Disclaimer: you guys know what to do at this point (;
Warnings: Angst! Long flashbacks!
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Chapter Eleven: Forever & Always
.........
Chris and I were still in the Maldives. This morning I woke him up because I was very hungry and he called in room service for me.
We are breakfast in bed, we were both still very much naked from our sinful actions during the night.
"Chris!" I scold him for putting whip cream on my nose.
"Hehe..." he mischievously giggles.
"You're such a child, babe." I whip some whip cream onto his nose to get back at him.
"Apparently I'm not the only one." He smirks.
I roll my eyes at him, then I finished my breakfast and headed to get in the shower.
"Woah, hey! hey! I didn't know we were showering now." Chris moves quickly to move the comforter away from his body.
"That's cause we aren't." I giggle turning the water on.
"Oh yes, we are, sweetheart." He opens the shower door and pulls me in under the shower head.
Him and I showered together and goofed around like we do.
Then once we were all fresh and clean, we dried up and put our outfits on for the day. I wanted to really walk around and adventure.
Chris agreed so we put on some sneakers just in case we'd have to walk far distances.
"Shit!" Chris shakes his pillow case after looking in the night stand next to our hotel room bed.
"What is it, handsome?" I say, finishing up doing my hair into braids.
"I lost our room key. Must've dropped it somewhere last night."
I pout at him, tying up the ends of my hair.
"That's okay, Chris we'll just go get another one."
"Can you please, baby? My mom has been calling non-stop."
I walk over to him, and kiss his lips softly. "I'll go get it, tell your mom I said Hi."
He nods and smiles, kissing me back.
Before I turned around and headed downstairs to the main lobby.
This hotel was absolutely beautiful, so tropical, there weren't a lot of closed spaces like closed room. Everything was out in the open.
"Hi there, I'm Y/n Y/l/n...well Evans," I'm flustered as I speak to the girl at the front desk, "anyway, I'm in room 0613, and we lost our key. Any chance we could get a replacement?"
The girl smiled and nodded, typing something into her computer. And then turned around to unlock a medium sized box.
She pulled a new key out and handed it over to me after scanning it to activate it.
"The other key is unactivated now, this will be your new key to get into your room."
I was just about to thank her when a familiar voice was checking in with the other girl on the other side of the desk.
A kind and friendly voice that I loved and lived with for three years.
"Jon?" I whisper, hoping he didn't hear me.
Avoiding that interaction with him.
"Y/n," he gulps, "W-what are you doing here?"
I step towards him a bit closer, and from this angle I can really see the hurt in his eyes.
"U-Um, I'm on a trip." I say, not revealing any more information.
He laughs and looks away, "and here I am leaving Boston to avoid seeing you."
I knew he was avoiding me back in Boston, it just feels different when he's actually confirming it.
I don't blame him, I ran out on our wedding, a wedding I went through knowing I was still very much in love with Chris.
I smile nervously, not knowing what else to do.
"Listen, um, Jon," I start to explain.
"It's Jonathan." He looks at me differently, almost with hatred.
I nod, knowing that only his friends and family get to call him Jon. Something I learned about him when I met him in Boston.
**FLASHBACK: BOSTON, 2008**
I ignored the millions of missed calls and voicemails that Chris is leaving me.
I was sitting at the same bench were I realized I was in love with Chris. Back when we were teenagers and life was different.
The weather was just starting to change here in Boston. So I had one of Chris's hoodies which was my favorite because no matter how many times it's been in the wash it still smells like him.
My eyes are burning from how much I cried in the airport, on the place, when I landed and when I went to see my mom.
"I told you so..." she tells me as I sob into her shoulder.
I decided to take a walk, and I ended up here.
At Chris and I's bench where we engraved our initials.
Everything was fine back home in LA, but it was getting to my breaking point.
I snapped when Chris said he'd be leaving to film a show and that I'd only see him this week, the only week he'd be off until he began filming again.
So I told him to check his priorities again and flew back home to Boston to visit my mom.
He's called me non stop.
He wants to make it up to me, I know.
But if I fly back home now, he's gonna give me all the flowers in the world, take me to my favorite restaurant, surprise me with tickets to a tropical paradise and plead me to make things work.
I know him, I've known him everyday since I was 16.
As much as I want a tropical paradise with him, it's only temporary. Then we'll fly back home, I'll be alone most of the time while he films hours away from LA.
And I don't want that.
I don't deserve that.
The sleeves of Chris's hoodie were already damp I was wiping my tears as they fell.
It was late at night. Almost mid-night actually.
When a tall man walked by me, not even, he ran past me.
Like he was late for something.
I didn't really acknowledge him, I was thinking more about the love of my life and how he's slipping away from me and into the arms of Hollywood.
When the man came back, and just stood in front of me.
I didn't notice until I looked at his shoes. Then I looked up at him.
He had a John Hopkins hoodie on with some jeans. He was frowning at me, almost like he felt bad.
"There you are!" He says, and I immediately furrow my brows.
"W-what?" I say very softly. My voice weak from all the crying.
He sits down next to me, hooking his arm right around my neck.
I didn't have the chance to move away when he began to say, "I don't wanna seem so fresh, but when I ran by I noticed the car with the two ski masked men and I just had to run back."
I look behind this guy, and see a white van with, indeed, two masked men. I gulp.
"Don't look at them, look at me." The John Hopkins guy says.
"Okay." I gulp.
"C'mon, honey, let's get you home." He calls out, helping me up as we walk away further away from the van that eventually just drove away.
"Thank you." I say once I noticed they were gone, as this guy moves his arm away from me.
"No problem. I-I was about to be late for something, well now I'm really late, but I just couldn't help but think of if I didn't go back for you what would've happened."
I nod, smiling softly.
"I'm Jonathan." He sticks his hand out.
"Y/n." I shake it.
"Y/n, that's a nice name for a beautiful girl who shouldn't be crying." He says, very straightforwardly.
I laugh slightly, "It's been a tough week."
"I hear you there." Then his phone starts to ring but when he takes it out it's actually a pager.
"Damn it." He mumbles.
"Listen, honey, it was nice meeting you. Here's my number, call me and I can connect you with my sister who's a marriage therapist and she will be more than happy to help you."
He handed me his card.
Dr. Jonathan Reed, M.D.
861-432-7890
Boston Medical Hospital
2345 Main Ave, Boston, MA.
"T-thank you, Jonathan." I look down at his card.
"No problem. I gotta go now honey, please get home safe. Its dangerous this time of night."
He walks me to my car and helps me get in.
"Wait, h-how did you know I needed marriage counseling?"
He smiles, hands in his pockets, "beautiful girl like you has to be married or seeing someone. No way a guy is gonna let you go that easily."
I smile faintly, "thank you."
"And also that large ring on your finger, and that Patriots Football hoodie that you have on let's me know you're married. Unless you wear wedding rings for fun, and you're a die hard Patriots fan."
I smile at his crazy observation - an accurate one.
"My sister is a psychologist, and I was the one who'd help her study back in college."
"Thank you, Jonathan." I close the door to my car.
"Please call me Jon, my friends and family call me Jon."
I nod, and begin to pull out of the parking lot. He waves me off, and I drove all the way home, safe and sound.
Contemplating on whether or not to call Jon's sister....
** PRESENT TIME: Maldives, 2013 **
Jon and I eventually sat down in the waiting area. He agreed to listen to my apology.
"Jonathan, please believe me when I say that I feel awful. I do. And please know that I did truly love you.."
"..did you?" He can't look me in the eye.
"Of course I did. You helped me prove to myself my worth and that I deserved better."
"Obviously not, because you ran back to him the first chance you got." He huffs.
I take a deep breath, "I understand you may feel this hatred towards me."
"Hate you? No no, Y/n, I could never hate you. I still love you! Which is much worse!" His eyes tear up and so do mine.
"Jon, please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"What does he have that I don't?" Jon asks me, point to upstairs which means he knows that I'm with Chris.
I close my eyes in defeat, "I can't say. I don't even know what it is, it's just he's....my first love."
Jon takes another big breath, shaking his head at me.
"I was gonna give you everything, Y/n that big house you want in Boston, a couple cute kiddos, that dog you always wanted! I was, me! Not him! The only thing he's gonna give you is drama and hurt. That's what waits for you the minute he takes you back to LA..."
"...he says he's not gonna do it again, oh but he will, Y/n. You think he's gonna turn down all those movie offers? He's getting famous and he loves it. Maybe more then you..."
"N-no..." I interrupt him.
"..I'm not done, yes he loves you but more than making money and movies? I don't know. He's probably up there in your room calling back his agent to set him up with another director for a new project..."
I look away from Jon, god I hope Chris wasn't doing that because he promised me no movie talk on this trip.
"...exactly and you know it too, because this is a toxic cycle, Y/n! I can't believe you don't see that! Remember what I told you? Back when I took you out for dinner? That wasn't just me talking, because you flew back to LA and asked him for a divorce, that was you taking a stand, that was you wanting more for yourself! That was you making the right decision."
I clean the tears that were falling uncontrollably.
**FLASHBACK BOSTON, 2008 **
"You're telling me, Chris has never had your homemade guacamole?" Jon asks, sipping another chip into some dip I just made.
"No, but not because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't like avocados." I explain, sitting down across from Jon.
"I wouldn't care if I liked avocados or not, whatever you make I'm gonna eat it, honey." Jon chuckles, wiling off his hands on a napkin before answering his pager.
"We'll be does eat a queso dip, that I make." I smile, remembering my Chrissy.
"I gotta go, but you'll meet me at the hospital?" He says, zipping his jacket up, scooping some more guacamole onto a chip and eating it.
I nod. And watch him leave my moms house.
• AN HOUR LATER •
"Hi, I'm here to see Dr.Jonathan Reed?" I ask the sweet old lady at front desk of Boston Medical.
"Hi sweetheart, yes he should be down soon, he's wrapping up a surgery."
"Oh, alright. Well I'll just be over here."
She smiles at me as I take a seat in the waiting area.
10 minutes go by when Jon rushes out from the elevators, and sees me and smiles.
"Y/n! Im so sorry, honey. Got caught up on a surgery, but I'm all yours now." He goes in for a hug so I hug him back.
I'm all yours.
I remember when Chris would say that, during sex the night before he would tell me that he'd have to leave for a week to film whatever movie.
Those words are tied down with trauma.
Jon walks me to his car and he opens the passenger seat for me.
He was doing me the favor of taking me to his sister's practice.
The entire ride there, Chris kept calling and texting me.
Chris ♥️
Where are you?
Why won't you answer my calls?
I'm with my family, I just need my space Chris. I'll call you when I can talk.
Okay, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I'll be waiting at home for when you come back♥️
I put my phone away once I was sure Chris wouldn't be calling anymore.
Jon and I arrive to his sisters practice, once we were inside. He greeted the girl at the front desk.
"Hi Jonny!" She smiles at him, "Here to see Jess?"
"Hey Donna, I actually have her newest client with me, she knows who."
"Oh that's right! Hi, Y/n, I'm Donna!"
"Hi Donna." I shake her hand.
"You, my loves, can take a seat in the waiting area she shouldn't be too long, now."
Jon and I nod and make our way to the waiting area.
"Thank you for bringing me here, I-I didn't know I really had to speak to someone."
Jon ignores his pager that's vibrating.
"Anything for a friend in need." He smiles.
"Oh, one thing before you go in, don't try hiding anything from my sister, just let it all out because she has hawk eyes and knows when you're lying."
I gulp and smile nervously, "okay."
"Y/n Y/l/n?" A young woman stepped out from the closed door.
"Hey Jess." Jon walks over to hug her.
"Hi little bro, is this my newest patient?"
"Yes, here she is." Jon motions towards me.
"Hi, it's nice to meet you."
She was definitely older than me, but not by a lot.
"Hey, honey. Nice to meet you as well. Please follow me and we can get started."
"I'll be out here when you're done, Y/n."
"Thanks again, Jonathan."
"Jon, please. I thought we were friends?" He squeezes my elbow.
I look at his hand on my elbow, everything was happening so fast but strangely in slow motion.
Why is my heart beating so fast?
And what's this butterfly sensation in my stomach?
"Guess we are." I finally answer.
Jon watched Jess and I walk down to her office.
"Right in here." She motions a room with two nice couches and some comforting paintings.
I take a seat on one of the couches.
"Sorry about my brother, he's always been sort of a flirt. Especially when he really likes someone. Guess that's the doctor personality."
"Y-yeah."
God, I haven't felt this warm inside since Chris walked into my English class back in sophomore year of high school.
Oh no.
Am I catching feelings for someone who isn't my husband?
If this couldn't get any worse.
Shit, I'm in trouble.
"Anyway, I'm Dr.Jessica Reed, I'm a psychologist and also a couple counselor.."
"..and I want you to know that everything that is spoken here stays between you and I, since you did fill out those HIPAA forms for me online, I respect your decision to keep everything between us, two. Therefore I will not say anything to my brother, understand honey?"
"Yes. I understand." I nod.
"Alrighty, so let's begin. Tell me about yourself and your husband."
I take my crossbody bag off and set it to the side of myself.
"Um, okay well, I'm 27 years old. I live with Chris in LA, we've been together ever since we were 17..."
"Long time." She says as she writes it down in her notebook.
"Yeah," I smile remembering all the happy, romantic times between Chris and I.
Losing my virginity to him on my birthday, going on all the Evans family trips, graduating high school with him, moving to New York.
"And what does he do for a living?"
"He's an actor."
"Okay, and that's what he's always wanted to do?"
"Yeah, back in high school he used to play football but he knew in his heart he wanted to be an actor one day."
"And when did you two get married?" She asks, writing more notes in her clipboard.
"Well, when we were 19, he proposed to me at the top of the Empire State Building. We were married a little while after that."
"And you were going to college at that time?"
"Yes, attending New York University." I fidget around with the sleeves of my sweater.
"And what did you major in?" Another question.
"I-I majored in English Lit."
My dream, ever since high school is to be a successful author, writing books that everyone likes.
"And did you ever pursue your major? Or start a career?"
I clear my throat, the answer to the question was no.
My complete focus was Chris, and right before we moved to LA, I did have an opportunity but I turned it down.
"Yeah. But recently I haven't had the time to."
She sighs, looking at me.
"Y/n, in order for this to work, I need you to be honest with me. So I can help you."
Damn, Jon was right.
"Okay, well, when I graduated NYU, I did have an internship at an editing office but that was the same time that Chris had accepted an offer to film a movie in LA. So I-I turned it down..." I frown, regretting my decision.
"Hmmm," she writes more stuff.
I answered a few more questions about my relationship with Chris.
And then she came to a conclusion.
"Okay, honey, I'm analyzing everything you gave me. And what I advise you to do is - simply - start taking care of yourself..." she looks down at her notes.
"...it looks like Chris has been taken very well care of by you. He has everything he's ever wanted, I assume. His dream career, and him by your side. But have you had a second to think about you? Has he? With his busy career?..."
"...what about your own life goals? I'm sure you don't wanna be Chris's shadow forever. You need to start doing things for yourself, Y/n. Since both of you are married, there's going to be some sacrifices but if you both truly love each other you'll make it work. That's all you have to do, Y/n..."
"...because that anger you have towards him, the arguing when he gets home from work or filming, is pure jealousy. Have you thought about that?"
I shake my head.
"No, why? Because you're so wrapped into his life that you forgot about your own. That you have goals and achievements too. And you become angry with him not because he's getting home late or because he didn't have dinner with you - but because he's living his dream."
After speaking with Dr. Jess, I feel much better. Like this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
Jon was still waiting for me, patiently in the waiting area.
He asked me to get some dinner with me, and I accepted.
We went out to one of Boston's finest restaurants. One I didn't even know existed, and this is my hometown.
Jon is a foreigner.
After ordering drinks and food, Jon and I got to talking and he was making me laugh with an embarrassing moment that happened to him in med school.
"So you went to John Hopkins?" I ask, sipping some of my wine.
"Yup, I graduated with a medical degree and decided to work here in Boston since my sister was here also. And here I am, one of the most successful neurosurgeons in the county."
"Good for you, Jon."
"Thanks, sweetheart."
Sweetheart? That's what Chris calls me.
Is it bad, that I kind of like it when Jon does too?
Oh no, what am I even doing here?
"Um,"
"Something wrong?" He asks when I start getting up.
"I-I have to go." I say, rushing out towards the doors and into the street. Jon chasing after me.
"Hey, hey you okay?"
"No! Im not okay! Im falling out of love with my husband! My high school sweetheart and there's nothing I can do." I start to cry.
"Oh sweetheart..."
"Stop, calling me that - please stop." I shake my head at him.
"C'mere let's sit, hm?" Jon motions a bench on the street.
We sit down and he hears me speak about my situation with Chris.
"I-I still love him, of course, I will always love that boy. But, it's like living with a ghost." I wipe my tears.
Jon pats my knee, "Honey, everything you've told me, leads me to believe, you guys aren't meant to be anymore. And you're trying so hard to save the marriage when really it's hanging on by a thread."
"No, I-I can't divorce him, it'll break his heart, it'll crush him."
"Stop thinking about him, Y/n. Start thinking about yourself."
I look at Jon, and I know what I have to do. As much as I don't want to.
"If this is what's best, then do it. Do it for you." He whispers.
And without saying anything, I just nod.
• NEXT DAY •
I was packing my suitcase, lightly to fly back to LA to see Chris.
When Jon came to my house, well my mom's house.
"Honey, there's a doctor outside." She smirks.
"A doctor, mom?"
"Dr.Reed?"
My eyes widened, "oh."
I roll my eyes at her playful looks and approach the door.
"Jon."
"Y/n, Hi. Um, I understand you're leaving in just a little bit."
"Yes."
"Can I just take you somewhere? It won't be longer than an hour."
I look back at my mom and she motions me to go.
"Well, alright." I close the door to my house.
And in a few short minutes, we arrived to a bookstore in Jon's car.
"C'mon."
We walk into the store and the lady signing books in the middle of the store caught my eye.
"Is that- is that J.K Rowling?" I stutter seeing one of my favorite authors just smiling at other people.
"Yup, an old friend of mine hooked me up with where she was going to be, here in Boston. There's only exclusive people here. And you, darling - are very exclusive."
"Are you saying I'm V.I.P?" I giggle.
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
I walk over to the table where Rowling was and I met her, shook her hand and everything.
She gave me some pointers on how to get started in my writing career and I was over the moon.
I was so so excited to meet her.
"Thank you Jon! Thank you!!!" I hug him before we get into his car.
He was nice enough to accompany my dad in driving me back to the airport.
• Few hours later, in LA. •
It's been a few hours here in LA, and Chris, of course isn't here.
So, I called the moving company and had them start to move all of my stuff out.
Chris arrived to our house, in his car.
"Hey baby! I didn't know you'd be landing today, I was out getting some stuff to cook some dinner - your favorite."
He shows me the grocery shop bags.
Chris turns to notice the big moving truck parked right outside of our house.
"What is this?" He asks shutting the drivers door closed.
"Chris, we - we need to talk."
He takes his sunglasses off and looks down at me.
"About what?"
"Here." I whisper handing him the divorce papers.
He glances at the top of the paper to see the name of my lawyer and what kind of papers they were.
"W-why?" His eyes start to tear up, "baby what is this? Oh my god, h-how? What the fuck! I could never divorce you, sweetheart!"
He yells the second part of his sentence, trying his best to hug me but I don't want him to touch me.
"Y/n, please, please tell me what I can do. I am not going to sign those damn papers, I swear to god Y/n no matter what you do."
"We have an appointment with our lawyers tomorrow. I'll see you there."
"No! Let's fix this here! You and me!" Hes begging me at this point.
"Oh my god, Y/n, how could you do this to me?! You want me to quit acting I'll quit acting if it means you'll stay with me!"
I turn around and he's crying, big tears rolling down his face.
And I'm all cried out, I have no more tears to cry.
"No, o don't want you to give up your dream for me." I look towards the ground.
"You're my dream, Y/n. You're the love of my life, my high school sweetheart."
He tried to reach for my face but I push away, "I-I'll see you tomorrow."
I start to walk away and into my car.
"NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT IM SIGNING THOSE PAPERS!"
He yells after me as I pull out the driveway.
**PRESENT TIME**
"Listen, y/n I'll forgive you. If that what makes you sleep at night. Because you were the love of my life even if I wasn't yours. And I'll always love you no matter how hard that is to admit. But please, please value yourself! Don't let him suck you into that awful lifestyle again! You are beautiful, smart and amazing. It'd be a shame to not use that to your advantage..."
"...I can't help but think of if we were married now, you'd already be that successful author that I know you can be..."
"...when you get back to your room and he's speaking with his agent, you're gonna know I was right, you're gonna know nothing has changed. Because he's a child and incapable of growth..."
He stands and grabs his suitcase when the girl calls him over with his room and keycard.
"Take care of yourself, Y/n." He gives me a half smile and walks away.
I clean my tears because there were people staring at me. And I rush up to my room again with the new key card.
I don't even knock before entering, and when I hear Chris's concealed voice in our bedroom. I walk to towards it, he should be speaking with his mom like he told me he was going to.
"Yo, man. What's up? Sorry I couldn't answer I'm on a trip with my girl. We're working things out.."
I could only hear Chris's part of the conversation.
"...yeah yeah, things look good. We might even fly out to our house in LA, after being here and get everything back to normal..."
"...right, no, well yeah. I'll be at the office first thing to wrap any last minute signatures you need from me... okay... see you when I get back then, Nate..."
My eyes swelled up again, god damn it, Jon was right.
"...yeah..okay man, thanks. See you then...yeah, I'll tell Y/n you said hello."
He hangs up the phone and I barge in.
Chris looks at me with worry in his eyes, he knows that I know.
"Hey, baby." He gulps, desperately trying to change the subject, "You got our new key?"
"Everything is gonna change, huh?" I start yelling at him.
"Y/n, princess, calm down and just hear me out." He puts his hands up, as if he's surrendering.
"NO! I WILL NOT!" I point at him, "YOU TOLD ME NO MOVIE TALK ON THIS TRIP! THAT YOU WERE MINE!"
"I am yours, baby. All yours." He reaches for my hand.
"NO YOU ARENT!" I tell him swatting his hand and preventing it from grabbing my waist, "You aren't because if you were mine I wouldn't be sharing you with the directors of LA!"
"Y/n, princess, please listen to me."
"Did you even call your mom?!"
When he stays silent, I had my answer.
I scoff , I'm so annoyed.
I walk out of the bedroom furious and go to grab Chris's backpack in the living room.
He follows me wondering what I'm doing.
I pull his laptop out and set it down at the coffee table.
"Open it." I point at it.
"Y/n..."
"OPEN IT!"
He does what I say and opens his laptop, unlocking it.
His email popped up, as the last thing he did before closing it. I didn't even read the emails, my heart sank when Jon's point was proved - Chris had been sending his agent emails since the minute we landed.
"A liar! That's what you are Chris!" I'm full on crying at this point.
Everything Jon said was true.
He was right.
He knows Chris better than I do.
Or is it than I'm so in love with him that I can't see his flaws?
"Baby, baby, please stop crying. I don't like to see you cry." His hand cradles up to my face.
"Don't touch me."
I swat his hand away.
"Were you just kidding when you said everything was gonna change?! I left my fiancé for you, Chris. Because you're the love of my life, and I don't know what I'd do without you. And I love you, Chris, I do. Ever since I was 16, and I haven't regret anything we've done not for one second.."
"...but when you start turning into this person, the old guy that chased me away from you, the one who lies, the one who treats me like a doll and puts me away for when he wants me...I have no choice but to put myself first..."
"What are you talking about, Y/n?"
"...ever since we got married young, I always put you first. Because I love you. I love you so much Chris, it hurts..."
"I love you more, Y/n. You know I do."
"...from moving to Boston to NY to LA, with no friends to talk to, home alone most of the day, sacrificing the relationship with my parents - I did it all for you! Because that's what I thought love is, but then again you wouldn't do the same for me.."
"Baby, of course I would."
"Really Chris? You can't even do the small thing of avoiding work while we're at our trip! Not even for a day." I shake my head at him.
"I'm sorry." He whispers. "Please let me explain, it's not what you think it is."
"I'm gonna go get some air."
"Let me go with you, and we can talk."
I stand up, fixing my sundress, thinking about his offer. But I really just wanted to be away from him.
I needed a break.
"That's the thing, Christopher, I don't wanna talk anymore." I give him one final look before I walked towards the back door.
He grabs my arm, and pulls me back to him.
"Princess, please. Let me apologize and explain."
I move my arm so that I'm out of his grasp, "stop it! With your babies and your princesses because you're not gonna sweet talk yourself out of this one, just like you've always done. I'm going on a walk, and I need my space."
I turn around to walk out on the beach.
It was already 4pm, a perfectly nice day, ruined.
I wanted to walk around so badly and get to know the downtown, but noooo Chris just had to email his agents and managers.
I take a seat right in front of the ocean, watching the waves crash. Seeing if I could somehow calm myself down.
The waves crashing were so peaceful I wish I could just stay like this forever.
I thought about our relationship. We got married young, moved in together young, because I was so in love with him. I wanted to be near him all the time because I loved the person I was with him.
I played with the bracelet, Chris gave to me on the trip we took to Florida with his family, where he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I'll never stop loving Chris and that scares me. He's intoxicating and I can't get enough, I'm addicted.
But only because he's such a great guy. He's funny, adorable, dorky, an amazing son to his parents and a loyal brother to his siblings.
And almost a friend to everyone he meets.
He makes me laugh whenever I'm sad, he lights up the room he's in with just his smile and presence.
It's just the part where he's so loyal to his work, that nothing else matters.
Not even me...
He gets so caught up in his Celebrity world that he doesn't even realize that I'm drowning in that world.
Of course he loves me, I know he does. We're meant to be together I can see that.
But until he learns how to juggle his marriage and his career, we will continue to argue.
And I don't want that.
"Hey.."
I turn to face the voice that spoke, and paired it with a very handsome face with blue eyes and dark blonde hair.
Chris was nervously playing around in his pockets, "May I sit?"
I nod slowly, not taking my eyes off of the ocean water.
He takes a seat sort of near me, but still a good distance away. Just in case I were to explode again.
He was silent for a minute, and I didn't have anything to say. Since the water was so calming, all I wanted to do was stare at it.
"Ran into Jon..." he begins, "...what a coincidence that he takes his week off the same place we decide to take our trip."
Chris didn't say it with any sarcasm or negativity. He was simply stating the obvious.
I wiggle my head a bit, agreeing with Chris's statement.
"Not really, the hospital pays for his stay here. There's only so many places he can go, either New York, somewhere tropical, but the only tropical places are the Maldives or Cancun. And Jon likes the culture here, and also that there aren't as many tourists.."
"H-Have you came here with him?" Chris asks, turning to face me.
"No. He likes to come by himself. But whenever he'd fly out here, he'd give Bizzie and I a trip to wherever we wanted to go, so that..." I turn to face Chris who's already looking at me, "...so that I wouldn't be lonely."
Chris licks his lips, facing the water again.
We were silent for a few more minutes.
Chris shifts a bit closer to me, soothingly sliding his hand up my thigh in order to gently grab my hand.
And I let him.
His touch relaxes me as much as I don't want him near me.
He intertwines his fingers with mine, and we still haven't said anything yet.
I start drawing small circles on the tattoo he has of my initial on his finger. Something he got done just before flying out to New York with me for college.
The ink looks as fresh as it did the very first day he got it done.
"Chris, I-I..." I start saying and I'm so god damn emotional that the tears are coming back.
He starts shaking his head at me, noticing the look in my eye.
"Don't do that, don't look at me like that, Y/n. That was the same look you gave me when you flew back to LA and asked me for a divorce."
He shifts so that he's sitting in front of me. But I'm crying so I'm facing down to my crossed legs.
"Please, please don't go again. I'm begging you, Y/n. Don't leave me again." He's also starting to tear up.
"Why can't you just forget about acting? I'm not asking you to forget forever, just three days. That's it, Chris. All I want is for you to be mine. For you to enjoy your time with me. But no, I always have to share it with your career, I understand you're living your dream world, but what about me? I-I was your dream girl.."
He picks my head up with two strong fingers under my chin, "You. Are. My. Dream. Girl."
"I'm not." I sob.
"You are, sweetheart. You are."
Chris feels so bad that I'm literally crying so hard, he pulls me into a comforting hug.
And I hug him back just as tight.
"You're right, baby, I have been caught up with work. And I should've respected the fact that you wanted me to put my phone and laptop away for the remainder of this trip. I want you to be happy, my love. I want to prove to you that my career isn't the most important thing in this world - you are."
I look up at him with tired and swollen eyes, "Prove it to me, Chris. Because I don't know how much more of this I can take."
"Please don't leave me again, baby." Chris kisses my forehead.
"I-I won't. Not as long as you find the worth in this relationship and actually put effort into it." I whisper into his chest.
"You have so much value, my love, you are smart, beautiful, funny. And I'm so lucky to have you as my girl. I know how much you're fucking worth. What do you think made me crash your wedding to another guy and take back what's mine?..."
"...and I know you take care of me. That's why I love you so much, because you're the best. You're my rock. I-I guess I got caught up in this new Hollywood world, I was pushing away what mattered to me the most.."
He gently caresses the skin on my cheek.
"...but I could never forget what a badass author she wants to be when she grows up. That I know she can accomplish."
"You really think I can be one?" I whisper.
"I don't think, Y/n. I know. I know you're gonna be one of the best successful actors that LA, no scratch that, the World, will see."
"I love you." I look into his blue eyes.
"I love you," he leans down to kiss my lips, "more."
We were just cuddling, as the waves crashed and crashed.
"Can I explain why I was so busy on the phone with Nate?" He asks.
"Yes." I nod.
"Because he's trying to get me a good deal for a hiatus." Chris cradles my face between his big hands.
"Hiatus? Like a robbery?" I wiggle my brow.
Chris chuckles down at me, kissing my nose, "No baby, a hiatus is time off for an actor."
"Oh." I realize.
"I was gonna wait until the end of our trip but I guess I'll tell you now. I-I'm getting 5 months off. And Nate and I were emailing back and forth with my agency to get a good deal, and I have to sign some papers for them when I get back and I'm all yours. Because I'm all in."
My eyes widen, that's a lot of time to focus on each other and get a great system going to keep this marriage alive!
"Really?" I hook my arms around Chris's neck, "All that time?"
"Yes ma'am, all that time which I will be spending with you and the start of your writing career."
I smile big after jumping in his arms. And he twirls me around.
"I'm all yours. Body, mind and soul, Y/n."
**FLASHBACK: BOSTON, JUNE OF 1999*
*End of Senior Year*
Today was my graduation day. I graduated high school with my best friend Bizzie and the love of my life, Chris.
Chris, Bizzie and I all went to eat with our families.
And all together actually, Bizzie's mom was here at the diner, so was Chris's mom and siblings and my parents as well.
Everyone was having a good time, joking around, telling stories. And giving Chris, Bizzie and I life advice.
Then Lisa was telling me if I remembered that certain ice cream flavor I had back in Florida.
A trip my parents had no idea about. Let alone, gave me permission.
"Y/n, honey, do you remember that ice cream we had in Flor—-"
Bizzie and I looked at each other when we noted the time.
All the seniors were going to Justin's house (Chris's best friend), for a formal goodbye before everyone had to leave and go their separate ways for college.
So this was the perfect time to interrupt.
"—As much as I hate to interrupt you Lisa and as much as I love all of you guys," Bizzie begins, "Y/d/n, Lisa, Y/m/n, Bob, Scott, Carly, Shanna and you of course mother. But Chris, Y/n and I have a party to attend so we will be excusing ourselves."
"Bizzie!" Her mom scolds her for being so fresh.
"What?"
"It's a school night Bizzie, I don't let Y/n out on school nights." My dad intervenes, sipping more of his beer.
"Please, Y/d/n, it's the last day of school therefore there is no school tomorrow."
I gulp when my dad embarrasses me in front of Chris's parents and Bizzie's mom.
"Oh, honey let her go. Just a for a little bit. And she'll be with Chris, you know he takes care of her." My mom convinces my dad to let me go.
"Oh yes!" Lisa adds, "he'll take care of her, like I've raised him to."
"Yes ma'am." Chris nods at his mom, "and Mr.Y/l/n I'll have her home before 12."
"Before 11, Christopher." My dad tells him.
"Y-yeah, I meant 11." I giggle at Chris correcting himself.
"Go on, kids! Have fun!" Bizzie's mom tells us as we exit the diner and pile into Chris's car.
We arrive to Justin's house and we made our way to the backyard where there were teenagers everywhere, underage drinking going on and lots of dancing or making out - no where in between.
Chris and I were walking hand in hand while Bizzie walked next to us.
"Woah, Woah!" Justin calls out when he sees Chris, "Party's here boys!"
Chris does this handshake with all the boys in the group that Justin was standing in.
Without letting go of my hand.
"Hi boys." I wave to them.
"Miss Y/n." Justin bows down at me. "And Beatrice!"
"Say my name again, Justin and I will snap your legs like twigs." Bizzie takes the beer from Justin's hand and walks away to mingle with her friends.
"She scares me dude." He tells Chris.
Chris and I just laugh, "me too, Justin, me too."
I slightly slap Chris on the arm, rolling my eyes at him.
"C'mon guys we were just gonna get the bonfire started."
Chris and I walk over to the pit. And mostly the seniors, ones I've known since middle school.
We all huddled around the fire, while everyone else was scattered around Justin's backyard mingling and dancing to the music.
They only ones around the pit were Chris and I, Bizzie, Justin, Chris's teammates, their girlfriends and some other girls - Brooke and her best friend, Kasey. Also, Rory and Jess.
"Alright ladies, excuse me."
Just wiggles his way in between Kasey and Brooke.
"Ew, Justin! You smell like booze." Brooke fades away from him.
"That's because I'm totally WASTEDDD!!" He giggles.
We all got to talking, sharing where we were going to school and reminiscing on past events at school.
I was sitting on Chris's lap, in one of the chairs. He was gently rubbing my thighs up and down. Making me giggle as he kissed my jaw to my throat.
"Yo, Chrissy, want a beer?" Justin hands him a red cup.
"Sure, man." Chris takes the cup in hand and gulps some down. "Want one, baby?"
"Nah." I smile down at him.
"Alright, enough chitter chatter. I wanna know what everyone is gonna be doing in 10 years! Let's start with Bizzie, you must have something entertaining that you're planning on doing."
Bizzie downs the rest of her drink, eyeing Justin from the top of the rim of the cup, "if you must know, Justin, I wanna be a trophy wife, and I wanna marry rich."
"Who's gonna marry you Bizzie? Jesus Christ, they'll need an oxygen tank."
"Of course he will, Justin, he's gonna be a sugar daddy, sugar daddies are older if you didn't know."
Everyone giggles at Bizzie and Justin just shakes his head.
"Alright Kasey, what about you? You're smart. What are you gonna do after college? Or in 10 years?" Justin asks her.
"Well," she fixed her skirt, "I wanna be an elementary school teacher, and in 10 years I'll probably marry a police officer and probably have two kids."
"That sounds nice, if we were in a NOVELA!" Justin's mom is Spanish so he knows a little.
I nudge Chris a bit, to calm Justin down.
"Justin, man, relax." Chris laughs, shaking his head, arms wrapped around my waist.
"Okay Brooke, what about you, shawty?"
She laughs, "Uh no."
Brooke began to answer as I looked at Chris and at my classmates, I'm going to miss going to high school.
I'm gonna miss all the events and I wonder if I could've done more, it's too late now.
I'm just glad, I met Chris.
In my sophomore English class.
"And what about the love birds, over here?"
After Anna answered Justin began picking on Chris and I.
"Well, Justin, I've told you before and I'll tell you again. I'm marrying this girl right here, and we're gonna be together still in 10 years."
Chris looks at me, blushing. And all I wanna do is kiss him. And I do, but only once. While all he's friends made an 'oooooo' sound. Teasing him.
"Alright, alright. We all get that part, trust me Evans, but what do wanna major in?"
"Oh, easy. Acting for sure." Chris drinks more beer in the red cup.
"And what does the lovely Miss Y/n want to do?"
"I'm gonna be an author one day."
"Cool, authors are like those people that study the stars?" Just genuinely asks me.
"No," I shaking my head at him, "those are astronomers, I want to be a writer."
"Dumbass." Bizzie rolls her eyes.
"And where are you guys going?" Lucas Scott, another guy from the football team, another one of Chris's friends asks us.
"Oh we're going to NYU, Luke." Chris answers him.
"Oh WE ARE?" Justin repeats.
"Yeah," I nod looking at everyone, "Chris and I are moving to New York City."
"Dude! That's awesome!" Justin chugs yet another beer.
"I can see you being an actor, Chris." Jess mentions, arm around Rory.
But then moves away a bit to grab a slice of pizza that sat in a table in front of them.
They were so cute the both of them, Rory was the sweetest thing and Jess really loves her.
He looks at her the same way Chris looks at me.
"Thanks man," Chris smiles at him.
"I wanna do the same actually. Maybe we could work on something in the future?"
"Yeah who knows, our paths might cross." Chris holds me tighter against his body.
A while later, after everyone said their majors and what they wanted to do. We were all just vibing.
Bizzie left to dance with Lucas, the girls Kasey and Brooke got up to get some food from Justin's kitchen and the rest of the boys from the football team including Justin - went to drink some more beer and dance with girls that didn't even go to our school.
That left Chris and I, around the bonfire, I was still on his lap.
But I watched as the flames ignited and became black smoke into the air.
"Y/n." Chris calls for, so I turn my head and he's eyes are blown black and that only means one thing - I've learned by now.
I smile and lean down to connect our lips, over and over again. Gently biting his plump bottom lips as I pull away.
"You're so beautiful, Y/n." He whispers, running his thumb on my bottom lip....
I smile looking down, when something caught my eye.
"Chris?" I pick his finger up and hold it to the light the bonfire was giving me.
On the inside of his pointer finger was my initial.
"Baby!" I smile and squeal at the same time.
"You like it?" Chris licks his lips.
"I love it," I say, kissing his finger where my initial laid, freshly inked....