"Are you sure you're ready? I mean you've been putting this off for a long time..."
"It's not even been four months. It's not been a long time."
"Okay, no yeah you're right. Obviously it takes time to grieve, but are you ready to share this with the world?"
"Well... My therapist thinks it's a good idea to talk about it more, and what better way to share it on national news," I try to laugh it off, but I'm honestly worried.
Tonight is my interview with Jimmy Fallon and although my publicist already reviewed the questions I'll be asked, just the thought of sharing something so intimate with the world scares me. And sure I trust Jimmy, Liv loved watching him, but I couldn't help to feel overwhelmed with the thoughts of the fans. Seeing how they drove her away scared me. I love my fans, and the kind support most of them gave me. But seeing how they treated Liv saddened me. I just hope people could show a little more compassion.
I was instructed not to disclose that Liv had passed, so we tried to direct the idea to her moving away, or something of the sort.
There was two hours left before the interview, and with the nerves I have I decided to go take a hot shower.
I take my time standing under the hot water. Liv always liked to shower in boiling hot water. I never understood why she liked the water so hot, but right now with my muscles tight, from the tension I've been holding on to, it feels great.
I let out a big sigh as I step out of the shower.
I've got dark circles under my eyes, and my cheekbones look much more defined from my weight fluctuating. Although I'd rather not wear makeup unless I'm on set I rather not go on TV looking like I haven't slept the past four months.
I rummage around my drawers until I find Liv's little bag of makeup. I dab on a little concealer under my eyes like I remember her doing until it doesn't look too bad.
I should probably get something in me so I don't throw up from the anxiety.
I grab a banana from the kitchen, and munch on some crackers.
Dodger is outside, so hopefully we don't have any squirrels run by while I'm in the interview.
I set my laptop up and take a breather.
"It's gonna be okay Chris, just take a breath, and concentrate on right now," I do one last deep breath and log in.
Another screen pops up and soon enough Jimmy comes on.
"Hey man! How you doing?"
"Hey Jimmy! I'm doing alright, and yourself?"
"Doing alright, keeping busy with the kids. So you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Alright well just hang tight. When I come back we'll be live, okay?"
"I'll be here," I laugh.
His screen turns off and a few minutes later he pops back up.
"Alright everyone! Thank you for joining us tonight! We've got a very special guest, Chris Evans!"
I can hear a crowd cheering, and I smile.
"Hi everyone, thank you Jimmy for having me tonight."
"It's my pleasure. So how you doing? What have you been up to?"
"I'm doing alright, keeping busy you know. Walking Dodger and what not."
"There's only so much to do, am I right?"
The crowd and I laugh, "That's true."
"So The Gray Man hit theaters not too long ago, you have any other projects you're working on?"
"Yeah so we're wrapping up Don't Look Up which should be in theaters later this year, so keep a look out guys. And I'm starting on something I'm particularly excited for, the movie on Buzz Lightyear that should be coming out next year."
"Wow, so you've been real busy! So what can we expect from your character in Don't Look Up?"
"Well it's surely different, nothing like the characters I've done before. He's a real cocky guy, but I'm hoping fans will enjoy my take on him."
"I'm sure the fans will love it. And Buzz! Wow! I'll definitely be watching that with my kids."
I laugh, "Yeah it's a huge honor honestly. I'm really excited to start on that project."
"Oh I bet! And now, I've got to ask, because I'm sure everyone's dying to know, how's your girlfriend doing?"
I try to give him a little smile and look down at my hands. You got this Chris.
"Yeah unfortunately we're no longer together. She had to leave... and well I miss her, but it is what it is."
"Huh sounds like it didn't end too well."
"Well don't get me wrong, it ended on good terms, but inevitably we were not able to stay together."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like the previous most eligible bachelor is bachelor again."
I nod, "I think it's just meant to be at this point. She was the one, and honestly I don't want- I don't think I can give it a try again. I found what true love really is, and I don't think I'll find anyone like that again. I'm just going to focus on my career now, and make sure I can give back the most I can."
"Wow, what a true romantic. Well I hope for the best for you. Now before I let you go, we're gonna play a little game. We're going to invite random singles from the audience and you and I are going to pair people up."
I laugh, "Alright, let's do it."
"Alright let's send down some guests."
Six people appear on a separate screen, they wave and I wave back.
"Okay everyone, so introduce yourselves please."
Someone hands the first guys in the line.
"Hi, I'm Marcus. I'm 25 years old and I'm from Brooklyn," A tall guy with dark curly hair and a wide grin says. The crowd cheers for him.
He hands the microphone to the shorter guy next to him, "Hi, I'm Jason. I'm 27 and I'm from Yorktown."
He's got brown floppy hair and bright green eyes, the crowd cheers for him too. He hands the microphone to the girl next to him.
She can't be more than 5'10" but she looks significantly taller than him.
"Hi, I'm Kacey and I'm 24. I'm from Yonkers!"
The crowd cheers for her as she raises her hands in excitement. She hands the microphone to the girl next to her.
"Hi, I'm Destiny. I'm 22 and I'm from New Rochelle," she's a lot more quite, but the crowd still cheers. She hands the microphone to the next guy in line.
"Hey, I'm Peter. I'm 27 and I'm from Brooklyn," he smiles and waves as he hands the microphone to the last girl in the line.
"Hi! I'm Marissa and I'm 29. I'm from Queens!" her wavy brown hair bounces as she waves.
"Alright! Thanks for joining us! Now Chris we get to ask them one question, and they each have to answer. From that answer we have to pick who to pair up with who."
"Oof, just one question? Alright," I rub my hands together.
"Yup, so we gotta make it good," the people in the line laugh.
"Mmm... how about what's their ideal date?"
"Alright yeah, that sounds like a good question. So, what is your ideal date? Let's start with you Marissa."
"My ideal date is probably something fun, maybe going to beach or a little road trip where we can talk and get to know each other."
The others clap and she hands the microphone to Peter.
"My ideal date is probably going to the beach too. Maybe do a little snorkeling, or sailing. Something lowkey where we can have some fun."
We all nod and I start to connect the dots between them.
Destiny goes next, "My ideal date would be something we're we can get to know each other in a laidback setting. Maybe getting some lunch, and checking out the MOFAD."
They clap for her and she hands the microphone to Kacey.
"My ideal date would be something outside. Like going for a hike or exploring a nearby waterfall."
The crowd claps for her and she hands the microphone to Jason.
Jason takes the mic, "My ideal date would probably heading down to Coney Island. Go on some rides and get some treats. Just doing something fun and lighthearted."
Marcus is last and he takes the microphone, "My ideal date would be probably something where I can make the girl feel special. Like go to the park and have a picnic, something like that."
"Good answers everyone! Alright, Chris what do you think?"
"Mmm, right off the bat I feel like Peter and Marissa would be a good match."
"I agree, so Peter and Marissa if we could have you take a step over to your left."
They take a few steps over and smile at each other. Peter is significantly taller. They both have dark hair, but he has hazel eyes apposed to Marissa's dark brown eyes."
"Now I think Destiny and Marcus would be cute..."
"True, but I feel like Kacey and Marcus would have more in common."
"You're right, you're right. So Kacey step over to Marcus."
She's tall but Marcus has got to be around 6'2" so they have a good height difference. Plus his dark curly hair compliments well with her long blonde hair. He grins as she stands next to her.
That leaves Jason and Destiny and honestly they look good together. Although he isn't very tall she's super tiny so it fits. And they both have bright eyes, his green and hers blue.
"Man almost feels like Destiny and Jason are meant to be!" the crowd laughs and Destiny blushes.
"Well we've got our pairs! And we're gonna pay for you guys to go out on a date, so good luck you guys!"
They all clap and look content with the people they've been set up with. The crowd cheers for them as they wave back.
"Best of luck to you guys, and thank you Jimmy for having me."
"Of course! Thanks for coming on the show. Everybody give it up for Chris Evans!"
The crowd claps and cheers once again and I sign off.
I let out a huge sigh and throw my head back.
I've got a huge headache and my face hurts from grinning so much.
And before I know it I've got tears rolling down my face.
My body shakes from holding it in, and I let out a tired scream.
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Posted earlier in the day because we made it to 2.5k! Thank you so much y'all!
Poor Chris. Currently in tears, so I can't imagine how he'd feel.
Beijos