Chapter One – Oliver Read -
I woke up to the sound of the early birds. The sound was familiar and normal like the life I was living now.
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It was 9:00 am and I was in maths - if there was such thing as the man who suffered the most boredom in The Guinness World Record I would be him. I scanned through all the algebraic trigonometry questions like I was a whirlwind aiming at my enemy’s house, if I had someone to hate. There were not many people to hate in this world – maybe Carla- unless if Hitler was suddenly reincarnated but I would not think that was possible, “It’s like getting blood out of a stone” – my mum's favourite saying – my mum says enough sayings to even confuse Einstein. “How are we getting on over here?” Miss Ernard asked me in her high squeaky voice, she checked my work and I got full marks. The bell rung shrill and loud everyone rose at the same time and swarmed into the school field. “Hey Olly, over here!” I knew that voice from anywhere it was Freddy, my football teammate, “we are starting to play a second match, wanna join?” I jogged towards them suddenly noticing that we were not playing against the usual opposition, we were playing against girls.
I was sure that we would win though they would probably stop halfway to nurse a broken nail or exclaim that they needed to check their hair. “Hey boys, you may have the skill but we have got the brains!” screeched Carla – the dumbest, most popular girl in the school – as if she has brains. I saw Harry getting a little annoyed after her jeering but he had the worst temper in our football team. “You don’t need the brains for football you need SKILL”, says Harry kicking the ball high into the air towards Kile who dodged it between the frozen girls. “Ha, if you had brains Carla you would have stopped me, WHO’S BETTER NOW—“a sudden splash of water hit his face and a bunch of giggles erupted from the girls “football team”. Harry was furious now but I could not stop laughing either. “Psst, Olly,” Freddy tapped me and pointed over to a pile of mud. I nodded. I scooped up a ball of the slimy mud and threw it right into Carla’s face – good aim I have to say. Hang on, that was the hugest mistake, a TERRIBLE wail came out of her mouth and it made me wince. “Jeez, girls it was only mud—, “ laughed Harry only to find more water was thrown into his face. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, OLLY,” Carla cried. Freddy was quick enough to throw another at her “designer” haircut. Suddenly every boy and girl (surprisingly) started to join in. I aimed at the most snobbiest girls in the school and the cries of pain sounded like I was in some war. Freddy looked like he was living every boys dream although he was caked in a thick layer of mud.
“Would anyone tell me what is going on!?” the coldest voice echoed around the match area, turning heads and freezing aiming hands. Anyone one who messes with Mrs Bullen dies. Freddy had no idea why everyone had stopped and accidently (I hope) threw a mud ball that luckily just missed Mrs Bullen’s feet. “Detention, detention, DETENTION,” Mrs Bullen screamed at random people who were most caked in mud. “Caroline has apparently been hit by mud ball, was it you Oliver?” Mrs Bullen was standing so close to me that I noticed she had unnaturally small irises and bad breath. Inside my head I laughed at Carla’s smudged make-up now that she had taken away the mud – she was definitely faking the crying. “Er... yeah it was er.... me” I could not hold in the laughter and Freddy was silently shaking with laughter behind me making everybody on our football team suddenly erupt with laughter now and then. “Oliver Read and Fredrick Butcher,” I could just about see in the corner of my eye that Freddy was wincing at the sound of his full name, “DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL FOR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR!” Jeez, that was loud.
When I came back home after detention, my mum was slighted irritated at my attitude to Mrs Bullen. My dad was curious at what happened so I told him after mum had left. “Good one, son!” my dad laughed looking round the corner in case mum had come back from shopping. We had a long laugh about it until his boss rang up saying he was late for work. My dad, Martin Read, was always a trouble maker since he was one and a half (as soon as he could walk, he punched holes in my granddad’s old Land rover’s wheels) he is still troublesome and not to mention unorganised. One day I asked my mum why she married him. “Outside he is deep deep trouble but on the inside he isn’t that bad,” mum explained – like that made any sense. I yawned loudly and scrambled around the living room trying to find my history worksheet until I heard Maxi, my puppy, cough and sniff loudly in the dining room. “Maxi, Maxi!” I called loudly, “What are you up to today—?” There was something in between his teeth and a pile of white sloppy mess in the floor. “NO! Maxi that was my homework,” I felt bad because Maxi flinched and scurried away. I can imagine it, “Oliver Read, where’s your homework?” Mr Topson would ask. “My dog ate it….. he really did!” I would reply. Uh, oh this was not going to be good.
After a while, I looked at my worksheet (or what was left of it) and realised my mum would have a heart attack when she sees a gooey stain on the dining room carpet. It was very bad timing – I could hear her key in the lock. “Hey Olly, come and walk Maxi for me! Oh God Olly, what’s that on the floor?” her eyebrows furrowed and she sighed loudly. “erm….Mum I can explain, Maxi ate my homework I’m just going to Freddy’s house so then I can photocopy his worksheet,” I said quickly (the quicker I get out of here, the least likely I would get murdered by mum). I quickly grabbed Maxi and put on his lead and we ran down the road before mum could say anything. I knew Freddy for thirteen years (since I was one) and our parents were best friends since they met in secondary school. I stopped while Maxi urinated at the lamppost and I happened to notice Carla walking closer to me. “OY OLLY I WARNED YOU I WOULD MAKE YOU PAY!” She shrieked as her freakishly muscular boyfriend strode towards me and grabbed me by my collar. “What do you say to my girl?” his eyes glared into mine and I let out a long stream of laughter; I always laugh at the wrong moments. They both stare at me seriously. “What, dude? I never say sorry. When I do, I don’t mean it,” I joked while hanging from Carla’s boyfriend’s hands. I swiftly kicked him down below and jumped down while he was hopping in pain. Carla screeched and I turned round. “OLLY YOUR DOG JUST PISSED ON MEEEE!!” Carla sounded like she was set on fire. “Maxi, Maxi! Run!” I shouted while smirking. Maxi is used to this.
I walked down Freddy’s street and I heard Freddy’s laughs coming out of the window. “THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!” Freddy’s voice echoed down the road. I wonder what he was laughing about. I pressed the door bell and Mrs Butcher answered wearing a knitted cardigan and jeans. “What a brilliant surprise to see you!”she exclaimed too, too happily. Freddy and I always joke about how she is over optimistic and smiley. “Erm... Good afternoon Mrs Butcher, please may I come in to see Fred?” I asked uncertainly. I suddenly remembered Maxi was with me and so when I turned around I saw he was digging up some of Mrs Butcher’s roses. “MAXI, MAXI NOOO!” I yelled. I scooped him up and apologised to Mrs Butcher. “Oh its fine Olly. Your such a darling of course you can come in!”Mrs Butcher cooed. As I came in foolishly she pinched my cheek and cooed over how I’ve grown since I was five. Freddy came running up to me laughing. “I’ve gotta show you it!” he said loudly, Harry came smiling in the room too. “Show me what? What’s so funny?” I asked rubbing my sore cheek as they were laughing like idiots. “Ten minutes ago remember what happened?”Harry questioned, “I mean it’s not that funny but it’s funny when you watch it.” We bumbled over to the computer curious and they showed me a video. I noticed that the file was labelled “The Mud Fight, Spying on the Staff room, ....” WHAT THE HELL! The last clip was named:“Olly’s first kiss.” “GUYS! What are you guys talking about? Since when did I have my first kiss ten minutes ago? I was doing something else—“ I complained but interrupted by Harry. “Well, watch this it proves everything, “Harry said in an irritating way.
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Wow, looking back at that was funny and awkward. The first clip was the mud fight filmed by some student in our school that Freddy downloaded on to his computer. It was pretty funny and we replayed the bit where the mud ball hit her face. The staff room clip was made by Freddy after detention he told us that he had “accidently” left a spy cam on the coffee table in the staff room capturing teachers doing their “paperwork”. It was quite funny when Mrs Bullen switched on the radio and did some kind of dance to it while drinking coffee. “Freddy, are you sure while you were in there you didn’t spike her drink.... she looks high, “ joked Harry. Harry was right saying that because now she was doing some form of star jump and twirl.
“So, can I watch the last video now, the label is kinda bugging me,” I asked. Freddy clicked on the start button and the sound was muffled. The first bit of the clip was Maxi pissing (but it was filmed so that you couldn’t see Maxi), “Er... Olly what is that fountain coming out of the lamppost?” asked Freddy. I gestured over to Maxi and after a second he got the message. The screen was clear at some points of the video but very blurred throughout most of the video. It showed me quickly kicking carlas’s so-called boyfriend and jumping down. There was not much sound so Harry and Freddy had no idea what was going on. In the corner of the screen you could see Carla smiling smugly and bitterly and then laughing at her boyfriend in pain, then –it looked like she had a mega mood swing- and started she to yell; you could not hear it properly because of bad sound quality. But then I turned around and W.O.W- I see what Harry and Freddy thought- it looked like I kissed her very hard because of the blurry camera. When she yelled something more it looked like she was doing full-lip motion to me. I winced and Freddy had nudged me wiggling his eye brows. “Hey dude, its not what you think!” I complained and they both laughed saying “YEAH, RIGHT!” at my discomfort. I explained to them what actually happened and then they understood. “ohh I seeee!” Harry exclaimed then he laughed, “It looked like you and her boyfriend were fighting over Carla and I got creeped out.” Freddy then said the most important words of the evening, “Hey, I smell caramel cake let’s go and eat, I’m starved!”