Four hours, three cheeseburgers, and a short snooze fest later, I nudged Neil and mumbled, "I gotta go. Have some important things to do."
"Like?" He squinted at me.
"Promises to keep. . ." I mumbled, as I got up from my chair and stretched, ". . .and miles to go before I sleep."
He groaned. "Elaborate."
"Ugh, okay." I sighed. "Well, when you were in a coma, it made us realize how fickle this life is. So... Avi, Ash, and I made a promise to each other, that when you get better, we were all gonna clean up our acts, take things seriously and let go of things that were holding us back."
"And they are?" he asked.
''We swore to basically grow a backbone, Ash is to cut Ian out of her life and give her relationship with Ryan a shot. Avi was supposed to talk to his parents and tell them about his passion for art and how he doesn't want to be a doctor. And I am supposed to come clean to my parents about everything that happened last year and maybe get some help to finally move on."
He nodded, a small smile taking over his face. "I like that."
"So did I, but right now I'm kinda terrified to actually do it," I mumbled.
Neil gave me a sympathetic look. He knew that talking about my feelings made me break out into hives.
''Wait, you're gonna do it tonight?"
"Yes." I nodded.
He let out a sigh and shook his head. "Is there any way you could live stream it? Being stuck in this hospital is really boring, you know?''
"Wow, so my misery is entertainment for you, huh?" I glared at him.
"I'm kidding." He chuckled before quickly sobering up. "But really, I wish I could be there with you. Will you be okay?"
"I will be. And this is something I should do alone." Should have done it a long time ago.
After I said my goodbyes to both Neil and his mother, I left them with a promise to come back soon. I took the elevator to the ground floor but soon cursed myself for doing so when the doors opened to reveal Sam standing on the other side.
She was just as surprised to see me, which made my escape easier. I quickly got off the elevator and started hurrying towards the exit.
"Wait!" I heard her voice behind me.
God, give me patience... or maybe an untraceable handgun.
"Were you with Neil?" She yelled, following me out of the building.
I promptly ignored her and started walking faster. But the girl couldn't take a freaking hint.
"Wait!" Her voice was much closer now, "What did he say? What did you guys talk about?"
"Twinkle Twinkle little snitch, mind your business nosey bitch," I spoke in a sing-song voice loud enough for her to hear.
"Tell me, dammit!" She caught my wrist in a painful hold to stop me.
It was pure instinct when I grabbed her arm with my free hand, turned my captured wrist towards her thumb, and broke free of her hold, right before I twisted her arm and held it to her back in a firm grip.
"Ouch! What the hell!" She hissed in pain, and I loosened my grip a little.
"Don't ever put your hands on me again!"
"God, relax I was just trying to talk to you." She held her free arm up in surrender and I let go of her before taking a step back.
"Well, I don't want to talk to you. The only reason I tolerated your presence was because of Neil, but now that he is done with you, do not show me your face again." I shot her a glare and was about to walk away when she stopped me.
"I just need to know one thing."
'What?" I huffed.
"Breaking up with me...was it his choice? Or did you make him do it?"
I scowled. "What? No! I had nothing to do with it."
I expected more arguments or accusations thrown my way but she surprised me by simply nodding her head, her shoulders sagging in defeat. Tears trickled down her face and I realized that maybe she had been hoping I had something to do with the breakup because that would mean that it wasn't Neil's choice.
It would mean that there was some hope.
"No matter what my relationship with you is like, I'd never force him to break up with you," I said in a much softer tone. "I'm sorry, but it was all him."
"I love him," she murmured.
"I know." I had never doubted that.
When she said nothing but continued to simply cry into her hands, I sighed. "I'm sorry."
She looked at me then, with eyes full of guilt. "I'm sorry too."
Sorry wouldn't change anything, but I appreciated it anyway. With a single nod, I left her alone and walked away.
This day was truly turning into a day of cleansing. Cleansing my life, spirit, and mind.
While I walked towards the nearest bus stop, I checked my phone to find two messages that made me smile, but also managed to lodge a ball of anxiety in my gut.
Ash- Here if you need anything. Good luck. Love you. <3
Avi- Are you sure you want to do this alone?
No, I wasn't sure I wanted to, but I knew I needed to do this alone.
***
Ever since my parents had started working on my Dad's dream restaurant every moment of their every day was spent on either working or talking about it. It was hard to get a moment of their time, but now that they were anxiously sitting on the couch with an expectant look on their faces, it was so hard to make myself talk.
"Okay, so I need to talk to you guys about something," I started, eyeing them warily.
"What is it?" Mom asked.
"Don't freak out, okay?" As soon as the words came out of my mouth they tensed.
Wrong choice of words.
"I mean, stay calm and just let me finish, cool?" I said and they both nodded.
"Do you remember last year I had been to a party and then later Ashely had called you to ask if I could stay back at her place for a few days?"
"Yeah, I think it was because she was all alone and her parents were out of town?" Mom asked.
"Right."
"Yes, and you got home with a broken wrist and bruises all over you. You got into an accident. How could I forget?"
"Yes...that. Well, it wasn't an accident..." I trailed off.
Freaking deja vu.
Wasn't that eerily similar to what I had told Neil, earlier today? The only difference was that he really got into an accident even if it was premeditated. My accident was a lie, a cover-up. But the root cause of both situations was the same. Max.
Fucking Max.
"What do you mean?" Dad muttered, a frown taking over his face.
Rip it off like a bandaid, I thought to myself for the second time today.
"Okay." I took a deep breath. "I – I got drunk that night..." and I went on, watching their faces morph from confused, horrified, and extremely hurt in a matter of minutes.
By the time I was done talking, I had a crying mother, who wouldn't stop blaming herself and a father who wore a stony mask that raised all sorts of alarm bells in my mind.
"How did I not see the signs?" Mom sobbed. "I'm a terrible mother."
"No, you're not!" I scrambled over to where she was sitting. "It was my fault, I didn't tell you anything. I hid it from you."
"And why did you?" she asked, "Did you not feel comfortable enough? Safe enough?"
"No! No, it's just...I honestly don't have a proper reason. It was an easy way out and I took that—"
"Who was it?" Dad interrupted me, his voice was cold and distant. "What was his name?"
"Pa, please-"
"His name, Veronica!" He snapped, making me flinch.
"Max Stone."
"Stone...is he related to the guy running for the senator's office this year?"
I nodded. "It's his son."
He cursed under his breath, before suddenly shooting up from his seat, frantically looking for something. "He'll pay for this. I'll—"
"No. Stop, what are you doing?" I asked, but my question fell on deaf ears. "Pa, he is in jail right now."
He abruptly stopped his moments at that. "Did you register a complaint?"
"No... it wasn't for what he did to me. He got arrested for dealing drugs."
His frown grew deeper at that. "Why have you never complained? Why let him roam free after what he did to you?"
"Because I have no proof! It's my word against his and because of his dad his word had more weightage than mine."
I heard my mom sniffle before she pulled me into a tight hug. We clung to each other for what felt like hours, with her whispering words of comfort in my ear– reminding me of how much she loved me.
Dad was unusually quiet, staring off into the distance before he excused himself and walked away to his bedroom.
I sighed and looked at Mom, but she gave me a reassuring smile. "He needs some time. I'll go talk to him, are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"I love you. So much." She kissed me on my forehead and I smiled.
I cupped her cheeks and wiped away the remnant tears. "I love you too."
***
That night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, my brain was working overtime and in frustration, I kicked my sheets to the floor. I sat up on the bed, huffing, and looked at the time. 2:15 am.
Giving up on the idea of sleeping, I made my way downstairs, to raid the kitchen.
I stopped short in my quest when I saw the backdoor near the kitchen wide open. I felt my heart racing in my chest, as I slowly made my way towards the door.
As soon as I got close enough I spotted my dad sitting out on the steps outside, the dim porch light illuminating his hunched-over form.
While I stood there debating over how or if I should approach him, he suddenly turned around. "Couldn't sleep?'
"No," I mumbled, giving him a hesitant smile. He patted the space beside him and I quietly made my way to him, the cold night air making me shiver a little. "What are you thinking about?"
He sighed and looked at me, and that's when I noticed his eyes– red-rimmed and exhausted, it made my heart stutter for a second and I could feel myself beginning to tear up. "Pa...I..."
"I almost failed my wife as a husband. And just as I was beginning to get my act together, I find out that I've screwed up as a father too." He ran a hand down his face. "I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't come to me."
"No! No no no, please don't say that." I grabbed his hands in an attempt to make him listen to me. "I am the one who should be sorry. Me keeping this from you had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I'm sorry, I really am."
He wiped my tears away and pulled me to his side. I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed.
"Why did you do it? Why did you hide the truth from us?"
"Hiding seemed easier," I mumbled.
"But was it really easy?"
I took a moment to think before answering honestly, "For a while...yes. But then it was suffocating."
In a twisted way, I had found safety in escaping and hiding away from reality. But with time I realized that what you hide will slowly control you. It will slowly consume you, until it's always present in the back of your mind, every moment of everyday.
The truth will set you free– whoever said that was damn right.
We sat there in silence for a long time, with me in my dad's arms –the safest place in the world for me– our minds a million miles away.
"Was that why you insisted on training with Victor, last summer? Self-defense?" he murmured.
I nodded against his shoulder. "I just remember being so damn helpless. I remember the fear. . . and ever since that day I've been trying to chase it away."
"Fear does strange things to people. It shuts some people down, but not you." He kissed the top of my head and held me tighter. "Fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up."
I looked up at him with a small smile, "Hmm, it'd be great if it would help me wake up in the morning."
He chuckled, shaking his head before he looked at me with soft eyes, "I'm so proud of you."
"You are?"
"Always."