I woke up with a terrified gasp and as I felt my stomach twist with nausea I pushed away the covers from my body and ran to the bathroom.
I kneeled next to the toilet and started heaving. I kept gagging but nothing was coming out since I hadn't eaten anything solid in days. My eyes burned with tears and they started trailing down my face as I clutch my stomach.
When I finally stopped gagging I slowly pushed myself up to my feet and moved towards the sink to wash up. After brushing my teeth and splashing my face with cold water I went back inside my room and sat down on my bed.
I grabbed my phone and the light from it flashed in my dark room and indicated the time.
4:17 am
My eyes drift towards the notification where there was an unread text message from Leo.
hey, just wanted to let you know that we've arrested almost all of the clients who weren't present in the auction and all of the girls are back in their home now. thank you hyacinth, this wouldn't have been possible without you.
take care of yourself, yeah?
I sighed in relief and threw the phone away from me and sinked back down on my bed.
These past few days have been absolute torture. My days are filled with guilt and sorrow and my nights with nightmares and cries of terror.
I couldn't get the image of Aster holding his dying sister in his arms out of my head. I couldn't stop hearing his scream of anguish. I couldn't stop thinking about the absolute pain that was on his face as he cried and held her close to him.
I couldn't help but think that this was all my fault. If I hadn't entered the room then she still would have been alive. She would have been back home with Aster like all the other girls. She would have been safe. But now, Stella is dead and it was all my fault.
It should have been me.
That's all I could think about. That I should have been the one to be shot. After all, the bullet was meant for me. I didn't deserve to be saved like that.
I ruined Aster's life. All this time he was looking for his sister. All this time, his only goal was to have her back. To find her, to save her. And when he finally found her, she was gone again.
I sat back up and moved towards my closet. I grabbed a hoodie and slid it over my body before grabbing my jacket and moving to wear my boots and then I left the house.
As I start walking I think of the funeral.
I hadn't talked to Aster a single time. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye after what happened and he hadn't tried to come and find me again so I was sure that he also knew that it was fault.
I couldn't even be sad that he was blaming me because he was right to do so.
When I went to the funeral I had caught a glimpse of him. He was wearing a black suit and his eyes were red, tired and empty. When he gave his eulogy his voice had broken in the middle and then he had left. I didn't see him after that.
I thought back to the conversation I had with one of the girls at the funeral that was at the auction and I sighed.
I hugged back the girl who was currently weeping in my neck and when she pulled away she apologized and wiped her face.
"I-I'm sorry, I'm just so thankful for what you did for us." She sniffled and I gave her a small smile.
"I didn't do anything." I told her but she shook her head.
"No, I know you did. If it weren't for you then we would have still been in that hell." She said.
"I want you to know that you don't have to feel guilty." She softly said and my eyes widened as I stared at her.
"When Stella came back from her old client I had stumbled upon her one day. She was..she was trying to kill herself. I stopped her and I told her that she couldn't give up and give them that kind of power over her but she was hysterical saying that she couldn't do it anymore. I didn't understand at first but then she told me what happened to her with that client.
And I couldn't...I couldn't even begin to imagine how that must have been for her. She spent 4 months with that.. monster. Even I, who hasn't even been through half of what she did, would have made the same decision she did. I know that she would have done it all over again if she could, so I'm telling you, it's not your fault she died." The young girl told me and my lips wobbled as my eyes filled with tears.
"I-I'm sorry I need-I need to go. Thank you for saying this." I told her and then I turned around and left with my heart shattered.
Despite what she told me there was still an unbearable guilt in me and I knew that it would never go away.
When I finally reached my destination the sun was starting to rise. I pushed open the gate and winced at the squeaking sound it made.
I slowly walked towards where I knew Stella was but then I stopped when I saw a body hunched up in front of the grave. I was ready to turn back around and leave but then he turned around and my eyes clashed with his stormy ones.
My throat closed up as my eyes run over him. His eyes were heavy with lack of sleep and I could see the dark circles from where I was standing. His hair was tousled and his faint stubble had grown a lot.
"Hyacinth." He breathed out and I took a step back.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'll leave." I said and was about to turn around to do so but then his voice reached my ears again and I stopped.
"Don't go." He whispered.
"Y-You don't want me to leave?" I asked and he shook his head.
"I want you to come here." He said and I hesitantly walked towards him.
He reached his hand for me and I grabbed it and then a surprised sound left me when he pulled me down towards him and into his arms.
"I'm sorry." He whispered in my neck and I furrowed my brows
"Why are you apologizing? I should be the one to apologize." I told him, my voice slightly mumble from where my face was pressed against his chest.
"Because I haven't talked to you. I've just been.. so in my head that I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I'm sorry for not reaching out to you. How are you?" He asked softly as he pulled away from the hug and cupped my face.
"Aster." I whispered in disbelief. "How-how are you okay to talk to me? I-I did this Aster, it should have been me. You should hate me."
"What?" He asked with wide eyes.
"Hyacinth-no. It's not your fault, baby." He said and then he wiped the corner of my eye where a traitorous tear had appeared.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered, looking down in my lap.
"Look at me, darling." Aster ordered firmly and I did as he asked of me.
"I already lost the one person I loved the most in the world." He said hoarsely and I closed my eyes as the guilty was surely to appear in them.
"I don't want to lose the other."
At his words my eyes shot open and I stared at him in shock.
"What..?" I breathed out.
"I love you." He softly murmured as his thump stroked my cheek. "I love you so much and I'm so glad to know you're safe. That you're still here with me. I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you too."
"Aster." I cried and buried my face in his chest and as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.
"I love you too." I told him and his arms tightened around me. "And I'm so sorry that you lost her."
"I know." He mumbled, kissing my head.
"She loved you so much, Aster. I'm sure she was happy that she got to see you. You did everything you could to save her and she knows that." I told him, pulling away and he took a deep shuddering breath.
"I miss her." He softly whispered.
"I know." I said softly, cupping his face and he leaned in the touch.
"I miss her so much, Hyacinth. How-how am I supposed to go on like this? It was always her and I and now she's gone and I'm still here and I just-I just don't know how to live in a world where my little star isn't with me." He said and my heart twisted with pain at the sight of him in this much pain.
"She'll always be with you." I told him as my fingers found the necklace around his neck. "She'll always be with you, Aster. And she'll want you to keep shining brightly for her so she can watch over you, yeah?"
"She needs her moon to keep shining, Aster. Don't let your light die." I said and a quiet sob left his lips as he covered his face.
"I just miss her so much." He cried and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to me and let him wept in my chest.
"I know, baby, I know." I murmured to him as he continued to cry.
"Do-do you think she was happy in her last moments? I didn't want her to be sad. I wanted her to know that I loved her. But she didn't- she didn't hear." He whimpered as he pulled away.
"I told her you loved her when I saw her. She knows how much you love her, okay?" I told him stroking his hair and he hummed.
"You did?" He asked.
"I did." I told him and he gave me a small smile.
"I love you so much." He mumbled.
"I love you, Aster." I replied and leaned closer to leave a kiss against his jaw.
Hello!
Thoughts?
This is actually the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm very happy to be ending the book now. I can't say I'm satisfied with the way it turned out but hopefully one day when I feel ready to come back to this book I'll edit it and make it more to my liking.
-till next time <3