•02 August 2021•
Monday
Her gaze remained fixed on the hallway, her mind revisiting the moments from a few minutes ago and her lips attempting to call out for the man who just left but her vocal box denying it. Multitasking is what she was doing right now, her senses not in coordination with each other as every single one of them did what the felt was important.
This isn't how she imagined everything to be.
A hand on her shoulder made her shift her attention to the boy standing besides her, his lips turned into an completely unusual frown. She managed to pull a small smile on her face, unable to witness the always happy boy looking all gloomy.
But he wasn't a fool, right? Anyone could tell how she was holding back her tears, how her lips pressed into a thin smile were quivering. Not to forget the glossing eyes that looked back at them, a proof that the dam would break any moment.
"Can I... Can I go to my room for a few moments?" Her voice cracked by the time she finished her request and before any of them could ask her something, she left, her steps fast as if staying here for one more moment would be a sin.
Were they supposed to run after her? Yes. Would they be able to compose themselves once they see her break apart? No. But do they want to? A million times yes. Yet they stayed in the living room, eyes following her figure as she climbed the stairs and then disappeared into the upper hall.
"I'm sorry Officer. She just need some time alone. I hope you won't mind waiting." Namjoon voiced out, his eyes still sneaking at the stairs in his vision, hoping she'll descend down and ask them to stay with her while she's hurting, ask them to help her out with her internal conflicts.
"Not at all Mr Namjoon. I can understand. Woosik told me something like this would happen. The interrogation is almost done too, the main questions have been answered." The caramel blonde guy sighed out, wanting to rush to his best friend and ask if he's okay.
He had known this would happen, he had a feeling inside him shouting that the walls Woosik built all these years would snap as soon as he'll get a news on Eunjae. He was surprised it happened this late. He never met Eunjae personally, but with all the stories Woosik told him and JO about her, he was sure of the fact that she clearly didn't deserve what she faced, none of them did.
He remembered when he first met Woosik, a 21 year old boy with blank eyes. Eyes that gave no idea of what he went through and what he actually was, a beautiful pair of cocoa brown orbs that looked nothing but dead. Woosik was famous in the special forces even before he got selected as an undercover spy. The boy who was sentenced to jail for 2 years, the boy who leaked the details of Slander to the Crime Department. It was because of him that the executives were able to trace Dong-hyun's location and arrest the man, a wanted mafia leader.
3 years. That was all it took for Woosik to become one of the the best Crime Detective in the area after being released from behind the bars. Though the achievement wasn't as big as it sounds, but considering he studied for his exams during his period behind bars was certainly worth an applaud. He didn't have a clean background as the eligibility criteria asks for, but considering his case of being involved in the mafia activities by Dong-hyun without former's consent and his contribution to the case, the legal orders were passed in his favor.
No one knew why he chose this line when he could have stayed away from all these dark things that remind him about his past. No one except those 2 people who managed to break into his ice cold walls and read his heart, who managed to learn his story and feel his pain. Woosik wanted them dead, the one's who ruined their lives, the one's who left his sister with scars she wouldn't be able to recover from.
Was she even alive?
It was a question the blonde was asked almost every night by Woosik, a question none of them had an answer to. The three of them, without an intentions, became the most powerful trio of the department, a tri who showed no mercy over humans, each having their own personal reason. Reasons only they knew.
"Did Woo - I mean Officer Woosik know about Eunjae all along?" Jimin's dry and low voice made the blonde snap out of his thoughts.
He slightly shook his head, a sad smile playing on his lips. "We had no records about her. It wasn't until we got a hold on Drake's right hand man who told us that their next target was Eunjae. That's how he knew about the bomb that was installed in her car."
"I don't know what he must be going through after all this but the way he left... I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve it. They met after so long only for him to walk out like she's nothi-"
"Mind your words when you speak Mr Taehyung." The blond snapped, his hands clenched into fists out of both anger and frustration. The audacity Taehyung had to talk about a bond he has no idea over. "She means the world to him, only force that kept him alive when he wanted nothing more than to die. It's their matter and you're no one to question it."
"Bold of you to think we don't have a say in our sister's matters." This time the words belonged to Jimin, his eyes nowhere near the softness they held. They were back at being their normal empty self. "I wonder who you are to have a say in all this."
The blonde scoffed and stepped towards the silver haired guy, his steps slow yet intimidating. The boys here surely got a big tongue and he definitely wasn't someone to let that slide. He reached Jimin, hands resting on the latter's shoulders as he leaned his body towards his ears.
"It's Jackson Wang kid.
"An unexpected death is what they call me"
_________________________________________________________________
"Unexpected death my foot. I would have pulled out his hair if he wasn't an officer." Jimin gritted, walking down the stairs to Hoseok's room. He needed to talk to someone about his feelings, about his insecurities.
He stood in front of the door but before he could knock, the voices from inside caught his attention. Inside the room was already a whole mess of feelings.
"He's suffering and it's all because of us." Hoseok sighed out and sat on the bed with a thump. "Jungkook was right, we never really understood him."
"Stop it Hoseok! We all know we tried."
"But we failed!" His voice was desperate, a hint of irritated laced along with anger. "We failed to understand our own damn brother hyung. We unconsciously pushed him towards his demons."
"We know we're at fault Yoongi and agree or not, somewhere inside you know this too." This time the defeated voice belonged to Jin. Hoseok had just revealed to the oldest whatever he heard Taehyung speaking that day, words he wished he could erase from his memory.
"Taehyung wants to kill himself again, he feels like he's a burden on us. Our brother thinks he's hurting us by merely existing!" It all felt like Deja Vu to Hoseok, as if he had somehow travelled to past or an alternate universe.
A laugh echoed throughout the room, a laugh that was mocking. "We really aren't the good brothers that we think ourselves to be." Jin felt like laughing at himself. He was mad at Taehyung that day for calling him unworthy of the eldest brother title. Seems like the boy wasn't lying completely.
"Are you both hearing yourself? Instead of trying to bring back our Taehyung you're here dwelling upon your mistakes?" At this point it seemed like Yoongi was the only sober person in the room, the other two were completely drunk by guilt.
Oh only if they knew his internal debates, his pain that he felt for Taehyung.
"What are we supposed to do Yoongi? Can't you see we have been hurting him since past months? I blamed him for everything, for hurting us when it wasn't even his fault. I said words to him I couldn't ever take back and then moved on as if nothing ever happened. How could he not question me for what I said?"
And Jin asked himself this question everytime. How could Taehyung carry on with everything as if his own brothers didn't call him a disappointment. How could the boy not even once show them how much their words affected him, how much their words ripped his insides. Was he always like this?
Jin wondered when the boy who always used to be the one to solve any conflicts, to talk out after fights, changed. He tried to recall the last time Taehyung actually talked to them, told them that he's hurting, told them about how their actions made him feel bad. He wondered when Taehyung became so distant.
And then there was Hoseok. He refused to believe that he'll ever forgive himself for the things he said to Taehyung.
"I'm so disappointed in you Taehyung. So ashamed to even call you my brother after what you did today"
Fuck it! He should be ashamed to call himself an older brother. He should be ashamed to even face Taehyung after all he said but he just keeps on living with it shamelessly. Why were they so late to realise what they were doing to the boy, to someone who had already been through immense pain ever since Jiyoung left.
They knew that Taehyung felt himself as an extra, someone who just came into the world alongside Jimin, an extra child his parents never wanted. But what did they do? Instead of making him feel wanted they blamed him for their pain, instead of telling him that they're so lucky to have him as his brother they told him that he's a disappointment. He was a happy child, a boy with an imagination different than the world, someone who wanted to live his life to the fullest and they ruined him. They ruined him while trying to fix themselves, while trying to find someone to blame for their miseries.
"We have to fix him hyung. We have to mend his scars, we have to accept his broken self.
"We need unmask his pain so that we can help him heal his open wounds"
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"Jae?" Taehyung asked as he hesitantly entered the room, making sure he isn't invading her privacy in any way.
His gaze fell on her figure, snuggled on the bed as her hands clutched the pink teddy ever so tightly. He slowly approached her and sat at the edge, hands automatically reaching to tuck the loose strands of hair behind her ears. Her lips were shaped into a pout, eyes puffy and the dried tears clearly visible in the bright room.
'Phabo. Didn't even pull the curtains before sleeping.'
But whom was he kidding? As if her face isn't shouting that she cried herself to sleep, as if the incidents that happened a few hours ago weren't enough to tell him how much she must have cried. Was it to assure his own self, to push away the guilt that none of them were with her when she must have been bawling her eyes out? Oh how much he wanted to hold her in her arms and ask her to let out everything, just like she did at the rooftop of the hospital.
"I wish I could take back the things I said and did to you Jae... I wish I could stop myself from hurting you more than you already were." He whispered, hands patting her head as if cradling her to sleep. "Why don't you hate us? After everything we did, especially me, Jimin and Jungkook."
'Because I can't and I don't know why.'
She thought to herself. She wasn't asleep, not after Taehyung's hand tucked her hair back. She just didn't have the guts to face anyone right now, the reason remaining unknown. She just revealed something that no one except her knew, something she's even ashamed of admitting, something that she regrets and yet is proud of herself for denying it.
"You're not weak Eunjae and not at all a disgrace or a burden." The words brought back the memories from months back, the months when they used to hate her. It was exact opposite of what he said to her all those times. "I should be punched for calling you names to disgrace you. I never knew you were hiding so much behind that confidence of yours.
"I called you a slut, I questioned your character the day you came back after being harassed. I never knew I could stoop so low Eunjae, I never knew I would fall in my own eyes. You... you went through such a tough period on your own and I'm so, so proud of you." He stopped and she no longer felt his hand over her head.
All she heard were his snifflings and she knew he must be wiping off his tears right now. He hated crying. No, it wasn't because he believed in that stupid stereotype of 'boys don't cry'. He hated to shed tears because he believed he had no right to do so after hurting so many people in his life, he believed that he deserved all the pain he's feeling and much more.
"Don't forgive us so easily Eunjae, don't forgive the devils who broke your already shattered self." His words weren't clear, they cracked as he spoke and that was the max she could take before a whimper left her lips.
The boy immediately halted his actions as his hands rested back on her face, this time cupping her cheeks. "Hey hey! Eunjae it's fine, it's a nightmare. You're okay."
Exactly! She wished it was all a nightmare.
The girl shook her head as he made her sit, offering her a glass of water which she accepted before speaking. It was a nightmare, an actual one. A nightmare from which she can't wake up even after countless attempts.
"Eunjae? It's fine, we're here." He pulled her body into his embrace, whispering words he hoped would help her relax. What was he supposed to do now? Should he call Yoongi? Or Jin? They understand her better right? They never intentionally hurt her. He isn't supposed to be with her right now, he isn't supposed to be with her ever. He-
"Taehyung?" Her voice came out soft yet broken, as if she was trying to make it sound stable when in reality it was far from that.
"Hmm?" He answered despite knowing he may not be ready for what she has to say. And he was right, he wasn't ready for what he heard next.
"Would it have hurt less emotionally?
"Would it all have been better if I would have just sold myself?
•√•
You all didn't think I would let all the past events slide as if they never happened right? Every dialogue being said in this book will have an reaction, either at that moment or later. And same goes for this chapter. It has the biggest spoiler I ever reveled. Good luch finding it!
I'll be finished with my last practical tomorrow and then prepare for my pre-term examinations. Updates won't be frequent.
Your Overtalented Author
~AV
16/09/21