The fact that your room was covered in vines and flowers didn't bother you nearly as much as you had expected it to. It almost felt like you were stepping into a forest when you slowly sat up.
Your body ached, but it was bearable, and to your surprise even seemed to fade as you moved around.
"How am I even alive?" you found yourself mumbling, you looked down to your hand half expecting it to not be there.
If it's true.. Your thoughts came to an abrupt halt as suddenly your hand was covered in scales.
"I almost prefer mortals." a voice scoffed snapping you out of your thoughts.
"Almost?" you tilted your head and gave Xiao a half-grin, the yaksha merely sighed quietly in response.
"Before you say anything," Xiao held his hand up to stop you from speaking, you remained silent, "you've been asleep for six days now, and before you ask, Rex- Zhongli is not here currently."
Your shoulders slumped ever so lightly, six days was hardly an amount of time to scoff at. But you felt yourself not caring, it was an insignificant amount of time. Especially considering your immortality.
"If I may-" Xiao paused, hesitating ever so slightly, "what- who are you?"
You gave a pained smile before answering, "I suppose I'm an Adeptus," you shrugged lightly. "As for who I am," you paused smiling, "I'm still Y/N."
"And your true form was-" once again the yaksha paused, his confusion visibly growing.
"A dragon?" you finished for him with a small smirk on your face.
"Although truth be told, some memories are still a bit blurry," you admitted with a shaky sigh, "I don't really know where I came from," you added quietly.
Xiao didn't reply and instead silently shook his head, "can you get rid of this?" he motioned towards the room. To be specific, the various flora.
You gave a sheepish grin, while you had momentarily doubted if you could do it. A few seconds later the flowers and vines began retracting back into the walls. That, sadly, did not do anything for the massive holes and cracks left behind.
"That's going to cost," Xiao merely stated with a raise of his eyebrows.
With a silent chuckle, you answered, "good thing we have a fatui wallet."
Unfortunately, the yaksha did not seem to get the joke, because he merely stared at you in response.
"Where are you going?" Xiao quickly asked as you stood up, you furrowed your eyebrows at him.
"Out?" to find Morax. You refrained from adding the last part.
Xiao didn't reply and you took it as your que to leave, however, you didn't expect him to silently follow you. At first, you didn't say anything and instead focused on leaving the building, you did not want to have to explain to anyone what happened to your room.
"Well, if you're gonna come with me, at least help me." you sighed, abruptly turning towards Xiao.
"Please tell me where Morax is."
"He prefers to go by Zhongli."
"Alright, where is Zhongli?"
Xiao merely grumbled something about dragons, you raised your eyebrows and patiently waited with a slightly annoyed look on your face.
"I can't tell you." Xiao huffed out after a few moments.
"Why not?" your question came out quieter than intended.
"Y/N?"
A new voice caught your attention, you whipped your body around and instantly froze. Familiar cor lapis eyes met yours. Out of instinct, you averted your gaze only to snap your eyes back to his. No, not anymore. You thought to yourself.
"You're awake," Zhongli stated duly. His face broke into a soft smile, "I'm relieved." he added before walking towards you.
Your body went rigid, your past memories along with your newer ones were conflicting about what to do. On one hand, this was Rex lapis, Morax, and the god you had sworn to serve. And on another... He was your friend, your-- a faint blush appeared on your cheeks. Luckily nobody saw it because the next moment Zhongli embraced you.
"Thank you for looking out for her Xiao." Zhongli thanked, his body seemed to vibrate as he spoke, causing shivers to trail down your spine.
You glanced towards the yaksha, after a few silent seconds he answered, "I'm glad you're awake." he only replied before disappearing with familiar anemo sparks. You could've imagined it, but you thought you saw him smile.
A strange sense of dread filled you as you turned back to Zhongli, so many questions burned at the back of your mind. Your old instincts screamed at you to get on your knees and swear loyalty once more.
You were so deep in thought you barely noticed how close you were, "I can imagine you have some questions." Zhongli's voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
You swallowed dryly, once, twice, "why didn't you tell me anything?" your voice quivered as you spoke. You didn't even try to hide the betrayal that was no doubt clear on your face.
"I couldn't," Zhongli quickly answered, a flash of pain flickered across his face, he suddenly held his hand out towards you, motioning for you to follow him. Hesitantly you stared at it, "come with me, please." he added the last part after a few silent seconds.
"You couldn't?" you pressed for answers, refusing to take his hand but still walking towards him.
"If you truly do have your memories back, then tell me what's the last thing you remember?"
You almost scoffed, anger flared within you. But as you thought about the question, your eyes widened ever so slightly.
"I died," you stated with a shaky exhale, "how am I--?" you frantically began, panic laced in your voice. When gloved hands grabbed hold of yours.
"Indeed, you did die. I've lived for thousands of years, I've had countless friends die, yet I was never able to handle yours." Zhongli admitted, you didn't reply, he took your silence as a que to continue.
"I struck a deal with another god," he paused, eyes scanning your face for any reaction, "she took something dear of mine and promised your life in return."
You flinched as his hand squeezed yours, a comforting gesture. But one that made you jump either way.
"I know, I- know I should've known better. She did keep you alive but cursed you in doing so. She took your memory, and I could do nothing but watch as you wandered for hundreds of years. If I ever told you, the magic keeping you alive would disappear."
"Why do I remember now then?"
He remained silent, lips parting ever so slightly. As if not having expected the question. "I realized it was cruel to be selfish, no matter how much I wanted you to return, you were merely an empty husk. So, I found you." a pained smile found itself on his face.
"But you didn't remember, and I couldn't tell you. Not when I knew it would--" he stopped talking, however, you knew what he meant, knew what he was going to say.
"I didn't know when to tell you, and as the days passed you started getting weaker, sicker, a side effect of just being near me. Of your immortality fading with your past memories. And I could do nothing but watch and hope you remembered."
"I fear she's laughing right about now," Zhongli sighed quietly as he cast a quick glance towards Celestia.
"What did you give her?" you finally spoke up, interrupting Zhongli just as he was about to speak again.
"A memory," Zhongli replied, "what exactly? I cannot remember." the way the light disappeared from his eyes made unpleasant shivers run down your spine.
"Who is she?" the questions seemed to almost pour out of you.
"Similiar to the cryo archon, I suppose she-- Parvati, is one of love." from the way Zhongli spoke it was clear he either didn't know more or didn't want to go into detail.
"Why.. me?" the question had been gnawing away at the back of your mind for what seemed like an eternity.
Once again, that same smile appeared on Zhongli's face, "I was too selfish to lose you, so many had already died, but I couldn't-- I still can't lose you." he put his hand by his heart as if to emphasize his next words, "It's unbearable." his eyebrows furrowed, at this moment he looked as confused as a child.
Your heart skipped a beat, on one hand, you felt betrayed, this had never been your choice. On top of that, he had chosen you never had Zhongli-- Rex lapis ever tried bringing someone back. You had been with him long enough to know that, you had been there for countless other deaths of friends and family. But on the other hand, you felt warm, warm that you were special to him.
"I know you may hate me Y/N," Zhongli began, snapping you out of your thoughts, "it's taken me this long to realize why, and that I would do it again if I had to." without warning his eyes snapped to yours, the way his cor lapis eyes glowed truly reminded you about who he really was.
"I loved you."
Your bottom lip parted from your upper one as you stood in silent shock, but your expression didn't deter him.
"I still love you, and no matter what happens today, I will always love you."
Your heart felt like it was being torn apart as the same pained expression found itself on his face, "and I am sorry for never giving you a choice." it's as if he was expecting rejection. Expecting you to hate him, and while the truth bitterly stung, that wasn't what was causing tears to stream down your face.
"I-" your throat tightened, one by one tears streamed down your cheeks, countless years of pent-up emotions pouring out of you all at once. You didn't stop yourself as you wrapped your arms around Zhongli, he stiffened, definitely out of surprise more than anything before letting you silently weep into his coat.
"I will never hate you," you whispered hoarsely after a few minutes. "I love you too," you breathlessly admitted, "it took me far too long to realize," you added, you grinned, even though fresh tears were now rolling down your cheeks again.
Zhongli didn't speak, his expression was, surprised? Shocked? It was hard to tell from your blurry vision, but the one thing that was clear as day, was the fondness in his eyes, the warmth in his voice as he had spoken to you.
You leaned upwards, his warm breath tickling your face. Only after blinking away the last tears did you lean in, your lips capturing his. Your arms snaked around his shoulders as he pulled you into a tight embrace.
Only after you pulled away, the desperate need for air breaking your kiss did you really look at him again. Never in your life had you seen the archon look so happy, the mere sight causing you to grin back at him.
"Thank you," he whispered, "thank you for not leaving."
You didn't reply and instead only leaned forward again, nuzzling your face against his neck. You would never really be able to get used to this. That much you knew.
You yelped in surprise as suddenly he wrapped an arm under your leg and flung you upwards, "I suppose we have some explaining to do." he hummed a faint smile still on his face.
Slowly you rolled your head to the other side only to see two pair of prying eyes, why a harbinger and an Adeptus were spying on you were beyond you. But right now all you could do was laugh.
-
This took way too long, way longer than it should've, and way more rewrites than I anticipated. All I can hope is that it's not confusing, too long or boring at that fact. Thank you for reading I hope you've enjoyed this journey as much as I.