Without conscious direction, I ended up in the locker room. It was probably all for the best as Ji Hyuk oppa was relaxing on one of the beanbags, his eyes glued to his phone. He looked up in surprise.
And I burst into tears.
Ae Ra unnie had followed me there as well.
"What happened?" He inquired, getting up, looking from me to her and back again.
"I did something h-h-horrible!" I sobbed. He put an arm around me, trying to comfort me. Ae Ra exchanged looks with him.
I broke down completely. "Aigoo...it's okay..." Ae Ra unnie stroked my head.
I finally told them everything. How I felt about him, how I felt about us, and how I felt pathetic with myself.
After I finished, Ji Hyuk oppa gave me a bottle of water.
"I don't know what to do anymore," I said after my sobs had subsided. "Ugh, this is so embarrassing..." I groaned.
"You got it out of your head, hakseng," Ae Ra said.
"Yeah, well, I'd be lying if I said I don't feel a little better," I added, "but it's a MESS."
I took a deep breath and mumbled, "I wish we were two ordinary people. I don't know if I can take on the world for him." I laughed at how dramatic the last sentence sounded.
Ji Hyuk Oppa took a deep breath before saying, "Y/Naa. I know I said to not date him that day, but I only said it because I didn't want you to pursue him unless you really meant it," he paused, "I think you do mean it. And you have every right to be afraid. But don't forget that both of you have people watching your backs." I opened my mouth to interrupt him but he cut me off. "Yes, you do too. If he has his hyungs and staff, you have us. We look after our own."
I was too choked to say anything at that.
"All I want to say is, if you know what you're doing, you might as well do it. Suppressing one's emotions can backfire worse than acting upon them."
"Yah, Oppa! You're telling me this now?" I snorted. "And wait - what do you mean you told me to not date him that day?" I asked, puzzled. Had the story about a friend and a trainee not worked then?
"It was pretty obvious you were talking about him." Oppa shrugged. I turned to Ae Ra. "Unnie, don't tell me you guessed too?" She hadn't looked exactly shocked when I told them about Jungkook and me. "I mean, we know you both, so it was obvious for us."
My jaw dropped in shock. "You could have said something, you know!"
"I didn't want to overstep." Unnie said softly.
"And him?" I asked.
"He was pretty up front about it after a while - he kept requesting me to bring you around for the most random reasons." she giggled.
"So you literally knew everything. This is so embarrassing!" I groaned.
Unnie boxed my ears. "He's smarter than you are. Because he knows when to ask for advice!" she spoke with indignation. "When in trouble, talk to me. Us. Asking for help isn't embarrassing, neither is crying," then she added a little gently, "I know you like to do everything by yourself, but you don't have to go through life alone. You shouldn't. That's the point of having friends - and of being with someone."
I hung my head. I realized how lucky I was to have these two sitting beside me.
"He probably hates me by now, doesn't he?" I buried my face in my hands as I spoke.
"Just go talk to him." Oppa said.
"Take some time to think if you need - but then yes, talk to him. He deserves that at least, don't you think so?" Unnie added.
I blew my nose on a tissue. "I guess so." My eyes welled up again.
"Wash your face before you go. In fact, wash up properly," Oppa said and turned to Unnie, "she really stinks, get her some perfume or something -"
"Oppa!" I whined.
"I will say this just once," I started, "I love you both."
It was already dark when I reached the terrace. City lights stretched out in every direction I looked. Cold air whipped across my face. Perhaps it was a bad idea to ask him to meet up here. It was too cold.
Someone cleared his throat behind me. I turned around to find Jungkook staring at me. Five feet away. He had on a dark overcoat over his dark sweatshirt and pants, with white sneakers. His hair blew with the wind, animating his pale expressionless face. I felt as tongue-tied as I had when we had first met. And yet, there was something so warm and fulfilling about his presence, about his eyes on me, that made me start talking.
"The song's pretty neat." I mumbled, looking at his feet. Wow Y/N. Such tact, I thought.
"Thank you," he replied curtly.
I decided to go for it. "It's not - about me, exactly, is it?" Ah, it felt so petty asking that. "I'm just asking because you looked - the way you sang it."
He stiffened and looked away. "It's the same as before. The experiences I can't have. The time I can't have - with people I want to spend it with."
"Oh, right..." My voice trailed away. There were so many feelings building inside me then I thought I'd burst.
We started talking at the same time.
"I'm sorry -" I began.
"How have you -?" he started to ask.
Both of us stopped. I met his gaze.
"I'm not okay. I haven't been okay at all," I said. I wanted to say that I had missed him, but I wasn't sure if I had the right - yet. He continued to look at me with narrowed eyes.
"It was mean - and cowardly of me to do what I did that day. I just snapped out of the blue, I didn't even explain anything, nor did I give you a chance to talk to me," I was rushing, "I wish I had something decent enough to justify that but I don't. I saw the CEO that morning - and I don't know - for the first time I thought about us being part of a world bigger than us - or bigger than me at least - way bigger. We - this isn't my own little thing - that's what I felt then - I felt more vulnerable than I had ever felt. It scared me - and - I -"
He cut me off, "then you should've come to me. We could have talked about that." He rubbed his nose, and I saw that he was blinking rapidly.
"Are you - you're not crying?" I asked in shock.
"No, it's just the wind in my eyes," he replied with annoyance.
"Ah, seriously. Come on." I led him to the other side of the terrace where I knew was a store room. I wasn't sure if I could find it in the dark - but, there it was. Low ceilinged and dusty, it was crowded with broken chairs and boxes. But at least there was no cold draft. We went in and I shut the faulty door as far as it went. With my phone's torch light, I found the switch to a stray light bulb, and flipped it on.
"This is better, isn't it?" I said, as warm light flooded the space. He nodded. We were cut off from the cold as well as the sounds of the city.
"I had a really hard week, Y/Na." his voice brimmed with emotion. I flinched in response. His eyes were still glassy and I figured it probably wasn't the cold anymore.
"I didn't know what to think," he continued, "or what you were going through, or what I had done wrong. Do you know how hard that is?" he paused.
"You didn't exactly make an effort to reach out to me after that day either," I added. He let out an exasperated sigh. "Seriously? I was mad! Really, what did you expect - I didn't want to tell you off. So I waited."
"You could have snapped at me, you know. You don't have to hold back."
"I don't want you to see that side of me."
"Why not? I was being a total ass. You're supposed to call me out on that if you notice it."
"I didn't notice it! I panicked!" he ran his hand through his hair, "You say you were scared - do you know how scary it was for me? I love my life, I really do - and I've made my peace with being alone - but you came along making me want to - to - agh - and then just like that," he clicked his fingers, "you declare it's nothing. Like I should not have hoped at all!"
He spoke with such force that I took a step back. Noticing that, he muttered, "sorry, I didn't mean to -"
"-no it's okay. Now I know how you feel," I took a step closer to him, "I really am sorry that you had to go through that."
He nodded. "You don't have to - be with me if you don't want to. I just - I really like you - but I promise I won't make things awkward if you -"
"-I don't want to end things," I said quickly. "I really don't want to..." I went back to looking at the floor, not noticing that his face lit up at that. There was a pause.
Suddenly, he began, "I'm sorry too. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't - some - ego - that kind of held me back initially - from trying to talk to you..."
"I knew it!"
"Hey - I didn't start this!"
"Whatever - I apologized first, I'm the better person here."
"You little -" he grabbed my overcoat and pulled me close. We were practically nose to nose. I couldn't stop myself from grinning.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"I missed you too," I replied.
"How do you plan to make it up to me?" he asked.
"Hmm, let's see. I have with me this necklace that someone got for me and I need a little help putting it on." It was in the little blue box he had got for me - an enamel pendant in the shape of a wildflower. I had been carrying it around since that day like contraband - it felt a little inappropriate to wear it after I had tried to dump him. I put it in his palm and spun around.
He pulled down the hood of my jacket and got my hair out of the way. "This is not making up at all by the way." he muttered, while clasping the hook of the chain close. I could sense that he was grinning. His fingers brushed against the back of my neck, giving me goosebumps.
"You sound too excited for me to believe you."I replied.
I heard him chuckle. "It's done." I turned to him again, my hand fondling the pendant, but my eyes taking in his adorable expressions. Without thinking, I tiptoed and kissed him lightly. And stepped back down.
"Hey, get back here..." he murmured, and kissed me again. I put my arms on his shoulders, a hand in his hair, back on tiptoe. He bent low and lifted me up. I giggled and broke away.
"You're spoiling me, Jungkooka!" I reprimanded him, not really meaning it.
"I plan to keep doing it." he laughed, but he placed me back on the ground gently.
"Thank you for not getting a weirdly expensive gift," I said, placing the pendant under my shirt.
"Actually, I came across this cool bag but Namjoon hyung talked me out of it."
"A bag isn't so bad either - wait - was it, like, Balenciaga or something - yeah thank you Namjoon, oppa. Listen you wait I'll be rich one day okay..."
"Yeah, sure." he rolled his eyes.
"Don't challenge me - but tell me first - who all did you tell about us? I should know!"
"Oh, really few people. All the members know. My manager, and Pdogg knows because - well - it came out while discussing the song -", my jaw dropped as the list went on, "Ae Ra Noona naturally, and Bang PD-nim -"
I stepped back in shock. "WHAT? CEO Bang? When? Don't tell me he knew when he met me?"
"He knows everything." Jungkook shrugged. I squealed in response.
"I knew he was judging me in that meeting." I shook my head. "So embarrassing!"
"He's the one who suggested the library for a date." Jungkook added with a small smile.
"Tell me honestly, have you been going around with a notepad asking everyone for ideas?"
"It's a lot better than overthinking and taking rash decisions that hurt everyone." he shot back, then added tentatively, "too soon?"
"Yes. Get lost. Bye. I'm leaving." I walked out. He grabbed the hood of my jacket, "I'm coming with you!"
We left the store room the way we found it. Half an hour ago, I couldn't have imagined that I could be this relieved. Or could feel as light as a helium balloon. Or as warm as a mug of hot chocolate.
"Do you want to grab dinner?" I asked.
"I was about to ask the same thing." He grinned, and I couldn't help but smile back.
We left hand in hand, not sure where we'd end up, but glad that we'd be in it together anyway.
The End
{A/N - If you've read it till here then, first of all, aaaaaa you have my heart - thank you for reading my first ever fanfic! (actually first ever story that's this long). Honestly, I didn't even think I had it in me to complete it - but BTS has made me creative and motivated in a way I didn't think was even possible. As for you, dear reader, if you enjoyed this story even a little, please vote, share and comment your feelings. I would love to hear what you think! Sending love and hugs. Borahae!
- momos}