"That meeting took forever," I whine when Stella finally rings me back. I had forgotten she had a day trip to Portland today so she was unreachable all morning.
"If I held up a meeting every time you had a Jack crisis, I would have been fired years ago," Stella mutters and I hear her cross into some loud space on the other end.
"There's that word again! Years!" I snap as I slow my jog to a walk. I was unable to sit still once the events of last night flooded my memory over coffee this morning and decided a run around my shit neighborhood was a good way to blow off steam. I realized in the daylight, that the neighborhood does look a bit run down with broken down cars littering the curb and every other house hasn't had the weeds pulled in years. But I noticed some kids jump roping and skating in the cul-de-sac, so if they seem fine out here then I can run around too. If I can survive New York City, then I can survive Phoenix. My friends can stop with the concern.
"Okay, so he said he's wanted to kiss you for years. I don't get why you are so mad," Stella replies.
"Why did he never make a move?! I was single between foot fetish Peter and Blake. He had ample time to plant one on me."
"I forgot about foot fetish, Peter. Is he in any of your classes this semester?"
"Stella!" I plead. I use an arm to wipe the sweat spilling down my forehead off and regret running in the middle of the day.
"Sorry, okay. Did you ask Jack why he's never made a move?"
I shake my head as I prop my foot up onto the curb, trying to catch my breath while replying, "No. And he hasn't texted me all damn day either, so I have no idea where his head is at."
"How did you end things last night?"
"Well, I fell down and felt rejected-"
"You fell? How?" Stella asks and it becomes quiet on her end, she must have dropped into her uber.
"Not important-"
"It is if you were wearing my dress and Louboutins."
"Your wardrobe is fine Stel, now I am about to see Jack in two hours and I need to know how to approach this here. And you never wrote me back about Fischer either. What was that about last night?"
"I was establishing my dominance over Ari. Showing her that Fischer comes when I call."
"He starts throwing words like tech startup around and suddenly he is appealing?" I ask her, eyebrow raised high on my forehead.
"He has always been appealing. Just not a viable option."
"And he's an option now?"
She ignores me as she says, "Maybe something happened to you that finally clicked with Jack? Something suddenly made him want to move you out of the friendzone." I clench my teeth together. Why was I suddenly desirable? What made him confess to wanting to kiss me?
"Ugh, Stella you're really not being a great life coach right now. I need you to just tell me the answers so I can tell all these questions in my head to shut the fuck up."
"Lucy, put your big girl pants on and just ask him tonight. Straight up. You want answers? Go get them." I go to complain but she cuts me off before I am able to, "I am at my next meeting so I gotta go. I'll call you when I land tomorrow. Love you." Silence greets me and I know she's about to mute her notifications for the remainder of the day. I realize I walked to the corner of the Starbucks near my place and it must be a sign that I needed a before-work treat.
I suck my cold brew down on my way back and text Steve again to come and fix the damn lock. It doesn't latch all the way, so if someone tugs on the sliding door hard enough, it glides backward. He promises to come tomorrow and I threaten to withhold next month's rent if he doesn't. Oh god, I seriously hope the spring break crowd brings in enough tips so I can move out before then.
When I spill into my living room, I look at my baking boxes still piled up in the kitchen and wish I was in Stella's kitchen so I could whip up some cookies and shoot a couple of short videos. Steve's kitchenette comes with a stove that can barely fit a normal size baking tray so it seems pointless to create masterpieces in space that won't bake them properly. I pat the top box as I say, "Hopefully you're only tucked away for one more week. Or until Stella gets back from Portland." I never thought I'd miss my cherry red stand mixer or my icing bags. I enjoyed getting creative with Jameson's cookies and I know I need to prioritize my channels again. My mourning period is over. If I am not making videos, I am not making any side hustle money and Mag's money is hardly enough to cover a decent apartment. I remember Fischer asked for cookies for his office so I shoot him a quick text asking for a quantity and design. I then flop onto my futon and start scrolling for cookie inspiration. I find myself getting lost in mirror glaze cake videos and I'm suddenly running late for work.
I try to take my time getting ready in the limited amount of time I gave myself. I find a nice compromise between Kinsey's work and my natural look and feel fresh as I swipe on setting powder. Now that I'm aware that Jack wants to kiss me, I spend more time than normal scrubbing my lips with sugar and dabbing them with nourishing oil. I thought a nice rose lip stain would make them pop but still blend with my casual yet made-up look.
I riffle around in the duffle bags that are doubling as my dresser, hoping to find something with sex appeal but am coming up short. I have an entire bag of lululemon leggings and another one of college tees but nothing that says, "Jack Dalton's love interest." He goes for girls that show a lot of skin and make you question if they are wearing undergarments with that tight of fabric. I shove my duffles away as I realize that I'm not going to turn into one of his rats to get his attention. That something I was doing already made him glance in my direction.
I sigh as I find my one pair of high-waisted shorts and tie a vintage Duke tee up so it sits above my zipper. I fluff my hair with my fingers and realize my long legs would be the only skin I expose at work. I was cute, not sexy, and had to accept that. I didn't have my navel pierced, blonde hair or eyelash extensions, so Jack would just have to find me attractive anyway.
My stomach is in my throat and I realize the cold brew is not helping my nerves. I used to have anxiety attacks before shows and that familiar buzz in my chest is back. I'm anxious to see Jack and terrified to ask him what the fuck? I don't understand why he's never tried anything before now? He had to have known I would have been receptive. I was constantly around him half-naked at the lake and would always warn the other bartenders away from him at work. I was never overly obvious about my crush since I knew he didn't date co-workers, but there were countless times he could have tip-toed the line if he wanted to. It was his rule, so he could have broken it.
I take a deep calming breath as I approach the employee's entrance in the back of Mag's and immediately choke on sweet strawberry fumes.
"Oh god, sorry!" Missy says, coming out from the screendoor. "I totally didn't think anyone was going to walk in." She steps onto the stoop and waves her vape pen to show me where the sweetness came from.
"No worries," I say back to her with a wave of my hand.
"Hey, you coming to the party tomorrow night? We're trying to get a headcount." Missy asks before sucking on the end of the pen.
"Not sure. Probably depends how I feel once I am off."
"Oh that's right, you close with Jack, Hannah, and Sabrina right?"
I nodded, "Yeah, so who knows when we'll clock out."
"I think they are all coming, at least I know Maggie is hoping Jack will," Missy says and then blows the smoke away from my face this time. She flicks her flaming red hair from her eyes and then squints from the sunshine blasting onto her face. My brain snags on the last bit so I'm forced to ask, "Maggie wants Jack to come? Why?" Her side smirk and eyebrow pop makes my skin crawl.
"To finish what they started a few weeks ago, I guess." She shoves the pen into her tiny jean shorts pocket before fixing the straps on her black tank as I began to sweat.
"What did they start a few weeks ago? I was in New York, so I'm not up to date on the hot goss," I ask casually. Trying desperately to not look overly interested when my brain is screaming, "Maggie and Jack?!"
"Maggie finally got him on his back, but then like, something interrupted them so their little rendezvous had to be postponed. Oh and don't tell anyone, we all know how Jack is with co-workers, but I know you're close with Maggie so I figured she won't care that you know." She yanks the screen door open and then nods for me to go on in. I feel the hallway narrow as I somehow get my feet to move toward the office and then feel sick when I catch Jack waiting for me at my locker.