•Chapter Warnings: Death•
A sharp gasp rips from my lips when something heavy and ice cold hits my body. I jolt up from the ground, feeling my hair stick to my face and solid stone underneath my palms. A strangled breath escapes me as my body begins to tremble. The thick material of my suit sticks to me, making every part of my body freeze. It feels heavy, gross, somehow suffocating as it suctions to every crevice on my body. I wipe the water from my eyes and try to lift myself off the ground with shaking arms.
"So glad you're awake." A man's voice says, startling me. I lean on my elbows, body still lying flat on the stone ground and look up to the man.
I glare at him, keeping my mouth shut. I eye the uniform he's wearing, there's nothing identifiable about it. Its a black jumpsuit with black heavy boots. I flinch away when he sets down the large bucket used to throw water on me.
"I'm sure you're feeling very...betrayed as of now," the accent is plaguing his voice, the voice I thought I knew.
"What do you want?" I spit out, feeling the hoarseness in my throat.
He chuckles as he leans down onto his knees, avoiding the water soaking into the stone. "You already know what we want, Nadya."
I shake my head frantically. "No-no, I don't. I-" I stop, suddenly remembering that night in the woods, the men, the guns, their demand. "No," I retort, my voice shaking through my tremors.
"Have you gone soft for the man who killed your family?" He tilts his head at me and I grit my teeth together.
"I thought HYDRA was taken care of," I remark in a snide voice despite my fear. "Wasn't it Steve Rogers who finished the job?" I grunt when a slap is administered, whipping my face to the side, making my vision cloud for a moment.
"You're never going to turn him into the Winter Soldier again." I turn back to him and grimace at the redness in his face.
He quickly composes himself, straightening out the sleeve of his jumpsuit and brushing his hair back. "That was not our objective," he says quietly, "Barnes is a loose thread that needs to be tied. A means to an end."
I ignore the rage his statement gives me, the blinding red seeping into my eyes. "You'll never get him," I say with a smirk.
He shakes his head in amusement. "No, but you will." Goosebumps erupt over my entire body at the alternate meaning behind his words.
"No," I breathe, "no, Austin, please." My begging is desperate, pathetic sounding, it echoes off the stone walls and falls back into my ears, mocking me.
He smiles at me again. "My name is not Austin, Nadya," he says casually, "but you will deliver him to us."
"I won't!" I yell, using every ounce of energy left in my body.
He chuckles, a chuckle deep in his chest, like he finds my torture amusing. I cry out when he grips the side of my head, pulling on my hair to force my neck to the side. He pulls me up into a sitting position and I can't even fight back. My body is completely weak as if it's made of straw. My eyes widen when he pulls a large syringe from the pocket on his chest. I whimper, shaking my head frantically trying to get out of his grasp.
"Oh, but you will." He pouts his lip at me as tears roll down my cheeks, desperation filling my chest.
"Why me?" My voice comes out in a pathetic whimper and his grip tightens in my hair.
"You'll find out soon enough," he hisses.
I find myself wishing, hoping, praying that Bucky and Sam will bust through the door at any moment and rip me away from here. That the disk in my neck will magically pop off and I'll be able to get out of here myself.
A silent whimper escapes my open mouth when the needle pierces the side of my neck, emptying whatever was inside of it into my system. My vision begins to blur and my head bobs in his grip. My body feeling like complete dead weight, the only thing holding me up is his palm against my scalp. His hand disappears from my head and I fall back to the ground, landing on my forearm, soaked in the water and dead against the stone.
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I jolt upwards, hands flying to my neck finding nothing but skin. My eyes scan my surroundings and I choke back a sob at the sight of my old bedroom. I pull the many layers of blankets off of my body and see I'm in my normal pajamas, I'm dry. I pad over to the small mirror and notice nothing, no suit, no bruises, no blood.
"Надя!" I gasp when four sharp knocks on the door emit. The door opens inch my inch and my heart beats in my ears making adrenaline flood all the way to my fingers. "Nadya, what's wrong?"
• "Nadya!" •
My lip quivers as my heart drops to my feet. "Mama?" Tears fall down my cheeks at the sight of her face. She's just as beautiful as I remembered, hair the same as mine, a wide welcoming smile. I slowly walk up to her and gasp when she reaches her hand out to touch my arm. "Is that really you?" I ask through my tears.
She smiles through her concerned expression. "Да это я," she chuckles, "did you have a bad dream?" My brows knit together and my eyes narrow as a deep feeling of confusion settles into my head. Making everything fuzzy, including her words. "Тебе приснился плохой сон?" She repeats with an expectant smile on her face.
• "Yes, it's me,""Did you have a bad dream?" •
I fall into her arms, her warm embrace melting my cold heart. "Yes, I think I did," I sob into her shoulder. "I miss you so much, mama."
She stills in my arms. "I know, honey, I know," she breathes as she strokes my hair onto my back.
"I'm so sorry," I weep, feeling my legs shake beneath me.
She shushes me as her hand moves up and down my back, soothing my trembling. "Моя девочка, ты в порядке."
• "My baby girl, you're okay." •
My breathing evens out as I lie on her shoulder, reveling in her warmth, in the light she brings with her. The way she can calm me down with just a few words, the way my chest doesn't feel like it's tied in a knot anymore. "Я люблю тебя, мама," I whisper and a soft smile spreads across my face and my eyes drift shut.
• "I love you, mama," •
She's quiet for a moment and I feel her tense. "Then why did you let him kill us?" My smile dies and my chest ties into a knot again. A sharp breath escapes me as my eyes shoot open.
I pull away from her but she holds onto my arm with a relentless grip, preventing me from moving. "W-what?" I stutter, a deep rooted feeling of fear gripping my body.
Her face has turned angry, hateful even. "Why did you let him kill us?" She asks in a louder voice.
I shake my head, backing away from her and yanking my arm from her grip. "I-I didn't-"
"Why did you let him kill us, Nadya?" She yells and I fall back onto the bed as she backs me into it.
"Mama?" I plead in a hoarse voice, hoping I'm hallucinating and she'll go back to normal.
She tilts her head at me and leans down so she's at eye level with me. "Why, Nadya? How could you let him do this to us?" Her accent is thick, making her words sound that much more evil.
"No!" I protest, tears falling freely down my cheeks now as I begin to hyperventilate. "Please stop!"
"Why did you let him kill me?" She screams, inching closer to my face.
"Mama, I didn't know!" I sob. "Please, stop, пожалуйста, мама."
• "...please, mama." •
"You let him kill Andrei!" Her voice cracks as she begins to shriek in my face.
"No, mama, I didn't!" I sob.
"You let him kill us!" She screams, her voice echoing off the walls, turning sinister. Turning my entire room dark and terrifying. My hands fly to my ears, covering them with all the strength I have. "We're dead, Nadya, and it's all your fault!" I bring my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth, trying to cast out her words.
I know they aren't true. I know they aren't. Her screams are muffled as I shrink deeper into myself, hugging my ears with my palms. "Please, stop," I whimper with my eyes closed, feeling warm tears slide down my cheeks. The screaming stops but I don't dare take my hands away from my ears or open my eyes. For fear that she's still there, waiting for me to fall for her trick, waiting to torture me more.
"Nadya?" A soft voice leaks into my ears and my breathing stops. My body stops rocking and I slowly take my hands away from my ears. I open my eyes slowly and a sob hits my chest, making me clutch my heart.
"Andrei?" I ask in a soft voice, seeing him stand in the corner in his cloud pajamas. I climb off of the bed and walk slowly to him and his big eyes stay on mine the entire time. I kneel in front of him. "Are you okay?" I grab his tiny hand, feeling his warm skin grip my hand.
He nods at me with a smile covering his face. "Can we share blankets tonight?" He whispers like it's a secret.
My lips shake into a smile as I nod at him. "Of course, Andrei."
"Good," he giggles, making me smile at the sound. "Cause I'm cold." I gasp when his appearance changes drastically. The same as that night, the blood dripping from his eyes, the open mouth, his hand now cold as ice in mine.
I shake my head. "No, no, no," I mumble through the agonizing pain hitting me any and everywhere. "Andrei, I'm so sorry." I see the purple finger prints left on his small neck. The way his head is too far to one side, making me stare into his eyes instead. I rub my thumb over the back of his hand, feeling how stiff it is, how lifeless he is.
"You let that man kill me," he says in a small voice. "It hurt really bad." He looks down to his feet and back up at me with tears staining his cheeks.
"I know." I nod my head at him and brush the hair out of his face.
His face remains emotionless. "He's a bad man," he pouts and my eyes narrow at his words. Noticing my silence, he continues, "right, Nadya?"
My lip shakes and I force my eyes back up to his. "Yes, Andrei, he's a very bad man."
"Was I a bad boy? Was that why he hurt me?" My breathing hitches at his question and I purse my lips, forcing back a sob.
"No, no, you're an amazing, sweet boy." I brush my hand against his cheek and struggle to keep the smile on my face at the ice cold skin touching mine. "It should have been me, Andrei. I'm so sorry." With each word said, a hole punches through my heart. The wound I've covered is open, festering with infection.
His eyes fill with tears. "It hurts, Nadya," he cries with his lip quivering.
I suck in a breath. "I know, I know." I pull his frail body to mine, feeling him drop like a doll onto my shoulder and my breath leaves me completely. I try to suck it back in but nothing works, I stroke his back, feeling no warmth, no heartbeat. He's completely still.
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My eyes shoot open at the sharp tapping on the door. I shoot up in the bed, disoriented and confused. I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, seeing clearly that I'm in the Avengers compound, in my bedroom. I let my breath out and brush my hands over my face, it was a nightmare. It had to have been another nightmare.
"Hey, Nadya, can I talk to you?" More knocks at my door.
I climb out of the bed and pull a sweater on over my tank top at the freezing temperature of the room. "Yeah, one sec!" I call back as I pad over to the door. I open it and see Bucky with an open file in his hands.
He snaps the file shut, making me flinch. "Hey," he beams with a wide smile. He leans in and pecks my cheek before walking into my room. My brows knit together at the foreign feeling accumulating in my chest. "I wanted to get your thoughts on this, I wasn't sure whether this should be a mission for all of us or just me." His voice is cloudy, like there's cotton stuffed in my ears.
My hand stays on the doorknob as I stare at the ground, as if trying to read something that isn't there. I jump slightly at an ice cold hand gently caressing my arm.
"Hey, you okay?" His wide blue eyes glow with concern, the corners of his mouth turned down.
I blink a few times and shut the door. "Yeah, I'm fine." I give him a weak smile. "Sorry," I mumble, "what were you saying?" I raise my brows at him, eyeing the folder in his hands. He gives me a lopsided grin as he hands me the file, leaning against my dresser as he does. I take it from him, carefully and begin to read through the mission. "What is this?" I ask when I see my name printed under the category marked 'DANGEROUS'.
"It's the mission." Bucky's voice comes fuzzy into my ears. I shake my head and continue on to the photos. My eyes widen, seeing my old house and the pictures of my mother and brother's body. The last sentence reads;
'Nadya Ivanov. Status: Mission incomplete. Subject missing.'
"Why are you showing me this?" I breathe, identifying this as some kind of HYDRA file. The papers fall from my hands when an ice cold grip surrounds my throat. I grasp the metal fingers around my throat with my own, trying to pry them away to no avail.
I wheeze as I'm lifted up and off the ground, my feet kicking nothing but air. I look into his eyes, the blue eyes were only visible with the mask. "You're my mission," he grits out and I whimper, seeing the old Winter Soldier uniform back on him. The red painted star on his arm, the buckles over his chest, the mask over his mouth.
I suck in the smallest breath possible. "No," I tilt my head a bit and he flies backward into the dresser, knocking it over with his weight and shattering the mirror. He looks back up at me as I try to catch my breath, tears coming to my eyes when he's back to himself again. No more mask, no more star, no more Winter Soldier.
He stands and takes a step toward me. My vision blurs and I see the Winter Soldier again. "No!" I yell and snap my neck to the side, feeling a surge of energy flow through my body, and watch as his does the same. A bone-chilling crunch echoes in my ears as I watch him fall limp to the ground. A breath of relief escaping me at the stillness in the room.
I did it, I finally did it.
I shake my head, frantically and squeeze my eyes shut. I open them again to see his lifeless body still sprawled on the ground. My heart drops past my feet and tears immediately come to my eyes. I dart towards his body, shaking his arms and slapping his stubble covered cheek. "No, no, no, no... Bucky, no, please," I cry as I hold his shoulders. "Please, wake up, Bucky. You can't leave me, please, I'm sorry!" My eyes are clouded with tears but I can feel his body turning to ice, his eyes remain shut and everything feels broken inside of me. Everything feels broken.
I push a slow breath out through my mouth and shake my head. "No," I mumble to myself. "No, you're not dead." He still doesn't move, his eyes don't open. "You can't be dead. You're not!" I punch at his chest, though his heart wasn't the cause of his death. My breathing begins to get shallow as I stare at his motionless body sprawled across the hardwood floor. Grief, anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shame, they all begin speaking to me at once. Creating a dangerous cocktail of emotions.
He's dead. He's dead and it's all my fault.
Tears begin flowing down my face again, but I don't notice them. I flinch at a banging noise, echoing in my ears. I frantically look around the room until I notice it's my own fists banging against the floor, my own sobs shaking the walls. Everything boils over the surface as a scream rips itself from my chest, my forehead hits the ground next to his body and the wretched sound finally stops.
I lie next to him on the ground, taking his hand in mine and ignore the mess I made in the room. The bed is completely torn apart, there's a gaping hole in the drywall, everything in the room is broken. Everything. I let my eyes flutter closed as I hug myself to his body as if that would revive him.
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"Надя!" I jolt up, feeling carpet underneath me instead of hard flooring. I look around in confusion, seeing the string lights, the many blankets, the wood paneled walls. "Nadya, are you alright?"
• "Nadya!" •
My head swings to the door as it creaks open, my eyes wide and alert. Feeling adrenaline flood through me, making me dizzy. "Mama?"
•Comments and feedback are always welcomed! I'd also love it if you'd vote for the chapter:)•
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