Sleep hadn't come easy to Remus that night either, but something worse dawned on him the next day when he found himself unable to think of anything or anyone else, as though he were stuck in a never-ending daze.
As Saturday afternoon commenced, Remus sat in the Gryffindor common room with James, Sirius, and Peter after lunch. The best seats by the fireplace always belonged to the four of them and no one else dared to sit there, thanks to the reputation the Marauders had built for themselves over the years. Everyone knew those seats belonged to them.
Sirius had taken a whole couch to himself, laying down on it as he levitated a feather above himself with the use of his wand, looking extremely bored, but handsomely so.
James was sitting on an armchair beside the couch, with his legs outstretched on the table before them. As it seemed, he had once again nicked the Golden Snitch from the Quidditch pitch, letting it zoom farther and farther away before leaping forward and grabbing it at the last second each time.
Peter — who had his Herbology book open in his lap as he was sitting on an armchair opposite James — had completely forgotten about studying and was now watching James with awe, his eyes fixed on the Snitch.
Meanwhile, Remus was sitting on the floor right in front of the fireplace, so close that he could feel the flames' heat on his face. He had his knees hugged to his chest as he stared into the fire, his mind wandering far away.
Sirius, who was bored out of his mind and refused to study, curiously turned his glance toward Remus. With a grin forming on his lips, he took his feather and used a transfiguration spell to turn it into a small stone, before throwing it at Remus and hitting him on the back of his neck.
"Ouch!" Remus cried out with surprise, rubbing the back of his neck in pain as he turned to glare over at Sirius's smirky face. "What the hell, Padfoot!?"
"He does seem a bit distracted, doesn't he, Prongs?" Sirius asked James with a haughty grin, though his eyes were on Remus who was still glaring at him from over his shoulder.
"Yeah, come to think of it," said James, catching the Snitch and pocketing it before putting all his attention on Remus who had now decided to ignore them, turning to look back into the blazing fire. "You've been acting really weird lately, Moony. It's not even near full moon —"
"Keep your voice down, Prongs," Remus implored darkly.
"What? It's true!" James encountered. Sirius nodded as well, getting up into a sitting position on the scarlet couch.
"Don't you two have Quidditch practice right now?" said Remus, smiling to himself in triumph when James and Sirius cursed, hastily getting up to their feet in realization.
"We should've been down in the pitch ten minutes ago," James groaned, looking down at his watch.
"It's fine." Sirius shrugged carelessly.
"Look, before you leave," Remus started, looking back at them again. "Do you have the Map on you right now?"
"No, it's upstairs in my trunk. Take it if you want," said James, putting a hand through his jet-black hair and ruffling it up, making it even messier.
"Why do you want it anyway?" Sirius asked. "Besides, it's incomplete. We still haven't put the Charm on it that assures no one can use it without the right password. Oh, which reminds me — I was thinking that we could have the Map insult whoever tries to break through it."
"That's a great idea!" James said enthusiastically, completely forgetting to investigate further to see why Remus needed the Map.
Before leaving the common room, Sirius turned to face Peter and Remus again. "You guys can come watch the practice, if you want."
"Sure —" Peter said excitedly, starting to get to his feet.
But Remus stopped him as he blurted out, "No!"
The three looked over at him questioningly.
"I — I promised Peter I would help him with our Herbology essay," Remus excused, before turning to face him with pleading eyes. "Remember, Peter?"
"No, when did we —" Peter was saying, but he fell silent at the meaningful look Remus gave him. "Oh, y-yeah. I remember now."
If they hadn't been running late for their Quidditch practice, James and Sirius would've stayed to inquire their strange behavior, but they only shrugged before leaving the common room in a hurry.
Remus waited for the two of them to climb through the portrait hole and disappear out of sight as he stayed seated on the floor in front of the fireplace.
"Okay, so about the essay," said Peter, looking down at his Herbology book, "where can I find the usage for the Fa —"
"Forget about that for a second," Remus said briskly, getting to his feet and taking the closet seat next to Peter. "I wanted to talk to you."
Peter blinked a few times, staring back at him blankly. "About what?"
"About — about something that happened to me."
"Why couldn't you say it with James and Sirius here as well, though?"
"Because I knew they would've made fun of me!" Remus reasoned, and then let out a long sigh, pausing for a few more seconds. "Have you ever — you know — have you ever been in a situation when — when you think a girl is making a move on you — so you then start thinking about kissing her and lean in — but then by the surprised look on her face you realize that probably wasn't her intention — so you pull back and look like a complete fool?"
Peter frowned in confusion. "That literally made no sense at all."
Remus let out yet another sigh before leaning his head back on the couch, hiding his face in his palms.
Every since the night in the library, the girl had imprisoned each and every one of Remus's thoughts. But this time, it was more than the strange encounter they had shared in Diagon Alley months ago.
Now, he couldn't stop thinking about the cute little wrinkle on her nose each time she frowned when he annoyed her, or the way her messy blonde curls came down over her shoulders.
He loved hearing her curse loudly from over the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, and he found it funny how mad she got each time Remus managed to get to the Ancient Runes' class earlier than her.
He always had a hard time holding himself back from chuckling when he felt her glare on him from where she sat at the back of the classroom, probably cursing his name in her heard over and over again. He loved how easily he could annoy her.
And that night in the library, when he had managed to make her laugh for the first time after calling her crazy, he realized that she had the smallest dimple on her right cheek.
Remus felt like he was starting to get obsessed with her presence, his mind always managing to slip away from the moment and finding comfort in the mere thought of her.
He had always been afraid of this. Afraid of the possibility of love. He couldn't allow himself to fall into the pit of false hope; the false hope of a future he knew he could never have. He wasn't an ordinary boy, and he could never have an ordinary life.
Last night, he had let himself believe for a moment that he could have it. He had seen her face over the beautiful candle light, inside the moonlit library, his heart fluttering when she reached out to hold his hand, no matter what her intentions were.
But this road was a dead-end for him, and he knew it. He had to forget about her.