root of all evil and Kihyun laughed at the absurdity but later pondered on that by himself."Are they nice?""
She is"Kihyun grimaces so he hides his face a bit more,hopes that the light from the window doesn't fall to expose him.
"It's good then, isn't it?"Hyungwon doesn't answer instead he reaches for his pocket to retrieve his pack of cigarettes, taking one out between his long slender fingers and putting it against his plump lips.Kihyun is mesmerized by the action but snaps out of it quickly as Hyungwon lights it.
"Won,I told you so many times not to smoke in here,do it in your own room"Hyungwon doesn't put it out but cracks the window open for the smoke to get out.The smell of rain and tobacco fills the room.
"Let me have this for now,I promise it's just one"Kihyun frowns still annoyed but used to it.
The silence settles in once more and Kihyun boils to know what is bothering Hyungwon, something must have happened for him to look so forlorn so he has to ask
"Did something happen?You look as if something is bothering you"
"Do you remember the first time we've met?"Hyungwon asks instead ,ignoring Kihyun's question.
"What?what does this have to do with my question?"It's confusing sometimes, being Hyungwon's friend,he is usually silent and doesn't show his feelings too much but Kihyun knows that there is so much depth to him,even if sometimes he is left to question the other's thoughts and actions.
"Do you?"Hyungwon asks once more his eyes on Kihyun ,staring intensely.
"Yeah of course I do.Our families were together at my family's mansion in the countryside.It was as rainy as today and you pushed me in the mud because I didn't wanna shake hands with you"He was mad at that time but now the memory brings a smile to his face."You were such a brat back then,well nothing really changed in that regard"
"You looked really funny as you tried to get up from there.I had to take your hand and drag you out of the mud and dirtied my clothes as well.Our mothers were so mad at us they made us sit in the living room until we apologised to eachother"There is fondness on his face at that memory and even if years have passed by and now they were adults it was something they still cherished.
First meetings always seem to leave an impression afterall.
"Yeah I used to hate you so much back then,I thought that you were so full of yourself and so annoying I wanted to see you fail at everything"Kihyun laughs at the notion, remembers their pranks on each other, their conversations full of diss and arguments,the mocking way Hyungwon used to smile at him when Kihyun's family complimented him.It was weird to know that they had spent most of their lives together.
They had started as sworn enemies and gradually matured into a strong friendship.Kihyun doesn't really know when this shift happened but at some moment he had realised that Hyungwon was everywhere he turned and later had become the presence he was seeking the most.
"I'm glad to know that you don't hate me anymore"Hyungwon is amused by the way Kihyun's face alights in a very bright shade of red.
"Don't push your luck Chae"
Hyungwon smiles yet there's sadness behind it and Kihyun is worried that something is shifting again between them,that there are secrets that Hyungwon won't tell him and Kihyun is just hiding his own.
The proverbial elephant is in the room and none would seem to address it yet.
"But really what is the matter with you?did something happen or are you having some sort of existential crisis?"Kihyun feels brave sometimes but right now his heart is thumping in his chest for some unknown reason.He wants to reach inside and slow it down.
"None of that I suppose"Hyungwon inhales from his cigarette and breathes out grey smoke."Minhyuk called me when I was away"
If Kihyun wasn't panicked before he surely was now because Minhyuk was the only one who knew his secret and he didn't trust the light haired menace even one bit.He surely must have said something weird.
"So?"Hyungwon doesn't look at him as he asks and Kihyun has no patience for his cryptic attitude,his hands are sweaty by now and thoughts are swarming in his head.
"He told me that you were moping around in your room because you were missing me"Oh so he was right in not trusting Minhyuk with anything ever again.
"Minhyuk has become delirious apparently because I would not miss you"Kihyun knows that he's pouting like a toddler but he hopes he is at least a bit believable as he still has to protect his dignity."In fact I was having a really good time by myself,there was peace and quiet at least"
"It surely seems so"Hyungwon is amused by Kihyun's denial and Kihyun is just simply irritated by his audacity."I actually missed you too so I came back"
Kihyun stops as if stuck by lightning his words dying on his lips.His heart is like thunder now, aggressive and loud against his ribcage.
"You missed me?"Kihyun parrots still dumbfounded.
"Of course I did"
"So you just took a plane here earlier because Minhyuk called to tell you that I was sulking by myself?"
"Yes"
"Because you missed me?"
"Yes and I have also realized something that has been in front of my face this whole time but I was just too blind to see it"Hyungwon is looking straight at him by now and Kihyun felt a prickle of fear as he got captured in his gaze."I realized that once I was away that I was longing to spend time with you,that everything I did it would have been better shared with you"
Kihyun freezes in his chair not quite believing what was happening right in that moment.Perhaps he had fallen asleep and now is in some sort of dream but Hyungwon looks so tangible and real in that moment that he is certain he is awake.
"What are you actually saying?"He gets to ask but his voice is too low, hesitant.
"Do you really not get it?or do you pretend not to?"Hyungwon asks suddenly more serious than ever,he shifts into his chair as if ready to bolt or reach to Kihyun.
"I don't get it really,you waltz into this room, surprising me after you were away and just got all sentimental on me out of nowhere for what?What is happening Hyungwon?"Kihyun doesn't really know why he is getting angrier with every word but he feels defeated as he can't make sense of anything that comes out of Hyungwon's mouth.
"I am saying that I have feelings for you you fool, romantic ones nonetheless"
Hyungwon seems afraid after letting that out but Kihyun is in shock,unable to react,he keeps his gaze on Hyungwon afraid that it all might fall apart.
"Are you playing a prank right now?You realized just like that, just now?"
"What?of course I won't joke about something so important like that and it wasn't just now because as I've said I've had my affection for you since a long time before I was just a fool.There was a reason why it was hard to really love someone that wasn't you.I was already yours long ago"
Hyungwon's words resonate with him in a way he hadn't thought possible.Kihyun has always believed that he was the only one in love,the only one pinning for someone unreachable but in a weird twist of fate his feelings seem to be returned.
Kihyun moves slowly towards Hyungwon as if afraid that this all would disappear and he can't help the laugh that bubbles from his throat when he throws himself in Hyungwon's arms.He can feel him startle but as if on instinct he puts his arms around Kihyun holding him tight.
"Are you not going to say anything?I've poured my heart and soul into this confession"Hyungwon protests like a child, prompting Kihyun to groan as he takes Hyungwon's face in his hands to look him better in the eyes.
"I've loved you for such a long time and even if you are the biggest annoyance I've known my feelings for you don't seem to change.I was afraid that you will never feel the same so I never said anything but I am really happy right now,so happy that I don't really know how to react"
They both look at eachother, happiness shining all over their faces,eyes alight with affection.
"Kiss me"Hyungwon implores and Kihyun obliges.Their lips meet in a tender kiss,slow in the beginning as they both need to get used to the newfound feeling of being so close,of exploring new things about each other and having new experiences together.
Hyungwon likes to bite lightly at Kihyun's lips and Kihyun likes a challenge even when they kiss as he lets himself be chased by Hyungwon's mouth.When he catches him again it's as if he never wants to stop and as long as he has Kihyun in his arms he knows that there would be nothing that makes him feel as close to heaven as he feels now.
"Wait,I just remembered something"Kihyun stops him by putting his forefingers to Hyungwon's mouth."You said that you've met someone,what was that about?"
"Ah it's actually something that my family arranged but I have made it clear that it wasn't going to happen and she already believed that I was already in love with someone else,we also talked a bit about you actually which helped me to get the courage to confess"Hyungwon kisses the little moles on Kihyun's fingertips as he graps him by his wrist holding him so he doesn't slip away."You don't have to worry about anything else, just be with me"
Kihyun feels the blood rush to his cheeks at his words,at his tenderness so he has to kiss him again,to hide into the kiss, to drown himself completely into that sweet emotion.
Hyungwon moves his head to reach with his lips the mole under Kihyun's eye, planting little kisses there that feel like stardust making Kihyun belive that sometimes there is a bit of magic into the real life as well and maybe it has to do with the way Hyungwon smiles after every kiss or how he looks him in the eyes and Kihyun cannot believe that this sort of happiness is possible.He wishes to hold onto it for as long as he can.
When Hyungwon kisses him on the lips again he is sure that they would be able to make it a reality.