“I will never leave you, Chaeyoung. Never!” Mina's words has been echoing inside her head like a broken cassette. Still in disbelief, she lowered her head, facing the wooden table with liquors and rubbed her forehead like she did the most damn thing in the world ever.
She knows she's not the one who cut the ties between the two of them. But, despite of everything, she blames herself for making her feel that she isn't enough and that she isn't worth to keep at all. Chaeyoung wanted her to realise that she's the one and only star that exists in her universe and she's willing to give what she deserves.
But, she thought, she did her best but it wasn't good enough. Chaeyoung have no idea where she failed or what she did that made Mina gave up on their relationship that was built for years. All she knew, is that, she put so much dedication to their relationship and she loves Mina with all her heart and soul.
“How did you do this to me, Mina? You're such a liar!” she yelled in nowhere with a heavy chest, tears escaping from her eyes and bare palms grinding against her cheeks to dry the tears that keeps on streaming down below. She can't stop her tears anymore, it almost felt like a broken faucet that can't stop itself on shedding water.
She nibbled her lower lips as she taste the tears that was a product of her heartbreak, “You said you'll never leave me, but why?” she paused, trying to comprehend the process. Her head was bombarded with several questions and doubts.
“You lied to me, you broke your promises!” she cried her heart out. She then took another shot of vodka and savoured them on her lips.
It was quarter 10 PM, the dorm was covered by mere silence and Chaeyoung's sobs is the only noise that could be heard. Her dorm mates and also her ‘friends’, Dahyun and Tzuyu went out to attend a birthday party of a close friend. Chaeyoung was also invited but she couldn't be bothered to join them to celebrate their friend's another-year-of-existence on this cruel world.
And glad, Dahyun and Tzuyu are fine with it. They knew Chaeyoung is in pain and that she needs someone to listen to her rants, but, Chaeyoung needs some time alone. She needs a large span of time to unwind, loosen up, and refrain herself from the cruel fate.
“Fck, promises. Full of lies and no assurance!” she clutched her fist and slammed the wooden table that made a loud bang. She then felt a strange pang of pain in her chest, it always happen when she's outraged and losing her temper. The bottles of alcohols were in disarray and the wooden table became wet as the vodkas scattered everywhere and flowed like flood.
“Argh, I hate this!” she mumbled, she then quickly search for an unused clothe to wipe the table and dry it up.
“If I could only fix my heart just like the table. I could've wash out this pain all away...” Chaeyoung whispered in a desperate tone. It felt like she was already homeless the moment Mina left her; she was her home, her safe haven and comfort zone.
But everything changed by just a single snap.
Chaeyoung's vision became blurry and her eye felt already exhausted and fatigued, not just because she was sleepy, but also, she's tired seeing things around her being in a good state while she's still in a bad shape.
Don't get Chaeyoung wrong.
She's tired from everything, and to sleep is the only gateway to escape from the painful reality. Sleeping really became the remedy of those lonely people to forget their miseries even in a short span of time.
She was about to head to her bedroom to rest when the door knob swiveled and the door squealed that made Chaeyoung feel anxious. She then head her pace to the door despite of being half-drunk.
Her body tensed up, her heart was beating so fast like crazy that she could hear it's loud thuds. She plastered a relieved look on her face when the door opened and spit her friends, Dahyun and Tzuyu.
Chaeyoung almost cuss, she thought it was an intruder, trying to break in the dorm. “I thought you'd arrive past midnight, you freaks!” Chaeyoung screamed in a sarcastic tone. With a puffy and teary eyes, she took a glance on her wristwatch to check the time. It's already 11:45 PM. She thought Tzuyu and Dahyun will spend more hours at Jihyo's birthday celebration. She knows Dahyun is really a party-goer and she didn't expect they came back too early.
“You almost think it's thieves trying to ransack our dorm at this point of time, Chaeyoung huh?” Tzuyu sarcastically said, still reminiscing Chaeyoung's scared face earlier that turned into relieved one.
“You two are making fun of me again...” Chaeyoung mumbled, she crossed her arms and threw daggers on Dahyun and Tzuyu's eyes. She was almost serious even she seemed light-headed because of the alcohol.
“Chaeyoung...don't be a party pooper! We just want you to smile a bit.” Dahyun plastered an ear-to-ear smile on her face to brighten up Chaeyoung's mood.
“I know you just want her to smile, lil Dubu, but, you just called Chaeyoung a ‘killjoy’!” Tzuyu then bursted into laughter as the word ‘party pooper’ keeps on repeating inside her head. Dahyun can't help but to burst in laughter too.
Chaeyoung eyed the two of them and crossed her arms again.
“Okay, this is getting even more serious,” Dahyun uttered in a low voice.
The three girls head their pace to the couch and sat together. Dahyun and Tzuyu were facing Chaeyoung on the opposite couch. Late night conversations were their favorite bonding especially if it's about things that they should plant their interest in.
The chuckles were replaced by a serious tone and the light atmosphere shifted into a heavy one.
“You drank again,” Tzuyu mustered in a low stern voice. The atmosphere became heavy and it felt like the oxygen lost it's existence. This is usually the atmosphere whenever Tzuyu sounds serious or she reprimands one of them. She may be the youngest among them, but, Tzuyu acts like the oldest especially in these cases.
“I only drank a bit.” She uttered in a monotonous tone. She then gestured that she's not drunk by raising her arms in the air and waving it like crazy. Tzuyu just shrugged it off, “Stupid.” She whispered and rolled her eyes in annoyance.
“Come on, Chaeyoung. You've been doing this for almost a year! When will you get sick of drinking liquors every night like a fcking funnel!” Tzuyu yelled, spitting noxious words against her to wake her senses like there's no tomorrow. She threw daggers on Chaeyoung's eyes and crossed her arms.
It's been one year since Mina left Chaeyoung and until now, Chaeyoung can't find the reason why she put an end to their relationship. She loved Mina so much to the point that she was almost blinded by the fact that she never cared about her, but didn't she? There must be a reason behind.
“Do you really want to ruin your life just for a girl, Chaeyoung? Stop doing all of this stupid habits for pete's sake!” Dahyun blurted out as the awful scent of alcohol entered her nostrils. She toured her eyes on the living room, she saw bottles of liquors and used cigarettes that scatters everywhere. Her body tensed as her lively eyes transformed into stern one.
Chaeyoung then nodded lightly. It's not because she wants to ruin her physical appearance or mental state in permanent, she knows it's a half-truth either. She lowered her head in embarrasment, she's shy to face her friends again.
Tzuyu's body tensed, she noticed how she acted strange. She stood up from the couch and took a glance to Dahyun for a second, she smiled lightly and gestured her to approach Chaeyoung.
“It requires a lot of process to heal the pain, Chaeyoung, and we understand it...” she said softly, rubbing Chaeng's back, trying to meet her gaze as Chaeyoung's hair covered her face.
“But, when? I'm so sick of dealing with this pain! I want to forget her, but I just can't...” Chaeyoung break down into tears. Her voice were shaky and her knees started to tremble that it almost felt like jelly.
“I guess, doing this things is much better. You all shouldn't judge me because you don't know what I feel...and I don't wanna be a burden...” she added monotonously, not minding their reactions.
The atmosphere became even more hard to swallow. It felt heavy and the three of them felt uneasy. Chaeyoung then stood up and Tzuyu tensed because of her sudden move. Tzuyu tried to incorporate her, but she refused her offer.
“You know what, it's already past midnight. I'll go to sleep.” Chaeyoung uttered with a cold and sullen voice, she then turned her back and head her pace to her bed.
Dahyun took a glimpse of Chaeyoung before shifting her gaze to Tzuyu. All they could feel at that very moment is the sense of the dreary and woeful aura of Chaeyoung that she gave off.
“I didn't really expect that Chaeyoung would go this far...” she uttered in a low voice, she looked at Tzuyu who was sitting at the opposite couch. Her voice was gloomy and a sense of dismay is evident.
A stern ambience engulfed the surrounding once again. A hopeless look was distinct on both of their faces. Tzuyu looked down and heaved a deep sigh. “What do you mean?” she took a glance of her.
“She changed a lot, Tzuyu! She's not the Son Chaeyoung that we knew anymore! How could she ignore us like that. Of course, we care about her!” she answered, trying to yell in temper as she control her voice from getting heard by Chaeyoung's ears. She knows she's still half-awake and sub-conscious.
“Love can change people, so as pain,” Tzuyu uttered. She stared at Dahyun who is at the verge of shedding into tears.
“She'll be okay, unnie, trust me. We just need to understand her,” she added, she approached Dahyun and put her hands on the opposite sides of her shoulders, giving her an assurance. Tzuyu smiled in attempt to lit her up, Dahyun smiled in return. They stood up and head their pace to their bed and doze off.
——————————
It was already 6AM, the sun rose from the East and the birds started to sing their morning lullabies. It was an another mirthless morning for Chaeyoung, another day of shedding her sorrows to the world that gave her all the pain.
“Good Morning, guys!” Dahyun chirped trying to break the negativity with the happiest tone she could muster. She flashed a smile ear-to-ear as she prepared Chaeyoung and Tzuyu's lunchbox.
It's Monday again, another day of school. They were already in senior high school and Chaeyoung fucked up so hard. Her mental state is not the only thing that affected her performance but also about her— battling her addictions; smoking and drinking. She really changed a lot when Mina flew back to Japan after they broke up.
“Here, I put some bananas on your lunchbox, Chaeyoungie. I heard bananas has vitamins that can help boost your seratonin!” Dahyun proudly said as she offered her lunchbox. Chaeyoung smiled a bit— bit, because it didn't show her alluring sets of dimples.
“Thanks, unnie,” she uttered while putting the lunch box inside her bag, still wearing a blank expression.
“And Chaeng...No cigars anymore please?” Dahyun tried to please her. She just shrugged it off. She didn't even said a single word, just a stern look.
“We just want to protect you, Chaeng. Don't put your health in risk, we don't want to lose you, okay?” Tzuyu uttered from behind with a concern look. Chaeyoung just nod lightly and shrugged.
Three girls finally left the dorm when they finished preparing themselves. Their dorm was only meters apart from the school. The three girls walked together and had a conversation while heading their pace to the school.
Dahyun was busy talking with Chaeyoung, she's talking about strawberries, arts and anything that would make Chaeng interested. And honestly, Dahyun really misses the smell of Chaeyoung's strawberry scent before. But now, it has already changed. Dahyun still hope that the old Chaeyoung will possess on Son Chaeyoung again.
While Dahyun was busy talking with Chaeyoung, a cute stuff caught Tzuyu's attention as her foot accidentally stepped on it.
“It's so cute...” she picked it on the ground and complimented it. “I wonder who dropped it here...” Tzuyu mumbled in her mind. She put it inside her pocket and continued walking. The cute stuff seemed to be familiar to her.
It was a cute penguin keychain, a rare one and she's pretty sure she owns this. But did she already came back to explain everything to her? Tzuyu asked in her mind.