Alex
I wake up to a squeezing pain in my chest. I rub my palm against it trying to sooth the ache. I have never felt anything like this.
What the fuck?
Grabbing my phone I check the time, and see that I have a missed called and voicemail from Liv.
I quickly unlock my phone and listen to the voicemail. The first thing I hear is her sniffle. Is she crying?
"Alex please don't be mad but I'm currently in my car. I know you told me not to drive out in the storm but I couldn't stay here. My dad he-he said some things and I needed to get out of there. I need to see you. So that's what I'm doing, I should be there soon or not you know how slow I drive in the rain. I am at the longest red light in history so don't worry I am not on the phone and driving. I called to hear your voice, to calm me down but then I looked at the time and realized you are probably sleeping. When I get there can you just hold me? I promise I'll tell you everything in the morning but I just need you. I'll see you in a few hours, I love you."
The voicemail ends and I look back at the time. Even if she was driving slow she should be here by now.
Maybe she went back to her moms or Cora saw her first and they were in her room.
She sounded like she was crying on the phone so it would make sense that she'd be with Cora right now. Especially since Cora never goes to sleep as early as me.
I think about going over to her room and seeing if Liv is there but I decide against it. If she's in there possibly sleeping I don't want to disturb her.
The pain in my chest intensifies and I rub my palm harder. God what is this?
A foreign feeling in my gut begins to stir. Am I getting sick or something?
There is a knock at my door and I wonder if it's Liv.
Who else would be knocking at my door this late?
Quickly I dash over to it, if it's her I want to immediately pull her into a hug.
For her to be in my arms, I think I might need it more than her. She's only been at her dads less than eight hours and I already miss her so damn much.
I open the door and the smile I was wearing disappears.
Cora stands there, her head down. She isn't looking at me.
Why isn't she looking at me?
The pain in my chest is still there and at this point I am clenching my chest. Doing whatever I can to relieve the ache.
"What?" I ask and she doesn't say anything.
She just walks past me into my room, I shut the door behind her.
Then I follow, walking past her before turning around to face her.
"I think you should sit down." She says softly. She has yet to look up at me at by the tone of her voice she's worried how this news will affect me.
My heart is beating erratically in my chest. I just need her to spit out whatever she needs to.
"No, now what is it?" I ask and she finally looks up at me.
Her eyes are puffy as if she's been crying.
"What happened are you ok?" I ask. That prick Landon better not have done anything to her.
She nods before quickly shaking her head, "I am ok, physically." She adds the last part quickly.
This pain in my chest seriously won't go away.
"Then what is it, because you are seriously scaring me Cora." I say and her bottom lips trembles.
"It's about Liv." She whispers out and I feel my self start to crumble.
The pain in her voice should tell me what she's about to say but I can't think about that. It isn't possible.
"She was in an accident, th-this truck was speeding down the hill in the rain and c-couldn't stop fast enough. Sh-she didn't make it Alex." Cora chokes out.
I clench my chest harder.
She's wrong, she misunderstood.
"No." I whisper. This isn't how it was supposed to go.
We had a plan, a future together. She's my future, she isn't gone.
When I get there can you just hold me? Yes baby, I'll hold you forever just come back to me.
Tell me that I imagined it that you are still on your way and that you'll be here soon.
I fall to the floor no longer being able to stand. My body is shaking and I feel my self struggling to breathe.
They say when something like this happens it feels like your heart stops.
They're wrong.
My heart is beating erratically in my chest, reminding me that I am here and she isn't.
I just need you. I need you too.
My knees are tucked up and my head is buried in my arms.
Am I crying? I think I am. I can't be sure.
I don't think I can be sure of anything anymore.
I feel Cora's arms wrap around me, trying to sooth me.
Nothing can take away the empty pain I feel in my chest.
"I'm here Alex." Cora whispers against the top of my head.
The pain in my chest, the sinking feeling in my gut. Something inside of me knew.
My door swings open and I hear two sets of feet walk inside.
"What's going on?" My mom asks softly.
My body feels like it's trying to destroy from the inside out, that's what's going on.
Cora removes herself from me and I hear her talking in a hushed voice.
You make me want to live, she once said to me.
She'll never be able to.
She'll never graduate from high school, never go to college or see the world. She'll never get married or have kids.
Nothing.
I look up to see my family staring at me. They're all crying but the way they are looking at me with such pity.
I hate it.
I hate it all.
The one person in this world who ever understood me is gone.
My mom takes a step closer to me, maybe to try and comfort me I'm not sure.
All I know is I don't want any of them here.
"Get out." I say lowly.
I just need to be alone.
My mom sighs, "Honey maybe you shouldn't be alone right now." She says softly.
Does she think I am going to off my self?
I could never do that.
I promised Olivia and I could never go back on that promise.
"I need you guys to get out, please just get out." I beg as I suck in a breath. I taste the salty tear enter my mouth.
They just stand there and my anger grows.
Why can't they just fucking listen to me?
"GET OUT, JUST GO!" I shout at them.
My mom takes a deep breath but they leave me in my room.
I grab my phone and play the voice mail again.
"Alex please don't be mad but I am currently in my car." Why did you get in the car baby? I told you it was too dangerous.
"When I get there can you just hold me?" I can never hold you again.
"I'll see you in a few hours, I love you." The voicemail ends and I feel hollow inside.
When her heart stopped beating so did mine.
I look down at the phone and call her. This isn't real she'll pick up and complain about me waking her.
She'll say dinner went fine and she was currently in bed sleeping.
The call rings until I get her voicemail.
"Hey it's Liv sorry I didn't answer if it's super duper important leave me a message and I'll call back when I can. If this is Alex I love you and I really am sorry for not answering I am probably sleeping. Anyways bye."
I call her again. Then again and again and again.
Soon her voice isn't enough and I need to see her. To see that gorgeous smile take over her face. I need to touch her. To run my hands through her hair.
"Oh god." I choke out as the pain in my chest becomes unbearable.
I struggle to breathe as the pressure becomes too much. I think I'm hyperventilating.
Or maybe my panic attacks are back. This doesn't feel like an attack thought. It feels so much worse.
My door opens again and I hear voices. Everything is muffled and all I can focus on is the light from the doorway.
The way it begins to grow brighter and brighter.
Until that's the only thing I see is a bright light. Then I close my eyes.
I open my eyes and see the sun beating down on me.
My legs are dangling out of the tree house, how did I get here?
"You can't stay here you know?" The voice I know and love says from beside me.
I whip my head and see her.
Her long brown hair cascades down her back and she's wearing a blue sun dress.
She gives me a soft smile and I focus on her vibrant green eyes.
"They said you died." I tell her. I knew it was a dream.
She looks down and grabs my hand with her own. Intertwining our fingers she looks back up at me.
"I need you to live for me." She says and my brows furrow in confusion.
I shake my head, "You can live for you pretty girl." I say.
A tear falls down her face, "I'm ok Alex. I promise, but you don't belong here. Not yet."
No.
She wants me to leave her?
"I'm not leaving you baby." I say and she looks at me with a broken expression.
"You have to Alex. Your parents need you, Cora needs you." She says as another tear falls.
I squeeze her hand reveling in the feeling over her.
"But I need you." I say to her.
"You will always have me Alex. My heart will forever be yours." She says and the sun begins to shine brighter down on us.
"Promise me that I will see you again." I say to her and she nods.
"One day, but not for a good long time." She admits. "You have to do everything we talked about. Find someone who makes you want to live again. Once you find her keep her."
I shake my head, "I can't do that, you're the only one for me. You're my soulmate."
"We can have many soulmates in a life time Alex." She says.
Clearly Ben's philosophical ass rubbed off on her.
"But we only have one great love and you were it. I found you, I can't lose you." I choke out.
The sun is getting brighter around us.
I can't feel her touch anymore.
"You will never lose me." She kisses my cheek even though I can't feel it, "It's time for you to go now, I love you." She whispers the last part.
"No please, let me stay with you." I say but I can't see her anymore.
I can't see anything but bright lights.
Then I hear beeping and the lights slowly dim down.
I am looking up at fluorescents....am I in a hospital room?
Turning my head I see my mom. She smiles weakly down at me.
"You're awake." She says and I hear a door open and close.
A man in a white coat stands at the end of my bed.
"How are you feeling Alexander?" He asks and I stiffen at the name.
She was the only one allowed to call me that.
"It's Alex." I say and the guy nods.
"Ok, Alex how do you feel?"
I feel like someone ripped open my chest and took a dull knife to my heart.
"Fine." I say, he writes something down.
"Do you remember what happened?"
I nod, "I remember feeling a pain in my chest." I say.
"You suffered from Stress Cardiomyopathy, or what it's widely referred to ask, 'Broken heart syndrome."
Fucking hell.
"Your mother informed me of what must have caused it and I am sorry for your loss. It's hard losing a loved one." He says.
I hate sympathy, and the way this guy is looking at me. Like I am some fragile weak bitch who almost died from a broken heart.
Yeah a fucking broken heart, can you believe it?
"This is reversible and it can be treated." He says calmly.
"I have prescribed you medication to help and I do recommend seeing someone professionally. A loss can have lasting mental effects on someone."
I don't need a fucking shrink I just need her.
My mom grabs my hand and I realize it was clenched.
"I think we could all use someone to talk to right now." My mom says to me.
I was content only talking to her about my problems. She was the only one who truly cared.
"We'll monitor you through the next twenty four hours and if everything looks good you can go home." The doctor says before leaving.
My mom opens her mouth to say something but hesitates.
"What?" I ask, she's treading lightly around me.
I don't like it.
"Fiona called to inform me that the funeral will be taking place in four days. It's really soon after but she wants Olivia at peace, we all do. I know it's hard to think about but I think you should be there. And if there is anything you think she'd like to have there, Fiona would like to know." She says.
Olivia's funeral.
Something I never thought I would hear or go to. I always thought I would go first. No matter how old we were I couldn't see my self going on without her.
I swallow the golf ball sized lump in my throat.
"She loves daises. The more colorful the better." I say.
I know that she would would hate roses at her funeral. We talked about it once.
"I hate the ideas of funerals." She once said, "The all black attire and the gloominess of the day. Everyone remembers the death and not the life. The life they had lived. I don't want anyone wearing black at my funeral."
I will kick anyone out who shows up in black Liv I promise.
"And she doesn't want anyone wearing black." I say and my mom nods, "I'll tell Fiona."
She leaves the room and I lay there alone.
Alone with my thoughts.
Olivia is gone and I think she might have taken me with her.
----
A/N So yeah that happened....I once said I think under one of Bailey's chapters that right person not enough time was the saddest trope. So I decided to write it.
It honestly was super hard killing off Olivia but it was always going to happen. I decided it before I started writing the book. I have also decided that will never do a sad ending again because this was so hard to do.
I was also thinking about doing an alternate ending but now I am not so sure. So there may or may not be one.
Anyways there is only one more chapter left and it's also sort of an epilogue so stay tuned!!