This chapter contains a description of a panic attack.
Dragon Mountains, 1262
The next morning, Sir Eyck was found dead, but the expedition continued. Everyone suspected the Reavers, so the dwarves made a pact with Borch to use a shortcut and work together until they were ahead of the mercenaries and safely back on the dragon's trail.
Robin and Yennefer were still trying to probe at each other. Finally, Yennefer stopped and turned.
"We can keep trying to read each other's minds, or we can just talk," she suggested.
"Is it just me, or are you and that witch getting kind of friendly?" Jaskier observed skeptically.
Robin laughed. "We'd probably be friends if it weren't for her spell," she decided. "I'll be back."
Geralt grabbed her arm as she walked past him. "Robin, no," he protested.
"I'll be fine, Geralt. She can't hurt me, remember?"
He stared at the large bags under her eyes and the blood crusted under her nose and his brow furrowed. "You're too tired. You barely slept. You're using too much magic to sustain. You're not up to a conversation."
"This is my best chance to talk some sense into her," she reminded him. "Trail behind us if you're so worried."
He growled, but did what she said, stalking after them as they broke off from the rest of the party.
"Did you kill Eyck?" Robin wondered first. "I wouldn't blame you if you did, for the record."
Yennefer laughed. "Right, though? But no. It was the Reavers. That bastard Boholt killed my escort before he could accomplish the one damn task I actually needed him for."
"You really think he could have killed a dragon?" Robin pointed out incredulously.
"Eh." Yennefer shrugged. "Probably not. But he would have been a good distraction, at least."
Robin chuckled, then fell silent for a few steps. "Is there any point in trying to talk you out of it again?" she asked wearily.
"No," Yennefer confessed.
"Did you ever think we're sterile for a reason?" Geralt interrupted, following much closer behind them than Robin had intended. "For a lot of reasons," he amended. "One of the kinder ones is because this lifestyle isn't suited to a child."
He'd thought about it often. It was one of the main reasons he'd never returned to Cintra to claim his Child of Surprise. Besides the fact that he wasn't sure he believed in fate or its consequences.
There were other reasons as well, but he thought that one should be enough.
Yennefer ignored the witcher, so Robin tried again. "Please, Yennefer," she insisted. "Let me help you. Let's work together to find a way to get you what you want, whether it means repairing your body or not. You don't have to go on wild dragon hunts and cast unstable spells. There has to be a way to satisfy you that isn't so dangerous."
"I don't need your help." Yennefer rounded on her and they stopped walking. "I can take care of myself."
"I know you can," Robin assured her. "But you don't always have to."
Robin had spent a lot of time thinking about her conversation with Yennefer in Rinde. She didn't think the issue was really that Yennefer wanted a baby. She thought that Yennefer felt alone, and that the only way she could imagine to fix it was to have a child that was tied to her in a permanent way that would obligate it to stay with her.
Robin understood being abandoned. But she also understood that it was possible to find people to care for, even if they didn't share your blood. She would have stayed with Geralt forever, if he would have let her.
Of course, she didn't think saying it so plainly to Yennefer would help, so she was trying to get in through the back door, so to speak.
"Come with us," Robin offered. "The dwarves are showing us a shortcut. We can speak more later."
"Fine," Yennefer snapped. "I'll take your shortcut. But we're done talking. I was stupid to think this would get us anywhere."
Robin sighed as the mage went back to the path. "Well, that was a waste of time," she told Geralt as he came to stand beside her. "What did she think was going to happen? That I'd suddenly change my mind and think letting her cast her ridiculous spell is a good idea? Although I suppose she could make exactly the same argument about me. I'm trying to change her mind too."
"You wouldn't feel right unless you tried, little mage. I know that." He put an arm around her. "Let's go. We should catch up with the others."
She nodded and went with him, desperately hoping that she could make some kind of difference by the end of this journey.
****
The shortcut turned out to be a flimsy constructed footpath haphazardly stuck into the side of the mountain. Robin hesitated as they approached it.
Geralt noticed. "What's wrong, little mage?"
"Somehow, it's never come up in 23 years, and I know this is awful timing, but... I'm afraid of heights," she admitted.
"But we've been on mountains before," Jaskier pointed out.
"On stable paths, Jaskier," she retorted. "This isn't that."
Her heart was pounding and she was shaking. She was afraid that if she stepped out onto that bridge, she would panic.
She was barely hanging on already. Ever since Nenneke's vision, her nerves had been frayed. She was worried about everything. The world, Jaskier, Geralt, herself. She was worried about making the wrong decision at the moment that Nenneke had described as defining her whole future. She was trying to stop Yennefer, and her constant attempts to breach the woman's mind were starting to exhaust her. She was tired.
And she was sad. So, so sad. Keeping her love for Geralt inside for this long was becoming too much for her. It sat like a rock in her stomach all the time. And if it was bad now, it was only going to get worse when he asked her to leave him.
When Geralt saw that she wasn't the only one who had an objection, he tried to dissuade everyone else from it. "We should turn back."
Jaskier agreed. Even Yennefer saw the danger ahead. But the dwarves were insistent.
"I won't let you fall, Robin," Geralt swore. "I promise."
She nodded her head. She didn't have a choice, after all. There was no turning back.
Geralt took her hand and held it tightly. He would have carried her, but the makeshift bridge was far too narrow for that.
Robin clung to the chain that served as a railing as they inched out onto the old boards. She was squeezing Geralt's hand so hard she thought she might break it. Her breathing was shallow, and she'd already started to get dizzy.
When Jaskier slipped and yelled, she flinched. Her vision narrowed and she started to cry. Her fingers began tingling, and she couldn't feel her toes either.
Geralt shook his head. He shouldn't have made her do this. They had to go back.
He glanced at Borch behind him. The board the man was stepping on cracked and he fell. Téa and Véa, who were trailing after him, fell too.
Geralt reached out and grabbed the chain, pulling as hard as he could to try to lift them back up. When Robin felt him pulling away, she finally went into a full-blown panic.
She stumbled on the boards, falling around Geralt. He just managed to grab her hand. But he was also still holding the chain, and now he had no leverage at all.
"Robin!" Jaskier screamed.
Yennefer turned too, genuine worry flashing in her eyes. She reached out, but Geralt shouted, "Get back!"
Jaskier inched towards the witch. "Can you use magic?"
Yennefer shook her head. "This isn't my area of expertise! I'd only make it worse!" she exclaimed. "And a portal would knock us all off anyway!"
Geralt knew she wasn't lying. He didn't use much magic, but he understood it, especially after spending so much time with Robin, and there were too many variables here. The path was too long and the elements were too inconsistent, especially if she wasn't experienced with telekinesis, and nothing he'd seen Yennefer do indicated that she was.
It was one thing to pull an object across a room when not under any duress. But Yennefer was scared and worried just like everyone else, and attempting something of this magnitude under less than ideal conditions could be catastrophic. Contrary to what most mages wanted to believe, magic couldn't fix everything.
And Robin was clearly in no condition to do any magic right now. She had passed out, probably because of the fear. He was supporting all of her weight with his one hand.
He couldn't hold them all for much longer. He was going to have to make a choice.
He knew exactly what choice he'd make, of course. But he didn't want to have to make a choice at all. And he knew that Robin would feel guilty about it later, even though it wasn't her fault.
As Geralt tried to come up with another solution, Borch tried to make the choice for him. "Sir Witcher, you will save us yet," he intoned cryptically. "But first you must let go."
Even though he knew the man was right, Geralt disagreed. "No."
The board he was standing on began to bow under his weight.
"Geralt, the planks won't hold!" Yennefer told him. "She's going to fall!"
Geralt grunted. If Robin fell, he was falling with her.
Borch smiled up at him. "Thank you," he murmured serenely.
Then he let go. Téa and Véa let go after him, and they all disappeared into the mist rising up around the mountain.
"No!" Geralt repeated.
But there was nothing he could do, so he let go of the chain and used both arms to pull Robin up, holding her tightly against him before sliding forward and grabbing another section of the chain that was still anchored to the wall.
"Keep going," he urged Jaskier and Yennefer. "We need to get off of here as soon as possible."
They obeyed. He moved much slower than them, since he had no choice but to carry Robin now, but somehow, they made it to the end of the bridge.
As they made camp for the night, the three of them sat on a rock looking out at the horizon. Robin was already in their conjured tent. Geralt had told her they didn't need it, but she'd insisted. He suspected that she needed some privacy to deal with everything that had just happened.
"You did your best," Jaskier soothed the witcher. "There's nothing else you could have done. Why didn't we just take a portal up the mountain, by the way? I hadn't thought of it until Yennefer mentioned it on the bridge."
"Taking this many people through a portal would have exhausted me," Yennefer explained. "I wouldn't have been any use at all when we finally reached the dragon. Not to mention that many people don't react well to going through portals. It can make them sick or exhausted."
Geralt nodded his agreement as Jaskier turned to look at the witch. "Was it just me, or were you actually worried about my sister back there?"
Yennefer stubbornly crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from the bard. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything. Magic has its limits, and magic users have their special skills. None of mine would have helped."
"I know that, and I believe you," Jaskier assured her. "It's not what I asked, though."
Yennefer glanced at him curiously and Jaskier shrugged. "Is it really such a strange question? You're trying to cast a spell that will hurt people. In Rinde, you tried to kill us all and use my sister as some kind of magical jar. We had to make a pact to ensure you couldn't hurt us here. I'm just confused, is all."
Yennefer sighed. "There are remarkably few people in this world who care about me," she revealed. "Your sister, despite the fact that she's trying to stop me, seems to understand that. She keeps trying to talk me out of my plans. She thinks I can be a good person."
"Can you?" Jaskier sneered coldly.
Yennefer stood. "I doubt it," she sighed, but she didn't sound so sure. "Regardless, I'm sure she's upset. You should go check on her, Geralt."
She walked away from them and Jaskier huffed. "Even the damn witch can see that the two of you are in love," he muttered.
Geralt ignored the comment and stood as well. "Look, why don't we leave tomorrow?" Jaskier proposed. "We could head to the coast. Get away for a while. We need a break from... all of this." He gestured around them generally. "Sounds like something Borch would say, doesn't it?" he added morosely. "Life is too short. Do what pleases you. While you can."
Geralt let all the implications of Jaskier's statement slip by. "Composing your next song?" he asked instead.
"No," Jaskier answered heavily. "My next song is about how in love the two of you are."
Geralt grimaced and Jaskier laughed bitterly. "I'm not letting it go anymore," he told the witcher firmly. "You are both suffering, and I'm tired of it."
Geralt bit his lip and shook his head. "I'll go see her now."
Jaskier nodded. "Yes. Do."
Geralt strode in the direction of their tent.
He had no idea what he was going to find, or what he was going to say to her.