Chapter 15 - It's Will.
The days just end up getting worse. If I didn't have my friends (Sterling, Miki, the Scottish twins, and the girls from the Mardi Gras who work with me) I think I would probably start going drugs. Seriously.
Okay, so maybe not. But that's how bad everything feels. If one good thing comes out of it all, it's that it shows me how good your normal friends can be for you - as gay as that sounds. Now that Niall and Katy and Tai and everyone back from Kingston hates me, I have to start making new, reliable ones here, despite the undeserving dick I've been.
A few painful weeks pass and I don't see Alyssa. Miki comes round quite a bit to Sterling and I's apartment. Stirling seems to like her because "She's cute and allows me to say what I want, I unlike you" and I like her because she's just a normal person to be friends with. Work gets better because Ky gets moved up to the top floor, away from me, and a new girl called Keira starts working in his place, who is also blonde like Cara, Madi and Justine. They all hang out with me sometimes at lunchtime, and Anthony and Martin, the Scottish twins. They aren't as nerdy as I thought when Sterling invited them to his party for my birthday.
I'm dreading that day.
-
When September draws to a close everyone is notified of the exams we are all gonna have before we go home in three weeks. And my birthday, and the party Stirling has organised, are moving closer towards us. I'd like to think they were both two separate things but I know they're not meant to be, and they won't be.
We're a few days into October when I'm sat with Cara and Justine outside the water fountain just at the edge of the campus. I'm studying and the other two are painting their nails, when out of nowhere Cara clicks her tongue impatiently. When I look up and follow her death-glare-gaze, or try to, I spot two guys tying their bikes to the metal bike rack things, normal as anything.
I look at her confusedly. "What?"
"That girl." This time she actually points and Justine immediately grabs her arm and tries to pull it down.
When I follow the way her arm is pointing and my stomach does this whole shift. I almost get knocked off the edge of my seat on the fountain. It's as if my whole insides have just been plunged into boiling hot water.
Myra and Alyssa.
They're both sat eating sandwiches on the grass on the other side of the path, and talking animatedly. As Myra says something with a great big grin on her face, then does a sweeping gesture to the grounds, Alyssa laughs lightly.
"That girl is the rudest little bitch I've ever come across." Cara is full on scowling now.
"Which one?" My voice sounds more than a little desperate.
Justine's eyes are wide, as Cara mumbles darkly, "The one with the black hair. She looks sort of Asian."
That's when Myra decides to look up. When she sees us all, she immediately raises her middle finger, her facial expression casual, her eyebrows nonchalantly raised.
Justine replies with a ruder hand gesture.
I start to wonder what Myra did to the girls, but I don't have time - now I've seen Alyssa I can't stay here. Call me a coward, but I just can't. I grab my books and my orange and then tell the two blondes that I have to go.
"Don't bloody tell me you know her too," Justine growls.
I pause for one second, then bend down and whisper, "The one with the curly hair was my girlfriend. And the other one was my best friend's cousin."
Then, I start to briskly walk away, not daring to look back.
-
That's something like the fourth time I've seen Alyssa. Every time that I see her she looks progressingly better - this time she was laughing. Maybe Myra is being nice to her, because she wants to get back at me. But then again maybe Alyssa never told her what happened. I don't know.
Anyway, something just doesn't feel right about them being friends like this. Not again. It just reminds me too much of the past, before Alyssa had that accident.
"Will?"
I'm so lost in thought that I arrive at the door to the apartment and don't spot Miki there. She's leaning against the wall with a hopeful look on her face as she stares at me. I quickly attempt shaking Alyssa from my mind, and then turn to look at her with a forced smile as I open the door.
"Hey. I didn't see you. Sorry." Laughing awkwardly, I gesture for her to come inside. She smiled that sweet smile of hers and I go to dump my bag on the floor, then go into the kitchen.
"Do you want a drink?" I call to her, as I pull out a can of Mountain Dew. I really need caffeine right now.
She appears in the doorway, still clutching her bag. "Um, a water would be nice."
"Okay." I grab her a bottle of water and then hand it to her. She smiles up at me as our hands brush, then looks down, hiding behind her curtain of dark hair.
"Um- I think Sterling's still at work," I tell her, since those two are always talking while I hang around in the background.
Miki's dark eyes quickly flicker upwards to meet mine, and she steps backwards as I try to shift round her into the living area.
Her next words stop me though. "Actually ... I came here to, um. I wanted to ... Talk to you." I watch as her cheeks flush, and I feel my own neck become hot, as we're both sort of trapped on the doorway.
"Talk to me?" I echo, and slowly edge my way towards the couch. I pat it, gesturing for her to sit down.
"Yes." She smiles and looks down at the ground before coming to sit beside me. "I, uh ... To ask you something, really."
"Go on."
She looks so terrified that it makes me feel bad. We stare at eachother for a good few seconds and her face becomes pinker.
Until she blurts out in her Japanese accent, all of a rush, "My brother and his girlfriend got tickets to go and see Les Miserables ... The stage production. But they can't go because his girlfriend is ill, so he gave the tickets to me. I don't really know anyone else who would want to go ... And I'm sorry it's such short notice."
I blink a few times. I've never seen Les Miserables in my whole life, not the film or anything. I don't know anything about it. I mean, what is it about? Was it a book before, or something?
It reminds me of how much difference there is in mine and Miki's personalities and interests. But I just find myself nodding. "Okay. I mean, sure. Yeah."
She looks at me with a slight grimace, closing her eyes briefly before biting her lip with an awkward chuckle. "Are you like, completely sure?"
"Of course." I grin and sit back with my hands behind my head. "When's it on?"
"Um, tonight."
-
That gives me a few hours to pick out a button down shirt and some dark trousers, along with a tie. Sterling told me to dress smart for something like this, since we're going into London to the Palace Theatre.
"It's a date," Sterling explains to me as he actually straightens out my black tie. "That's why she asked you instead of me. I'm the fun friend, you're the love interest. You'd ask the fun friend, unless you wanted it to be a date."
I roll my eyes and shove him away lightly with a chuckle. "Look, man. It's not like that."
"Hell, it is! She's obsessed with you, that girl!" He pauses and folds his skinny arms over his chest. "Wait - you're driving, right?"
"You bet," I reply immediately, grabbing my wallet. "Of course I am." That's a given. Guys have to drive. It's just - not right if they don't.
"Good, good." He grins then pats my shoulder. "You look great. I think."
A few minutes later, I call at Miki's door and she answers right away - that's one thing I like about this girl, she doesn't keep you waiting.
She's wearing a black dress, and her hair is tied up in some intricate hairstyle with little white flowers dotted around it. I notice that she's wearing bright cherry-red lipgloss and strong eye makeup.
"Hey," she whispers quietly, her eyes bright. She grins and steps forward, her hands behind her back.
I smile, and I'm not sure whether to grab her hand or not. I step back slightly and hold her gaze. "Hey. You're lookin' nice."
Giggling, she instead takes my hand, and begins to lead me down the hallway. "Oh, thanks. You look very smart."
That's when I feel the shooting pain flash through my chest, and I can't help but sigh out. The feeling of her palm against mine brings back memories of Alyssa, and I close my eyes for a second as we walk, trying to imagine that it's her and not Miki. But I know that's just unfair.
The car ride is alright. Miki can be funny when she wants to, and she fills me in on the basic outline of the story of the show we're going to see. The traffic is pretty bad, and I think she gets a bit worried that we aren't going to be there on time. After parking, we have to walk through the lively streets with restaurants brimming with customers sitting outside and music drifting out of different places. The queue into the the Palace Theatre is long, and that means there's plenty of time for conversation.
Miki turns to me and I can barely hear her over all the noise. I just make out her lips forming the words, "Is this a date?"
I just smile awkwardly, and then look down at our intertwined hands. "Well, I don't know. You're the one who organised this."
She looks almost helpless, but coy. "I wasn't really planning it, you know that." She shakes her head, staring down at the ground with her cheeks blushing. I watch her for a few seconds, and when we move forward she tells me timidly, "Sterling told me about your girlfriend. I'm sorry, about how you're not together anymore."
I shake my head. "I ... Don't worry about it."
"I just wanted you to know that I'm not trying to confuse you ... You know. I really don't ... Don't want you to think that I'm trying to move in or something." She looks at me with soft eyes, and then squeezes my hand.
I sigh, and run my free hand through my hair, closing my eyes briefly. It fucking hurts, all this going on without Alyssa.
"Uh, yeah. Thanks. Don't worry about it, Miki. I'm just fine."
The show turns out to be quite good - freaky, weird and sometimes confusing, but good. Miki gets well into it, cheering at the end of every song and crying her eyes out. I just sit there with my arm around her shoulders, and I have to admit I was sort of fixated. On my other side are two old women also crying their eyes out at the end.
We get back to campus at around ten past twelve, and I have to sort of wake Miki up when I stop the car because she's half asleep. Walking back to her room, I hold her up - her choice of footwear isn't helping her exhausted posture.
"Thanks for a great night," she whispers sleepily as she pulls out we key. I grin, and nod, and when she leans up to kiss my cheek I just hope I'm good at hiding my surprise.
"Yeah, it was good." I look at her and smile. "Thanks."
And as I'm walking back up to my apartment, and I pass Alyssa's door, I can't help but stop and listen there. Faintly, I can hear The Killers echoing inside, and right at that moment I want nothing more than to be in there, holding her, with her holding me too. It fucking hurts my heart. I'll never forget what that feels like, because I don't think it will ever stop.
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