Lily's body bounced up and down on the cushiony bench seat of Ford's truck as it made its way down the bumpy dirt road to his parents' house. Ford reached across the seat and lovingly put his hand over Lily's stomach.
"Sorry, I know bouncing isn't good for the baby," he gave Lily an adoring smile.
"It's fine. I'm pretty sure it's still too tiny to be affected by bumps," she tried to return his adoration but all she could muster was a half-hearted smile. Lily couldn't believe how well Ford had taken the news. Not only did he not sprint in the opposite direction but he actually seemed to be excited about the prospect of them having a child. Lily on the other-hand was terrified. Aborting the baby would require her father's help and she was scared shitless to tell him. She also knew that Ford would never forgive her if she got rid of it. He wanted this baby and she knew he'd never look at her the same if she decided to end the pregnancy. But the alternative seemed worse to Lily. Being a teenage mother, was basically her worst nightmare come true. She'd never get out of this town. She'd wind up stuck, miserable and depressed just like her mother had been. She hated her mother for what she had done and she knew her baby would wind up hating her just the same. How could she be a good mother, Lily wondered, when she had no idea what that looked like? How would she not resent the baby, just like her own mother had resented her for taking her dream away? To Lily, living a mundane life filled with regret, was a fate worse than death.
"My parents are going to love you," Ford said with excitement. He was so happy. She'd never seen him like this, so light and cheerful. The weight of their lie had been lifted that night in the laundry room. They were now free to be together like they wanted but it was different than they had expected. Lily didn't want to rub their relationship in Grant's face and she was worried about what other people might think and say. She didn't need to deal with people scrutinizing her life choices. She was already crying herself to sleep every night over the baby. The last thing she needed was a bunch of self-righteous teenagers judging her. The weight of their lie had been replaced by the weight of the secret they had to keep about the baby and suddenly Lily longed for the days when all she had to worry about was them being caught together. That secret seemed like nothing compared to the one she was keeping now. Ford and Lily had agreed to wait a while to break the news to their parents. Lily had already been through so much stress with the whole situation with Grant that she asked Ford to wait. Grant was so angry with her and she couldn't bear that he hated her so much, even though she knew she deserved it. She didn't need to deal with was three angry and disappointed parents on top of Grant's hatred. She couldn't handle much more right now so Ford agreed to keep quiet.
"Can't wait," Lily smiled. She knew she needed to pull it together so that his parents didn't suspect anything, and she wanted the night to go well for Ford. He was being so sweet. All things aside, it was pretty hot how in love he already was with their baby which at this point was probably no bigger than the size of a a grape.
Ford rounded the corner and the property came into view. An enormous ranch style house sat in the foreground with rolling green hills surrounding it. Huge oak trees lined the driveway leading up to the house. Horses galloped alongside the truck on the other side of a wooden fence.
"Oh my god," Lily said in surprise. "This is your house?"
Ford nodded.
"It's...spectacular," Lily said in awe.
Ford couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction.
"Didn't think the bad boy was also the rich kid?" he joked.
Lily hit him playfully on the shoulder and Ford jokingly recoiled as if it hurt.
"Does all this land belong to your family?"
"Yep."
"Ford, it's...it's beautiful. I've never seen anything like this before. I didn't even know this existed in Oakley."
He smiled.
"Well, get used to it. This is where our kid is going to hang out with grandpa and grandma while you're at work?"
"What?" Lily's mood shifted.
"Or college. Whatever you want to do. I mean you'll probably have to do both."
Lily's face dropped, but Ford's eyes were on he road and her reaction went unnoticed.
"I mean I'll be doing that too, work, that is, not college. I'll have to work full-time to support the kid."
He'd already thought it all out. He was going to give up the opportunity to go to college in order to raise their child. To be honest, she didn't even know if he wanted to go to college. Come to think of it, she didn't even know if he'd applied or gotten in anywhere. They'd never talked about that kind of stuff. But Lily wanted to go to college, or at least she wanted the opportunity to decide. But how could she possibly juggle school and work while being up all night with a baby. It seemed like an impossible task. Panic filled her body and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Ford must have sensed that something was wrong because he reached across the bench seat and squeezed her hand.
"Hey, hey," he said trying to pull her out of the images of the nightmarish future that was flashing before her eyes. "We'll make it work. We'll be together, as a family. That's all that matters."
Lily returned his squeeze and managed to smile, but she didn't say a word. She was fighting back tears and didn't want to lose it right before she met his parents. Then they would definitely know something was up.
Ford's parents were standing on the stoop with smiles almost as big as his own. It was like something out of a 1950's tv show, the kind her dad used to fall asleep to on the couch when she was growing up after he'd had one too many beers. His parents greeted Lily politely and led her into the house. She figured they must not think much of her. She was Ford's best friend's ex girlfriend. She wondered how much Ford had told them about what had happened between the three of them.
The foyer was enormous with a huge vaulted ceiling. Lily was pretty sure her entire house could fit inside of just the entryway. She began to feel nervous. She had no idea what she had gotten herself into when she agreed to this. She had tried to say no, but Ford was...well...let's just say he had a way of being veeeeerrrry convincing when he was shirtless and unbuttoning his pants.
Ford grabbed Lily's hand and led her into the kitchen. His mother made small talk with the two of them over appetizers while his father finished cooking dinner. Lily was in awe that his dad actually cooked. She tried to imagine what it must have been like for Ford growing up in this home with a family so different than her own. She was jealous for just a moment. Maybe she wouldn't have wound up knocked up if she had had a mother to steer her in the right direction.
"So Lily, do you have any plans for after graduation?" Ford's mother asked towards the end of the dinner. For the better part of the meal Lily had been pushing the food around on her plate, lost in her thoughts. She didn't have much of an appetite lately. Everything made her sick, but she didn't want his parents to suspect anything or think she had some sort of eating disorder so she reluctantly took a bite. Big mistake.
She opened her mouth to speak, but then stopped herself, both because bile was rising in her throat and because she no longer knew how to answer that question. If someone had asked her about her future a week ago she would have responded with: travel, see the world, move someplace new, meet new people. But now it looked more like: change dirty diapers, lose sleep, shower occasionally. Ford seemed to sense her uncomfortableness and jumped in.
"Lily is thinking about college, but isn't quite sure yet."
She didn't know why he said it. She'd never mentioned college to him, but he probably figured with a baby on the way her get-the-hell-out-of-dodge plan was off the table.
"It's kind of late in the year to apply, isn't it?"
"I uh," Lily spoke up, trying to swallow the vomit that was rising in her throat. "I might take some time off for a bit."
His father, who had been pretty quiet for most of the evening, made a disapproving face.
"Well I can certainly understand that," his mother jumped in. "Sometimes kids just need a break after high school."
Kids, Lily thought. That's how people saw them, as kids. And now they were kids having a kid. Lily felt hot and thought she might throw up.
"Will you excuse me," she said, and she quickly beelined it for the bathroom.
Luckily in a house so large, she didn't have to worry about anyone hearing her vomit, but she kept the water running just in case. Once she had pulled herself together, and cleaned herself up, she made her way back to the dining room, but no one was there. She could hear voices in the kitchen as they cleaned up the dishes. Lily stood behind the dining room wall and eavesdropped.
"Do you think Lily will follow you to college?" she heard his mother say over the clanging of dishes being stacked and put in the dishwasher.
"You act like I'm going far mom. I'll just be a half hour away."
"Still, you'll be very busy. I don't see how you'll find the time to see one another."
"Lily and I will make it work," he tried to avoid directly answering the question.
"I just want to make sure you stay focused. You'll be very busy between football and studying. And you know how important you getting a college degree is to your father. He won't leave any of this to you or help you out financially if you just mess around, especially because of a girl."
Lily let out a gasp and then immediately covered her mouth hoping they hadn't heard. Ford had already been accepted to college and he was going to play football? Why hadn't he told her? And by the sound of it, his parents would be less than thrilled when they found out Lily was pregnant. He'd lose his inheritance. Having this baby would cost Ford everything!
"I'll be fine mom. You don't need to worry," he kissed her on the cheek. He was so sweet, even with his mother. Lily didn't know much about their future together but she knew one thing for sure, he was going to be a great father. Now she understood why he felt so comfortable with the idea of starting a family, because he was raised in a loving one. He had two parents who adored one another and looked at Ford like he was a blessing. Lily didn't know what that felt like and she certainly didn't know how to provide that for a child.
"Can I help?" Lily asked as she entered the room.
"Oh no dear," his mother hoped Lily hadn't heard their conversation. "Why don't the two of you go relax."
"I thought I'd show her around the ranch," Ford said.
"Oh good idea honey. There should be a spectacular sunset tonight. You kids have fun."
"Thank you for dinner," Lily said and his mother came over and gave her a big hug. The feeling of a mother's arms wrapped lovingly around her was so foreign to Lily, she didn't know how to respond.
"Thank you for making my son so happy," she whispered in Lily's ear, then she pulled away and smiled. Lily felt sick again. She thought about how disappointed Ford's parents would be once they found out about the baby. Would they hate Lily if Ford had to give up college and football to raise a child? This baby was going to ruin more lives than just her own.
Ford took Lily's hand and walked her out back through the fields to where a large cherry tree sat on top of a small rolling hill. Winter was fading into Spring and the plants and trees were in full bloom. The bright pink leaves of the cherry tree were lit up by the sun as it made its descent into the sky. Snowcapped mountains lined the background. They looked purple in the evening light. Lily sat down under the tree and Ford sat next to her.
"I don't think I've ever seen a sight so beautiful," Lily said, looking out over the land.
"Me neither," Ford replied, but he wasn't looking at the sunset. His gaze was fixated on Lily as he tucked her hair behind one ear. He pulled her towards him and kissed her. After the night she'd had, it felt so good to feel his lips pressed up against hers, his tongue twisting with her own, his teeth tugging at her lip, pulling her back for more. Having sex with Ford was the only time she could forget about the insanity of what was happening. In the ecstasy of those moments she was free from her brain, which was currently running wild, overthinking everything.
"You can't give up your future for me Ford," she said breathlessly, as he continued to kiss her. Then he stopped and looked at her more seriously than he ever had.
"You are my future Lily. You and the baby."
He held Lily's head in one hand, their foreheads rested against one another, while his other hand lay gently across her stomach.
There was something so sexy about the way he wanted them to build a family together and as scared as she was, Ford had never seemed hotter. Lily wanted to remember why she had gotten herself into this mess to begin with. She wanted to make the voices in her head stop for just a moment. She wanted to forget everything else. She needed Ford. She wanted to feel him inside of her, to feel pleasure instead of pain. And she figured, she was already pregnant, so she had nothing left to lose.
She guided Ford's hand from her stomach, down under her dress. His fingers brushed up against her most sensitive part and then he slid them inside of her. Lily moaned. It felt so good, but it wasn't enough. She unbuckled his pants, hands furious and fast, in desperate need of him. He raised his ass and pushed his jeans down his legs. Lily climbed on top, pulling her underwear to the side and pushing his chest back so that he was leaning up against the trunk of the tree. She lowered herself down on top of him slowly and this time it was Ford who was moaning. She moved slowly at first but it felt so good and she didn't want to wait any longer. She drove herself down on top of him faster and faster, as he dug his fingers into her hips. She knew he couldn't last much longer and neither could she. She looked up at the tree, pink leaves dancing in the light, as she reached her release and her whole body quivered. She collapsed onto Ford's chest and rested her head on his shoulder. Her breathing hadn't yet returned to normal yet she was already in her head: stressed, sad and overthinking the future. Pleasure was so fleeting, yet pain seemed to last forever, and she couldn't help but wonder if the pleasure of being with Ford was enough to deal with the pain of living a life she never wanted.