Eren did not realize he had fallen asleep until Levi jolted up. He blinked out his eyes, but all was dark.
"Shit. What time is it?"
Eren lifted his wrist, but he could not see the watch.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" Levi turned around, and in the darkness he saw Eren yawn. "You fell asleep too?"
"You were comfortable," Eren muttered.
"Wait, are you drunk?"
Eren rolled out his shoulders. "I was. Not anymore."
Levi shook his head. Seriously, they were getting sloppy, complacent, and letting their guard down was dangerous. Sure, he had slept well on Eren's lap, but like hell would he admit it aloud.
Eren climbed down from the attic first. As Levi slipped through the hatch, Eren grabbed his waist to help him slide down. Eren's hands remained where they were, clutching slightly. Levi slowly turned around and saw a strange expression of longing mixed with sadness, as if Eren already missed him.
"Is everything okay?" Levi asked, worried if maybe Eren got bad news about the war.
"I wonder, how many more days like this will we have?"
Levi knew the feeling. The past few weeks had been like a dream, but eventually they would need to wake up to reality.
"Don't let the fear of waking up ruin the dream," he muttered.
Eren chuckled. "That's surprisingly wise."
"Jews are filled with ancient wisdom."
"Oh? So what's a neshomeleh?"
His eyes widened. "How the bloody hell do you know that word?"
"You said it in your sleep."
Levi's face went instantly red, and he ripped away from Eren's embrace.
"Ooh, now I really want to know! What does it mean?" Eren said, eagerly following as Levi tried to walk away.
"Shut up! I'm not telling you."
"It's something good, right?" He chuckled slyly. "Or is it naughty?"
"Gai tren zich."
Eren grabbed Levi into a hug. "It's embarrassing, so it must be good."
Levi struggled against the arms. "Farmach dos moyl!"
"A lot of Yiddish today. You said a lot of Yiddish in your sleep too."
"It just happens to be in my head lately."
"Do you dream in Yiddish?"
"I dream in many languages."
"So why Yiddish now?"
Levi stopped fighting and stared ahead. "Because I was reading."
"That Jewish Bible?"
"It's called the Tanakh, and it's the exact same Bible Christians read," he snapped. Then Levi grumbled, "It's High Holy Days, from now and for a week."
"The whole week is a holiday?"
"Sort of," he muttered. "I was never into these things, so I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, but I figured I'd read the Tanakh every day. That ... makes me remember my mother."
Eren's playfulness turned to concern. He recalled seeing the name Kuchel written in the book. "She died when you were young, right?"
"Just before I turned eight. The war ended, soldiers came home, and she was ... more busy than usual."
Eren frowned, remembering that Levi had told him that his mother was a prostitute.
"She got sick. I did too. Maybe I caught it first, I don't remember much, just a lot of shivering and coughing. Next thing I knew, I was waking up drenched in sweat after my fever broke, and she was dead. My uncle showed up and took me away. I have no idea if he even bothered to have her buried."
Eren hugged Levi consolingly. What a traumatic thing for a seven-year-old child!
"For the first seven years of my life, I spoke Yiddish at home. I understand Alsatian too, so I guess I spoke it at some point, probably back when we lived in Strasbourg. When we moved to Paris, my mother taught me French. She told me to only speak French at school, and my uncle didn't like to speak Yiddish at all. Still, I never forgot my original language. I learned to speak it better while working with the Deuxième Bureau. It came in handy. A lot of rich Jews out there trust you right away if you speak Yiddish." He stared out sadly. "I guess, celebrating this again, thinking about her ... maybe my dreams are now in that language too."
"So, what's a neshomeleh?"
Levi sighed. "You're going to pester me on that, aren't you?" He turned around in Eren's arms to face him. "Neshome means soul. The -leh at the end implies it's dear to you."
"Dear soul?" Eren mused, slightly confused. "Is that like how in German we say eine gute Seele, a good soul? I don't see how that's embarrassing."
"Not quite," Levi mumbled. "In a sense, it's like saying my dear cute little soul, or the closest English equivalent..." A lump caught in his throat, and he could not bring himself to look up into Eren's face as he whispered, "...sweetheart."
Now Eren understood, and his face warmed up. "Schätzchen."
Levi warily glanced up. "You've called me that a few times now."
Biting back bashfulness, Eren admitted, "It means the same. Little darling." He saw Levi's gaze narrowing. "I ... I mean, not that you're little," he stuttered out in a panic.
Levi rolled his eyes and grumbled, "I figured you were saying something embarrassing."
Then Eren realized, just because Levi said it, that did not necessarily mean it was something he would say to him. He should not get his hopes up. "Did you used to call your wife that?"
Levi shook his head and quietly confessed, "I've never called anyone by that term before."
"Was it something someone called you?"
"I would've slit their throat if they did."
"So then why..."
"Takhshet..." Levi paused, about to snap at him for being obtuse, but he had to laugh. "You really are an idiot."
Eren blushed and looked aside, unsure how to handle the intense joy at thinking Levi called him sweetheart in his dreams. "So then, what's a bashert?"
Levi's mouth dropped in shock. "Where did...? Wait, did I say that? What the hell was I saying in my sleep?"
"A bunch of strange words." Eren grinned and eagerly asked, "What does it mean?"
He yanked away again. "That one, I'm not telling you."
"Aww, come on."
"Farmach dos moyl!"
"What does that mean?"
"It means shut your mouth." He stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door.
Levi leaned against the door and sighed. Seriously, what was his brain coming up with while he slept? He had never talked in his sleep in his life. He did not normally think in Yiddish, so why would he speak in Yiddish in his dreams?
And why would he say neshomeleh or talk about bashert? Like hell would he say such an embarrassing thing!
He took his time in the bathroom, not ready to face Eren. He carefully washed his hands, but he still did not leave. He felt weird to step out there now.
There was a tiny rap on the door. "I'm going to step out to smoke. I'll order some food when I come back."
Levi heard the front door open and close. He realized Eren must be stepping out to give him some space.
Why was he acting like this? He was not some weak-willed coward! He didn't need space. He said something weird, and he just had to own up to it.
"I guess, if I'm going to call anyone neshomeleh, it'd be that brat."
* * *
Eren stepped outside into the hallway, pulled out his pack of cigarettes, put one to his lips, lit a match, and inhaled. Down the hall, he saw Daz and Samuel standing around talking. Eren walked up to them and nodded in familiarity.
"Does your wife not like cigarettes?" asked Daz.
Eren realized this was the perfect time to spread more rumors. "Doctors think it's bad for pregnant women."
"So, she is pregnant then." Samuel patted his arm. "Congratulations."
Daz teased, "You should ask if vigorous exercise is bad for the baby. We heard plenty of good noises last night."
Eren choked out some smoke. Had he and Levi actually been heard?
"She's good at keeping quiet. You on the other hand..."
Levi punched them both in the arms. "Hey, if a man enjoys it, why be quiet?"
"You should take her to Nicolo's restaurant," Samuel suggested.
Daz eagerly nodded. "Yes! You two deserve a romantic dinner, not a meal hidden away in your room."
Samuel chuckled slyly, "Although, maybe they want to be close to the bed."
Eren had to laugh. "That is an advantage."
"So, when can we meet her again?" asked Samuel. "I didn't really get to see her much earlier. She's blond, right? Aryan?"
"Half-German."
"So long as she's not Jewish."
Eren rolled his eyes. "I don't think I want you to see her at all."
"What? Why not?" Samuel cried out.
"As I recall, the only thing you were curious about was if she was a virgin. You said she didn't have sex appeal."
"Wait, that is Louise?" Samuel cried out. "That mouse?" He pulled back with a frown. "I mean, I guess if you love her, then you love her, but you could have done better."
Eren shrugged. "She'll make a good wife."
Daz tipped back the beer he was drinking. "If she can cook and she's good in bed, that's what is important. Looks? So what! We all get old, but we always need to eat. If a woman can cook well and fuck well, I don't care if she's covered in smallpox scars."
"That's probably the only woman you'll get," Eren teased, and Daz gave him a playful shove while Samuel burst out in laughter.
Down near the end of the hall, Ian opened his door and glared out. "Some of us are trying to sleep. Keep it down!"
"Yes, Oberleutnant Dietrich," they said, stifling their laughs.
After his door shut again, Samuel whispered, "He is such a sad lump! I don't know how you put up being in the same company as him. Gunther at least is nice."
"Even worse is your captain," Daz whispered. "His name is Woermann, right? I saw him down in the lobby a few days ago talking with Oberleutnant Dietrich. I swear, that man looks like he's about to murder everyone in sight. Terrifying! His eyes literally bulge out of his head."
"Is that true?" Samuel whispered, eager to gossip about higher-ranked officers.
"I'm sure you have stories," Daz said, elbowing Eren.
Eren nodded, holding back a glare. "He shot an Obergefreiter in the head just for talking to Jews."
Both soldiers cursed softly and shook their heads.
Samuel whispered, "I mean, I hate Jews more than anything, but shooting a soldier just for talking to one? Germany doesn't need men like that."
Daz scoffed. "Germany is going to end up like that if the Party keeps getting more strict."
"Watch your mouth!" warned Samuel. "Besides, there's an easy solution. Kill all the Jews, and then Germans won't talk to them. If I saw one of my men was fraternizing with a Jew, I would order the soldier to shoot the Jew himself. Did Woermann at least order that?"
Eren shook his head. "He let the Jews live, at least for a while."
"See, he's sadistic and he's an idiot. Shoot all the Jews, problem solved."
Eren crushed out his cigarette. "This talk about Jews is ruining my appetite. I'm going back."
"I hope your wife has a good appetite!" Daz called out.
"I bet you give her plenty of sausage to eat!" Samuel teased.
Eren flung back a crude hand gesture and went back to the room. He fiddled with the key before opening it so Levi would know he was coming in. After entering and locking the door behind him, Levi slowly raised up from behind the bed.
"You took long enough," he grumbled.
Eren was worried if Levi was mad. It was hard to tell sometimes. He liked to see how his cheeks flushed and how defensive he could get whenever he got embarrassed, but he never wanted to push Levi too far.
"Have you thought about what you want for dinner?" he asked, hoping to avoid the earlier conversation.
Levi took a seat on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. His brows tightened, furrowing deeply, and the expression worried Eren even more.
"Bashert," Levi muttered, but he hesitated. "Before we fell asleep, you talked about soulmates. The truth is, some Jews have a belief called bashert. It means destined, fated, intended ... soulmate."
"I see," he whispered. "You must have been talking to your wife in your sleep."
Levi looked up at him in confusion. "How did you come to that conclusion?"
"You asked if a person could have more than one soulmate. That means you think your wife was yours. That makes sense. I mean, you married her, and you obviously loved her very much..."
"It was only because you talked about it. I probably remembered my mother telling me that story, that's all. I never believed in that shit, and I never once called Petra my bashert. Never!"
Levi's anger concerned Eren. Was he mad that Eren had implied he believed in a superstition, or mad at himself that he never thought of the woman he married as his fated soulmate? Eren was unsure what to say.
Levi stared ahead, letting his mind drift. "My whole life, I didn't believe in fate. How could anyone be destined for all the shitty things I've seen in the past four years? How could God have brought them into this world just to suffer and die miserably like that? I refuse to believe it."
Faces flashed through his mind, people who had been beaten, raped, tortured, and so many who were now dead. Why would God have intended for any of it to happen? His anger at the injustices slowly drifted away.
"And yet," Levi whispered, "there are some things, some events, some people we meet along the way ... pure chance and dumb luck doesn't explain it all. I don't believe the bad things in our lives are destined to happen, and I don't believe the future is laid out before we're born, but maybe—just maybe..." His voice faded. "Do Germans have a belief in divine intervention?"
The large words confused Eren.
"Like, when God steps in," Levi explained.
He nodded now. "Ah, göttliches Eingreifen."
"Maybe there are people who God places into our lives for a reason. Not destiny, but more like he knows we need that person. Maybe that's what they mean by intended ... bashert. God knew that was the person you needed to meet at that particular moment in your life. A little poke here, a little shove there, he brings the two together."
Eren took a cautious step closer. "Do you think I'm your bashert?"
Levi sighed heavily. He wanted to say no. He wanted to believe that life was nothing but a series of choices, and all the awful things that happened were merely the consequences of those choices. A person could make a good choice—marrying a woman he loves and who loves him back—but then someone comes along who makes another choice—to kill that woman and cut her apart like a sacrificial lamb. It was not fate, but the consequences of a Nazi who made the choice to kill her. Living with those consequences, good and bad, was merely part of life.
Or at least, that was how he had seen the world for years.
"I think," he said, tentative as he debated the issue in his head, "meeting you was, by far, the luckiest thing to have ever happened in my life, and if it was not luck, then it was divine intervention. Being in that closet, in that building, on that day; and you being in that village, entering that building, inspecting that closed door—all the millions of choices we both made over the years that brought the two of us to that one moment in time, all so we could both make a split-second choice: you choosing not to shoot me, and me choosing not to slit your throat when I knew I could..."
He glanced up at Eren.
"I don't like to think that a failure to escape the Nazis, something that cost so many lives, was good luck for me, nor can I justify that it was nothing more than a series of random choices. I prefer to think that God put us both there for a reason, but after that, it was up to us to make the right choices. You chose to spare me, and I chose to trust you. Whatever the future may bring, I will never regret having made that choice. Maybe that's what fate is, I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is ... I think our meeting was fate, but how I feel about you now is my own choice."
Wavering hope filled his heart as Eren took a step closer. "How ... How you feel about me now?"
Levi scoffed as his cheeks turned pink and his face turned away. "Don't make me say it out loud. You know what I mean."
A burst of joy surged through Eren. He hurried over to Levi, but as he leaned in for a kiss, Levi put his hand up to block his lips.
"Brush your teeth first."
Eren pulled back in concern. "Hä? Why?"
"Your mouth reeks like the bottom of an ashtray. I don't want to kiss you when you taste like wet, used tobacco."
He realized that Levi had complained about his breath after smoking before. "Do you hate cigarettes?"
"My uncle smoked, so I learned to put up with it, but I personally don't like the smell, and I hate the taste in my mouth."
Eren pouted and mumbled, "I can try to cut back, but it's hard. I've been smoking since I was fourteen."
"It's addictive."
"Yes, that is why Hitler made laws against smoking." Eren chuckled mischievously. "It was a way for me to rebel."
"You rebel merely by existing, takhshet. Just like me."
Eren held his hand and whispered, "Like you?"
Levi slid their fingers together, grasping on to one another. "Go brush your teeth so I can kiss you."
Eren gave his hand a squeeze, and then he hurried to the bathroom to vigorously brush his teeth. He also drank some wine and swished it around his mouth, hoping the alcohol would kill the taste.
"I should buy ... what do you call them ... Minzbonbons."
"Do you mean mint candies?"
"Yes! My mother loved those, and maybe that will help."
"It'd definitely make your breath smell good."
Eren stepped up with a tiny smirk. "Would you kiss me more then?"
Levi threaded his fingers through Eren's hair and leaned up into him. "Do you want even more kisses? Such a greedy boy!"
Enthralled by Levi's sensual voice, Eren whispered, "May I kiss you now?"
Levi put a finger to his lips. "We should get dinner first."
"Please, just a kiss!"
Levi thought about it, but that begging face was too adorable. He lowered his finger. "Just one."
Eren leaned down and captured his lips. Levi's hand was still in his hair, and it pulled him in more. He might be playful, but Eren could tell that Levi loved being kissed.
To his surprise, Eren felt Levi pushing him toward the bed, and he eagerly followed, not wanting to give up Levi's lips, not yet! His knees hit the back of the mattress, and he collapsed in an awkward sit, only to find Levi immediately climbing up onto his lap, straddling him and clutching at his shoulders. Eren cupped his ass and pulled him in even closer with a heady grunt.
"Quiet!" warned Levi. "Remember, nothing to make either of us moan."
"They heard me last night anyway," said Eren. "They thought it was me and Louise. So really, only you have to keep quiet." He chuckled slyly. "You can do all you want to me."
"You wish! Just kisses for now."
Just kisses, Levi told himself over and over again as he peppered tiny pecks down Eren's throat. Their hands clutched everywhere, but Levi kept hitting the medals pinned to Eren's uniform.
Damn annoying Nazi shit! He pulled back just enough to demand, "Take it off."
Eren undid his tunic and threw it aside. Thin fingers yanked Eren's cotton undershirt out from its neat tuck, and Eren moaned as Levi's cold hands slid up his torso. He pulled his undershirt over his head and threw it, hitting something off the nightstand. His hands fumbled with Levi's shirt buttons, struggling until Levi finally got the last few buttons himself and yanked the shirt off.
Levi pressed his hand against Eren's chest and shoved him flat down. They crashed together, chests bare, groping at each other in fierce desperation.
Eren loved to feel Levi on top of him and the passion that surged through every kiss. He shivered as those lips trailed down across his chest, and as Levi kissed his perk nipple, a soft whimper escaped between Eren's lips.
Levi had to admit, although he was the one who warned him about keeping quiet, he really wanted to hear Eren. He leaned down again and grabbed the nipple harder, sucking it tightly. That got a loud moan that surely the entire floor would hear.
It also made Eren hard down below, and Levi could feel it making thrusts up toward him. He glanced down at the pale body he was straddling. A flat chest, sculpted abs, and that lump in the trousers.
"What am I doing?" he whispered, and he began to pull back.
Eren was not about to let him sink into doubts and misery again. He grabbed Levi and rolled them, caging him in.
"What you're doing is being with me."
Then he kissed Levi hard. Maybe it was forceful, but he knew Levi could break free if he really wanted to. Levi protested for only a few seconds before eagerly grabbing Eren. The brief guilt was gone, and he could pursue what he really wanted.
By the way Levi's hands grabbed at his back, scratching at times in his frenzy, Eren could hardly help but smirk at how desperately Levi wanted him. He could feel how strongly Levi felt for him, and it made him groan while his hips flexed, grinding against him.
"You'll need to tell me when to stop," he whispered as he kissed along Levi's throat. "More than just not making you moan. I'm pretty sure you're the type who could do a lot and not make a noise."
"That sounds like a challenge."
He leaned in closer to Levi with lowered eyes and a flush to his cheeks. "It is!"
He kissed even lower, nibbling along Levi's collar bone, gradually sliding down his chest. His fingers toyed with Levi's nipples while his lips journeyed along his abs. How he would love to pinch those nipples and get Levi to cry out! But he knew those were sensitive, so he had to be careful there. His lips moved lower, giving kisses all around above the hem of his trousers. Then, cautiously, he planted a tiny kiss right on the tip of Levi's crotch.
Eren's eyes gazed up at him with a raging fire behind them. "May I touch you here?"
Levi battled between need and uncertainty. "Down there?" he choked out. "Why would you want to touch that?"
Eren chuckled deeply. "I figured that would be obvious by your age. Weren't you married? Surely, you know how that works."
"Shut up, brat!"
"I would love to do much more, but for now..." His fingers were close—oh so close—but he held back. "Through the clothing. You don't have to do anything back if you don't want to, but may I touch you?"
Did he want this?
How long had it been since someone touched him there?
He looked down at his hand, where there was still a faint indent from the wedding ring the Nazis had taken from him two years ago.
Could he find happiness with another person?
He already knew the answer to that. He had fallen for Eren, so why not plunge fully in?
"Do what you want," he grumbled.
"But do you want me to?" Eren asked, needing more than just a bland submission.
Levi gulped hard, humiliated at having to say it out loud. His voice was soft, trembling slightly, as he admitted, "I want it."
Eren sighed in relief. "Danke."
Levi closed his eyes as he felt the first gentle touch. His whole body jolted, but he clenched his throat. The touch was so soft, barely even detectable, but Levi still had to force himself to stay still.
Why was he agreeing to this? It was weird! It was too much! He was too overwhelmed to even think, let alone speak.
Eren glanced up to check on Levi and saw his face pinched up, biting his lips until they were white.
"Should I stop?"
Levi's brain said Yes, but his body screamed Hell no! He shook his head vigorously.
Eren smiled and continued to caress with a sense of wonder.
Like he had been holding his breath—and maybe he had been—Levi gasped. "It's been so long."
So long since he had been pleasured like this.
The last time ... was with her.
Petra's hands had always been so uncertain. Even after four years of marriage, she reluctantly touched him, only doing it if he asked her. She really had been a prim and proper housewife.
There was no hesitation in Eren's hand, no awkward face of mild disgust. There was eager curiosity and determination. He had a wistful smile, like he was finally getting to do something he had always dreamed about, but it was not as much as he really wanted.
Eren glanced up. He saw everything in Levi's face, old memories, the pain of loss, and the confusion of feeling like this again. Levi had survived so much to get to this point, and Eren wanted to let him indulge.
His fingers were soft, petting more than stroking, wanting to feel the shape and radiating heat. He outlined through the trousers. He knew already what it looked like and imagined it now, how it would feel to touch it directly. Every tiny twitch thrilled him, and every time Levi shivered, his heart skipped a beat with excitement.
A part of Levi was growing frustrated by the soft, almost ticklish touches. He wished Eren was just a little more assertive.
"More."
Eren glanced up at the breathless whisper. Really? He could do more? He groped a little firmer. A silent shiver rippled through Levi's body at the heat of Eren's hand, and his hips arched into the touches, craving even more. Sensing the need, Eren wrapped his hand completely around, at least as much as the trousers allowed. He gave a firm stroke down.
"Ah!"
Eren smirked playfully. "And here I thought you were the silent type. You're actually quite sensitive."
"Shut up!"
Eren's fingers caressed up and down the length of a hardened shaft. How privileged he was, to get permission to touch a man like Levi! He leaned over and planted a kiss on the tip of the tenting bulge.
Levi opened his eyes to look down. "What the hell are you doing now?"
"Being thankful," he whispered. He kissed the trousers again, peppering kisses in an outline of the erection hidden underneath.
Levi squirmed, but he did not let out a noise. He wanted to know what Eren had planned, and his heart hammered in anticipation. Then suddenly, Eren pulled back, and Levi saw him thinking through something, debating it like he was planning for a battle. His brow furrowed, his eyes flicked around, and his jaw was set in determination. Then his whole body shifted up.
"Levi, may I ask a favor?"
He frowned in concern. "What?"
"May I ... give you a kiss?" His eyes glanced back to Levi's crotch. "Down there."
"Like what you've been doing?"
"I mean ... not through the clothes."
Levi's mouth dropped in shock at such boldness.
"Just a kiss!" Eren quickly assured. "On the tip. That's all."
A kiss? There?
Levi felt this was definitely way too much. Then again, they could be separated at any time. He would hate to leave knowing he denied Eren such a heartfelt request. Levi's fingers reached out to cup Eren's cheek, and the young soldier leaned into the touch, giving the palm of his hand a kiss.
"Don't do anything weird."
Eren's eyes instantly lit up. "Do you mean, I can?" he asked, giddy with happiness.
Seriously, how could he refuse when Eren looked so adorable? "Just a kiss, right?"
He nodded firmly. Just a kiss!
Eren quickly slid back down. Levi watched, both cautious and curious. Eren's eyes gleamed with such excitement.
Seriously, this brat!
His mind briefly flashed back. The first time Petra had touched him there, she had been unsure. He had practically begged her and guided her hand down. He still remembered the face of disgust she had made when her fingers touched his penis, and how it had completely killed the mood for him. Later, he spent days worrying if he had been forceful, pushing her too fast.
Now, it was Eren begging and Levi who was hesitant. The last thing he wanted was for Eren to worry that he was pushing him into something against his will. He was so considerate, always asking permission.
"Eren," he whispered.
Those teal eyes jolted up in worry. As warmly as he possibly could, Levi touched the top of Eren's head. The fear in his face melted, and he looked like a happy cat about to purr from getting his head petted.
Then Levi's hand went down. To show Eren that he really was okay with this and it was not succumbing to pressure, he unzipped his trousers and slipped his cock out through the front flap. He watched Eren's eyes light up in wonder, then his face turned up to look at him with an eager, silent question: May I? Levi answered with a nod of his head.
For a few seconds, Eren simply gazed down at the circumcised penis. He had seen it many times, but now it was all his to play with. He reached down and finally got to touch Levi. He cradled it in his hands and lifted the shaft ever so carefully. He could feel the inflamed heat of his skin and the softness of the flushed head.
Then he leaned over. Eren kissed the tip so reverently, almost like he feared that if he touched too much, this holy relic would crumble to dust, or worse, deem him unworthy. His lips lingered there, wanting this one granted kiss to last.
Levi felt the warmth of those lips, so soft like rose petals, and his throat choked up. How could Eren treat this like such a holy act? It was kissing a cock! If anything, it was mildly disgusting! Yet Eren's eyes remained closed while his lips made a small move, the tiniest pucker to wrap around the very tip of the head.
Levi's hand went down, but as soon as his fingers touched Eren's head, his whole face flinched up, eyes wide with worry. Levi petted Eren's hair. He was so attentive, even now!
"It's okay," he whispered. He loved the way Eren's entire face lit up with relief and joy.
"May I ... again?"
With lowered eyes full of passion, Levi nodded.
Eren began to lean over, but his gaze stayed up at Levi, watching for any sign that he did not want this. Instead, he saw curiosity and trust. Eren gave another gentle kiss, then another just below the head where he saw a faded scar from the circumcision. He glanced up to see if that was still okay, and the softness in Levi's tiny smile encouraged him.
He kissed down along the shaft. How he wished Levi's trousers and underwear were off, so he could kiss everything, but this was enough for now. He kissed back up to the head, letting his lips drag over the flushed skin. He felt the cock twitch in his hand and saw it make a small leap.
To Eren, that was an amazing experience. To actually see and feel that!
Then, to his surprise, he saw a tiny, clear drop pearl up on the tip of the cock. He was stunned. Did Levi really enjoy it that much? He glanced up, but he figured he could be at least a little sneaky. His lips went back to the head and wrapped around just a little, enough to wipe that droplet off. He then licked his lips, getting the amazing opportunity to taste it.
Levi's taste!
Suddenly, Eren feared if that was too far. He had not asked for permission. Maybe Levi did not want to be tasted like that yet.
"Eren?"
He jolted up, terrified that maybe he had offended Levi, but instead he saw concern.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" He flinched and quietly confessed, "Sorry, you ... you had, um ... You leaked a little."
Levi looked flustered but not angry. "Is it dripping?"
Eren glanced back down. "No. I ... I ... got it on my lips."
"Are you okay?"
Was he okay? He was worried that Levi would be furious at him. Instead, as soon as Levi saw that Eren was not mad, his hand went out, beckoning him back up.
"Let's stop here."
"But—"
"At least for now."
For now! Was Eren just imagining things, or was that a promise for more another day?
He carefully tucked Levi back away, giving one last kiss to the tented head. Then he slid up into Levi's waiting arms. He curled on top of his chest and felt Levi embrace him.
Levi whispered, "You've never touched anyone like that before, have you?"
Eren flinched. "Was it bad?"
"No," Levi said with a tiny laugh. "Just ... you're new to all this. Have you ever touched a cock before, besides your own?"
Eren's face went red as he shook his head.
Levi rubbed up and down Eren's arms. "You sure seem confident."
"What do you mean?"
"You know what you want to do."
Eren laughed awkwardly. "Well, I've heard plenty of stories from the other men, and ... and I've ... dreamed things." His fingers caressed over Levi's chest. "I'm sorry if I ask for too much."
"I would let you know."
Eren raised up onto his elbow. "Was that much okay?"
Levi felt the tingle down below easing away. "It was ... nice." He saw Eren pout in worry. "I mean it! It's just a little weird. I..." He felt uneasy suddenly. "Give me some time to get used to it."
"Yes, of course!" Eren assured right away. "I'm sorry if that was too much."
"No. It's not your fault. When I'm in the moment, I really want it," he confessed. "It's the worries afterward that are the problem."
"I'm so sorry—"
"Stop that!" Levi clutched Eren to him endearingly. "It's my fault. I overthink things; I always have. I don't know how much longer I have with you. We don't know what tomorrow may bring, when the bombs will start to fall or the tanks will roll through the streets. I don't know when I'm going to have to say goodbye to you, when you'll be sent out to fight, or if you'll be—"
The words cut off. The thought of losing Eren forever was far too cruel after everything else he had lost.
"I feel like I need a few more days to get used to things between us, but I don't know if I have a few days left with you. A part of me wants to rush along and ... and ... have my way with you!"
Eren's eyebrows shot up in surprise as Levi growled the words. The smaller man cursed in French and forced his voice back down.
"I don't like feeling the pressure of time and the uncertainty. I want to take my time with you, show you everything slowly, let you enjoy every new touch, new experience, new pleasure. Slowly! Because that freshness, that exploration, it's something you can't take back. Once you've done it, it's no longer une nouvelle expérience." Levi's brow pulled down tightly. "I don't want it to be for you like it was for me."
"Do you mean your first time making love? What was that like?"
"Horrible! My uncle got me a prostitute for my fifteenth birthday. I didn't want one, but he pressured me into it. I didn't get any slow exploration, no love. I got to fuck her. That apparently proved to my uncle that I was man enough to survive on my own, and he suddenly vanished on me. I never saw him again."
"So, you want to go slowly with me because you didn't get to enjoy your first time?"
"You deserve to enjoy it."
"But I am! I'm enjoying all of this." Eren's cheeks brightened as he laughed and mumbled, "I wouldn't mind enjoying more."
Levi scoffed playfully. "More? Aren't you a greedy little brat!"
Eren snuggled into his embrace. "Not greedy. Impatient."
Levi held him closely. "Well, be a little patient with me. You may be an inexperienced child who had never been kissed before, but I'm new to the idea of being with a man."
Eren hummed and nodded in agreement. They both needed time, yet time was one luxury they did not have.
Levi gave him a kiss on the head. "We really should get dinner."
"Do you need to ... what is the word ... wank off?"
"I'm not a brat like you. I'll be fine."
Eren had a small, coquettish smile. "I might want to know that you enjoyed it that much."
Levi playfully glared at him. "I'm sure you'd love to watch as well."
He merely shrugged, showing he would absolutely love that.
Levi poked Eren in the chest and pushed him back. "That's definitely going too far. All I need is a piss and some cold water on my face."
They sat up and pulled their shirts back on. Levi went to the bathroom to wash up and cool off, while Eren went to the telephone to call room service. As he waited for the food to arrive, he listened into the bathroom, hoping to hear Levi stroking himself for a quick release, but no such luck. He really did have good self-control.
Eren rushed to the table and yanked up the newspaper just seconds before Levi stepped out, his face a little damp from an ice cold splash of water. Levi sat on the bed and checked out his ankle. It was still sore, but the swelling was down. A full day of sleeping had helped with the healing. Then he heard a knock, and in a flash he was under the bed.
Once the food was in and the door locked, they sat down for dinner. Levi felt like he seriously needed some wine now, while Eren hardly wanted anything at all to touch his lips, not after experiencing that tiny taste of Levi. He stared at his food, but his whole body was wound up. Such a tease only made him want so much more!
Noticing Eren still looking flushed, Levi suggested, "How about you go wank off?"
Eren's face burned red as he shook his head.
"Like you said, you don't have to be quiet. Aren't you supposed to pretend like your wife is here?"
Eren looked up at him in shock. Did Levi want to listen to him like that? The glint in his narrow eyes was answer enough.
Levi dropped his ardent gaze and shook his head. "I'm joking. You don't have to, but don't hold back just because of me. I can plug my ears, if you need."
Now, Eren kind of wanted Levi to listen, but he was too embarrassed to actually do it. "Could you ... Could you hear me yesterday?"
Levi took another bite of food and shrugged. "I might have heard something. Who knows?"
Eren buried his head down into his hands and cursed in German with so much embarrassment, his blush went up to his ears and down the nap of his neck.
Levi thought it was so adorable, how Eren could be fiery and passionate one minute, bashful and demure the next. He was inexperienced and not fully sure how to express all of his instincts. Especially since it was two men, how were they supposed to go forward? Levi had a few ideas, based on crude stories he heard and the vile memories of assault, but this was different.
It was so much different, because this was full of tenderness and mutual trust.
He wanted Eren to enjoy this slowly, but it was a battle against Time.
When he glanced up, he saw Eren gazing at him. Levi could hardly help but think of those lips on his cock and the gentle touches. It made him tingle all over again.
"Now, I really do need to buy Minzbonbons," Eren said, and he smirked naughtily. "Especially if I'm going to taste you like that more!"
Levi kicked him under the table, and Eren burst into laughter at how red his face turned.
Eren suddenly lifted his wineglass. "Here's to the American pigs staying stuck in the mud."
Levi snorted out a laugh. He couldn't help it! He should be hoping that the Allies got their act together and finally liberated this city, yet the battle would be weeks, maybe months, of brutal hell. How much of the beauty of this city would survive the onslaught? How many people—not just soldiers and the Resistance, but average civilians—would live to see liberation?
If just a little longer, he hoped that this fragile tranquility lasted.
He clinked glasses with Eren and took a sip, silently hoping for just a little more time together.
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Happy 50th chapter, everyone! I hope you liked this tasty little treat.
Dawndew made me this aesthetic for Chapters 47-50. What lovely imagery!
Levi's Yiddish – It didn't make sense to translate the Yiddish in text last chapter, since part of the fun is Eren not knowing what Levi is saying, so here are all the translations:
Ima, lo' ba' li – "Mother, I don't feel like it." (Levi being adorable: "I don't wanna!") I was told that this is Hebrew, not Yiddish. My husband's family often blends the two languages, with some knowing Hebrew but not Yiddish, and others speaking Yiddish but only knowing basic Hebrew. If anyone speaks Yiddish and wants to correct me, please feel free.
Takhshet, zei nit kain vyzoso – Literally, "Brat, be not an evil idiot/penis," so a bit like saying "Don't be a dickhead."
Neshomeleh – Literally "sweet soul," sweetheart, darling, dearest.Gai tren zich – "Go fuck yourself."Farmach dos moyl – Literally "Shut your mouth."
Bashert/b'sheirt/besheirt – Yiddish for destiny, fate, intended, meant to be. Bashert can be applied to a perfect partner in one's career, in a friendship, or any other quest in life, although in modern times it is mostly used to mean a romantic partner, a soulmate. As the belief goes, 40 days before a son is born, the heavens announce whom he will marry. Thus, marriage is fated by heaven itself. Since the Torah gives advice for finding a good wife, not all Jews believe in a destined spouse. After all, why give advice if you are destined to marry your soulmate anyway? It's still a sweet idea. My husband is definitely "heaven-sent."
https://www.jewfaq.org/marriage.htmhttps://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380433/jewish/Soul-Mates.htm
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(Queen Esther, by Hermann Anschuetz)
RANDOM RELIGIOUS/HISTORICAL NOTE
Levi said the phrase "zei nit kain vyzoso," which is normally translated as "Don't be stupid," or a bit more like "Don't be a dickhead." The Yiddish word "vyzoso" can mean both idiot or penis and derives from Vaizatha (also spelled Vajezatha, Vayzatha, Vizata, etc.) the youngest son of Haman the Agagite from the Book of Esther.
Haman was a stereotypical evil adviser to the king and the villain in the biblical Book of Esther. The Jews were in exile in Persia, and Haman hated them so much, he planned to wipe them all out. However, King Ahasuerus had just married Esther, who hid that she was a Jew. Learning of the plot, she finally confessed her heritage to the king and told him that Haman planned to have her killed. The king grew enraged that anyone would dare threaten his beloved wife and ordered that Haman be hanged.
(Esther Denouncing Haman, by Ernest Normand)
The king offered Esther anything she desired, up to half his kingdom. She requested that the Jews throughout the Persian Empire be allowed to defend themselves against Haman's troops. The king wrote a royal decree allowing the Jews to take up arms and fight back. The ten sons of Haman were killed, along with their armies. The next day, the Jews celebrated, feasted, and gave gifts. The holiday Purim commemorates this victory.
When the king asked if Esther wished for anything else, she said, "If it pleases the king, let it be granted to the Jews who are in Shushan to do again tomorrow according to today's decree, and let Haman's ten sons be hanged on the gallows."
This sounds weirdly extreme. The men were already dead, so why hang them?
This comes down to challenges in translation. In Hebrew, there is a "tomorrow that is now" and a "tomorrow that is later." In other words, Esther is not saying that they should be hanged the very next day, but that any future "ten sons of Haman" should be hanged some time in the distant "tomorrow." This sort of phrasing is used in the Bible to make a prophecy. Also, while the English Bible says Esther asked "the king," the Hebrew word being used can apply to "God the King." So her request is not to Ahasuerus, but to God.
Now we get into the fun part. Haman is referred to as an Agagite. The Bible lists Agag as the king of Amalek, so Haman and his sons were Amalekites. These were one of the reoccurring bad guys in the Bible, constantly plotting genocide against the Jews. The Talmud says that the descendants of the Amalekites fled to Germania, the Roman word for the land now called Deutschland, and how English gets the word Germany. So this links Germans with the "sons of Haman."
So, were ten Germans ever hanged in a way that fulfills Esther's prophecy?
Yes! And no surprise, they were Nazis.
On January 30, 1944, Hitler said in a speech that if Germany was defeated, "Jewry could then celebrate the destruction of Europe by a second triumphant Purim festival." So, Hitler was aware of Purim and the story of the sons of Haman. He hated the idea of Purim so much, he even banned reading the Book of Esther.
After World War II, 23 Nazi leaders were tried at Nuremberg for war crimes. Although military tribunals normally call for death by firing squad, the court ordered that 12 were to be hanged. Martin Bormann was convicted although he was missing at the time, and his remains would not be found until 1973, when it was discovered that he committed suicide via cyanide just after the fall of Berlin. Just hours before his execution, Hermann Goering also committed suicide by swallowing cyanide. The remaining 10 Germans were hanged to death on October 16, 1946.
The prediction of Esther apparently hovered in the back of the minds of the Nazi leaders, because as he stood on the gallows, Julius Streicher's last words were a snarling scream at the Jewish witnesses to his execution: "Purim Fest 1946!"
In addition, the names of Haman's ten sons are traditionally written in a strange way in Hebrew, in two vertical lists. To the right are the names of the sons with some letters elongated, others written small. Jewish scribes have repeated this strange letter formation for thousands of years, not changing it despite the oddity. Those three smaller letters form taf-shin-zayin, or the Jewish year 5707, which is the secular year 1946. The left column is a repeat of the word v'et (and), however, it is not the AND that means in addition; instead, it means replication. In other words, each son AND someone else not named would be hanged.
Even more to this idea, the date of the Nazi execution was October 16th, the Jewish festival of Hoshana Rabba. While Yom Kippur (which Levi is about to celebrate) is the day when the new year's judgment is sealed, Hoshana Rabba is when all of God's verdicts are delivered.
So, some believe that God judged these ten Nazis, his verdict was delivered on Hoshana Rabba, and the ten "sons of Haman" who wanted to wipe out Jews were hanged from the gallows in the Jewish year 5707, fulfilling Esther's prophecy.
I will leave it to my readers to decide if this was a real biblical prophecy or just a cool theory.
https://medium.com/interfaith-now/why-did-a-2-400-year-old-bible-book-terrify-the-nazis-45cf35f39e2dhttps://ohr.edu/holidays/purim/deeper_insights/3440https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/1952332/hamans-sons-correlating-to-the-nuremberg-nazis-ys.htmlhttp://www.herealittletherealittle.net/index.cfm?page_name=Bible-Code-Ten-Sons-Hamanhttp://www.watchmanbiblestudy.com/BibleStudies/Feasts/Purim.htmlhttps://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/purim