chapter five
{ unedited }
"HI, MARIA," Alice said as she walked into the small shop, waving at the elderly woman. She couldn't see Stella or Johnny anywhere so maybe they'd already left. Alice made her way to the counter, stopping in front with her arms resting on it as she looked up at the seated woman.
"Hi, dear," Maria said, smiling kindly at the girl. "You haven't been here recently, Pumpkin's been missing you." The mentioned cat meowed, nudging his head against Alice's head. Alice laughed as she scratched behind his ear, unable to stop smiling as he rubbed against her flannel.
"I've missed Pumpkin and Smokey. And, of course, you and your delicious coffees."
"What can I get for you?" Maria asked, her dimples showing in her smile. "The usual?" Alice shook her head as she ordered a hot chocolate for herself and a red velvet cake slice for Maeve. She wasn't sure what Maeve liked so she picked her personal favourite in hopes that Maeve wouldn't find it too disgusting.
"Here you go, love," Maria said, handing Alice a bag with the cake in and the hot chocolate cup for her to take. Alice was about to place the money on the counter but Maria waved her off. "On the house if you stop by more often."
"I will," Alice promised. She placed the money in the tip jar, smiling at Maria when she shot her a look. "Technically, I'm not paying," she pointed out. "Thank you," she said and grabbed hold of the bag. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall, seeing it was already six. Where she was supposed to meet Maeve wasn't that far away, maybe a ten minute walk or so if she left now.
"See you later, Maria!" Alice called out, waving at the woman as the door closed behind her. She was slow on her walk to the abortion clinic. She wasn't even 100% sure that Maeve was having one but at least she would be coming prepared if she was.
Alice used to love walking before hitting one of her major depressive episodes when she was sixteen. She used to walk everywhere, enjoying the breeze ruffling through her clothes or the sun warming her body. She even loved it when it rained, finding comfort in the sound of it hitting against the cement but after that episode, it became too much effort for her to try and walk places. It hadn't helped that that was when Remi had gifted her the bike. As soon as she got her licence, Alice used that to get around everywhere.
It was nice to be walking again.
That thought, however, left her mind as she spotted two teens situated outside the clinic she was meant to meet Maeve in with signs that Alice wanted to rip up. The girl got up from her seat when Alice started to get closer to the clinic.
"Did you know at six weeks a baby can feel?" Alice ignored her as she carried on walking, a growl bubbling in her throat when the girl grabbed onto her arm and stood in front of her. "At fifteen weeks, a baby can see light. Don't murder your kid!"
"Oh, fucking hell." Alice pulled her arm back, glaring at her. "I'm not getting an abortion and if I were it's none of your damn business."
"You're murdering God's children. That baby is a child of God just like us!"
"Alright, wait. Let's see if I'm getting this right. You're technically saying that it's not your body, not your choice. Is that it? That what they're doing in there is not their choice because, correct me if I'm wrong, their body belongs to God?" Alice did not believe a word of what she was saying but she wanted to see if the girl she was talking to did. The girl, a little confused, nodded. "Right. Not your body, not your choice?"
"Not your body, not your choice," the girl said confidently. Alice asked her to repeat it, holding back a smirk when the girl said it louder than before, the boy still on the bench saying it too.
"And you believe that? 100%?" She nodded again. "Okay, so, the people in there, the ones getting an abortion, their bodies aren't yours. It's not your body, doesn't affect you so, according to what you believe, it's not your choice on what they do. It's not your body so it's not your choice. Piss off, will you? Abortions are already hard enough for some people, they don't need asshats like you telling them they're committing murder."
Alice pushed past the girl, not caring that she whined in pain and made her way up the stairs. She was quick to walk in as the boy yelled at her but she flipped him off as the glass door shut behind her.
When Alice got to the waiting area, she saw she still had fifteen minutes till she was supposed to meet Maeve. She made her way to the lady at the reception, tapping her fingers against the desk as she called for her attention. "Hi, I'm supposed to be meeting someone here?"
"Take a seat," the woman said. Alice thanked her and took a seat that was against the wall, the tv above her head playing a quiz show. Maeve would probably be good at this considering how smart she was.
Alice was tapping her feet against the floor, her eyes scanning the room before she took her phone out to pass the time. Every time the door around the corner from where she was opened, she peeked her head around to see if it was Maeve but she hadn't come out yet.
Alice looked around the wall when she heard the door open again, getting up from her seat when seeing that it was Maeve. The younger girl seemed to be looking around before her eyes landed on Alice, shoulders visibly relaxing when she saw her. "You came."
"I did." Alice held up the bag she was holding slightly after putting her phone away. "I got you cake and half my hot chocolate if you want it. It's a little cold now though," she said as she shook the cup she was holding.
Maeve bit back a smile and turned to the receptionist who was watching the two with a smile. "You may have some vomiting or nausea. If the vomiting continues for more than 24 hours then you should inform the clinic. Some bleeding is typical but if it's very heavy then you should call us straight away."
Maeve thanked her before turning to Alice. "Not a word," she said. Alice nodded and followed Maeve out of the clinic, glaring at the two sat outside as a silent warning to not say a word. The girl returned the glare with as much venom but the boy stopped her from saying or doing anything by holding onto her arm, holding her back.
The walk back was mostly silent for the time being but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was actually rather soothing to know that they didn't have to speak to feel safe, in a sense, around each other.
"What cake did you get?" Maeve asked as they walked across the path. Alice turned to her, having to look up which was something she hated. Alice seemed to be shorter than everyone she has met despite being older, barely passing 5'3, and would strain her neck every time she looked up at people for too long.
"Red velvet." Alice frowned when Maeve looked down at her with furrowed brows, eyes narrowed. "What? I didn't know what you liked so I picked my favourite. Vanilla is bland and chocolate is too sweet. I'll eat it if you don't want it."
"Never said that, don't steal my cake." Alice's frown turned into a smile when Maeve snatched the bag from her, turning away from the younger girl to take in the scenery. That was one good thing about Moordale, no matter where you went there was always beautiful greenery around. "I hate chocolate."
"And you say I'm the weird one," Alice scoffed. "How could you hate chocolate?"
"Dunno, just do," Maeve shrugged. The two went back into silence for a few minutes until Maeve asked Alice something she really didn't want to answer. "Why do you hate your family so much? I just had an abortion, feel sorry for me and explain."
"Guiltripping me, really?" Alice shook her head slightly as she placed her hands in her pockets now that they were empty, the cup of hot chocolate had been discarded the moment they had left the clinic. "It's complicated."
"I love complicated."
"They've never been there. The first few years were great, sure, but when Otis got older it's like they forgot about me. Jean would blame me for every little thing that went wrong and gave all my stuff to Otis. Even my fucking food. Having Otis as a little brother isn't easy. The guy's so far up his own arse he can't see that he causes most of the problems I have with Jean. Remi, my dad, was a cheat. He would sleep with his clients in our house and Jean blamed me for Otis finding out when he literally left his door open for everyone to see. I even found him in my bed once with one of his clients, it was disgusting. Remi thinks he can buy my love now and Jean doesn't talk to me unless it has to do with Otis."
"My mum's a drug addict," Maeve said, making Alice turn to her as they walked. She thought it was only fair she opened up slightly since Alice did the same. "She tries not to be but she is. I haven't seen her for a while. And I have a brother as well. He's the funniest guy I know but he's a bit all over the place. Not the most reliable."
"Once, when I was thirteen, I came home from school and no one was there. The front and back doors were locked and it was pouring it. I didn't know where else to go since I was too tired to walk anywhere so I was outside in the rain for five hours. When my family came back they told me they were at a family lunch after getting Otis out of school early and stayed out until dinner too. A fucking family day that me, their daughter, wasn't invited to. Jean got mad I got water over the floor when they finally let me in. I was sick for a week after that and had to take care of myself since none of them noticed. Guess we both don't have reliable families."
"Guess not." Alice hadn't realised they were on top of a hill until Maeve stopped walking. She had been too caught up in her own thoughts, in the memories she had of her family, to notice. It felt nice to talk about it, Alice realised, while nothing the person she was talking to wouldn't judge her for it. Most people would say something along the lines of you should forgive them, they're your family but Alice thought that was bullshit. Family shouldn't be forgiven for the pain they cause just because they share the same blood. Stella and Johnny understood that but Alice hadn't told them much about her family life since they had it worse. Alice assumed Maeve also had it worse but the girl still asked and listened to every word she said.
"This is me," Maeve said, turning to Alice. Alice looked down the hill at the trailer park, head tilting slightly. She had been here before, countless times, to meet her plug when she was addicted to cocaine and drugs. The guy, though looking like a rude person, was actually quite nice about it when she told her she wanted to try and stop, a year ago, and wished her the best of luck. Alice was surprised she'd never seen Maeve here before. If this was where Maeve lived, was that why she wanted to start the sex clinic that badly with clients paying? Alice assumed so. She knew Maeve would have to pay some sort of rent while living here and it was hard to balance a job with sixth form. Small things were starting to click.
"Hey, where are you going?" Alice called out when Maeve started to walk away, jogging to catch up to her. "I said I'd walk you home, that meant to the door. Don't expect me to leave now."
"You don't need to."
"I don't care if I don't need to, I want to." Maeve sighed but didn't say anything else in protest, making Alice smile as she walked beside her to her home. Alice looked around the place as they walked to Maeve's home. She knew the people who lived here most likely didn't want to but Alice thought it would be nice to live somewhere like this. She was only saying this because of her situation at home and she would love a place to herself. She'd never say it to the people who live here though.
"This is me," Maeve said, stopping outside a caravan. Alice stopped a few steps away from her, eyes taking in Maeve's home. "I'm not inviting you in so don't ask."
"Don't flatter yourself, I wasn't going to."
"I'll text you if I die."
"They have reception in hell?" Alice meant it as a playful jab, not expecting Maeve's face to fall and for her to pick at her thumb. "That was a joke, Maeve," Alice clarified. "I'll keep my phone close."
Alice also hadn't expected Maeve to hug her. Like mentioned earlier, Alice hated when people hugged her without warning but she didn't care this time as she hugged back. Maeve smelt like cigarettes and berries, a combination that oddly worked well together.
"If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you." Alice was surprised to say that she felt disappointed when Maeve broke the hug but still dropped her arms to her sides when Maeve took a step back. "I have a hatchet and I know a good place to hide a body, okay?"
"Got it."
Alice waited for Maeve to go in before leaving herself. It was when she was walking up the hill to go home that her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much today, much more than she normally does in a day. She knew that was probably a good thing but Alice couldn't help the dread that was building up.
This was never a good thing.
Alice knew the happier she got from here, the worse it will be when it crashes again. Yes, she's aware she's being pessimistic but it always happens. Why would this time be any different? It wouldn't and Alice knew that. She also knew that it would only be worse if her happiness was dependent on a person, which she was starting to realise it was, and that person left. That crashing feeling, the one from a favourite person leaving, Alice knew that was going to be a pain to deal with.
Alice knew what she had to do to avoid that. She should distance herself from Maeve, the person who was making her happy now. She had to distance herself before she got attached but, when coming across a convenience store, that thought left Alice's mind. She still had a few pounds with her so she entered the shop, instantly going to the freezer.
Alice scanned the collection of ice cream they had; strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, mint chocolate chip and cookie dough. She settled on getting a small tub of vanilla, paying for it quickly without paying the person on the till much mind. She knew this wasn't a good idea but it was too late to back out now.
It didn't take long for Alice to get back to Maeve's home. She took a deep breath to ease her nerves of possibly getting yelled at and knocked. A few seconds later, the door opened and Maeve was looking down at her in confusion. "I know I was supposed to go home but you can't have cake without ice cream. If you've already had it then just ice cream on its own."
Alice handed the bag to Maeve and turned to go home now but stopped when Maeve called her back. "I can't finish this on my own," Maeve said when Alice turned to her. "Come in."
Alice couldn't help but smile as Maeve stood out the way, holding the door open for her to come in. Alice looked around the caravan when she walked in, taking everything in. She recognised a few of the posters on the wall from the bands and artists Maeve had told her to listen to.
"Take a seat." Alice sat on the couch as Maeve grabbed two bowls, the cake already on the table in front of Alice. Maeve had eaten some of it already and that made Alice happy for a reason she didn't understand. It was just cake but it still meant something to her.
Maeve sat down next to Alice, placing the now open tub of ice cream beside the cake and handed Alice a bowl and a spoon that the older girl placed on her lap. "I thought you said vanilla is too bland?" Maeve asked as she cut the cake in half, putting one half in her plate and the other in Alice's.
"The cake is," Alice corrected. "Vanilla ice cream is amazing and perfect for cakes."
"Right, how foolish of me." Alice chuckled as she brought her feet up, hesitant at first but Maeve told her it was fine. "Did you finish the book then?"
"I did. Still prefer Little Women."
"Can't say I'm surprised."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Alice asked, turning to her with a frown. Maeve shrugged as she took a bit of the cake and Alice jabbed her in the arm. "Explain."
"Your taste is very bland," Maeve said as she pointed to the vanilla ice cream in Alice's bowl. Alice gasped and hit Maeve's arm, telling her to apologise but the younger girl only laughed. "Alright, alright, stop," she laughed, grabbing onto Alice's hand to stop the attacks against her, dropping their hands to the couch.
"Have you even read Little Women?" Maeve's silence was enough for Alice to know the answer. "Fucking hypocrite," she said playfully as she moved her position to be more comfortable. Her back was now against the armrest of the couch, her legs brought up to hide her view of Maeve that was still sitting facing the tv.
"Do you believe in heaven and hell and all that shit?" Maeve asked randomly, making Alice lean up to look at her in confusion. "You mentioned it before."
"Ah," Alice said in realisation. She pulled herself up to sit cross-legged now, still facing Maeve who had twisted her body around to face the older girl. "I don't. I don't believe in God so I don't believe in that either."
"You don't believe in God?" Alice shook her head. "How come?" Maeve wasn't judging her, she was just curious.
"Hm, well the idea of a God is kinda hypocritical don't you think? How can there be a being with only good qualities that makes it our mission in life to worship them? Having humanity worshipping them, that's a little egotistical and vain, in my opinion. Then there's all the pain, suffering and death in the world and shit that doesn't add up. Why would a benevolent God let wars happen and innocent people die? Why would they let the Holocaust happen? All the tragedies in the world, a loving God wouldn't let that happen.
"People say shit like 'God is only testing you because he loves you' but if God loves us wouldn't they want us to be happy? Why is God testing a little girl that happens to be born in a country deep in war by killing her parents and leaving her all alone? Why would a kind, loving God do something like that? And why is it their pain and suffering is somehow meant to be a lesson for you, someone thousands of miles away that doesn't even know them? It doesn't make sense.
"Then there's religion in general. I understand that religion is a way for people to have meaning in their life and I respect that, I don't care what others do, but it's been weaponised. Religion as a whole is used as a weapon in so many countries to keep people under their control and most of their rules and beliefs and shit don't even make sense. How can a person be so confident that whatever book they plan their life to hasn't been changed in the years it's been around? Because God willed it? Bullshit. It's blind, misplaced faith in my eyes. And if all religions are about peace and harmony why do they turn away people once they don't fit their perfect little picture? I don't understand any of that," Alice finished with a huff.
She hadn't meant to go on a rant but it was a topic that she was passionate about and Maeve didn't seem to mind as she took in every word that left Alice's mouth, nodding along to it. "It's not that I'd judge people who do believe in God or a religion. Like I said, I don't care what other people do, that's their personal lives and it has nothing to do with me," she added in clarification, shaking her hands slightly to prove her point.
"Yeah, no, I got that," Maeve said, smiling at her reassuringly. "When you talk about something you're interested in, you light up. You do it when you talk about music, about books and now about this. It's cute."
Alice pursed her lips, not liking the way her heart seemed to speed up at the last line. "Whatever," she mumbled, looking away from Maeve as she felt her cheeks burn. "Do you believe in God?" She asked with her eyes on the now melted ice cream. That was going to leave a mark on the table but Maeve didn't seem to mind as she hummed in thought.
"Dunno. I've never really thought about but..."
And so, the two spent the rest of the day and the night talking about anything and everything, never getting bored of the other's company.