"Good lordy, she has babies," Darlene gasps upon seeing Salvador as she comes down the front steps to the house, and I giggle.
"No! No, this is Salvador. He's my little brother." Cold settles into my skin and makes my throat feel dry when I breathe in. A neighbor's dog barks into the night, a crescent moon in the sky. We stand around in the floodlight circle on the front porch. Miniature bugs glow in the air, and a fuzzy, glowing outline from the lint on clothes and baby hairs on heads is made around our figures. It's well past midnight, I know that for certain, meaning it's Christmas Eve.
She looks at me and then him before me again. "How old are ya, Mona?"
"Thirty-one?" Her eyes go wide before pointing at Salvador. "He's sixteen."
"Well now," she says under her breath before beckoning Salvador to come closer. He was not expecting a hug, but he got one anyway. He's prudent about being here, cautious in every sense of the word. He opted to stay in the car at the gas station when he's usually all for doing some observation of different convenience stores in different areas. Engie comes behind me and puts his hand on the small of my back.
"Mama, don't go scarin' her off," he pleads.
"I'm not, I'm not," she sighs. "But if you say that--"
He groans. "Salvador, come help me get our things." I turn to follow them, but Engie refuses me the right to carry my own bags into the house. We step into the warmer interior, kitchen lights are on with the Christmas tree illuminated gold in the living room. We had dinner at a Mickey D's a few hours ago, and Salvador swore up and down that he's not hungry. Engie scratches the top of his head. "Think we'll be hangin' our hat."
"Good," Darlene states. "Got yer lady here, maybe you'll actually sleep for once."
"Ma," Engie emphasizes to let her know to ease it up on the gas. Salvador grimaces at her wording. He sighs. "Let's go, everyone to bed." She laughs as she watches Engie lead me and Salvador down the hall and up the stairs. Salvador gets his own room, and Engie and I stay in another. He pulls me into a hug when I close the door, kissing me and pushing my jacket off of my arms. His fingers plant firmly on my hips and they lift my shirt up enough for me to tell he still has his glove on. I sigh.
"What happened to everyone going to bed?"
"I'm a hypocrite when I wanna be," he answers. "And, technically, we'd be in bed."
I can't help but laugh as he pulls me over to the bed and has me sit in his lap as he kisses me some more. I hold his face in my hands, leaning in and moving my arms to hang over his shoulders. He holds my waist, surprised at first but wasting no time in assimilating. I break the kiss and look at him. I can see myself in the reflection of his goggles, but I want to see him. My thumbs push under the strap on both sides of his head, and I lift the front off of his face slightly and slowly pull them off. He squints at first to adjust to the light but opens his eyes fully again to give his full attention.
"Aw, why do you wear your goggles all the time?"
He furrows his brows with a smile and looks away from me. "Just put 'em on one day as a kid and never took 'em off."
I rub his scruffy cheek with my thumb. "You have pretty eyes."
"Shucks." He grins with his teeth, his face fading to pink. He looks at me with his jade-green irises, poking his lips out for another kiss. I give him a peck. I stare at him, and he stares back. Like we're studying the other and mapping out our features. Engie certainly looks tired, weary eyes showcasing kindness and his brows being weighed down by the knowledge he carries from studying. Darlene's eyes are brown, so I'm assuming his father's eyes are the ones who are different. They're a beautiful shade, hazel near his pupils that dissipate into the deep forest tones.
He slides his glove off behind me and sets it on the bed next to him. He shows me his right hand, a giant mechanical contraption that whirrs as it moves. "Could ya help me take it off?"
"Oh," I retract my arms from either side of his neck and place my hands on the frigid metal. "How do I...?"
He moves one of my hands to a red button on the ring closer to his elbow. It glows crimson when I press it, and he closes his fist to have me carry it from under with his other hand. His fingers tap on a tiny keypad, the orange wires popping out of place. It gets heavy, and my hand bounces when I catch it. "It takes three hands, and I forgot to get Medic to do it for me." He grunts as he twists the ring off, showing the lack of appendage he has. What's missing is his wrist and everything after it, a rounded closure of skin over his bone. I get off of his lap and hold his prosthetic. He points to his duffel bag. "Could ya store it in my bag? And put this in there, too." I take the cuff from him and head over to his things, gently setting the mechanism down on the carpet so I can open the bag and find the case it goes in. "Thank ya, darlin'."
"No problem," I say. That would explain a lot about him and his attachment to his glove, but I'm left to wonder about what I saw on the cruise. I shouldn't wonder about it, that's rude. He trusts me enough to show it to me, so I shouldn't be paying much mind to it. He smiles at me, and I smile back.
He chuckles and gathers his things to decompress for the night. A bathroom connects, and it's just ours. I go in and get changed, taking a light shower to feel clean in my pajamas. I slip on my pink nightgown that stops right above my knees. These are one of my more comfortable ones. I typically opt for shorts and a tank top given how things went at the fort, but I can do pretty much whatever I want to at this point. I pull the straps over my shoulders and look at myself in the mirror as I put my hair in a high bun and cover it all up with a scarf. There's always a doubt in my mind. I like the way it looks on me. Would Engie like it?
There's only one way to find out, and that would be to show him. I exit the bathroom with my dirty clothes in hand to put them in the hamper bag I brought. Engie got changed into long striped pajama pants and a dark blue college shirt at the same time I was in the bathroom. He goes to brush his teeth as I organize my belongings and close the flap on my suitcase, turning off the light as well.
Engie gets into bed with me, and I prop the pillows up and lay on my side as I tell him to come closer. His head rests on my shoulder and he puts his hand on my thigh. Our knees touch as we draw them in, and I wrap my arm around his head and nuzzle my fingers tips into his hair. His lips touch my neck. He's warm. Comforting. I've never done this before. Cuddling feels good. Light tickles brush against the exposed skin on my chest when he exhales. Engie stirs and groans.
"So..." His baritone voice sticks in my ear. "What now?" My lack of talking has him continue. "Where do we go from here?"
"Where is here?" I ask him.
"Dunno."
"Does it bother you?"
"What?"
His figure becomes visible in the darkness. "Me."
"Why would you bother me?"
I inhale deeply. I've never put it into words. I asked Miss Pauling the same thing, but I wasn't that clear. I only asked her if I was a burden to her, and she said I wasn't. That turned out great. Medic said I just have to talk to him. "There are things wrong with me."
"Darlin', I'm missing a hand."
"I know, but... I can't give you children. That's the big one. I haven't had my period in almost four months now. When Medic revived me... Mmm." He gets the gist. "I can't do that for you, I can't get pregnant."
"Mo, I'm not in love with you based on what your body can and can't do, alright?"
"I'm also gaining weight. Like, a lot."
"I don't mind." He kisses my neck again. "You're talking to the man who gets called 'Beer Keg.'"
"I wouldn't know, you've never taken off your shirt around me."
"We can arrange that," he teases.
"Dell--"
"Almost sounds like you're trying to convince me to stop loving you."
"What do you like about me? It might sound stupid to you, but I didn't date for the majority of my life. I d-don't know what all of this is. It's new and frankly terrifying. I constantly feel like I'm going to mess it up and that you won't love me anymore."
"Ah, Mo, don't think you're gettin' rid of me that easily. I'm new to this, too," he laughs. "Besides the fact that you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, you're just real pleasant to me. I mean, you don't treat me any differently than you do the rest of the team, even though a lot about myself warrants that. I'm older than ya by a bit, but you don't mind that. You're not threatened by the fact I got eleven PhDs."
"Pfft, I didn't finish high school, Dell, I have nothing to be threatened by."
"Heh, I suppose so. Doesn't make you any less intelligent. I mean, I know it flies over your pretty little head every time I say it, but I really do love you, Mona. I'm just some nut in a garage who told ya you had a good handshake. I turn to mush around ya, dear." He giggles. "You called me dear and you just about had me wrapped around your little finger."
I smile. "Besides the fact that I find you to be a very handsome man without your goggles on, you're sweet to me, and I don't feel like it's just out of courtesy from you. You let me do what I need to do and you never impose. You're supportive above it all. You could've just left me to deal with the work and suffer the hardship, but you didn't do that. I trust you, you're someone I can confide in." I pause. "There's something I want you to know."
"You can tell me anything, darlin'."
"I'm not-- You and I are different."
"I'd think so," he says. "Man and woman are different."
"You know how I mean."
"Somewhat."
He moves his hand to my waist and pulls me closer. I open my mouth, a weak laugh escaping before I collect myself. "You heard the people at the gas station."
"Hicks, Mona. They were hicks."
"In a sundown town." I can imagine the furrowing of his brow. "We were in a sundown town, Dell. Big Spring does not like people like me and Salvador, that's why he stayed in the truck. And the last time we were here, Mike at the auto shop--" I flatten my lips. "You live in a small town, word travels fast."
"Nothing happens around here, they're all just nosy."
"You're not listening to me," I sigh. "The fact of the matter is that you're known as the man who's been in the company of a Negro." He grunts when I say it. "I'm not a black woman to them. I'm a Negro woman. Lesser. Many people won't take too kindly to that because many people don't take too kindly to me. That same treatment would extend to you. They'll call you all kinds of things, they'll harass your family, and they'll soon turn violent if their anger festers enough. Maybe your family will ignore you. And from what you implied about your cousin, that's he's 'old-fashioned'--"
"Racist," he interrupts. "My cousin's a racist... Can I tell you something?"
"What is it?"
"Remember when Mike mentioned someone named 'Rooney?'"
"He asked me if I was her replacement."
"Rooney was my friend when I was a kid. I was in fourth grade or so when I knew her. She was older than I was by four years. So I was ten, and she was fourteen. Rooney didn't have a lot of friends. The other girls didn't like her too much, and all of the boys didn't see why they should let a girl be around 'em. My cousin, Lyle, didn't like her whatsoever. He always said she was rude and never wanted to talk to him, and I knew why. I just never did anything about it. I didn't like fighting with Lyle. On top of the fact that he was bigger and older than me, he was just a troublemaker all around.
"At any rate, Rooney was the outlier. She was a tomboy like Josie but also read a lot of books. She'd go to the BC Tech library like I did when my grandpa and Uncle Dane still taught there. I met 'er by the statistics books. We both would get a random book, sit down, and read what we could. That's what we would be learnin' for the day. Didn't understand much, but we absorbed what we could.
"Library was closed one day."
He moves closer to me, and I wrap my arm around him as his voice grows quiet and somber. "We went down to the creek that was behind some trees and down a slope. There were toads and frogs and salamanders and whatnot in there, and we would go and catch 'em before releasing 'em again. She got a big ol' bullfrog. Made the funniest noise we ever heard when you patted his head between his eyes. Lyle came down to tell me to come home, but he just stared at Rooney when I got out of the water and put my shoes back on. She stood there holdin' the frog and lookin' at Lyle, and I knew what she was feeling.
"Fear." He sniffs. "She was afraid. Lyle grabbed her by the throat and held her underwater. He hit her head on the rocks under the flowing stream and he kept her under. I jump back in to help her, but Lyle... Devil was in 'im that day. And even then, he could've struck fear into Evil itself. She stopped moving after a while, and he backed away. He pulled me out of the creek, but he made us sit on the rocks on the bank of the stream. He kept telling me he'd do the same to me if I kept cryin'.
"Rooney shot out of that water like a bat out of hell, screamin' bloody murder and trying to claw her way out. Lyle got back up, picked up one of the boulders from the side of the water and threw it onto her chest. He stood there in the rushin' water and watched her drown. Then he rolled over more boulders and pinned her body under there. When we got back home, Lyle made up a story that I got caught up in the current and he went in to save me. I didn't tell Mama that he went and killed a girl.
"Police came by later that night and asked if we saw her. Lyle said she ran away. I told 'em the same. They didn't look any farther for Rooney and they never found her. Her family moved away after a year. They cleared the land and drained the creek to build more houses out there after a decade. No one said anything about no bones."
My mouth is glued shut with saliva, but I free my tongue with a sore jaw. "She was black, wasn't she?"
"Yes."
I utter noises of discomfort, shaking as though I'm cold. My quivering fingers curl. "Why did you tell me that?"
"I'm letting you know it won't happen again."
"Oh." I don't know what to do with this information.
"Now I'm makin' it sound like I don't want you to love me, huh?"
"I think I killed a girl. I don't know. It was past midnight and we were walking home from the roller rink. She came from the white side of the neighborhood, and she and her friends would take our money in exchange for letting us go home without a run-in with night patrol.
"Things went bad that night, and I fought her. I kept hitting her over and over in the head with my roller stakes as my friends ran away without me and left me with this half-conscious girl. She wasn't moving. I got off of her and ran myself. I snuck back inside my house and looked at myself in the mirror. I had blood on my shirt and hands, and there was hair stuck on the wheels of my roller skates. I threw them in the trash, waited for the garbage man to come, and told my parents that they were stolen from me. They didn't ask questions. I still don't know if she survived. My parents disappeared a month after that, and I think it's because they found out. I think I'm the reason my parents left."
"I'm sorry, Mo."
"It's okay." Telling each other these things. There's shame in what we've done. I hug him and hold his head on my shoulder as I kiss his forehead. "It's okay, Dell." I fell asleep with gentle lips on my chest and neck. He and I aren't that different. Not as much as I thought. My legs are hot. I open my eyes, daylight shining through the windows and crawling up the bedsheets. My back is to him, and his arm lays over my waist. He snores silently, inhaling deeply, waiting a moment, and then slowly exhaling. Darlene's downstairs talking to someone, and footsteps go down the hallway. I snuggle up closer to him. He lowly snickers.
"Mornin'," he grumbles, patting the bed until he finds my hand and intertwines our fingers. "If it even is that."
"Good morning." I turn over and look at his face, placing my forehead on his. "Te amo."
"Ooh," he chuckles. "Yo también te amo."
"Noooo," I laugh. "No, it sounds so bad."
"Hey, I'm tryin' my best."
"My mom spoke fluent Spanish. Your lazy pronunciations hurt me inside."
"Ain't no medic, but I can do a bit of healing," he smugly says and kisses me. He pulls my leg onto his side before a knock on the door breaks us up. We sit up, and there's a knock again. Dell rubs his eye. "Yeah?"
"Are y'all decent?" Darlene asks. Dell sighs.
"Come in," he sassily allows. Darlene inches the door open and looks at us on the bed.
"Hope I'm not interrupting the courting process."
"Ma, please," Dell exasperates and I giggle. "Can't do nothin' without yer input."
"Grandbabies are important, Dellie," she mentions before addressing me. "Salvador's up, was askin' for ya."
"Ah, thank you," I say. Josie pushes past Darlene. "Hi, Josie."
"Hi Auntie Mona," she says, and I glance at Dell. He smiles as he beckons her over. She climbs onto the bed and I hug her. "Do you want to go feed the puppies with me?"
I hum. "Did you ask Salvador if he wants to? He likes puppies."
"He does?"
"Yes." She slides off of the bed and runs downstairs. Dell pulls himself to the side of the bed and gets up, stretching out. I get up as well. "What do you usually do for Christmas Eve?"
"Not too much. We just cook all day," Dell says, rubbing his right side. Darlene puts her hands on his hips.
"Dell Conagher, you go and put yer hand on this instant," she demands. Dell just stands there and lifts his eyebrows.
"She doesn't mind."
"I don't mind," I echo. "It's a part of who he is. It doesn't add or subtract anything for me."
She nods, pleased. "I've held ya up long enough." Once she closes the door, he goes to his duffel bag and pulls out a different case from before, fiddling with the lock and slipping a rubber covering on his forearm before grabbing a lifelike hand and pressing it on. He flexes his fingers and rolls his wrist, yawning.
"Saddle up, you 'nd I are gonna be engineers for the day."