It's a known fact that Harvey King always looks tired. Studying Law for the past five years and counting will do that to you. He's no stranger to the occasional eye-bag.
But right now, Harvey looks exhausted.
And it's all Jeff's fault.
"What do you want me to tell you?" The redhead asks cautiously, his mind racing with all of the negative places this conversation could go.
"Whatever you want, Jefferson." Harvey laughs ruefully, moving his hand to prop up his chin, "I'm not bothering to ask anymore because you obviously don't want to tell me when I do."
"I'll tell you! I'll tell you everything, just please, trust that no matter what, I love you."
"Okay. I trust you." Harvey says honestly, then rolls his shoulders, as though gearing up for something, "What did you talk to Danielle about?"
Jeff blinks at him. He knew the question was coming, but he still wasn't prepared, "Mostly what I told Luke."
"Mostly?" His boyfriend raises an eyebrow.
Jeff bites his lip, "I think... I think she thought that I felt... trapped." At Harvey's narrowed eyes, Jefferson continues, exhaling deeply and pursing his lips, "Because I told her how indebted I feel to my fans."
"And she kissed you because...?"
"I don't know." He says, frustrated, "I guess I came across like I wanted freedom. Like I'm not happy with my life."
"Which isn't the truth?" Harvey interjects.
"No. Of course not. It couldn't be further from the truth!" Jefferson rushes to confirm, "Sure, I feel burnt out sometimes, trying to keep up with what my fans want. But... just because I'm tired doesn't mean I want out. I love you, Harvey."
"It must be easier though, right." His boyfriend comments, "To please them when you have the perfect formula for it."
"Perfect formula?" Jeff furrows his brows, "Harvey, what are you suggesting?"
"I'm not suggesting anything, Fer." Harvey shrugs, then thinks back to his conversation with Maya, "But I want you to be honest with me when I ask... does dating me help your brand?"
Jeff is pretty sure he knows what Harvey is asking him. He wants to know if Jeff values Harvey for himself alone, or for what dating him does for his career. And Jeff isn't sure he wants to know the answer for himself, let alone for Harvey.
The silence is heavy.
"Answer me, Jefferson." Harvey prompts.
"Yes. It does." He mutters, then looks at his boyfriend with pleading eyes, "But I promise you, I'm dating you because I love you. Not because my fans do."
"That isn't the issue here, Fer." Comes the instant reply, "The reason why you're dating me isn't in question. I'm just afraid of what would cause you to stop dating me."
"Harvey don't even say that! I would never break up with you. You mean everything to me."
"No, I don't!" Harvey rebuttals, "And I'm not asking to. I don't want to own all of your attention, Jeff. But forgive me for expecting to be a majority shareholder."
Jefferson doesn't know what to say to that. So, Harvey continues.
"The minute I fall out of favour with the hoard, it becomes a battle between your love for me, and your duty to your fans." Harvey frowns, "And it kills me to say that I even don't know which one would win."
That hits Jeff like a ton of bricks because, shit, yeah, Harvey's right.
The movie star wants to fight back, to tell Harvey that he's being ridiculous, that he would choose him a million times over.
But it's just not true, is it?
Jeff has admitted to himself that his fans rule his life, but hearing it from Harvey? Knowing how that makes him feel?
That's heartbreaking. Truly.
"Would you date a girl?" Harvey asks after considerable silence. The question floors Jeff, and he struggles to understand why he's even being asked.
"What? Why would I date a girl when I love you?" He questions, baffled.
Harvey shakes his head, "No, imagine you stopped dating me. In an alternate universe, you and I fall out of love, and you meet someone new. They're perfect for you and they're a girl. But you're still bi, right? Would you still date her, after dating me?"
"Harvey, where are you going with this?"
"Consider it, Jeff. Please." Harvey presses, "Given your life, and who you are, would you date a girl right now."
Given your life.
Oh.
That's what he means.
Jefferson sighs, then chances a glance into the dark pools of Harvey's eyes.
"No. Probably not." He admits.
"Why not? You're bisexual. Why wouldn't you date a girl if you liked her enough?" Harvey can tell he's being harsh, blunt, but he needs Jefferson to fully understand where he's coming from. What's been plaguing Harvey's mind since this whole scandal started.
"Because..." Pause. Deep breath. "Because my fans like that I date guys. So, I wouldn't risk rocking the boat doing otherwise."
The silence afterwards speaks volumes.
Harvey nods, leaning back in his seat, "Do you see my point now?"
Jeff says nothing.
"You put the opinion of your fans on so high a pedestal that you're willing to give up part of your identity to please them. Your whole life, you've been exactly what they want you to be."
"Shouldn't you be happy?!" Jeff blurts out, "Knowing that I'm not going to leave you. Especially not for a girl."
Harvey scoffs, "Oh yeah, I'm plenty happy Jefferson! I love knowing that half the reason my boyfriend is so desperate to stay with me is because I'm the only option that helps him make bank from his obsessive fans!"
"That's not fair!"
"Isn't it?!" Harvey challenges, eyes fierce, "I'm not your prop, Jefferson. I'm not something you can use and exploit until the powers that be decide I'm no longer profitable."
"What do you want me to do Harvey? Admit it? Fine. I'll admit it!" Jeff raises his voice, "You're good for my brand! In fact, you're perfect for it. I lucked out meeting you, because not only do I have someone I genuinely love, but someone who my fans love too! But is that such a bad thing? Considering my feelings for you are real? Isn't it a win-win?"
"You just don't get it." Harvey's voice is soft now. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, and he looks up at Jefferson with the most gut-wrenching expression.
"Tell me. Please, baby, tell me." Jeff whispers, taking Harvey's thin hands into his own. He lifts them to his face and presses his lips to each finger, not letting his eyes leave the brunet's.
"Fan-favour should be bonus. Not criteria. If your priority is to please the fans, before yourself, then..." Harvey gulps, pulling his hands away from Jeff's, "Then I'm replaceable."
"No... No Harvey-" Jeff captures Harvey's wrist as he gets up to walk away.
"Stop it, Jeff. Stop denying it." Harvey spins back, yanking his arm from his boyfriend's grip, "Your heart might belong to me, but your head doesn't. Until they're speaking the same language, your head will always be louder, every time."
"Harvey, I can't, I-I.. I can't..."
"I know, Fer, I know." Harvey's face softens. He slowly sits back down, raising a hand to delicately cup Jefferson's cheek. The redhead immediately leans into it, trapping Harvey's eyes with his own. "But our relationship should be in our hands only. No one else's."
He removes his hand and leans back, "And until that happens, I don't think I can continue."
Blue eyes widen frantically, and Jefferson springs to his feet, "No, no, no, no, you're not doing this. I'm not letting you do this, Harvey."
"Yes. I am, Jeff. I have to."
"Why?! Why do you think you have to do this to me?"
Harvey looks down, then the corner of his mouth turns up in a rueful half-smile.
"Because... something tells me that, just now, your mind immediately went to what your fans would think."
Silence. Again.
"Did it?" Harvey asks with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes." The actor mumbles. He takes a step back with a heavy, defeated exhale of breath.
He looks at Harvey, tall and ethereal. Scruffy brown hair laying atop his head like a crown. He seems regal, considering how put together he looks despite his heart breaking.
In that moment, the fans aren't in his head at all. In that moment, he knows that his feelings are all his. He loves the man before him, and he'll do anything he can to keep him by his side. Because he wants him.
"A break." He says finally, "We'll take a break."
It's not what he wants, of course. But he can tell that it's what Harvey needs moving forward. And he isn't about the further alienate the love of his life for his own selfish needs.
No. He'll do this for Harvey. Because it's the only way he can work on proving his feelings.
"And during our break," he continues, "I'll work on prioritising my feelings, my heart, not just my head."
Harvey smiles, just barely, and nods.
"A break." He parrots, "Alright. I hope I don't sound too selfish when I tell you that I really want you to succeed. For my sake."
"No." Jeff grins back, "Not selfish at all."
A/N:
*shimmies into the room and throws down this chapter nearly a month after the last one*
Enjoy!