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*TW: NIGHTMARES, ANXIETY, KNIFES, GUNS, DEATH, BODY SHAMING, HATRED*
𝐈𝐯𝐲 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭
I look at myself through my mirror with a disappointment face. I look at the stretch marks on my hips and pull my hoodie down more. I am ugly.
Sighing I walk to my closet looking for some sweatpants. I grab my favorite pair, cause they are so damn comfy and slip them on only for them to fall back down. This month I lost 40 pounds.
I always thought I was perfect. My dad always says so, he says I'm his perfect little baby no matter what and he will always love me. And that was enough for me, until I noticed the looks my brothers girlfriend started giving me. Disgust.
So I wanted to change. I was never "fat" whatever that even means in society at this point. There is no damn thing as "fat". Everyone is beautiful. And so was I. But I changed myself and no matter how many times I told people I was doing it for me. I know it was for my mom. She hated the way I looked. Wider hips. A bigger then normal bum. A good waist with a stomach with a cute and good amount of chub. I liked how I looked, and I was happy.
But now everything feels so weird. I don't like this. Mom's looks have gotten worse. She's just stressed with work. And even in school I get cat called, people keep checking me out and shit. I hate it. I wish I could have understood my dad when he said I was perfect.
I pick up some shorts seeing they are the only things that fit me at this point. Guess I'll need to go shopping.
I look at myself in the mirror like I've been doing for a while now, "you're loved" I whisper.
I walk out of the closet with a sigh before pulling my hair down smiling at how my dark hair falls to right above my hips. Gosh I love my hair.
I walk downstairs with a huge smile on my face seeing today is the day dad takes me out for ice cream, mom is always at work and Xander has been busy with his girlfriend lately. Linda, she's nice. I guess.
I walk down the stairs surprised mom is in the kitchen , baking. She never bakes. What the hell?
"Hey Mom! Morning Xander...And Linda?" I say as my eyes fall to my brothers girlfriend sitting on my stool. She looks me up and down making me suddenly feel so fucking ugly and self conscious. "You should lose weight Ivy, no guys will want to date you if you don't" she says before Xander shows something on his phone to her.
I look at him and mom for some help and Xander is busy, I guess he has headphones in? It's okay. I look to mom and she looks at my body with a disgusted look. "She's right. Why can't you be like her?" She asks. I-I lost so much weight. I thought I finally met the stupid beauty standards?
I feel my eyes glossy, she's just stressed from work I bet. I take a deep breath. You're loved Ivy.
I smile and walk down the rest of the stairs. "Morning mom" I smile and she rolls her eyes. I think she had a rough day. It's okay, maybe some coffee will cheer her up?
"You're eating?" She asks and I nod with my smile persistent on my lips. "Where's dad?" I ask. I remember him telling me he had a conference last night but I don't remember much cause I was really focused on watching Olaf dancing and singing.
"A meeting in New York." She answers monotone and. I hum. "So how is work going mom?" I ask placing a cup of coffee next to her. She doesn't answer and I assume she is looking at a email on her phone which is in her hands.
I go to grab some eggs from the fridge but stop when I hear a laugh behind me. "Oh my god." Linda chuckles looking at my legs. My eyebrows furrow and I look down. I get even more confused when I see nothing.
"What's wrong?"
"Linda leave it be" Xander says with an eye roll, guess schools going rough on the poor dude. "Ivy you have stretch marks on your thighs"
I look down and frown. "I think they are alright. Dad always tells me tha-" my sentence is cut off by mom "well he's not here and they are horrible and ugly. I can't believe you are like this. And why the fuck can't you keep your mouth shut for once?-" she snaps and pauses to scoff as I bite the inside of my cheek trying not to cry "and you're still eating"
I look to Xander and he's busy on his phone, "Xander do you thin-" I stop talking when he gets up, "my friends are here, let's go babe. Have a good day you two" he smiles at us and I give him one back. Only it's not real.
"It would be better if you didn't eat" mom says standing up and grabbing the coffee I made her before emptying it in the sink and walking away.
I close the fridge and a tear drops when I hear my stomach grumble. I pull my shorts down more before walking out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.
I go into my room and lightly shut the door before locking it and sitting on my bed. My eyes fall to the three stretch marks on my thighs. Dad says they are beautiful.
I feel a tear drip down my cheek. Why can't I be pretty like other girls? Why does mom always tell me not to eat? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so unwanted? Why do all the bad things happen to me?
I take a deep breath when my phone rings and my tears are immediately forgotten when my favorite person in the whole world's ID pops up.
'Dadda'
I pick it up right away. "Oh my god, dad you forgot to say bye this morning" I say into the phone with a huge smile.
"I-Is this Ivy West, Thomas West's daughter?" A man who is not my dad says and my smile drops a bit. "Yes, where is my dad?" I ask and I hear him sigh.
"His plane crashed" he says and my eyes widen before I stand to my feet, "W-What?" I stutter on my fear.
No no no no please god no
"I'm so sorry ma'am, his plane went down from an engine failure, an hour ago. The plane was burnt in the sky and fell in the ocean." He explains and I feel tears drip down my cheeks. No. He can't be gone. The only one who understands and loves me can't be gone.
"This is not a funny joke" I grit before hanging up. He's lying. My dadda can not be gone. He promised me just last night we were best friends forever.
I look down to see my hands shaking and I click on the latest news on my phone. All the breath is knocked out of me when I see a plane fire on the front page. Flight 203, from New York to Ontario. The phone falls from my trembling hands and I fall to the floor.
I don't cry. Something is wrong. Why am I not crying? Why does this feel like it has happened before? What the hell?
Your father just died
What the hell are you? He's dead. Gone.
STOP
No. H-He can't be. He pro-HES DEAD, HE LIED TO YOU IVY. YOU'RE ALL ALONE NOW. Like you deserve to be
Suddenly the room, my bright room goes black. I shiver in fear as I stand up looking around only seeing darkness.
No one loves you
stop
You're unwanted here
STO- even he left you
My breathing speeds up as I run, where the hell am?
I see mom and I thank god before running to her, "MOM, W-WHATS GOING ON?" I yell in the distance. She turns to face me and my eyes widen as I stop. "Your turn" she smirks with a bloody knife in her hands. No. "D-Dad" I stutter trying to tell her what the man said on the phone.
"I know" she steps towards me and I freeze. Suddenly on the black walls appear pictures. Of me and dad. "I've always hated how much he loved you" a familiar voice says and my head snaps to my brother holding a gun in his hands.
He raises it and my eyes widen as I turn on my heels and run, tears fall down my cheeks as my vision goes blurry from crying. "He was first. Now it's your turn." I hear Xander call out as I cry harder.
Suddenly a name pops up into my head, Ares. Who the hell is that? I then forget it and run faster when I hear them right behind me. "S-STOP" I shout crying.
"Ivy" I hear my name being called in a distance as the room gets darker. Fuck. I look behind me and suddenly mom and Xander are not there anymore.
I stop and look around. "DAD" I tell hoping for him to come hug me. "DAD HELP ME?" I shout helplessly. And freeze when I hear a voice. "Poor little Ivy, always needing a shoulder to lean on" moms voice says and I look around seeing no one.
And that familiar voice from before calls again. Who the hell is it. "HELP ME." I shout not being able to breath anymore.
"Always the little blabber mouth." I cry harder when I hear Xander's voice seeing no one.
"no, please help me" I whisper falling to my knees as tears steam down my cheeks. "Baby I'm right here" I hear the voice and sob harder when I see not a single person.
"Make it stop" I cry as my hands shake. "We killed him and how it's your tur-" moms voice is cut off by the other. "IVY WAKE UP"
Suddenly the black room disappeared and now I'm in a bed. My breath caught in my lungs as I look around bolting off the bed. "No, make it stop" I beg covering my ears still hearing mom's yelling and Xander's threats.
Suddenly a warm comforting body pulls mine into theirs and I struggle in their hold. "Stop, stop. Please stop" I cry.
"Baby it's me"
I freeze hearing the voice and then Ares's eyes meet mine, "it's just me" he whispers again and I let out a sob before wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down as I hide my body with his. His arms wrap around me.
"T-They were h-here" I cry into his chest and he rubs my back. "They k-killed d-dad" I cry harder not knowing what to believe.
"Ivy, it's just me and you." He whispers as he soothingly pushes my head into his chest holding me tighter. Was it true? Did they kill him? Mom is supposed to be dead.
That day, dad and mom went to the meeting. Why was it only dad in my dream?
𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭
I smirk finally seeing her for the first time ever since we made that plane crash, "Hey mom"
A/N
Word count: 1945
things were quiet...
(Having writers block in the other book but will try my best to update soon!)