Lauren and Amy were chatting in front of Lauren's locker when Madison came up to them.
"You guys going to the game tonight?" she asked.
"No," Amy said; Madison pouted.
"Oh come on! We gotta show our Lancer spirit!" Madison pumped her fist in the air for emphasis, causing her best friends to laugh.
"I'm not exactly a football fan," Amy told her. "So I have no clue what's going on anyway."
"But you were in the marching band." Amy rolled her eyes.
"Just because I was at the game doesn't mean I understood it." Amy shrugged. "No one ever bothered to explain it to me and I didn't ask."
"Explain what?" Ricky asked from behind her. Madison's face suddenly lit up.
"Ricky!" Ricky looked at her warily.
"What."
"Do you get football?"
"Yeah." He wasn't sure where Madison was going with this but the gleam in her eye made him nervous.
"Perfect! Then you can explain it to Amy tonight at the game." Ricky turned to Amy to ask for an explanation.
"Aren't you forgetting something, Madison?" Amy asked her friend.
"What?"
"John."
"What about him?" Madison asked, not understanding what the problem was.
"One, in order for us to be at the game we'd have to bring John with us. Two, the game starts at 7:30 so by the time it ended it would be way past John's bedtime. Three, John's only a toddler and he'd be bored just sitting there in the stands for a couple of hours so Ricky and I would be entertaining John and not actually watching the game."
"On the other hand," Ricky said from beside her, causing the three girls to focus their attention on him. "He's never been to a football game so he might actually enjoy it." Madison smiled triumphantly.
"So we're all going to the game then?" Everyone looked at Amy expectantly and she sighed with defeat.
"Okay, okay. I'll go." She gave Ricky a pointed look. "But that means you'll have to explain what's going on." Ricky gave her a smile.
"Deal." In another hallway near the counselor's office Ashley and Griffin were also discussing the game.
"Come on, Ash. Neither of us have any actual plans tonight and it's perfectly normal for two teenagers to go to their school's football game. Even if it's just to people watch and goof off and not actually watch the game."
"Well," Ashley didn't get a chance to finish her statement as she collided with someone. Ashley had her head turned to the right to look at Griffin and hadn't seen a student come out of the counselor's office. Said student had their head facing behind them to say goodbye to the counselor and hadn't checked to make sure the area directly outside the door was clear. The result was that he and Ashley collided as he left the office, knocking Ashley's books out of her hand and causing her to drop her bag that was slung over her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," he began, bending down to retrieve Ashley's books while she did likewise to retrieve her bag.
"Me too," Ashley said. They both looked up and caught each other's eye as they stood back up. "And since no one's bleeding, no harm no foul." The boy smiled as he handed Ashley her books. He stuck out his hand after she took them.
"I'm Toby." Ashley shook his outstretched hand.
"I'm Ashley." Toby smiled.
"Nice bumping into you. Although, we probably shouldn't make a habit of it." Ashley smiled and nodded.
"I'll keep that in mind." Toby turned toward Griffin with his hand again outstretched and Griffin shook it.
"Griffin. The best friend."
"Nice to meet you Griffin the Best Friend," Toby said with a smirk, causing Griffin to smile slightly. "See you around." And with that Toby headed off down the hallway and Ashley and Griffin turned to watch him. Griffin turned his head to the side and noticed Ashley's intense expression.
"He's cute. And he likes you." Ashley turned skeptical eyes towards Griffin.
"We talked for maybe a minute. How could you possibly know that?" They turned around to continue walking down the hallway.
"I know," he said knowingly with a smile. Ashley shook her head and kept walking, sending her parents a text to let them know she wanted to go to the game. The students of Grant High had a pretty uneventful day and when the bell rang to signal it was time to head to the gym for the pep rally, the chatter among the students was lively. Even though the students were expected to sit in sections with their classmates, Ricky was able to find a spot on a bench in the senior section next to Amy's spot in the junior section, with only the aisle of stairs separating them. Once all the students were seated, the principal stood at the podium in the middle of the gym floor to speak.
"Lancers, let's go out tonight and show our opponents what school spirit's all about! Let's support our hardworking football players by cheering them on to victory tonight!" There was a cheer from the student body and the principal waited for the din to die down. "And to help get us pumped for tonight's game, your cheer squad!" He motioned with his right arm towards the cheer squad who was heading onto the floor from their position near the main doors. Once they were in position, the cheer coach started the music and the team performed several routines, stopping to lead the student body in victory chants and cheers between each. Grant glanced over at Grace during one of the dance numbers.
"Do you miss it?" Grace smiled sadly.
"Sometimes," she admitted, as she watched some of her former teammates perform. "But then I remember that I've still got plenty of great things to help me stay busy and out of trouble," she told him with a smile. Grant took her hand and held it for the rest of the performance. Once the cheer squad was finished, and the student body gave them a rousing round of applause, the booster club president stepped up to the podium.
"Good afternoon Lancers! As a thanks for showing your support to your football team tonight, the first 100 people to pass through the check in gate will receive," she paused and turned to a young woman to her left who was carrying a box towards her. She reached inside and pulled out several items and held them up. "Their choice of a mini pompom, a Lancer pride t-shirt or a Lancer throw blanket. These and other items will be on sale tonight at the booster club shop just outside and the concession stand will be selling all kinds of foods and beverages to keep you warm." Several students cheered over news that food would be available at the game and the booster club president chuckled. "And as always, all proceeds go directly to help fund the booster club and keep you all decked out in Lancer gear. Go Lancers!" The study body cheered as she stepped down and then quieted as the principal once again took the podium.
"And halftime will feature," he turned once more to face the main doors and gestured towards them with his right hand. "Your Lancer marching band!" The marching band came marching into the gym playing the school fight song and the students clapped along while the cheerleaders led the students in singing said fight song. Ricky glanced over at Amy and saw her clapping along a little sadly, even though there was a small smile on her face. It's my fault she never got to march with the band for very long. She felt Ricky staring at her and turned to look at him. She noticed the regret in his eyes and gave him a reassuring smile before mouthing 'I'm okay'. He gave her a smirk and nodded to let her know he got the message. The fight song concluded, the marching band headed back out of the gym and the president took the podium one more time to remind everyone what time the game started and then the final bell rang. Students quickly filed out of the gym through its three exits. As Amy was heading to her car, she felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out; she'd gotten a text from her mom. Amy had sent the text early that morning to let her parents know she wouldn't be home for dinner because she was going to the football game. Unknown to Amy, Ashley had sent them a similar text. She read the text and smiled: I'll bring you guys dinner. No sense wasting your money on concession food. Amy sent a text back: Thanks mom. We'd appreciate it. Ricky caught up to her as she was replying.
"So I'll meet you at the gate around quarter 'til?" Amy finished her text and nodded. "I'll treat you and John to dinner." Amy shook her head.
"No need. Mom said she'd bring us dinner." Amy gave him a smile. "We can just share." Ricky smiled right back.
"Sounds good to me." He gave her a quick kiss. "See you tonight." He headed off to his car and Amy did likewise.
At the hospital, Ben sat next to Adrian in the waiting room flipping through a magazine while she texted Grace. A nurse called Adrian's name and then led the two of them to an exam room. After helping her get comfortable on the examining table, Ben sat patiently in a chair while Adrian fidgeted excitedly.
"I love sonogram appointments," Adrian said happily. "I love getting to see her cute little face," she said in a baby voice as she rubbed her belly. Ben couldn't help but smile since he enjoyed seeing his daughter as well. Dr. Atavi came in several minutes later.
"Hello, Adrian. Ben," she greeted them. "Let's see how the little one's doing today." Adrian lifted her shirt so the gel could be applied and shivered slightly at the cool sensation. Dr. Atavi turned on the monitor and placed the wand on Adrian's belly. Moments later their daughter became visible on the screen and Ben moved closer to the monitor as the sound of their daughter's heartbeat filled the little room. Dr. Atavi worked silently for a few moments. "She's developing just fine," she told the duo with a smile. She quickly printed out two pictures of the screen so Ben and Adrian could have an updated sonogram of their daughter to take home and then turned off the monitor. She handed Adrian a towel and then stood up to wash her hands while Adrian wiped the gel off. Once Adrian had readjusted her shirt, Dr. Atavi proceeded with the rest of Adrian's checkup. "So any issues?" Adrian shook her head.
"Other than the fact I'm starting to waddle more?" Adrian said cheekily. "Nope."
"Good to hear." Dr. Atavi made some notes in Adrian's file. "Well I will see you in another two weeks," she said, making one last notation in Adrian's file before looking up at her and Ben with a smile. "Three and a half more months and your little one will be here," she said with a smile. For some reason her words hit Ben like a ton of bricks. I've only got three and a half more months until she gets here!? Adrian thanked Dr. Atavi and then Ben followed her to the check in counter where they retrieved their copies of Adrian's latest ultrasound. Ben simply gazed at it with wonder. Adrian saw his expression and giggled.
"I know. It gets me every time too." Ben could only nod as they headed to the parking lot towards their respective cars. "See you later, Benny," Adrian called cheerfully as she backed out of her parking spot and drove home. Ben got into his car much more slowly and had to take a deep breath. Three and a half more months. What if I can't do this? He drove to work trying his level best not to let the 'what ifs' get to him; his plan failed. When he parked and walked in, the first person he saw was Ricky and a light bulb came on. Ricky's been there! He can give me some pointers! Ben got changed and punched in. He quickly scanned for Bunny and saw her in her office on the phone so he made a beeline for Ricky.
"I need to talk to you," he said urgently. Ricky arched an eyebrow.
"About?" Ben shook his head, double checking Bunny was still on the phone as she had a way of popping up when they weren't working or were talking about personal business.
"It's personal. Can I come up after work?" Ricky shrugged.
"Okay, but make it quick. I'm going to meet Amy and John at the game."
"Thanks!" Ben said quickly and then headed off to complete his assigned duties for the day. Ricky shook his head and sighed. That guy really is way too excitable he thought as he wiped down the glass of the main register.
At the end of their shift Ben waited for Ricky at the time clock. They punched out and silently headed upstairs to his apartment. Once the door was shut Ricky motioned towards the couch.
"Let me get cleaned up first." Ben nodded and took a seat on the couch, bouncing his left leg nervously as his mind began racing. As he waited for Ricky to finish showering, Ben took his latest sonogram photo out of his back pocket and stared at it and his leg slowly stopped bouncing. When Ricky emerged from his bedroom in clean clothes he found Ben still gazing at the picture with awe and fear. Ricky took a seat and looked at Ben. "So what'd you wanna talk about?" Ben turned towards Ricky and held out the picture. Ricky looked at it curiously and then his brows lifted slightly in surprise when he realized it must be a sonogram picture of Ben's baby.
"And what about it?" Suddenly the neurotic flood gates opened and Ben started rambling.
"Three and a half more months! That's all I've got until she's here!" Ben jumped up and started pacing. "I know when Amy had John we talked about what it'd be like to raise him over holidays and birthdays and school days and all and we knew he was coming but this is different! This time it's not three people raising one baby it's just me and Adrian! I'll be responsible for her. Me. How am I supposed to juggle going to school and work and taking care of my baby and her mother!? I mean, Adrian and I've talked about it and all but I mean emotionally how am I supposed to handle this!?" Ben stopped pacing and turned to face Ricky. "How'd you do it? Is just going over to your kid's house after work to spend time with them enough?" Ben began pacing again. "Do you miss out on anything? What if Adrian needs my help in the middle of the night or something? I remember that John didn't sleep through the night for the first few months. What do I do? I already feel guilty about not being there for Adrian and our daughter's not even here yet! What if I'm a bad dad because I'm not there as much as she needs me? I mean, Adrian and I agreed we'd do like you and Amy and she'll stay with me on weekends, but does that negatively affect the kid? Is this really gonna work?" Ricky looked at Ben with a mixture of pity and irritation.
"Ben, sit down," Ricky ordered; Ben obeyed immediately. "First of all, how I handled it has nothing to do with how you're gonna handle it."
"What do you mean?"
"Ben, no two parents are alike because no two people are alike. How I coped with it may not work for you so asking me how I did it is a moot question."
"But you can give me an idea of what it's like to actually be a teen father. I was only a teen stepfather for a little while. Even though I still love John, I know I'll never be a fixture in his life like you." Ben ran his hands through his hair and rested his elbows on his knees. "I'm freaking out here, Ricky! Talking to Adrian about how we're gonna raise our daughter is one thing. But three months will come and go before we know it and then we'll actually be parents! What if we can't do it?" Ricky felt empathy for Ben's confused emotions.
"Look, it's not easy, I'll tell you that much. Everything changes when you hold your kid for the first time, Ben. And I mean everything. The way you feel about your kid's mother, the way you feel about yourself, your priorities shift, and you start to worry about everything." Ben looked over at Ricky with a frown, letting Ricky know this wasn't cheering him up. Ricky shrugged and stared right back. "You didn't ask me to sugar coat it, you asked me what it was like and I'm telling you. You worry about a lot. And yes it's tough not being there all day every day. In the beginning I could tell Amy was exhausted so I offered to take John to the nursery for her some mornings. That day you left for Bologna," irritation washed over Ben's face as he remembered finding out Ricky had spent the night. "The day before I'd asked Amy at school if I could have John spend the night with me my first night in the apartment. He'd fallen asleep before I got there from work and I found him sleeping soundly with Amy watching over him, looking dead on her feet even though she was sitting in the chair next to his crib. I knew he'd be up in a couple of hours so I told Amy I'd watch him so she could go get some sleep. She said to wake her up when John did so she could see us off. I ended up crashing there that night because I didn't have the heart to wake Amy. I just took care of John when he woke up and let her sleep." Guilt washed over Ben's face as he realized he'd jumped to conclusions.
"I didn't know." Ricky rolled his eyes.
"Of course not. When she tried to explain you blew her off and left." Ricky saw Ben's defeated look and sighed. "Look, I'm not trying to dredge up bad memories, I'm just trying to make a point. That point being your kid's mother is gonna need your help and all you can do is be there every spare second you can and help her out in any way that she needs you to. And as far as if it's enough, the answer's yes. So long as you spend quality time with your kid, let her know you're there for her and love her, it'll be enough. You've just gotta be there. Helping out your kid's mother is important too but as long as you're in your kid's life it'll all work out," Ricky assured him. Ben looked at his appreciatively.
"Thanks, Ricky."
"No problem." Ben looked back down at his sonogram picture.
"Part of me can't wait to hold her and the other part is scared of screwing this up." Ricky chuckled.
"Of course you're gonna screw it up." Ben glared at him but Ricky explained himself before Ben could get out an angry retort. "You're a first time parent, Ben. Like every other first time parent, even the ones who've read every baby book on the planet, you're just gonna have to figure it out as you go. Besides, since no two kids are exactly alike what works for one might not work for another. But don't worry. Eventually you figure it out," Ricky told him with a smile. Ben gave him a small smile back as thanks and then stood to leave.
"Thanks again, Ricky."
"You're welcome." Ben headed down the stairs and Ricky soon followed him, sadly. Talking with Ben and seeing that image reminded him of how much he'd abandoned Amy during her pregnancy. He didn't have any sonogram pictures of John because he'd never gone to any appointments with her. He knew he'd missed out on some things, obviously, but he wondered for the first time just what he had missed by not being around as much as he could've. How much more time could he have had with John if he wasn't busy hooking up with other girls, or playing games with Adrian? I wonder if Amy'd be willing to give me a copy of one of John's sonograms he wondered as he climbed into his car.
Ben was heading home, his mind still trying to process everything Ricky had told him. He pulled into his driveway and leaned his head against the steering wheel with a sigh. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a parent. I'm a nervous wreck and she hasn't even been born yet. He took a deep breath and then got out of his car, grabbing his backpack from the passenger seat. When he walked inside his nostrils were assaulted with the sweet smell of chicken parmesan. His stomach grumbled and he followed his nose into the kitchen. He saw that dinner wasn't quite ready yet but he spied a plate of brownies and took one before heading up to his room to shower and change. Feeling refreshed from his shower, Ben took his homework downstairs to the living room to work on it while he waited for dinner to be ready. That's where Leo found him as he came out of his study heading towards the kitchen to check on dinner.
"Ben! When'd you get home? I didn't hear you come in."
"A little while ago," he answered, head down and looking at his textbook.
"Everything alright, son? You sound a little down." Leo told him, taking a seat on the couch next to Ben. Ben sighed and closed his textbook, his mind not really on his studies.
"Adrian had an ultrasound appointment today," Ben explained taking his photo from his pocket and handing it to his father to look at. Leo took the picture and smiled.
"Everything going okay?" Ben nodded.
"Yeah. Dr. Atavi reminded us that she'll be here in three and half more months." Leo frowned with concern.
"Why don't you sound happy about that?"
"I am it's just that...I'm worried I'm gonna be a bad dad," Ben admitted, turning sorrowful eyes towards his father. Leo simply chuckled.
"Benjamin, you're worrying about this baby and she's not even here. That wouldn't be the case if you didn't care. So long as you love a child unconditionally and do the best you can, you can't be a bad parent. Parents aren't perfect, as you now know. They just do the best they know how to do and try and learn from their mistakes and then do better. Really that's all anybody can do in their lifetime." Ben sighed, unconvinced.
"Yeah, but this time it's different. With John I took responsibility for him even though he would never really be my son. But now...Adrian's baby is my baby. It's up to me to not just take care of her but make sure she grows up to be a good person. How am I supposed to do that when I'm still figuring out how to do it for myself!?" Leo chuckled at Ben's question.
"Benjamin, by the time you figure that out, your daughter will still be too young to care that you don't have all the answers to life's questions. By the time you reach your twenties and understand life a little better, your daughter will only be in elementary school. She'll be more focused on playing with toys and her gal pals then double checking to see if you've got life figured out," Leo explained with amusement. It took Ben a few moments to process his father's words and when he did, he laughed.
"So basically I'm freaking myself out for nothing?" Leo nodded.
"Pretty much, son." They stood when they heard Betty call them for dinner. Leo put his arm around Ben's shoulder as they headed towards the dining room. "Just take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey." While the Boykewichs enjoyed their dinner, Ricky was pulling into the school parking lot. He thought he'd made peace with his regrets, only allowing them to sadden him momentarily before he got over it. He knew he should've been by Amy's side during her entire pregnancy. Well, the rest of her pregnancy once he found out she was pregnant. He also knew she was so angry at him for the way he'd treated her after their night together that she probably wouldn't have been open to letting him stand by her even if he'd wanted to. Ricky had to force down the bile that threatened to rise up when he thought about the adoption video Ben had made. Even to this day it burned him knowing Ben had found out the sex of his child before he did. Ricky noticed Amy and John standing near the entrance gate and his anger and hurt dissipated immediately as he recalled his first real discussion with Amy. They weren't ready to be a couple back then because they both had a lot of growing up to do. Maybe things between us would've been worse if we'd tried to force a friendship before we were ready. But I still wonder what it was like for her. I wonder if she'd be willing to tell me? Amy was standing near the entrance gate to the football field holding John, slightly bundled up in a jacket and knitted hat. She was holding a plastic bag containing the dinner her mom had dropped off as well as John's diaper bag. She smiled when she saw Ricky approaching them.
"Daddy!" John called out happily, pointing at Ricky. Ricky smiled at the sound of his son's voice. When he reached them he tickled John's neck and then kissed Amy. She noticed the sadness in his eyes right away.
"You okay?"
"Yes and no," he said with a sigh.
"What's going on?" He took the bags from her and they got in line. He lowered his voice as he began to explain.
"Ben came over after work because he said he needed to talk."
"Did it upset you somehow?" Amy asked, also keeping her voice lowered.
"Not the way you mean."
"Ok. So why do you sound so sad?"
"Remember how I told you it seems like my past keeps coming back to haunt me?"
"Uh huh."
"Well tonight I was reminded about the way I didn't stand by you during your pregnancy and now it's got me wondering about some things."
"What kind of things?"
"What it was like for you. What the sonograms of John looked like."
"I'm sorry. You're wondering about sonograms?" Ricky let out a frustrated breath and ran a hand through his hair
"So it's like this: Ben showed me a sonogram he got from Adrian's appointment today and when he left, I realized I'd never seen a sonogram of John because I was never there with you for those kinds of appointments."
"And that got you wondering about the rest of my pregnancy," Amy said, understanding what Ricky was trying to get at.
"Yeah. And he asked me questions about how to deal with the guilt he knew he'd feel about not being there every second of every day and it got me thinking about how much more I coulda been there for you and John. And I'm wondering..."
"What you possibly missed out on," she finished for him.
"Yeah."
"Ricky," she began gently. "I can't take you back in time so you can be there but I can tell and show you if you'd like." Ricky perked up at her statement.
"What do you mean?" he asked eagerly, causing Amy to chuckle at his excitement.
"John's baby book and scrapbooks. I can bring 'em over on Sunday and you can look at them."
"That'd be great, Amy," he said with excitement. "Thanks."
"Sure. And Ricky?"
"Yeah?"
"You gotta stop beating yourself up about that." He understood what she was talking about. "We've been over it all already and we're good. Without all the bad and hard times we wouldn't be where we are now." Ricky could hear the happiness in her voice.
"I'll try."
"Okay."
"Angel?"
"Hmm?"
"You know I love you more than all the sand on all the beaches all over the world right?" Amy smiled, remembering the first time he'd said that to her.
"And I love you more than air."