Lily stood on the front door step, with her fist poised, ready to knock, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She'd chickened out twice already, driving by the house and then looping back around. She'd been rehearsing what she was going to say for the past two days, in hopes that it would make this moment easier, but she still felt incredibly nervous.
Just then the door swung open.
"Well are you just going to stand on my porch all morning, or are you going to come in?" Violet said.
"I'll come in, I mean, if that's okay?" she hesitated to enter. It was the first time in her life she'd felt nervous to speak to her sister.
Violet turned and walked into the house leaving the door open, indicating for Lily to follow. She followed her sister to the kitchen. They stood on opposite sides of the island counter: two sisters who had grown up in the same house, but who had experienced the things that happened in it so differently.
"Where's Harper?" Lily asked, not wanting to have the conversation in front of her niece. She'd already done enough damage at the funeral.
"She's at school."
Lily nodded in understanding.
"I'd like to apologize to her if that's alright with you? She shouldn't have heard the things I said."
Violet just stared at her, unresponsive.
"I deserve that," she paused and took a deep breath. "I'd like to apologize to you as well. My behavior at the funeral was....well...it was shitty. I shouldn't have said anything to those girls, although I stand by the fact that they're bitches and they deserved it," she quickly added.
Lily paused waiting for her sister's response, but still nothing.
"Right well, that's not why I came here. I mainly wanted to apologize to you for what I said, about you and Grant. It was a terrible thing to say. It's not true. It's not how I feel. I was angry about my own shit and I took in out on you in the worst of ways and I'm so so sorry."
Again, Violet said nothing.
"Ok, I get it. You probably don't ever want to speak to me again and I deserve that, but I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am. I'll go now."
Lily turned to leave. She'd made it almost to the foyer when she heard her sister's voice.
"You're right," Violet said, stopping Lily in her tracks. She was surprised to hear Violet speak, but she was even more surprised by what she had said.
Lily turned around to face her sister and walked back into the kitchen.
"I am?" Lily asked.
"Those girls are bitches."
Now it was Lily who was silent.
"And they deserved what you said, just maybe not at my husband's funeral, ya know?"
Lily could hardly believe it; Violet was trying to joke with her about what had happened.
"Not my finest moment," Lily cringed.
"I don't know. I think Grant would have enjoyed it. Lily Haliday finally makes her grand appearance back in Oakley by standing up for her sister and calling out bitches at her ex-boyfriend's funeral," she said as if reading a headline.
They both smiled, but their smiles quickly faded as they were returned to the reality that Grant was dead and gone.
"Do you think Grant forgave me, for what I did all those years ago?"
"I never asked."
Lily felt stupid for assuming they had talked about her.
"He was really messed up, in the beginning, but to be honest, I think it was less about you, no offense," Lily shrugged, none taken. "And more about what he was going through with his injury and also the loss of his friendship with Ford hit him really hard."
"Yeah, I was wondering about that. How did they wind up resolving things?"
"You didn't ask Ford?"
Again Lily shrugged.
"Oh right, I guess 'talking' wasn't what the two of you did best," Violet teased and Lily shot her an annoyed look. "Actually, in a weird way, it was you leaving that brought the two of them back together. Ford was crushed and I think when Grant saw how hard it hit him, it allowed him to open back up and let him in."
"Because he felt like Ford got what was coming to him?" Lily assumed. She knew how angry Grant had been with both of them.
"No, because he knew what it felt like to be abandoned by you."
That hit Lily hard. She hadn't meant to hurt anyone. She'd been hurting so much herself that she didn't realize the pain that she was causing others. She couldn't hear anymore about the ways she had hurt the two boys she'd loved most in her life, so she tried to change the subject.
"How's Harper doing with all of this?" she asked in concern.
"I don't know," Violet let out a heavy sigh. "Some days are better than others. You know, she's about the same age as you were when mom died."
Lily knew. It had entered her mind the second she had heard Harper's voice on her voicemail telling her of Grant's death.
"I can't help but see the irony and I can't help but wonder how she'll turn out."
"Don't worry," Lily replied. "She's nothing like me."
"That's not what I meant," Lily said, shaking her head. "She'd be lucky if she is like you."
Lily was taken aback by her words.
"You were tough Lily. So tough. You made it through and you made sure I did too. I don't think I ever realized that until I was a mother. In those first few years after it happened, you were always there for me, maybe not in the loving way a mother is, but how would you know how to do that with the role model we had. But in your own way, you were there. When you left, I felt like you abandoned me, just like you did to Grant and Ford, but that's because you were abandoned by the one person who was supposed to always be there for you. Time has given me some perspective. That day on the beach when we...found mom, completely changed the course of our lives and the people we became. I retreated into my books, into school, into myself, to deal with the pain and you expressed it more...outwardly. I thought you were acting out or being dramatic or selfish, but you were just trying to survive. That's the form your grief took and I made you feel bad for it and for that I am sorry."
Lily was speechless. Her eyes were watering. All these years she'd been running from her feelings, trying to escape a future similar to her mothers. She felt completely alone, but she wasn't, Violet had endured it too, maybe not in the same way because she was younger, but Lily didn't need to be alone anymore. They could get through it together, and not just their mother's death, but Grant's.
"Thank you Violet. Hearing you say that..." she got choked up and had trouble getting the words out. "It means a lot."
Violet nodded and gave her sister a smile. They had never been the overly affectionate hugging type of sisters.
"So I guess you'll be leaving soon, huh?"
"Actually, I was thinking about staying for a while."
"Really?" Violet was shocked.
"Yeah, I've got some unfinished business I need to take care of."
"'Unfinished business' is that what you're calling Ford now?"
"Ha ha," Lily joked back at her sister. She'd missed their banter. "Actually, I was thinking that maybe I could help out with Harper."
Violet's eyes went wide and her jaw was practically on the floor.
"I've missed a lot of years with her and I'd like to try and make up for that time. Plus, I thought it would be fun for us to spend some more time together too. That is, if that's okay with you?"
Now it was Violet whose eyes were watering. She had felt so alone since Grant had passed and there was a weird sort of comfort in knowing that Lily had known Grant so well. It made his memory seem more alive in a way.
"I'd really like that," she said, trying to hold back the emotions which were overwhelming her.
Lily wanted to go to Violet and give her a hug, but the history between them kept her rotted to the floor. Instead she just smiled. Maybe one day they would be the type of sisters that hugged it out, but it would take time. Healing didn't happen overnight.
"At least one good thing has come of Grant's death," Violet ran her finger across the bottom of her eyelid, trying to stop the tears that were about to spill over.
"What's that?" Lily asked, unable to think of what could possibly be good about his passing.
"It brought us back together."
This time Lily didn't hesitate or overthink it. She walked around the island to Violet and wrapped her arms around her sister. It felt weird at first, but Lily was quickly learning that relationships could change, if she wanted them to, and if she put in the effort.
"Can I ask you something?" Violet wanted to ask Lily the one question she didn't ever dare ask Grant because she was afraid of the answer. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you and Grant had stayed together?"
Lily pulled away from their embrace.
"No," she said with certainty, shaking her head.
"Why?"
"Because it would have ended the same way as it did with Richard," she paused, trying to find the words to explain to her sister. "When we were going through Grant's old things, you told me that his glory days were on the field playing football, but I call bullshit on that. When I look around this house and all the photos of the three of you, when I see Harper...you and Harp, you were his glory days, his family meant everything to him. He loved being a husband and a father more than anything. Grant and I looked good on paper, but we didn't have that connection you need to make it last, the connection that the two of you had."
"Sort of like the connection you and Ford have?" Violet pried.
"I don't know about that," Lily sighed. "That seems...different. Sometimes it feels too intense for it to last."
"Yeah, I get it. But you had the opposite with Richard and that didn't work out."
Lily nodded in agreement.
"The only way you'll ever know if you and Ford can make it work is if you try."
"Am I having deja-vu, because this feels awfully similar to a speech you gave me when we were in high school?"
"Well I was right then and I'm right now," she teased. That was the know-it-all Violet coming out: back seat driving her way into Lily's decisions, only this time she didn't mind. Then turning serious, Violet added, "And if it does all blow up in your face, then I'll be here. You don't have to run anymore."
"Dammit," Lily said, getting teary eyed again. "You know what this means, don't you?"
"What?"
"Dad really was right: sisters are forever."