Remus couldn't wipe his goofy grin from his face as he walked through the Hogsmeade village alongside Diana, who had been grumbling moodily to herself for the past few minutes.
Remus had brought his backpack with himself and carried it over his shoulder. It was empty of books, but it contained his wallet, a camera, and the Marauder's Map which he had managed to sneak out of their dorm without James or the others noticing.
"So where are we going?" Diana said gloomily, trying to catch up with Remus's cheerful pace.
"Only the most romantic place that has ever existed," Remus said mockingly, grinning at her sideways.
Diana came to a halt and stopped walking, realizing where he had in mind. "No. Absolutely not." She gave a firm shake of her head.
"You lost the bet. You don't have a choice," said Remus as he smiled in glee, before walking onward with his hands in the pockets of his oversized jacket.
Groaning to herself, Diana followed after him, looking sickened as she saw that he was leading her up the side walk and toward Madam Puddifoot's small tea shop.
"I think I'm gonna puke," Diana mumbled to herself the moment Remus opened the door to the tea shop and they stepped inside.
The walls were all covered with large, lurid pink flowers, and heart-shaped confetti hung from the ceiling with strings. The tea shop was a cramped, steamy little place where everything was decorated with frills or bows.
"Ah, isn't it wonderful?" Remus said with mock-excitement, looking around. "I think we should sit there." He pointed at a table right next to a couple who were busy snogging.
"Ugh..." Diana grimaced in disgust, but she said nothing else as Remus led her toward the small round table and they sat down opposite from each.
"This is a nightmare," Diana said in a hollow voice when she found the place crowded with cheesy couples, holding hands or kissing.
"Good!" Remus nodded in satisfaction before gesturing the woman over who was in charge of taking the orders.
"What can I get you, m'dears?" It was Madam Puddifoot. She was a very stout woman with a shiny black bun and was wearing a pink apron.
"Hello," Remus greeted her with a bright smile. "Um, I was wondering... do you have any pink or red drinks?"
Diana glared at Remus's smiley face, who was trying very hard not to snort with laughter.
"Well, we have Pink Lady Punch and Raspberry Lemonade Fizz," said Madam Puddifoot. "The first one is pink, the latter red. Both are very pretty and delicious drinks."
"Which one would you say is fancier?" Remus inquired with genuine interest, making Diana want to punch him in the face.
"I would say the Raspberry Lemonade Fizz," she replied.
"Great! Then two of that one, please."
"Coming right up," said Madam Puddifoot as she turned to leave, but Remus stopped her when he called after her again.
"Oh, and one more thing," he said solemnly, catching her attention, "is there a chance you can put little pink umbrellas in them? If they're glittery, then even better."
The woman giggled. "Very well."
Diana crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back against her chair, still glaring at Remus even after Madam Puddifoot had gone.
"Very funny," she said flatly, glaring daggers at him.
Remus kept on smiling. "I'm glad you find it funny."
"Is that all you've got?" Diana raised a stubborn brow at him. "This is not that horrible. I mean, sure, this place makes me want to puke and the pink drinks are cheesy. But you've got to do a lot more than that to make this the worst day of my life."
Remus opened his mouth to respond back with a witty comment, but he closed it again when the tea shop's door opened and the bell above it rang, catching his attention.
Remus smiled in mock-sweetness, looking down at his watch. "Ah, right on time. Perfect."
Confused, Diana turned on her seat to look behind her shoulder and see who had entered the shop, but her jaw nearly dropped and her eyes widened at the sight.
An ugly-looking dwarf with a beard had marched into the shop, wearing nothing but golden wings and carrying harps, his upper body completely naked.
"If it isn't cupid himself!" Remus gasped mockingly, as though shocked my the entrance of the sour-looking dwarf.
"Diana Greengrass!" the dwarf called loudly, looking around the shop with thick furrowed brows. "Diana Greengrass!"
Everyone around the shop turned to look at the dwarf curiously, but Diana birskly looked away from him in horror.
"Oh, no... please no..." she started whispering to herself, panicking.
"Who is Diana Greengrass!?" the dwarf cried out, this time louder. "I've got a message delivery for Diana Greengrass!"
"I can't be completely sure, but I think that's your name," Remus leaned forward in his seat and whispered to Diana, who had hidden her face in her palms and wanted to melt into the ground.
"DIANA GREENGRASS!"
"She's here!" Remus finally called out to the dwarf loudly, pointing at Diana.
"I'll murder you, Lupin," Diana whispered darkly to him as the dwarf looked over at the table, but Remus didn't seem bothered in the slightest.
The ugly dwarf walked toward their table, stumbling on his short and hairy legs until he finally reached where Diana sat.
"I have a poem delivery for you," the dwarf growled in his deep and harsh tone, before digging into the fanny pack around his fat waist and taking out a pink envelope.
Everyone was now looking at their way, sniggering to themselves as they watched and pointed. Diana wished the earth would split apart and swallow her in this second. But there was no escaping this as she sat there on the chair, waiting for the worst.
The dwarf then cleared his throat and read the poem in a harsh tone:
Your eyes are like a blackhole
Your brain is equivalent to a troll
Kinda groovy like a scary ghost,
and a marshmallow that's about to roast
So crazy that you make a unicorn lose its horn
Just like a wildflower with thorn
"Please stop," Diana implored miserably as everyone began to laugh, but the dwarf wasn't even halfway done. He kept on reading the rest of the embarrassing poem to her, loud enough for everyone in the shop to hear.
Remus was grinning so broadly that his mouth was starting to hurt as he tried to hold back his laughter. He covered his mouth with his hand to hide his sniggering while watching Diana's expression as the dwarf read the rest of the rubbish and nonsense poem.
Near the end of the poem, Remus couldn't help but to laugh as he dug into his bag and took out his camera, taking a picture of Diana as she banged her head against the table, with the ugly dwarf right beside her.
By the time the poem finally came to an end, Diana and Remus were both red in the face with; one from embarrassment, the other from laughing so hard.
Remus held onto his stomach from pain and he roared in laughter along with the rest of the people in the shop, tears forming in his eyes.
"All right. The end," the dwarf grunted, handing the pink envelope to Diana. "That would be two Galleons."
"What?" Diana exclaimed. "I have to pay you?"
"The person who sent me the letter with owl said Diana Greengrass will take care of the payment after delivery," he said, raising his hand. "It would be two Galleons."
Diana turned to glare at Remus, who was still sniggering.
"What?" He threw his hands up defensively, acting oblivious. "I wasn't the one who sent it."
"Yeah, right," Diana said in disbelief before rolling her eyes and taking two Galleons out of her trousers' pocket, handing them to the dwarf. Without another word, he turned around and left the shop with everyone's eyes still on Diana.
Diana turned to give Remus a deadly look.
"Don't look at me that way! Like I said, I wasn't the one who sent it!" He shrugged, still laughing. "But it truly was a romantic poem. It must've been from a secret admirer. Or maybe... an arch enemy?"
"Fine, keep laughing," said Diana, folding her arms again. "I hope you'll still find it funny when you end up in hell."
"I'm pretty sure I will," Remus chuckled.
But despite the grumply look on her face, Diana was secretly holding back her laughter, which finally broke free and so she laughed along with him.