~~~Apollos May 21st, 1953
I found myself returning back to Europe more dumbfounded than I thought. This was a bloody mess, from the moment I heard the words leave her lips It showed me how much I did not know. I have to involve myself with my family more. Or maybe this was a secret that I was not supposed to know. For him to have been chosen by her it just bothers me. How one choice could simply have changed the outcome of everything. This existential feeling I don't think it's going to pass for a while.
I watch Richard as he is still asleep, thrown into a coma because of Clovis. As soon as he busts through those windows Richard shielded his brother and other humans. The glass cut through him while an iron rod pierced his lower stomach. I left so quickly that I didn't even bother to check on him, My body was already in shambles and needed to be looked at. It took them 2 hours to reconnect my spine perfectly, It took me 8 hours to become conscious.
It also took a gallon of blood to keep me from going berserk. 'Your body has taken so much damage I'm not even sure how you healed so quickly.' "I entered my limit breaker state," I said to her. 'When we saw you, you were barely conscious,' "I know," 'Yet you still forced yourself to meet Mother,' "Yes, because some asshole named Clovis wanted to make his presence known and I couldn't deny him of that," 'You should have stayed. We could have told more about him,'
I see Kaoru walking towards me, "Kaoru, it's not about staying, it's about the fact that I got my ass handed to me by some asshole who has an infatuation with my mother," 'That asshole is also a royal aristocrat and a noble,' "So, why haven't I heard of him?" 'Why would you know about him, Apollos? You've done everything you can to distance yourself from the family,' "And? You knew how hard it was for me with becoming a vampire," 'Apollos, we're not saying that,' Lucia says, 'We're just saying that you would have known about him at some time or another,'
It's then that I hear another voice, 'You wouldn't have found out about him at all,' I turn and I see Priscilla, 'Clovis hasn't been seen since Mother left almost 40 years ago. Not only that but they've been fabricating Clovis arriving at the meetings for the last 30 years,' 'Priscilla, how do you know all this?' Lucia looked at her. 'I've been keeping tabs on the aristocrats for months. It's not like Mother would have told you all. After the last uprising and thanks to Hans, do you really think she was going to leave any kind chance of betrayal after the first betrayal and after this Hans fiasco?' The problem is why is he keeping it from us?' Kaoru said.
'The same reason you guys were reprimanding him, Kaoru, you guys have been at his side since the very beginning before he turned into a vampire. Lucia, you've been dealing with personal responsibilities both in America and abroad. It's no question as to why you couldn't keep up on the info,' Priscilla said. 'You're right. We shouldn't have just reprimanded him. Everyone moves at their own pace. Apollos has suffered a lot in his lifetime. I'm sorry that was inconsiderate of us,' I wanted to be offended at what they said but they had a modicum of truth coming from them, they knew I didn't want to be a vampire and they knew I didn't want to fight. How many friends did I avoid because I wanted to judge them? Worse yet, how many enemies did I make just by being her son?
'We need to get our checks and balances in order. Apollos, how long are you going to be here?' Priscilla says, looking at me, her eyes focused on me as she folded her arms. 'Apollos, I understand you not wanting to deal with other vampires. I understand you want to distance yourself but at the end of the day, if you want to be here, I need to hear you say you want to be a part of our family. I'll always love you and I have always loved you but I can't pretend that you don't make me feel like you're only with me because we're bonded by blood. I want to actually hear you say that I'm happy to be your sister, I've never heard you say it ever. I want you to be thankful that I'm here. I want you to be happy that you have a family that supports you and is good to you,'
Angelica looks at us as she says, 'I hate to break up your family quarrel but right now, my brother needs your help,' For a moment, I was happy to be rescued from this situation but I could tell Priscilla wasn't gonna let this go and Kaoru seems to have questions too from the way he's looking at me. Lucia was silent as usual and I then ask Angelica, "Do you know any vampires who can heal this wound?" 'We gave him vampire blood when you left but the problem is he's lost too much blood and he doesn't have enough energy to heal,'
I take a look at the hole in his lower body, the wound's been dressed but I saw the problem. It went right through his stomach, I could smell the acid coming from his stomach and it also looks to have hit some of his intestines. "Has he woken up at all?" 'Yeah. When I felt a searing pain in my stomach just moments ago,' "Sorry about that, Richard," 'I know, it's bad,' he says, 'I lived a good life, I just wish I would've killed more vampires,' "Is this how you want to die?" I ask him. 'What are you saying? You're not turning my brother into one of you, things,' 'Things?' Priscilla says.
'Listen, I know you've tried to help us for a while, Prince Apollos but I'm not exposing my brother to vampirism. If we turn into vampires, what's to stop other vampire hunters from doing it?' "Nathan," I say, trying to understand him but I couldn't, "Nathan in the time you've known me, you've seen me kill multiple vampires, and werewolves, protect vampires from being killed and suddenly, you think that I'm going to stop myself from saving your brother. It's his choice, not yours,"
'I know it's his choice but brother, is this really what you want to do?' 'Yes, is this really what you want to do?' I hear Angelica say, looking at me. 'Apollos, could you give us time to decide?' Richard said. I walked out and my siblings followed, Priscilla said, 'I still want an answer,' I take a deep sigh as I say, "Then let's go to my room and talk about this," As we go to my room, Priscilla didn't even try to touch my hand, I could feel her eyes on me though. It wasn't like I was her brother, it was like I was a threat to her. Was this what she wanted me to feel? The presence of an executioner, in form my sister. I could face her in a fight but that is the last thing I want.
The other problem is I don't want to fight my sister, but I would be foolish to think she wouldn't fight me. As we get into my room, I talk to my siblings, "You're right. I haven't involved myself with you all and it's unfair of me to say I have. It's unfair of me to pretend I have, too but once I got Anastasia pregnant, once I got a family, I realized is there really any safety in me having my life back? Was there really a chance of me living my life to its fullest while having a wife and her children? To answer the question, yes I am happy to have you all as my siblings.
Kaoru, you were my best friend, you taught me how to confront World War II and you also saved my ass in World War II. Lucia, we haven't gotten to know each other that much but as I've been talking to you and as I've listened to your brother, he has said nothing but the best about you and Priscilla, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I make you all feel like I don't care but I do. It's not that I'm just worried about losing my family, I'm worried about getting this family hurt, too. For all the immortality and for all that you can do, what happens when someone tries to attack you all? I don't want to lose you all because of this, I don't want to lose you all and I'm sorry I'm cold but if I get attached, I feel like I'm going to lose someone again and I don't want to go through that again. I'm sorry if I'm cold and that I'm not the best brother I could have been, I should be better, I should've been better to all of you. I'll be better from now all,"
'I'm sorry Apollos. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that,' "It's okay, Priscilla. Really, it is," I forced myself to lie to her, It's not okay, I feel like I've been put on the spot and I'm uncomfortable but if I focus on that, I won't be able to work that stuff out. Even though I'm uncomfortable, I have to pretend that this doesn't bother me. "I didn't expect to see you so soon, Priscilla. Is there anything else you need?" I saw Priscilla as her eyes looked sad, she put me under a lot of stress just thinking about this. I'm already struggling with being a good dad and my son's barely a year old and I'm struggling with my wife, is there always going to be something else? 'I'm sorry Apollos. We probably should have been more understanding," Kaoru said.
"It's okay," I say, calming myself, pushing that blind anger back. "I'd like to be by myself if it's all the same for you. We'll rendezvous later," I say to them. As everyone begins to leave, Priscilla turns and says, 'Apollos,' 'Priscilla, it's time for us to go,' Lucia says, gently. I sit in a meditation pose as I allow myself to drift back into my white void. as I begin to take a deep breath I lose my temper, I felt as if everything was falling apart around me, and all, I could say was: "Dammit all! Dammit, all! Dammit, all!" I scream, "Goddamn!" I wish I knew what to say to this but all I could do was tell the truth, I had to let it go.
'Apollos,' I look at my reality engine as the reality engine responded in a robotic voice, 'Moves analyzed of Clovis. Would you like to include these moves with your automatons?' "Yes, make them faster and stronger than me until I get a handle on this,' What a bloody fucking mess.
End of Chapter: A Bloody Mess