Riven lied on the floor staring up at the ceiling. Ear buds in place, heavy metal music blasting into his ears as his mind raced and dwelled on his life, his emotions, and his anxiety. Where was he going in life? As of now he knew he liked music and drawing, but where would that take him? Riven thought back to the days when he felt more enthusiastic about the things he loved; he used to spend hours writing lyrics to songs or drawing sceneries or sketching characters he'd make up in his mind that he thought would make cool additions to comic books.
Now things were different.
Something has changed in Riven and he knew it – he could feel it in his mind, in the bottom of his stomach, in the restlessness of his body. He was beginning to get scared. Riven could not wait for his next appointment with his shrink.
Riven didn't hear the door of his room opened and jumped when his mother gently tapped him with her foot. He looked up at her and yanked his ear buds out.
"What is it?" he asked with a hint of annoyance.
"CL's on the phone," Rosie said to him, "He says he's been calling your cellphone for over an hour and that you don't answer."
"Tell him I fell asleep," Riven muttered and dropped his head back down.
"You want me to lie to him?" his mother said, surprised by his answer.
"Tell him I'm asleep," Riven repeated, this time a little colder. "I'm not in the mood to talk to anybody."
Rosie stared at her son as he placed the ear buds back in. She hesitated a moment before finally leaving him alone.
* * * * * *
{1x17. Up on Melancholy Hills}
Written by AC
* * * * * *
Riven drove down the street early the next morning. The brightness was just too much for him to bear so he wore his favorite sunglasses. There was something about sunglasses that just brought a blanket of security to him whenever he wanted to shut the world out. No one would have to see his eyes and he could refrain from making eye contact with anyone.
At school he did his best to avoid everyone – especially CL; however, that proved to be impossible as they had the same lunch period.
"Hey," CL said to him outside the cafeteria.
"Hi," Riven muttered offering a small smile.
"I've missed you," CL told him as he kissed his cheek softly. When Riven didn't respond CL crossed his arms feeling insecure. "Riven have I done something to upset you?"
"No."
Silence.
"What's wrong?" CL asked him gently, "Something is bothering you ... I know there is."
"Look, I don't want to talk about it," Riven said to him coldly. He quickly softened his tone when he saw the hurt in CL's eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Riven are you tired of me?"
"What? No, don't be ridiculous."
"Then what is it?" CL asked him, becoming more upset. "I call and call and you never answer or return my calls. I've left messages with your mother and you ignore them. Even right now, I can tell you just want to be left alone."
"I do," Riven answered quietly, not looking at CL.
"Why, though?"
Riven took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He really wasn't in the mood to talk about what he was feeling but not doing so would only upset CL more. He took out his sunglasses and put them on.
"Let's go outside, I need some air."
CL nodded and followed Riven outside to the courtyard where they sat under a large tree.
"So what is it?" CL asked him, sitting so close to him their shoulders were pressed up against each other. There was another long moment of silence before Riven mustered up the energy to speak.
"I've been very depressed lately," Riven finally told him and looked away to not see CL's face.
"Oh Riven," CL said softly and held his hand. "Is it because something's bothering you?"
"I don't really want to talk about it, CL."
CL stared at Riven, wishing he would just open up. Trying to stifle the frustration quickly building up inside him, CL cuddled up against him and laid his head on Riven's shoulder.
"Ok. I wish you wouldn't push me away, though."
Riven shrugged.
"Don't you trust me?"
More silence.
CL sat up and looked at him. Riven shifted his eyes to see CL was hurt but kept his head angled in a way that it seemed like he wasn't looking at him.
"Wow ..." CL shook his head. "After everything we've been through?"
"What do you want me to say?" Riven muttered, "I'm just tired."
He really didn't want to talk. He wished they could just sit there in silence. Why couldn't that be enough for CL?
"I trust you completely and don't have a problem coming to you if I ever need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to be there for me, why can't you do the same with me? You really don't trust me that much?"
"It's not like that, shut up," Riven groaned. "Can't you just be here for me? Do we have to talk about every goddamn thing? Stop being such a girl."
CL only stared at him. Riven could see tears glistening in CL's eyes but before they could break and start running down his cheeks, CL stood and simply walked away. Riven thought about going after him but he just didn't have the energy to deal with anybody.
* * *
After school Olivia and Darcy walked through the mall holding a few shopping bags. It'd been a few days since Olivia's friend Lisa had come to town. Since Lisa had confessed her love and desire to be with her, Olivia had tried her best to put distance between the two. That plan failed when Lisa just wouldn't stay away. She even started to befriend Darcy and just the day before had invited the two of them to attend a party she was throwing that upcoming weekend. Olivia agreed to go mainly out of fear of upsetting Lisa. Even though Lisa assured her she wasn't there to cause trouble, Olivia couldn't risk offending her.
"You think the outfit I bought is cute?" Darcy asked her.
"It's hot," Olivia smiled and grabbed her hand as they continued to walk.
"I just hope the party is fun," Darcy said and then thought hard before continuing to speak. "She sure is nice, isn't she?"
"Lisa? Yeah, she's cool."
"Too cool."
Olivia glanced over at Darcy, "That doesn't sound like you mean it."
"I just think it's weird that she's hanging out with us so much," Darcy shrugged. "Isn't she here to enjoy the beaches and the sunny weather for a few days? Yet she's spent more time with us than she has with her own family."
"She just wants to reconnect with an old friend. Either way, it's only for a few more days and then she'll be gone. She won't even be here for when our summer vacation actually starts," Olivia lied. She was well aware that Lisa was planning to stay for the entire summer – she told her herself – but Olivia was going to try as hard as she could to convince Lisa to just go on with her original plans and leave for Greece.
As the girls turned a corner, they spotted Lisa on the other end of the mall. Before Darcy could suggest they turn back around, Lisa had already seen them and was on her way over to them.
"Ah, too late," Darcy smirked to hide her annoyance.
"Be nice," Olivia whispered.
"Hi!" Lisa exclaimed happily and hugged them both.
"Hi."
"Hey there, Lisa," Darcy said with a fake smile.
"You girls excited for the party this Saturday?"
"We're thrilled," Darcy answered before Olivia could respond.
"Remember it's in ballroom 2 at the hotel I'm staying at," Lisa grinned. "Oh Miami is wonderful. I'm really glad I convinced my parents to stay for the entire summer."
Olivia's smile quickly fell. Suspicion filled Darcy's eyes.
"I thought you were only here for a few days," Darcy told her, her eyes quickly looking over to Olivia.
"Oh not anymore, I convinced my mom and dad to stay a few days ago. Didn't Olivia tell you?"
Darcy's eyes widened and she turned to Olivia, who only laughed nervously.
"No, Olivia didn't mention that to me."
"Oh," Lisa looked at Olivia with surprise.
"Guess I forgot," Olivia shrugged it off, now giggling uncomfortably.
"Either way, this summer is going to be fun," Lisa smirked. "I can't wait for school to be finished for you both. How long do you have?"
"A week," Darcy answered dryly.
"We better get going," Olivia told Lisa. "It was nice running into you."
"Ok, see you soon," Lisa waved and watched them walk away.
* * *
That evening at the Valmont house CL went over to Darren's room where he was typing away at his desk. CL knocked on the open door and leaned against it. Darren turned around and noticed the sad look on his face.
"Hey cuzzo, why the long face?"
"You busy?"
"Just finishing my last paper for English but it's ok, I need a break."
"I'm sorry, I know you're busy with finals but I just needed to talk to someone," CL said as he went over to Darren's bed and sat.
"Everything alright?"
"No," CL sighed, "It's Riven. I'm worried about him."
"What's up?"
"He just seems to be getting worse."
"His depression," Darren nodded, understanding. CL rubbed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his lap.
"He's been feeling sick lately, always with headaches, moody ... and doesn't even want to talk," CL explained with tears in his eyes. "He's been so distant. I've been dealing with it the best I can, trying to get him to talk to me, but it's like pulling teeth. He's so withdrawn and I thought I was like different to him and that he would open up to me after we've been together for as long as we have – he doesn't though."
Darren frowned and went to sit next to his cousin. "Cuzzo ... with that disorder there is nothing one can do. No matter what anyone does ... they will perpetually feel indifferent or withdrawn."
"And earlier today ... he was so cold towards me," CL shook his head as he wiped away at a falling tear.
"Well did it occur to you that he probably didn't mean to come off that way?" Darren asked. "Maybe he's just frustrated. After I found out about his depression I did a little reading and learned that sometimes people with major depressive disorder just don't have any other way to express themselves hence Riven's quietness when you guys hang out."
"But he was so loving before and lately he just doesn't show it. He's cold and unresponsive and just doesn't engage," CL buried his face in his hands. Darren rubbed his back soothingly. "I thought I was special to him."
"You are," Darren said to him. "And even though you are special to him there's a possibility that his body just doesn't allow him to be what you or anyone else want right now."
"I guess that does make sense," CL looked up at his cousin.
"Listen," Darren said softly, "Be there for him when you can, but don't get drawn into it."
"How can I not?" CL asked, "I love him."
"Depression is one hell of a rollercoaster ride," Darren told him, "One day he could be open and social and act like it's all fine... but then there are some days where he'll behave as if you weren't in the same room. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or that he's stopped loving you."
CL wiped away more tears and smiled, "Thanks Darren."
"I don't want to see you all sad and stuff," Darren nudged him.
"I feel much better now that I've talk to you," CL gave him a weak smile.
"Good, then I've done my job as the greatest cousin in the world," Darren joked and pat CL on the back. CL grinned and watched his cousin go back to his desk.
"I'm glad you moved in with us," CL said to him. Darren turned around on his chair.
"I am too, cuzzo."
CL smiled and left him alone.
* * *
The next few days were hard for CL since he noticed Riven skipping classes – something he had stopped doing since they both started dating – he heard from several classmates that Riven was talking back to the teachers and even getting detention. CL tried to talk to him several times but he simply apologized and asked for some space.
"Alright but when you do feel like talking I'll be here for you," CL told him. "Call me any time during the day or night, it doesn't really matter."
Riven nodded, "Thanks," and went on his way.
That was Thursday.
On Friday CL didn't see or hear from Riven at all. Saturday was the same thing. Beginning to feel that old frustration building up and not being able to do anything about it, he became a total jerk with everyone he came across with; his parents, Elis and Darcy, and even Darren all got a taste of CL's wrath.
By Saturday night CL figured it was best to do whatever it took to keep his mind off Riven, and since he had already brushed through his entire pile of homework he agreed to go with Darcy, Olivia, and Elis to the party that Olivia's friend was hosting at the Biltmore hotel.
A party – ironic considering the last thing on CL's mind was fun and festivities when he felt like total crap.
The four arrived at the hotel and entered the ballroom Lisa's parents had reserved for the event. Darcy nodded in approval and whistled, "They clearly have loads of money to be hosting such a lavish get together."
"How is it that there's so many people at this party when this girl is supposedly only visiting Miami?" CL asked looking around with bewilderment.
"She must be popular so she's automatically alright in my book," Elis laughed and took a glass of champagne from a passing server.
"Underage drinking for the win," Darcy joked and grabbed a hold of Olivia's arm. "You ok? You seem ... odd."
"I'm fine," Olivia forced a smile. For Olivia this night couldn't end any faster. She wanted to take Darcy out of there and away from Lisa as far as possible. If Darcy found out about her past with Lisa she would probably never forgive her. It was a miracle Darcy had already stopped fussing over the fact that she didn't tell her that Lisa had decided to stay in Miami for the summer.
"CL would you please smile?" Elis's loud voice shook Olivia from her thoughts.
"Elis I'm hurt," CL said with exasperation, "I'm sorry if I'm not in the mood to party."
"Look I get that you're worried but stop fretting over a guy that hasn't even bothered to call you to assure you that he's fine!" Elis told him.
"Elis is right," Darcy quipped, "Just try to have some fun."
"You guys don't understand the situation at all," CL snapped and crossed his arms.
"Jeez, we're sorry for trying to cheer you up," Elis raised a hand and took a sip of his champagne.
"Well, you guys sure have a terrible way of helping," CL said before he groaned, "I'm sorry; I'm just really stressed out."
"Perhaps a little bubbly will help ease the pain," Elis smirked and grabbed CL's hand. He turned to Darcy and Olivia, "We'll catch you girls in a bit, it's my duty as a friend to get plastered with my buddy CL tonight."
"Yeah, right," CL scoffed. "You're driving, remember?"
"He's getting drunk," Elis mouthed at them as he pulled CL away to find the server with all the champagne. Darcy and Olivia laughed.
* * *
Upstairs in their suite, Lisa finished fixing her hair.
"Mom I'm going downstairs, Olivia already texted me to tell me she's here!"
"Wait," Lisa's mom appeared holding a small bottle. Lisa turned around and saw the smile on her mother's face.
"What are you smirking about?"
"I came up with the perfect solution to buy you time with Olivia," her mother said excitedly. She held up a bottle of pills. "Slip two of these into Darcy's drink."
Lisa's eyes widened, "Mom... mom you're insane. My God, I'm not going to poison Darcy."
"What? Look-"
"I am not so desperate to get with Olivia to go as far as killing someone. Who are you?"
"Would you listen?" Her mother said, rolling her eyes and grabbing her daughter's hand. "I'm not suggesting you poison the little lesbian. Goodness what kind of mother do you think I am?"
"After this? A psychotic one, for starters."
"Oh would you shush? Look, these aren't to kill Darcy," her mother laughed at the idea, "You watch too much TV, darling. Anyway, these are my sleeping pills. You dose her drink with two of these babies and she'll be out like a light in minutes."
"Sleeping pills?"
Her mother nodded, "Yes. Look, all is fair in love and war, I've told you this many, many times. This is the only way to get you to spend a few hours alone with Olivia. Once Darcy starts feeling the effects, just bring her up here and she can sleep like a baby."
"And I'll have the path free and clear to spend time with Olivia," Lisa said, finding the idea brilliant. Surely, this wouldn't have been the way she had hoped to win time with Olivia, but what other options did she have? Darcy was always with her! "Mom you're a genius."
"I know," she answered. "Now come on, let's go downstairs. I need to make sure your father is staying away from the greasy food."
* * *
Riven drove down the streets, music blasting, the windows down and the warm night breeze filling the car. On any other night this always put Riven in a better mood whenever he felt down. Now it was different.
He felt it.
Something had been changing in him and he knew it had to be his current medication. Somehow they must have stopped working or something, Riven wasn't sure. He couldn't remember when the last time was he felt this deep inside the darkness.
An abyss.
Alone in empty space – complete darkness.
His temples felt heavy, his eyes stung, and his stomach felt extra sensitive. Riven suddenly had to stop driving.
Only a bit further. A little bit more and he would reach his destination.
Riven stepped on the gas and saw the upcoming familiar turn. The anxiety was becoming too much. He felt himself panicking and gasping for air. Just when it was becoming too much to handle, he finally got to where he wanted to and stopped the car. He swung open the door and jumped out, inhaling the warm air. Riven looked around. Complete darkness. Just a little to his right he could see the forest.
His and CL's forest, the one that led to their hill overlooking the ocean.
Riven leaned inside his car and turned it off. He slammed the door shut and started trudging into the forest.
* * *
Back at the hotel, Lisa had excused herself from Olivia and Darcy to go get them more drinks. Making sure that no one saw, Lisa quickly opened her handbag and cracked open two of her mother's sleeping pills. She poured the content inside Darcy's glass of punch and stirred it with her finger. When she turned around she caught a glimpse of her mother, who winked and gave her a thumbs up. Lisa looked away and went back to the girls.
"Here you go," Lisa grinned, giving each girl their drink.
"This party is amazing," Darcy told her, taking a long sip from her juice.
"Thanks," Lisa grinned.
"The punch, however," Darcy coughed and laughed, "is a little suspect."
"Oh," Lisa said with a little worry, "You want me to get you something else?"
"Nah, it's fine," Darcy smiled and kept drinking.
"How do you know all these people?" Olivia asked her.
Lisa laughed, "Oh some are old acquaintances of mine. The majority are friends of my mom and dad. When my mom told me I could have a party I should have known it was for them to have another excuse to invite some of my father's business partners and their family. Always networking that father of mine."
The girls kept making small talk, mainly discussing their plans for the summer. Lisa was disappointed to hear Darcy say she and Olivia were planning a long road trip. After a good twenty minutes or so the pills were finally starting to take effect on Darcy.
"You ok sweetie? You haven't stopped yawning," Olivia asked her.
Darcy yawned again, feeling her body becoming sluggish more and more. "I'm ... not sure. I feel weird."
"Are you feeling sick?" Olivia asked with concern.
"Not really, more like... sleepy."
"Ooh, is the party that boring?" Lisa asked making a face. "I'm so sorry."
"No, no," Darcy shook her head. She brought a hand up to her eyes and rubbed them. "I must've had a longer day than I thought, is all." She turned to Olivia. "I'm really sleepy."
"Well don't worry we'll get our stuff and go home," Olivia nodded. Lisa quickly panicked and stepped forward.
"No need for that! She can go upstairs," Lisa blurted out. Both girls turned to give her a weird look.
"I think it's better if I take her home, Lisa," Olivia said to her and wrapped her arm around Darcy's waist.
"Oh please don't go," Lisa begged them, "If you leave I'm going to be very bored. This party looks like it's going to go on forever and I mainly agreed to have it so I can spend time with you both. I want us three to become best friends."
Olivia glared at Lisa, wondering what she was up to. This all seemed a little too weird.
"Darcy you can go upstairs to my room and take a short nap, that's all you need," Lisa smiled sweetly. "You'll be good as new before you know it."
"I guess I could take a twenty-minute power nap," Darcy yawned and turned to Olivia. "I don't want you to have to leave on my account."
"It really isn't a problem sweetheart," Olivia said to her, wishing she would just agree to let her take her home.
"Then it's settled!" Lisa grinned and pulled Darcy away from Olivia. "I'll go take Darcy up to my room so she can nap and when she's done she'll rejoin us."
Darcy yawned again. "Ok, I really need to get to a bed or I'm just going to drop to the floor and sleep."
Lisa laughed led Darcy away. Olivia watched them still feeling uncomfortable.
* * *
Across the room CL finished his second glass of champagne. Elis snickered.
"See? You're having a wonderful time, and you have me to thank for that!"
"I don't know about having a good time," CL sighed, "but the champagne has definitely taken the edge off a bit."
Elis nodded, "You're welcome. It's better than nothing. Tomorrow is going to be a bitch though if you keep drinking."
"Don't worry, I'm not," CL winced, "Remember we left your car at Olivia's place. You're driving tonight so no more champagne ... for either one of us."
Elis howled in laughter. "You're such a dork! Okay, we'll stop after one more."
"Elis ..."
"Come on!"
CL sighed before grinning, "Fine but then we're done, ok? How long do you think before the servers realize they've been giving champagne to a set of underage kids?"
Elis shook his head as he finished his champagne, "They don't care in these big events hosted by rich people. And that Lisa chick's parents are obviously rich if they're throwing a party and staying at the Biltmore hotel. Come on, let's get our last glass and really enjoy it. This is why I hate driving to parties."
* * *
"So, we're alone," Lisa said as she and Olivia walked outside the hotel's courtyard. The night was quiet and still. Not a single leaf on the trees was moving. Olivia looked away, focusing more on the long narrow pond that was in the middle of the courtyard and the sounds from the crickets.
"You sure you don't mind Darcy sleeping in your room for a bit?"
"Not at all," Lisa smiled at her. "Besides ... I'm kind of glad that we get to spend some time alone. We really haven't had the opportunity to since I came to Miami."
"Because I have a girlfriend," Olivia reminded her and stopped walking to face her.
Lisa looked down, frowning. "I know."
"I'm sorry Lisa," Olivia said to her. "But I'm in love with her. You and I shared a wonderful summer together but that was a very long time ago."
"And yet it feels like it was only yesterday to me," Lisa whispered and looked back up at Olivia. "I've been with other girls since then, yes, but none of them have come close to what you are, Olivia. You're special to me. We really bonded."
Olivia took a deep breath and hoped she wouldn't hurt Lisa too much with what she was about to say.
"Lisa, that's in the past. I've moved on and all that was, to me, was a fun summer. We experimented on each other, had a good time, and then we went our separate ways."
"We stayed in touch though," Lisa said, "We emailed each other every week after that summer."
"Yeah, for like a month or two," Olivia told her softly, trying not to be more of a bitch than she was already forced to be. How else would she make Lisa see and convince her to leave Miami?
"Yes, a month or two," Lisa's voice became sad, "You suddenly became busy."
"I'm sorry," Olivia took her hands in hers. "You're a terrific girl and you'll have no problem finding someone else. Someone that's available."
"I guess it was stupid of me to try and stay in Miami to fight for you, huh?"
"I'm afraid it wouldn't have been much of a fight, Lisa. I'm completely devoted to Darcy."
Lisa nodded, understanding.
"She's very lucky to have you, Olivia. I hope she sees it."
"She does."
Olivia started to let go of Lisa's hands but accidently knocked Lisa's handbag to the floor. Lisa's heart skipped a beat when she saw her mother's bottle of sleeping pills roll right out. She was about to reach for her stuff but Olivia was too quick and was already picking the content of Lisa's handbag up from the ground. A cold wave ran down Olivia's back when she saw the bottle and what the pills are.
"Olivia, I can explain!"
"You drugged her? Oh my God, you did, didn't you?"
Lisa tried to speak but Olivia wouldn't let her. Olivia's face was red with anger.
"This was your plan all along, to get me by myself no matter what," Olivia's voice grew louder. "You drugged my girlfriend!"
"Olivia please, lower you voice!" Lisa begged, "It was a stupid idea. Don't worry, they're just sleeping pills. I just wanted some time with you and now that you've made it clear that you want nothing to do with me I'm going to back off."
"I don't want anything to do with you, especially after this!" Olivia snapped and threw the bottle of pills at her. She grabbed Lisa's room keycard and dropped her handbag back down onto the floor. Olivia stormed right past Lisa and headed towards the hotel.
Inside, Olivia gathered CL and Elis and asked for their help. As they ran after Olivia towards the elevators, they tried to get her to talk.
"Lisa put sleeping pills in Darcy's drink," Olivia muttered when they were inside the elevator. Her hands were trembling so hard CL had to push the button to go up to the floor where Darcy was at.
"She's insane, why would she do that?" Elis asked.
"She said she did it to get more time with me," Olivia shook her head angrily. The elevator doors opened and she darted out into the corridor, heading towards Lisa's room. Olivia threw open the doors to the room and the three went inside.
Darcy was in a deep slumber and it took a while for them to wake her up. When she finally opened her eyes she was disoriented and confused.
"Where am I?" she said, groggy.
"Let's go home babe, I'll explain later," Olivia said to her. Tears stung her eyes and guilt was eating at her for having put Darcy in this situation. If she had only blown off Lisa from the beginning they would have saved themselves all of this. As Elis helped Olivia walk Darcy out of the room, Lisa showed up with tears running down her face.
"I'm so sorry Olivia, I didn't mean to go this far, I didn't!"
"You need to back off," CL blocked Lisa from getting close to Olivia and Darcy. Lisa stopped dead in her tracks and watched them leave the hotel room. When she was alone Lisa shook her head and sat at her bed sobbing.
Outside Darcy struggled to walk. Still feeling confused and extremely tired, she couldn't help but put all her weight on her friends as Olivia and Elis walked her each with one of her arms around their shoulders.
They stepped out of the elevator and walked across the lobby. Guests were giving them looks. Surely they must have thought that Darcy was completely drunk or on some drugs or something. CL and Elis helped the girls to the car and Elis offered to drive when he saw how upset Olivia was.
"Should we take her to the hospital?" Elis asked.
"Hospital? No way," Darcy muttered and yawned. "I feel fine, just very ... super, super sleepy. What's ... what's wrong ... with you guys?"
Elis looked at Olivia.
"Just take me home, the milligrams on the pills weren't so high, I think she'll just need to sleep it off."
Elis nodded and started up the car. They dropped Olivia off at her house with her car. After helping Darcy onto Olivia's bed, Olivia walked both boys out to Elis's car.
"You sure you're going to be ok?" CL asked Olivia.
"Positive, thanks you guys."
"Call us if anything," Elis told her as he walked towards his car.
"I will. Thanks a lot you guys," Olivia sighed with relief. She watched them get into Elis's car before going back inside and shutting the door. She was thankful she had found out what Lisa had done and especially thankful that CL and Elis had been there to help with Darcy.
* * *
After Elis dropped CL off at his home, he was thankful the buzz from the champagne had worn off. He went upstairs and went straight to bed and into a dreamless sleep. Early the next morning he woke up to his cell phone ringing. He reached towards his night stand for his phone and became nervous when he saw it was Riven's mother calling.
"CL, oh I'm sorry if I woke you."
"Rosie, it's ok, is ... is everything alright?" CL asked rubbing his eyes and catching a glimpse at his clock. It was eight forty in the morning.
"No, I'm scared to death CL," Rosie cried into the phone, "Riven didn't come home last night."
"W-what, wait, what do you mean he didn't come home last night?" CL asked jumping out of bed. He was fully awake now.
"He went out and never came home," Rosie repeated, "I've been so worried about him, CL. He's been very depressed and acting the way he used to act before he got on meds."
"And you have no idea where he might be?" CL choked out. It was getting more difficult to breathe as the seconds passed.
"No, no idea," Rosie cried. "I've called his phone and he has it turned off. I thought maybe you would know where he might be."
"I don't know where he ..." CL stopped himself. "Actually Rosie ... I might know. I'll call you in an hour."
"Please do!" Riven's mother exclaimed, "I've been worried sick! I'm scared he might ..."
"Don't say it," CL cut her off. "Don't even think about it."
CL hung up and quickly changed into a black shirt and jeans. He slipped on his converse and left the house, not bothering to comb his hair or eat breakfast. If he knew Riven at all he would be up on their hill. After all, it was the one place they both went to when they wanted to escape from the rest of the world.
CL took his parents' car and drove as fast as he could, hoping he wouldn't get a speeding ticket. His heart was racing and panic filled his chest at the thought of Riven being by himself up on that hill during one of his battles with his depression. Both relief and terror shot up through CL's body when he saw Riven's car parked on the side of the road. CL quickly parked the car behind Riven's and ran into the forest, deathly afraid of what he might find.
CL ran and ran through the forest, through the familiar path he had come to know so well since the first day Riven had taken him up to his hill overlooking the ocean for the very first time.
Their hill.
CL felt the tears falling down his cheeks but he didn't bother to wipe them away. He just wanted to reach Riven, be with him, hug him, kiss him and know that he was ok.
Oh God please let him be ok, CL thought as he ran. A few sobs escaped his throat when he reached the end of the forest and was standing outside on the hill.
There was Riven, sitting by himself, knees up and his ear buds in his ears. His arms were rested on his knees as he stared out towards the ocean. The salty sea breeze filled the cool morning air. CL walks over to Riven and sat down next to him. Riven turned and they looked at each other. He pulled his ear buds out and scooted closer to CL.
"Hey," CL said to him quietly.
"Hey," Riven answered with a hoarse voice. It was clear to CL that Riven had been crying for hours. His eyes were puffy and red. He looked so restless and emotionally drained. This broke CL's heart. He just wanted to wrap his arms around him and take away all the sadness from Riven's life.
"Your mom's been worried about you."
"I'll call her in a bit."
"I've been worried."
Riven frowned, "I'm sorry, CL. I've just wanted to keep you from all of this."
"All of what?" CL asked him, lacing his fingers through his on the grass. Riven laced his fingers through his in response. "Riven I don't want you to keep me away from anything. Not when it comes to you. I hate that you choose to go through all this on your own. Ok ... I get it now that you don't always want to talk, but let me be with you. I want to be by your side in your darkest moments."
"You're too good to me," Riven muttered. "You're amazing."
"I just want you to realize that you aren't alone anymore," CL said to him. "Riven we're a team now – no matter what. Remember?"
"But I'm broken," Riven shook his head, looking away to the sea. "There's no fixing me."
"You are not broken," CL said to him and then hesitated to ask him the next question. "Have you been taking your medication?"
Riven nodded, "I figured they're not working anymore, though. Called and set an appointment for tomorrow to see my doctor. She had to squeeze me in as an emergency."
"As an emergency?" CL repeated the words, his heart sinking. "Riven I've been so scared that you ..."
Riven glanced over at him when CL didn't finish his sentence.
"That I what?"
"That you might ... do something to yourself," CL said and broke down. Riven wrapped his arms around him. "Riven I don't know what I'd do if something happen to you."
"I'm not going to do anything stupid," Riven swore. "I wouldn't do that now that I've met you. Not going to lie I've thought about it before we met ... but it's not something I'd ever do now. I could never put you through that – especially with what you went through with Pedro this year."
CL looked up at him, feeling relieved. Up until now he was terrified that he might walk in on Riven's lifeless body. He didn't think he could stand having someone else in his life kill themselves like Pedro did.
"I just want you to be happy. I want you to get better. Promise me you won't push me away, even if you think it's for my own good. None of this is a burden on me, Riven. It only becomes a burden when you don't let me in."
Riven took this in and nodded, kissing CL's forehead. "I promise."
"I love you."
"I love you too," Riven smirked.
"And I'm going with you to the doctors," CL said to him.
Riven sighed, not liking the idea but he decided not to argue. "If it will make you feel better."
CL smiled, "It will. I promise I won't be pushy or anything either, I know how much you wouldn't like me breathing down your neck either. I just want to be one more support for you aside from your mom. You will get better."
"I hope so."
"You will," CL promised him. "Now let's try our best to make it till your doctor's appointment tomorrow. The last week of school is upon us."
Riven sighed, looking out towards the horizon. "That is a huge relief. I could definitely use the summer break. Maybe things will start to look up."
"That's the attitude," CL grinned and gently pushed Riven's head to face his. CL leaned in and kissed him.
* * * * * *
"LIFE OF YOUTH"
Written By
A.C.