"Thank you, Ma'am," I sigh.
"Mm-hmm, have a nice day," she drones, stamping the inside of a book with today's date. The library has no more open positions. This is fantastic. The grocer wasn't hiring, either. So much for staying in town. Maybe I should take up Neuro and Pilot's offer to come to Metalworks. Salvador would probably like that very much, and I would get to spend more time with him. It's an enticing offer now that I got turned down from the more obvious jobs I know I could handle.
I walk out onto the street and pick up a newspaper on my way out. The ad listings are the same, more or less. The weather is pleasantly cool with a breeze to tame the sun's intensity. Curls are blown into my face, and I wish I brought a scrunchie or a hair tie to keep it down. It makes crossing the street harder than it should be because all I see is hair when I look out of the corners of my eyes. Not that there's much thru traffic to present an imminent danger. Small town is too large, try village. Everyone knows everyone and business comes from travelers and work commuters here in Las Lunos. There's a roadhouse here as well as a diner, so maybe I should try there next, even if they don't have an ad posted.
Right next to the meat shop is said diner. There's no sign in the window, but there's no harm in asking.
The clientele is older folks and very few people my age. An older woman with red hair stands by the register and uncrosses her arms when I approach. "What can I do for ya?"
The nametag on her shirt reads 'Tabitha.' "I was actually wondering if there are any jobs I could take?"
She smiles apologetically. "Sorry, lovely, no can do."
"That's alright," I dismiss. I should still check out that other place by my apartment. I walk further down the block, in the opposite direction of the bus station.
Nestled between the grocery store and the fire department lies an inn with a bar that they call a roadhouse. This is definitely catering more toward vagrants and vagabonds. Most of the excitement in the area goes on in there, so they must get a lot of characters around here. Everyone parks on the sides of the streets because there are so few people who own a car. On the front wooden door to the roadhouse, there's a paper on the door: WE ARE NOT HIRING.
So much for that. The roadhouse doors open, faint voices and music from a jukebox being heard until the door closes. Someone bumps into me from the side. "Oh, sorry!"
A woman. I turn to face her. "No, it's oka--" We stare at each other. We look exactly alike. And when she spoke just then, I heard my voice. Dressed in a melon-pink dress shirt and rust orange skirt with stilettos stands... Me. Oh my god, she's me. A replica. Horror envelops me. She's-- She's me. Same hair texture, same style. The bags under her eyes, the various moles on her face, the hyper-pigmentation from acne scars as a teen. Her body looks like me before I started gaining weight, but she's me.
She has a boy in her arms, no older than a year old. He babbles with his fingers in his mouth, and he bears a striking resemblance to Salvador when he was a toddler. I take a step back from her. "Who the hell are you?"
She turns panicky upon making the same realization, clutching her child closer. "I'm late, for a meeting," she spews before going down to the parking lot. That woman isn't just my twin, she could be me.
"No, wait!"
"I really have to go. I'm sorry," she yells. I step to follow her, but a hand grabs my arm as the door to the inn slams shut. I turn, Medic holding onto my arm. He's wearing all blue, and there's something off about his demeanor. His grip tightens.
"You're going to walk away," he starts, reaching a hand into his pocket, "and you're going to forget you saw us here. Understand, yes?" That's not Medic. Same as how that's not me.
I yank myself away and takes cautious steps back, keeping my eyes on him before running once I've made good space between us.
Those two. Those two fuckers are the spies. How is that even possible? I don't have a sister. There's no way I could have a sister. I'd have known about it. A clone? Is this Medic's doing? Is she just a random woman on earth who looks like me, sounds like me, and lives in the same town as me? It can't be because he wouldn't make two of himself, he's too vain for that.
Home. I'm going the fuck home. I run as if the world is unraveling right behind me. Some weird time paradox that I wasn't supposed to mess with and now I'm going to end the universe because I met myself from another reality where I find joy in voluntarily wearing stilettos and wear orange instead of purple. I need to tell someone.
We're not teammates anymore. I have no more obligation to any of them. Nothing that they say to me matters anymore. Nothing. None of it.
I stop running and stand in front of the butcher shop.
You don't have to run, Mona.
Why does it still hurt, then? Being labeled a traitor. A spy. No, I shouldn't treat it like it's a dirty word. I'm pretty sure everyone hates Spy on top of that, too. Scout hates me just as much, if not more. The butterfly effect. I died for these sons of bitches, and this is how I get repaid.
The team didn't know me at all, and they were begging and pleading for me to come back. Although my life was on the line and I had no choice, it was great to feel important. Like I was a crucial piece to their puzzle and the entire picture would be ruined without it. Now I'm being pushed away. I'm unwanted. If anyone's being betrayed here, it's me.
Neuro said it herself. They all have things like it. Why am I the exception? Why is it wrong when I have it? I'm new, no one knew me prior, Miss Pauling set out all of our issues for the entire team after the six years we've been roommates in a tirade of hate, and I'm 'suspiciously good at my job.' I lived with Miss Pauling for six fucking years, I'd hope I'm decent at what I'm being paid to do. I regret letting her move in. She's probably not helping the situation smooth over at the fort. Perpetuating propaganda, that's it. 'I had a sneaking suspicion Fredrickson wasn't who she said she was for a while. Excellent work on exposing her, men.'
I fucking hate this team.
The Administrator has said nothing either. Wouldn't I have been killed at this point? I'm fired, I have company secrets, I could turn in the entire team to Homeland Security if I was that petty. The Administrator, not having killed or contacted me, makes me think something is up. It's unlike her to leave a loose end such as I untied. I swear, if the old crone hired one of them to kill me, I'll make sure they come up dead first.
I have to tell someone, but I can't. The team already hates me, they'll think I'm making up excuses. No one is going to believe me. Besides, it's not like they were doing anything evil. Unless they're the spy.
I see Engie's truck parked in front of the building, and I collect myself as he and Neuro exit the vehicle when I draw near the front door. Now is anything but a good time. What if...
What if they're spies, too?
Engie's slow to come near as Neuro turns us away with a paper bag in her arms, and she puts her hand on my shoulder to whisper. "I bought lunch, don't argue with me. You don't have to pay me back. I'm going to let you two talk to each other. I'll wait in the lobby." She enters, and I face Engie as he holds his hardhat in his hands.
"You probably don't wanna hear it from me, but I'mma say it anyway: I'm sorry, Mo. I uh- I--" He drops his shoulders and looks to the ground. "It was wrong of me to let Sniper hang you out to dry to like that. Medic, Heavy, and Neuro were doin' what I was s'posed to be doing the entire time." This is anything but the right time. He's still talking, but I'm not processing what he's saying. I know why he did it, though. It's in his nature, he can't control it, but it doesn't excuse what he's done. Or rather, what he didn't do. "Mona, please say something"
"I needed you, Dell," I spit. "I don't have anything with you guys, but my word. We haven't even known each other for half a year and-- I get it, but I needed something." I'm on edge. This kind of thing following up immediately after running into a woman who looks just like me is out of place. I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him as I tell him all about my clone that left in a suspicious hurry. I want to smack him upside the head and tell him that his failure to tell me he loves me back hurt inside. I do neighter.
He looks up at me. "I know that, I do. Supporting you should've been my top priority, and it wasn't. Now, I hafta start thinking about people other than myself. I told you, I love you to a fault. You could probably get me to do some real crazy things, ya know that?"
I scoff but play it off as a chuckle, and his expression softens upon seeing me feign joy. I'm fucking terrified. Give me something here, Engie. "But do you honestly think I'm a spy?"
"No, I don't. I sincerely apologize for makin' ya believe otherwise. I-I'm usually more clear on these kinds of topics." He steps onto the first step with me. "I don't care if it's Mona or Ka-Kani-- What was it? Kiwi?" I roll my eyes, and he looks embarrassed. "Oh, that's a fruit."
"Kamico," I mumble.
"You could be Mona, Kamico, Kiwi-- Whatever. Doesn't matter to me as long as you're the same gal." He pulls on his glove. "It's alright if you say no for now, but could you forgive me?"
"No." He grimaces, shocked with the quickness of my answer. I'm really wanting to have this time to myself to shut down. I need him on my side, though. It feels shitty, and it feels like I'm manipulating him because I am. "But I'm willing to forget." My fingernails dig into my palm. "I can't forgive you, but I can forget it happened. Seem fair?"
"Uh, yeah." He's confused about the shift in how I'm treating him. I can tell he's never made compromises like this before, seeing as how he's a 'talk it out' type of person. Shit, now I feel like I'm forcing him. "I'm okay with that."
Cars pass along with a boy on his bike. We stand there as someone else exits and I utter a meek greeting as they walk out onto the street. I'm too methodical for my own good. A dog barks. "You can come in. If you want." Neither of us moves. I open the door. "After you."
"Thank ya kindly," he hums as he goes in, like a hard reset button springs his jovial mood back into gear. I shouldn't tell him now, I made that awkward on my own. He looks at the landlord at the front desk. "Howdy, Wesley."
"Hello again, Engineer," he greets. There's a bang on the floor from above, and he shakes. "People live here."
Neuro and I glance at each other, and she giggles. "You let them, Wes."
"Yes, I did," he agrees as he stares at the ceiling. "You know, there's a pest problem here."
"Then call an exterminator?" I inquire, concerned.
"No, no... He's far too big." I walk away when it's apparent that he's going to be occupied with the stucco popcorn pattern for a while. I knock on the door, and Salvador opens for us to go in. He disappears to his room afterward- almost as though he's running- and I'll chalk it up to him having a space of his own for once this time.
"Something weird happened today," I start as I open the fridge.
"It's the Badlands, define 'weird.'" Neuro sits on a barstool and unloads the items in her bag.
"Uh," I titter. They'd never believe me. "You know what, nevermind."
"Well, I'd like to hear it," Engie prods.
"No, no, it's fine." Please, let it go. "I-Uh-- If you really want to hear something, the job search-" All of a sudden, I'm ashamed it's not going too well. Rome wasn't built in a day, but I don't even have any prospectives, "is going kinda well."
"Fuck," Neuro whispers under her breath. We both look at her, and she laughs in a ridiculous tone. "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't say that."
"Why?" She snickers.
"I just so happened to maybe get you a job."
"What do you..." I scoff. "What do you mean?"
She sorts out her thoughts, unwrapping sandwiches. "At Metalworks with me and Pilot. They need an office aid, and I referred you to them. No need to worry about tuition deductions since you're still a Mann Co. employee."
Engie shrugs. "Not too shabby of a deal for ya." I thought he'd be more defensive about it, but I'm sure something like this has perspired before in how they got their jobs. "I'd prefer ya take some time off, but if that's what you want." He pulls his glove.
"Ah, shit," I groan. Metalworks hasn't given an update yet, and I think it's going to stay that way for as long as there's an ever-growing population of BLUs. He'd enjoy my presence there, I'm sure, but I doubt that would be the place for me. I'm better with smaller kids that aren't babies in my opinion, Salvador's already enough of a handful.
"I mean, all it would do," Neuro begins, a smug smile about her, "is have his sister around more. You don't trust us with him and whatever, so that'll be good for you."
I grit my teeth and think about it. She's had him in his care before, unbeknownst to me. He's worked with Pilot as well, but I'm unsure about the whole thing. Anything and everything with Salvador doesn't sit right with me. I have to have faith. I have to put trust in my friends. Salvador's sixteen, and he's like me. He's able to carry himself with no help. He has merit, and I need to acknowledge that. "If he wants me to go. It sounds somewhat stupid, but I'm not going to work there if Salvador doesn't want me to. He's in his room right now, so I'd wait until he comes out on his own accord." My eyes vacate for a moment. "What sandwiches did you get?"
"Lu made them, it's the exact same as the ones he makes for Misha." She rests her hands on the tabletop and smiles at me. "They're very attached to their routines." Shuffling comes from the vent in the ceiling. "Do you guys have a rat problem?"
"I hope not," I say. It stops immediately. I knock on Salvador's room and get him to come out once it's time to eat. He stays without making so much of a peep, as if to portray he somehow vanished. He finally comes out once I've moved away from his door.
"Darlin', you sure you're up for this?" Engie questions in a low volume as Salvador and Neuro talk in the kitchen a few feet away. He sits on the couch with me and fiddles with the opening of his glove. I turn to him with my elbow up on the back of the sofa.
"To get a job? Mmm, yeah, I am. I--"
"No, no, I meant..." He pauses and heaves out a heavy sigh. "I mean, the two of us. A-And don't think I'm leavin' ya 'cause I'm not. I promise, I'm not." He puts his hand on my thigh. "I don't want ya to feel you have to be around me if you don't wanna, much less call me your boyfriend or nothing if you're not there yet."
"I asked you if I remember correctly."
"You did, but my mama was also there. She's a head-strong woman, we both know that," he adds.
What if you don't love him?
No, I do. I do love him. Love looks different for everyone, so I can't expect us to be like some fairytale novel. There's no reason for me not to love him. Unless...
"Do you like calling me your girlfriend?" I emphasize, and his mouth stretches into an awkward grin like mine. "It sounds weird."
"It, uh, it does," he snickers. "Never had to say it out loud 'til now."
"Momo," Salvador calls as he steps behind us. He has the 'I'm about to ask you for permission to do a thing you'll probably say no to' tone.
"What is it that you want, Salvi?"
"Captain wants to know if it's okay if I shoot a gun," he expresses.
"No, you want to know if it's okay if you shoot a gun," I revise. "To which I say it is not." He lours, and I look past him at Neuro. "No guns."
"No guns," she echoes. He slinks back over to her and drops himself back into his chair. Engie grabs my hand.
"Eh, well, get him ahead of the curb," he supposes. "He's outta school, so he needs to keep his skills sharp."
"Not right now."
"Can never go wrong with more gun."
"Of course you'd say that. Between being a Texan and a man, you'd have no problem with it." He laughs. Something about the way he laughs. His voice gets higher and his nose scrunches above his nostrils, making me want to grab his face and nuzzle mine to his. Joy from him fills me up.
"Um, but uh," he quiets down and flicks the tip of his nose with his thumb before taking my hand. "I love you, and I want to keep you happy. Whether you want to say that we're official is up to you."
"Don't leave it all up to me, your happiness matters, too." Something tells me this is because of Sniper and most of the team probably not approving of us being together. What I feared came true, but it's for a completely different reason than I thought. "But I want it to be known. There's no reason for us to go snooping around behind everyone's back if you and I both know that I'm on your side." My fingers curl in on my palm as I think more about it. Engie tilts his head to the side, slack-jawed. "That's what I want."
"If that's how you want it, that's how we'll do it," he smiles.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." He pulls my hand up to his face and presses my knuckles to his lips. "If it feels too weird to say, we can always say 'partner.'"
I scoff, slinging southern. "Pardner~"
"'Yup, she's my pardner,'" he says as if having a conversation with someone. "My beautiful companion." He leans in.
"Handsome lover," I volley in the same accent, quieter. We rest our foreheads together, and he pulls me closer. My legs lay over his, and he pulls me into a hug. I lift his goggles. "Pretty boy." He holds me tight, as always, while thoughts run by me. The team doesn't affect me anymore. I don't work with them. Wrapping my head around the concept isn't easy. Just yesterday it feels like we were cleaning bread guts out of the hallway. They kept the drama to a minimum. Everything exploded. And it might be because of me. If I never joined the team, I don't think any of this would be happening. I'd like to think that I'd still have met Engie at some point in my life. Maybe at the grocery store? Or perhaps Miss Pauling would need to have him over to fix something and we'd interact then? He became a regular at the diner, and I would've never known he was a mercenary. Given the way I met Engie, I don't think it was love at first sight for me. I didn't see him in that light, but I thought he was charming- even if I didn't say it out loud. When I think about it, he showed interest rather quickly. Touching the small of my back and having a sweet voice with me.
Maybe it was because I'm a woman, but after a while, it would've been because he felt a certain way about me. I don't know what it was, though. We haven't exactly spent the most time together, and we only went on one job. I never got to go on a contract with just the two of us like he asked, but it's for the best. An actual date would be in order, anyway. A normal date without the knowledge that he's killed hundreds.
It's the butterfly effect, but I'm not sure what in my life is the butterfly. Maybe I'm the butterfly all on my own, affecting everyone else's lives rather than something affecting mine. Neuro is definitely a butterfly. Her little wings flapping and leading me into forcefully being given a job- quite literally from the sky. There's no reasonable explanation on this earth to describe how she was able to get me that opportunity.
But the medic, that woman... It still bothers me how she looked like me. And that baby. He didn't look exactly like Salvador, but he looked enough alike to let me know that they're related. Whatever's happening, I'm ready.
I'm ready to get my hands dirty for myself and myself alone.