3rd January 1990 / London
Chrissie's POV
"Jonny I'm really worried... you all need a break from this" He shakes his head and continues on down the hall towards the stage "Please Jonny... you can't see how much this is affecting you". "See you after the show" He doesn't even bother looking back at me before he bounds onto the stage with Richie and Alec on either side of him. They all look like ghosts of the people they were a few months ago. The guys don't really hang out anymore, they'll sleep in bed all day, do the show, drink all night then repeat it all the next day. We spent Christmas day in a hotel here in London, which I was not thrilled about at all but nothing can be done if they won't listen.
I'm watching from the side as they blaze through the show but I can't help but feel so upset. I really am so worried and this whole situation has even started affecting Jon and me, I can tell he's sick of it but he won't talk to me about it. He glances over to me and it somehow triggers me into sobbing my heart out. I clamp my hand round my mouth and sprint off down the hall to the dressing room. We've been through so much together, I just hope we can get through this. I lock myself away in the bathroom, curling up on the toilet and balling my eyes out into my hands.
A good 20 minutes later, I can hear the five of them bounding back into the dressing room and where there was once laughter and joking is silence, with only a few words exchanged. "Where's Chrissie?" My ears prick up when I hear Jon's exhausted, breathy voice but I can't bring myself to answer or even come out "How are we supposed to know where your wife is?". "I was only askin man... chill" He huffs out a sigh and a second later there's a knock on the door "Chrissie babe? you in there?". I sniffle up and continue to quietly sob away to myself "Babe... please open the door... let me in?". "Not even your wife wants to see this shit" Dave pipes up but earns silence in response, however, he is right "Chrissie... please". I sniffle up as I stand up from the toilet, not even bothering to wipe my tears dry. I unlock the door and curl back up on the toilet, letting him open the door himself.
I rest my head on my knees, wrapping my arms round my legs, facing away from the door as it swings open. If he has no interest in seeing just how much this is affecting them, then how can I possibly help. A second later I feel his soft warm hand on my shoulder, caressing it tenderly "Baby.... look at me". I sniffle up and continue to face away from him, fearing if I look at him, I'll cry even more when I see the pain in his eyes, that pain that resides in all of them. "Please... I can't see you like this too" I slowly pick my heavy head up, turning to face him. His eyes are heavy and puffy, his hair is extra messy, I hate seeing him like this.
"I'm sorry.... for dragging you into this shit... I never wanted you to get involved in this" I sniffle up and sigh when he starts caressing and stroking my damp cheek "Please Jonny... Can't we just go home?". "No... not yet... I'm sorry... but we have to finish this tour... I'm not gonna be the guy that cancels shows or... turns up late... I'll look like shit... but I'll turn up on time" I swiftly shake my head, more sobs burstin from my lips "But why isn't Doc doing anything? The record company? they should see what it's doing to all of you... I mean.... Alec collapsed on stage Jonny...you went 6 weeks with a broken leg... you don't even talk or laugh anymore... It's not healthy". "They don't care... as long as they get their money... they don't care what's done.... thought you realised that after the last tour... I was dying and they didn't care" I grab his hand and smash my face into it, desperate to feel close to him "But I care.... and I'm so scared... and I don't wanna see it". "Cmere baby.... It'll be okay" He grips my waist and pulls me onto his lap, encircling me in his warmth. "Everything will be okay.... but I need you on my side... I need you" I swiftly nod my head, sliding my hands round his neck "I'm always on your side... you and the guys.. My heart will always be yours.. always". He smiles softly and rests his forehead against mine "Always".
He pulls me in for a damp, passionate kiss, making me coo and sigh for more. He stumbles to his feet, keeping me wrapped round his waist with his lips latched to mine. He grunts when he slumps down on the toilet seat, our kiss gradually becoming more heated by the second. He pulls his hands back round and fumbles round for a moment. He gently pulls me closer and lowers me down. I tip my head back, my moans reverberating as I slide down on his hard cock, all of his inches filling me up. I had no idea what he was doing but, now I do and I'm certainly not complaining either. He slides my dress up over my head, leaving me completely naked.
"Ahhhh Jonny!!" He grips my ass and starts kneading me onto his long, hard length while jerking his hips upward "Mmmmhh Chrissie". I use his shoulders as a clutch while I lift myself up so I'm crouching over his lap. I slide down on his length once more, feeling it stretch my tight walls open "Ahh yeah... fuck". "Ahh shit babe... That feels so good" He gasps as he watches his cock being swallowed by my needy pussy.
He clamps his hands round my waist and stands up from the toilet seat, laying me down on the counter. He wastes no time in fucking me deep and slow which only makes this more pleasurable. "Jonny... oh fuck... I'M.....CUMMING!!" I break off screaming and moaning when my orgasm arrives, my walls pulsing and tightening around his cock. He clamps my waist like a vice and starts slamming into me harder, making my orgasm much more intense "JONNY... I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!".
. . .
We're finally back at the hotel, naturally on our own considering the guys don't really hang out anymore. "Jonny why don't we have a drink with the guys?" He twists his face, clearly unsure whether that's a good idea or not "Hmm.... They'll all be tired". "I could go ask them?" He sighs deep and nods his head, allowing me to go ask.
I knock on Richie's door before swinging it open and as suspected he's laying in bed "Hey Richie". "Hi Honey... what's goin on?" I hum lightly as I make my way in, feeling rather nervous to ask "Well... we were wondering... if you wanted to come in and have a drink?". "I'm not sure... feeling pretty tired" My smile drops into a frown, feeling pretty disappointed with his answer "Oh... okay... sorry to bother you". My hand just clutches the handle when he shouts out "Wait..... I'll come".
After going round the rest of the rooms, we all head back to mine and Jon's room with plenty beer and pizza in hand, preparing ourselves for a much needed drink. We knock on the door just to trick him into thinking they said no "Lemme guess.... they're tired?". His smile stretches into a wide smile, from ear to ear when he sees us all huddled round the door. Richie steps forward, placing his hand on his shoulder "Yeah Kidd... we're tired... but... I'd rather be tired together". "Yeah... me too Jonny" Dave pipes up and places his hand on Jon's shoulder, offering him a friendly smile. Richie and Tico do the same and they all end up standing in the doorway for about a minute which I'm finding so heart warming.
The night goes by in such a blur but we all ended up out of our minds drunk, all of us squeezed onto the same bed. It was the best night we've had for a while but for some reason, I get the strangest feeling that it's going to be the last.
17th February 1990 / Mexico
Jon's POV
"Jon... There's a problem with security... it's too much of a risk to have you guys leave here after the show.... you'll get mobbed" I sigh out of pure frustration, clamping my hands round my waist "So what the fuck are we supposed to do? sleep here for the night?". "We can either cancel tomorrow's show and do it at a later date or..... do both today" My arms drop down, feeling the ground disappear from under my feet. I remain silent for a moment, pacing the floor and balling my hair up into my fist while I think of what to do. Either way, whatever I choose to do, at this point, the band are so far gone, we're all so drained that it can't possibly do any more damage. Doc waits patiently for my decision but I still don't have one yet, my mind is so groggy and tired "So what's it gonna be Jon?". The longer I think about it, the more I realise that I don't think I can wait till a later date, I'd much rather get it done in one day, which is so unethical but I know the band will understand that I'm not going to cancel shows and disappoint the kids out there who want to see us.
"We'll just do both shows today..." The whole band looks ashen faced at my suggestion but we really don't have any other choice "Are you sure about that Jon?". "Yeah... we'll be fine... just put a bar up on stage... as long as we have alcohol... we'll be alright" Richie and Dave look at each other then back at me "Kidd you never drink during a show". "Richie we're gonna need it this time... there's no way I'm steppin foot on that stage without some alcohol to keep me goin" They all exhale shaky deep breaths in hopes of conjuring up a tiny bit of strength. I think we are all so drained of energy and any kind of positive attitude by this point, we're all just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We're all busy getting dressed for the first show. All the guys crammed into the same dressing room while I'm in the bathroom, staring at my tired reflection. I can see he's screaming for sleep, for rest, anything but to get up on that stage today. It's as if I'm staring at a completely different guy to the one who started this tour, that's exactly how it feels, like all the life, energy and passion has been sucked out of me. Everything I loved about touring and making music has been taken away from us by the record company and the management and I'm getting sick of it. I desperately want to get rid of them all, I just need to bide my time. I sigh deep and swing the door open, taking a few steps towards the guys "Alright... let's do this... anyone want a drink... I'm makin em".
We're heading towards the stage, all of us in a line, looking like we're walking to the gallows. I never want to go on stage before a show, I always just want to run away but once I'm on the stage, a whole other rush of emotions fills me up and it feels great. My heart lights up a little when I see Chrissie sitting in the hall, waiting patiently with a smile on her face. I smile softly and reach out my hand for her "You comin to watch the show babe?". She swiftly nods in excitement, giving my fingers a tender rub before I disappear out the door, into the unknown. I have no idea how this show is going to go or what will even happen after this but one thing I know for sure, I will always remember this show as being the worst ever.
. . .
We're currently on the jet to destination anywhere after an exhausting tour. My eyes have been staring out the window for ages now and my lips, so tired from singing, haven't uttered a single word. My soul feels weary and withered to the bone that it's going to take a while to get back to normal, my heart feels like it's cracking in half. We've been on the road, constantly moving from one place to the next for nearly 10 years and it's all came to this.
"Jon... where are we going?" Chrissie's sweet voice tears me from my melancholy trance out the window "Hmm?". "Where are we going? why aren't the guys here?" I sigh deep and wrap my arm round her, pulling her in for a warm embrace "It's over.... I'm done... We're goin to Malibu". I can tell she has more questions and even more on her mind but for now, she thankfully remains silent, most likely sensing my mental anguish.
After a quiet flight, we're finally at our home in Malibu, lazing in bed with Chrissie's naked body draped over me like a blanket. My fingers trail up and down her spine and it's acting as a sweet distraction from my unsettled thoughts. Her light snoozes and coos are music to my ears, so soothing and calming in a time of stress. She sniffles up and twitches awake when I unconsciously move my leg "Huh? what? did I... fall asleep?". "Yeah.... go back to sleep if you want?" She smiles softly up at me, blinking her heavy lids a few times "Are you okay? you've been real quiet Jon". "I'm okay babe... I promise" I lean in and peck her on the lips, giving her silky skin a quick caress "Hmm okay". I'm not the kind of guy to talk about my problems, communication is not my strong point but I'm trying to work on it. So naturally I told her I'm fine but my mind is racing. "You wanna dance little Rose?" She giggles and coos into the crook of my neck "Always".
"Wise men say......" Our song starts blaring from the speaker as we merge together for our slow dance. She gazes deeply into my eyes for a moment before resting her head on my chest. It feels like everything is disappearing and it's just us, dancing to our song in our home. Just in this moment, there's no tour, no album, no band, nothing, just my wife and I dancing in our home. "Chrissie.... I just wanna say... you really are... everything.... I've loved you from the first moment I saw you..." She lifts her head once again, her bright eyes searching mine "I love you Jon".
We continue to dance for a while longer, letting the record play through to the end. There's always been something about her that keeps me grounded and solid. I honestly can't picture my life without her and I want her with me for the rest of my life.
We fall asleep facing each other with our hands draped over one another. I'm almost immediately sucked into a sweet dream. I know it's a dream but a part of me wants it to be real. I'm laying in bed with Chrissie by my side but there's something different, I can hear something echoing through the house. I force myself up out of bed, making my way through the halls. The further into the house I get, the louder and more clearer it becomes. It sounds like crying, but I can't be certain. At the end of the hall is a door with a Rose on it but this door doesn't exist in my house. I walk right up to the door and wrap my hand round the handle, giving it a gentle tug. The door creaks as it swings open and that's when the sound becomes clear, someone is crying. I walk inside to see a small cot in the centre of the room and something tells me to go over to take a look. With my wits about me I walk over, not sure what I'm expecting to see inside.
My heart swells up when I see a tiny baby wriggling around in the cot, crying her heart out. I'm assuming it's a girl from the pink baby grow she has on. She stretches out her arms and I instantly pluck her up into my arms without thinking and her crying stops straight away. I gently sway her from side to side, soothing her with a sweet humming melody. Her eyes pop open and it's then that I realise, by her bright blue eyes, she's my baby, she's my daughter. I don't know how else to explain it, but when I look in her eyes, I know she's mine. I know I don't have a daughter which is what makes this whole thing more confusing, but something about this feels right, maybe, I want this...
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I'm sorry for how long these episodes are taking to write up but thankyou for your patience. Some episodes are quicker than others and come more easily to me and some are a little harder, so I apologise for this one being a little shorter than the others. But please keep reading because I have some exciting things coming up.
Expect the next episode up in the next 2 weeks...