They were in for a night journey to Idgard. After the Army had left and Alexandra had wolfed down at least half a dozen men's share of food, came the time to leave Ethoris.
She had politely turned down the offer of a carriage. Mercury was good enough - unless he flung her down on the Idgardian border once again, in which case, Alexandra would NOT trust him a third time. "Safety issues", Nicholas had pointed out. But Alexandra knew they wouldn't have the safety issues. At least as long as Liam kept his senses open and his sword handy.
Until the previous day, she had not even spared a thought to what kind of a warrior he could be. Often, kings weren't that great at dueling and combat. Liam and she had dueled for once, and she had lost, but it had been quite close. She had thought it was more of her carelessness that had lead to Liam winning, but now - it was high time she understood that the competition had been so close because he had wanted it to be so.
In any case, the idea of riding through miles of forest and cities and across rivers, was better than sitting tightly shut in a carriage. She would never be at a loss for things to talk of, with Liam, and darkness always encouraged people to speak their hearts. Perhaps because the other one could not see their emotions tied to it, or perhaps because it felt less of a betrayal to the self.
And then, there were a lot of things to ask. The foremost one being,
'Does palace politics flourish in the Idgardian one?'
The question was rather important. There had been a lot of it in the Dovish one - right from Queen Ava to the lowest rug of servants. And Alexandra voiced it out just as they had put about a couple of miles between themselves and the Ethorian Palace. And why Liam found it funny, she had no idea. That was the way he greeted any question of hers, with a laugh entrancing enough to make her forget the string of the conversation.
'Short answer: no.' He finally replied, and Alexandra had to search for a while to remember what her question had been. 'But I am sure you want the longer one. Which is - no, the lack of a mother-in-law always helps matters. Though...'
'Though?'
He continued, 'though Alexandra, you would have gotten along well with my mother.'
Now, that was rather interesting. And Alexandra grabbed at it immediately. Stroking Mercury in the neck, she drove closer to Liam. Pushing the hair out of her face, because the horse's immense speed always scattered it about, she nodded. 'Now, tell me more about your mother.'
Liam shook his head, she couldn't see his face, but there would have been a reluctant smile on it. People had all sorts of habits, Alexandra had the habit of biting of lips. And Liam, she noticed, had the habit of smiling. It was not natural, not inborn. He had, it appeared so after knowing him for long enough, enforced that upon himself, until it had become a habit. The perfect faking it until making it.
'I never knew her for myself.' He informed, 'But I've heard enough. She was quite of an independent temperament, quite of a rebellious spirit - and oh, hungry for power. She would have been revolted at the very idea of a daughter-in-law who couldn't use a blade. And she would have taught it to such a lady - but in case the latter was unwilling to learn - she had quite a temper too. If you want to attribute anybody with destroying all politics inside that place, its her. One can say she had no heart, or at least, that she lead with solely her mind. Had she lived up to it and had her way, she would have arranged my marriage and not heard a word against it.'
'In short, she was a little ... controlling?' Alexandra asked. And if that was the case, perhaps they would get along well. She had no problem with stepping back, and she had no problem with a practical lady who used her mind. She had no problem with a warrior mother-in-law either - in fact, the thrill it could have been made her wish the previous queen had really lived up to it.
'Controlling,' he agreed. 'To the last degree. And turns out, anybody who knew her, swears I am a replica. If that should mean...'
'Oh well, you are controlling.' Alexandra assured. 'But with the job you have, if you weren't a little wicked - that is, witty and crafty - such a huge kingdom like Vedessa wouldn't have stayed together for long.'
'It was already breaking apart,' he informed, shaking his head. 'Oh yes it was, especially from the west - because that was where Cartania is, and they act all friendly, but they do not hesitate a second before backstabbing. Vellesmere? All their doing - but not theirs alone, not as much as Ethan's.'
He never called his father, "father". With unassumed impoliteness, when Liam was the most civil of men she knew, he called his own, late father by the name. Why did that make Alexandra appreciate him all the more? Perhaps because she could not stand a simpleton, a shallow man with rigid notions. Wit allured to her much more, and upon that, witty humor - which Liam possessed abundantly - was "perfection" to her. The world knew, one loved only such people who could effortlessly replace one's frowns with smiles.
'I've been meaning to tell you something.' He said, closing the topic of the past with a single sentence. As much of the history was enough for the day, and Alexandra was all ears.
'Come on, tell me.'
'I was a so overwhelmed that night ...' Liam began, 'and so indignant at your recklessness,' he added, exhaling, 'that I completely forgot to say it.' He stopped to take another breath, 'And after that, we were constantly in company. Not that it was impossible to say it then, but the lonelier it is, the better. Because ... the more personal it is, the truer it will be.' Another small pause, but not a long one.
'I love you, Alexandra.' Liam whispered, it came naturally as that - anything louder would have seemed fake. 'I loved you when I saw you for the first time. I loved you when I saw you again in those crowds, though there were a thousand others present. I loved you all the more when I visited you in the infirmary, because you were so true - and so brave - and so beautiful. I loved you the most when you were unwilling to go to Doveland, and I came so close, then, to confessing my love, that not doing so made me feel like the stupidest man on earth. Oh, but I was scared - both of losing you, as well as of discouraging you from going back there. And when you announced of the impending war - my love was tipping over to a slight madness. There were a hundred times I should have done it, I should have said it and confessed it - but perhaps it had to be this way. And - trust me - this way is beautiful.'
Warm satisfaction reigned in her heart, simple delight, and a thumping love. She shook her head and rode on for a while, with no reply, enjoying the pleasant silence around them.
'I know.' Alexandra replied, finally. 'How can I not, when I've reciprocated it all along? And by the virtue of that, I become the stupidest woman on earth.' She stopped for a small grin. 'Some people make a pretty pair together, others make the perfect pair and some make the closest pair.' She told him, then patted Mercury to slow down, so that she look at Liam, instead of looking ahead. 'You and me, King Liam,' Alexandra continued, 'let's make the stupidest pair on the planet, together.'
And when they had stopped laughing, when they had decided to look at the serious part of it, she remembered of another ordeal. A more serious, in fact the most distressing of things: that she no longer possessed the Emerald ring. But when she voiced it out, she was told that in order to be a queen, she would have to stop worrying about such small things and instead, focus on the bigger picture.
To which, naturally, she questioned what the "bigger picture" was. And apparently, the bigger picture was that they could hunt (shop, that is, but Liam's vocabulary had always been vibrant) for another one.
Alexandra pointed out that Kings did not shop. But she was informed that kings were humans and so were queens and that a sturdy helmet could turn a king into anybody he wanted to show himself as.
'For example, a traveler.' She smirked, remembering that first day - and that half-lie.
'I didn't expect you to remember.' He replied, shaking his head. 'And that reminds me, Alexandra that there's another thing I've been meaning to tell you.'
Alexandra looked ahead, waiting for him to continue. Belts of stars spanned out in the sky. It was dark and rather quiet - eerily quiet. So much so that, they would never know - there could be hundreds of spies hidden in those thickets. The thought no longer unnerved her. There were always things she wouldn't know about. It was plain stupidity to fear the unknown.
'It matters to all the Agents who you actually are.' He said, slowly, not wanting to make a single mistake. 'But they won't be finding it out on their own. It is just a suggestion, Alex - maybe you should come out at the Council.'
Alexandra's grip on the reins almost slackened at those words. Collecting herself, she pursed her lips and didn't reply. She had thought dealing with Aunt Sabel would be tough. But now she'd rather wrangle with her again, than face the betrayed looks her friends would have on their faces if she told them that - she was not Mabel. It was easy for Liam to suggest that. What if tomorrow Fannel strode up to her and said that he was not Mark Fannel. That he was Liam's brother. And now he was going to reclaim his past.
Alexandra would feel destroyed. Utterly betrayed and lost. She would demand why he hadn't trusted her with that knowledge. Why he had kept her in the dark for so long. Was she a toy? Played with at will and then dropped like a hot potato? She would more or less never be able to trust any other stranger in her whole life.
But would she be able to hate him? Sever ties? Never speak to again?
No. Alexandra knew she wouldn't be able to make it that huge. After all those years, she had grown to love the person he was. Not his name or parentage.
But then again, just because she would not be able to, did it guarantee the same for others? Did it mean everybody would forgive her? Not necessarily.
'But they deserve to know.' Liam reminded, as though he had heard every word she had thought.
'What if they never trust me again? They will... they will throw me out!' Alexandra almost whimpered in reply. 'Not out of the council.' She clarified, 'They will throw me out of their hearts. And that's hundred times worse!' Many-a-times, she had thought about what that scene would be like. She had thought how different people would react. But what she hadn't thought about, was how she would muster up the courage to do it. How she would break it to them. Would her voice not falter? The amount of strength it was needed - to tell them that all her life, she had shown them only a fake version of herself, somebody who she was not - would she have that grit?
'Or maybe,' Liam offered, 'they will accept you as who you actually are. Not Mabel. As Alexandra. And that,' he nodded, 'will be a hundred times better.'
Alexandra knew he was just trying to raise her spirits. But it was not possible with that weight on her shoulders. Much talking about it, moreover, would fill her with false ideas. Liam's persuasive words would charm her. No, this one final thing - she was going to do on her own. 'I'll do it.' She declared. The words were empty. It was not that Alexandra would not, or that she didn't have the intention to. But she'd take her time. Her time ... unfortunately, could mean two days, or two years.
* * *
Alexandra knew this was the best time.
Fannel was back. The Council was going on like any normal day. Princess Alexandra's first week in Idgard had already passed. And now she surmised, sitting from afar and watching the Agents mill about cheerfully, it was time she broke her silence.
Alexandra got up from the ground, dusted her back and walked up to the crowd of men. Diana was sitting in a corner, polishing her blade. Alexandra would have preferred a dagger-less Diana, but she possibly couldn't have everything. She turned her head from side to side, watching the jolly activities. She almost faltered.
'I have got to say something.' Alexandra announced, in a haste.
Done.
Now she couldn't step back. The men all turned: hundreds of familiar faces looking at her as Alexandra gulped.
'Don't tell us that you are sending everybody in detention for "breathing loudly".' A senior yawned. Alexandra considered the idea. No, breathing loudly was definitely allowed, as far as she knew.
'No.' She voiced it out, 'not detention. I have to... confess.'
'Confess?' Asked Jack, 'hark Agents! The noble Queen confesses!'
Why were they so cheerful today? Why couldn't they be gloomy and sad, so that Alexandra wouldn't feel so guilty ruining their day? She managed a small smile to Jack, 'I actually wanted to say...'
Everybody bent closer. Watson looking uninterested, because he had used Fannel's absence to confess to Diana. And the lady, though not declining, had said she needed time to think as well as her relations with her brother, who didn't approve of it all, to consider. Alexandra sincerely hoped that Diana's "time" was not ten years. Fannel had a hand to his chin, in an anytime now expression.
'Actually,' she said, 'actually ... you people know of the exiled Dovish princess - Alexandra?'
A lot of eyes flitted - unsure. There was murmur of approval, 'we do,' Kane nodded, 'nobody knows where she went. All this Ethoris scandal - she's even proved innocent. Her exile's lifted. But where is she?!'
Alexandra paled. She had never thought the Espionage Council got information so fast. She had said that she needed to spy at the Ethorian Palace. Given her prominence and Aunt Sabel's extreme interest in her... would at least Mark not have guessed her truth?
'Yes, all that's true Kane... yes. I had to say - uh - I mean - I am the Princess Alexandra.'
Hot, sticky, uncomfortable silence.
Watson's eyes widened. Diana's dagger slipped from her grasp. Kane staggered backwards. A collective gasp traveled across her colleagues. 'The reason I went to Ethoris,' she continued boldly, 'the reason I had that special interest. The reason I appeared noble-born and whatnot. The reason... er, I burnt that letter in my third year. It actually called me ... exiled princess. And I,' Alexandra miraculously didn't falter even once. The words just tumbled out one by one. She stared at Kane - who she knew would be most affected - somehow even more than Mark. 'I didn't tell before ... because I was afraid.'
'I know.' Fannel divulged. Everybody turned to him. More than half of them cringing their necks. Diana looked like she was going to smack him.
'What does this all mean?!' Asked Watson, standing up, 'you two think we are stupid? That prank won't work.' He declared. Alexandra turned to Fannel- wide eyed.
'No- this is not a prank- I- I am not lying. But- Brother? Did Liam?!' She cried. Alexandra must have sounded rather pitiable, because Fannel's expression softened.
'I have always known.' He repeated. Diana didn't look like it anymore. She got up from behind, walked ahead, pulled Fannel towards herself and registered a burning slap on his cheek. It must have hurt, because Alexandra could see Diana's fingers imprinted across his face in red. This was getting more complex than she had even imagined.
'And since when have you got so big that you have begun keeping secrets? From me!' Diana demanded. She shot Alexandra half a betrayed, smoldering look. Watson thought it was a joke - Kane was silent. But not Diana. She believed her, and she was not going to sit quietly about it. And with that, Alexandra knew she had signed up for extreme trouble.
In fact, Kane was the next to lose it. On Alexandra. 'I see it now - the year she was exiled - she was seventeen. And you were too. And then your extreme impatience to go to Ethoris! I trusted you. We all trusted you! After all this - you never thought we deserved to know?! You heard our tales, we gave you nothing but the truth. And in return? What in return?! Lies! One lie after the other! How betrayed did you feel in the third year test?! You were sobbing! And you knew me for what? Not even two years! Can you even imagine what we are feeling, Mab- oh, just crush it! Alexandra! Princess Alexandra! No you can't imagine! Because all you have known to care for- is yourself!' He spat.
'Kane- hold it!' Fannel pleaded. It didn't turn out in his favor, because Kane pulled out his dagger.
'Not today, Mark Fannel.' He warned, 'I don't care one bit what you knew or you didn't. But if you interfere...' and he let the sentence hang. But the meaning was clear with the blade in his head.
Alexandra felt dread fill her, along with sorrow. If she only had words to defend herself - which she didn't. She didn't know what to say for herself. She had always feared this. Their anger wasn't misplaced. It was the most justified anger Alexandra had ever encountered. While anger was useless and destructive - it was hard to counter as well. Especially if it was reasonable.
'I called you Captain. You know what I meant? I was accepting you as the leader. I was putting my blind trust in you!' Watson berated, finally realizing that it was not a lie. 'What have I not told you about?! And this man!' He added to Fannel, a look of pure hatred, 'till now- whatever else I might have thought for you, I kept you in esteem. But in the end - you both have turned out to be traitors!'
'No-' Alexandra began, of all things, what she would not accept was being called a traitor. She was not one - yes, she had broken their trust. But she hadn't betrayed the Council. It wasn't the same thing.
'WHY ARE ALL OF YOU ACTING LIKE THIS WAS PLANNED?!' Fannel demanded, cutting her across. He stared at all the fuming faces one by one, 'yes I have known of her true identity! The reason I agreed to come to Ethoris - I knew the whole plot! No, Alexandra. Liam didn't tell me. Nor did I tell him anything. But I feel he is too clever to have not guessed it already. After that conclusive terrorist attack - I had left Vellesmere for good. And where did I end up?! In Doveland! I lived off favors for a year - until I was twelve - when I decided I could pass for a scrawny fourteen year old and enter the Dovish Army. It worked - I was admitted. Things were fine, until when I was sixteen - in the Arenas - I saw the twelve year old Alexandra. I could right away see that she had sneaked in. But her alert side-glances, her nimble footing ... I could also see how she was a natural warrior. I mistook her for a commoner - until I learnt at dinner that day that it was the youngest princess Alexandra who had rebelled. I didn't think much about it then. Later on, I decided to come to Idgard - because, well, I didn't think much highly of Doveland. That's another story altogether, how I ended up in the Council. The fact is, when I was twenty one, I saw her here - after the exile. And I realized the whole story. But why don't you all see it the way I do! Don't you realize how difficult it would have been for a princess?!'
Alexandra was feeling light headed. Two more sentences on Fannel's part, and she was sure to pass out. The very idea that Fannel had been there ... when she had been twelve ... watching her. Alexandra couldn't digest the oddness of that fact. And on top of it all, the utterly brilliant acting on his part. In her wildest of dreams she wouldn't have been able to guess that Fannel knew this - that he had always known this. And he'd still stuck with her through thick and thin. Never made a single mistake - not even in the Ann's Doom - when Liam had called Aunt Sabel her "aunt" by mistake, he had made sure to interrupt. He had made sure to act like he didn't know anything - until Alexandra herself announced it. And he could easily act on. Say that he didn't know her truth - gang up with the rest and berate her.
'We all hide our past! We all have stories we never tell!' Fannel continued, looking anywhere but at Alexandra, 'just because you didn't change your name - and she did - it becomes a betrayal?! You equate it to that vile third year test, Kane? Has Alexandra ever betrayed the council? A princess, who is hammered to think for the good of only her country - if she can do so much for Idgard - I don't think she has betrayed me, at least.' He declared, finally catching Alexandra's eyes. She wanted to convey how much that meant to her, but Alexandra only stared. Her lower lip quivering slightly on its own accord.
'I have got to say ... I've just got to say - I still understand. I understand if you people ... don't want me here. I'll just - leave.' She finally sighed, in addition to all of what Fannel had said. Maybe it was for the best. And this was how it had to end.
'If that is what you all want,' Fannel added, 'alright then - you wouldn't want either of the traitors. Right, Watson? Fine.' He conceded, walking to Alexandra and pulling of her "Head" badge, keeping it on the table. 'Fine.' He repeated, unpinning his own batch, 'we won't show you our faces ever again. And Diana, thank you - for breaking my notion that you, of all people, would trust me. Find yourselves a new Head, Agents.'
With that, he gripped Alexandra's hand so tight that it almost hurt. But she didn't want to leave - this place she'd given almost fourteen years of her life to. And now, the prospect of leaving... it queerly scared her. And the fact that all those familiar faces were watching on, without moving. Like they expected her to really leave... what were they thinking?! Stop me! Alexandra wanted to shout. But her throat wouldn't work.
'I'll join her! If Ma- Alexandra has betrayed the Council- tomorrow, just because you find out my name isn't Jack, you will throw me out too! No- I rather leave now!' Jack spoke up, removing his own batch.
'It makes no difference to me. I always suspected something like this- but now that it's open, I think I will rather stand with Alexandra.' Paul agreed, though having once rallied around Watson. Alexandra and he no longer were awkward with each other. Both had found their "right" match in the end. Or so it at least seemed, for Paul with Camilla Brink- the younger sister of the short lady who'd lead them around the House of Metanoia. He pulled of his own batch and walked on to their end.
'I agree!'
'Right!'
'This isn't the way! So what if she's a princess?!'
'I don't believe the Council should work like this!'
One by one the gold batches on the table piled up. More and more men joined their end. Isaac, Jacob, Daniel, Jason, Aiden, Charles, Nathan, Evan, Alan, Collin, Eric. The names merged with the faces until there were only about ten people left on the other end with a hand-crossed Diana.
'Uh, you people make me realize this wasn't as big - a thing as I made it... like I'm just supposed to keep calling you "Captain", the name doesn't even change for me.' Watson shrugged. Diana shot him a look, almost of disbelief. But she didn't budge, 'Mabel and Alexandra are exactly the same person. I think, Alexandra is also stupid enough to fall into a mouse trap.' He added, finally succeeding in making Alexandra feel bold enough to laugh.
'You need to earn the trust back.' Kane announced, simply. 'And don't think that I will no-' Alexandra didn't let him complete- she'd seen plenty of cases, when all people needed was a hug. Freeing her hand from Fannel's grip, she did just that for Kane.
'There,' she explained, withdrawing. 'I earned the trust back. Now, who's pinning our batches back on, Master Kane?'
Kane stared at her for a second, his sharp, blue eyes scanning Alexandra. Finally, he looked down and grinned. 'Fine!' He declared, shaking his head, 'I guess you win, Princess Alexandra.'
Alexandra smirked. But - Diana. She had to deal with Diana, 'please, Sister?' She implored.
'Don't call me Sister.'
'Please?' Alexandra pressed, making the most innocent, and cute face she possibly could, 'I'll polish all your thirty seven blades for you!'
No reply.
'I won't call you "green eyed monster"!'
No reply.
'I will let you sit by the Lake for a week!'
Just the slightest hint of a smile danced on Diana's lips, but she kept her hands crossed and didn't budge.
'I'll make Liam apologize to you!'
Diana was definitely finding it hard to not break into a grin and expose all her pearly, white teeth.
'I'll be the referee for your duel with him! I'll announce him the loser - no matter what!'
Diana had almost lost it, the smile was evident. Everybody was gazing at the two, expectantly watching Diana's lips - any moment now it could curl up. Or so was the expectation.
'I'll make Mark Fannel approve of Watson!'
Done. The deed was done. Diana lost it - as she burst into torrents of laughter. The one person who wasn't amused, however, was Mark Fannel himself.
'That is,' he announced, 'IMPOSSIBLE!'
'We'll see.' Watson challenged, rolling up his sleeves. And Kane had to step in between once again.
And that was how, at least, for the Council - Mabel left for good. Only to be replaced by Alexandra. But after this incident, Alexandra was very sure she wasn't telling Betty and Sarah and Mother Diana, that she was a Princess. No, this one ordeal had been hard enough on her. She didn't have to go gadding after trouble anymore.