Pic of Flynn
Carter:
"You know no one is perfect right? So stop trying to be it."
I glanced up and scowled at him. I probably know more than anyone that no one is perfect. I certainly am not.
"What is that supposed to mean!" I felt myself getting defensive, but I did not care.
I was so sick of him thinking that he knows me, that he know what my life is like. He keeps bugging me and trying to be friends. Like take a fucking hint!
"I meaning 89% is nothing to be damn upset about! You are really smart Carter and the fact you don't see that is just driving me insane! No I take that back, you are driving me insane."
I looked at him astonished.
"What did you just say?" I asked.
I was more surprised than annoyed now. H-he...
"I have been trying to be friends with you for over a year now, and you shoot me down every time," his sad expression made me want to feel remorseful.
We sat in silence for a near 5 minutes.
"Why?" He said.
"Excuse me?"
"Why did you dismiss, you don't even know me. I mean yes, I can be an ass but every can. Just give me a chance." He pleaded.
Something in me believed that I could trust me. I ignored the voices for once in my life and chose to do something for me.
"Ok," the words slipped from my mouth.
He looked at me, his eyes filled with hope, it looked like he was going to explode.
"I will give you a chance," I added on, then the realisation hit me.
I was going to be letting someone into my life. This could be one of the biggest mistakes I could ever make, or it could be a miracle. Now what I was going to do to keep my own secrets, that was something I guess I would have to figure out along the way. For now lets just see how this goes.
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I was walking passed the booze store when I figured that maybe I should get him some beer. Hopefully it might reduce my chances of him hitting me. Are you a fool? Getting him more drunk than he already is will just make him more aggressive. Maybe I ignored the thoughts before, but maybe I should listen now.
I entered the house, it was oddly quiet. I looked on the couch, he wasn't on it passed out. Where was he? My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Unknown: Hey
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Oh ahaha, it's Ezra
Me: I never gave you my number
Ezra: You left your phone on so I snuck your number. Sorry.
Me: It's fine. I need to go, but I'll text you later
It was probably a lie, most likely I would not text him later, but I guess we would see. I couldn't worry about him right now, I had to go to work.
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I dragged myself upstairs into my bedroom. I turned my light on, only to remember it didn't work. I got a candle burning and then I looked back at myself in the mirror. A bruise was forming around my eye and I had belt marks on my wrists. Amazing. I looked back at my figure. "You could lose a few pounds and work out more". Flynn's words rung in my head. He was probably right. I thought back to what I had eaten today. Then it hit me, I haven't eaten anything but an apple in the last 4 days, an apple and water.
I had to do Flynn's homework. I thought about Ezra. "Why are you doing his homework?" The answer to that I did not know. Maybe it was because I was intimidated, probably so. I looked at my phone, a few texts from Ezra flashed up. The thought of having a friend made me smile. I'm smiling. Then the familiarity hit me.
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"Are you ok?" Martin's frantic voice and expression came into vision.
I sat up to find myself in Michael's living room, why was I hear.
"What happened?" I said, my voice was squeaky.
I cleared my throat then looked up to my best friend.
"Flynn happened," he rolled his eyes.
I really had to start standing up for myself, I thought. Though it was hard, I really did try but he was far stronger than I was.
"You stayed with us and then passed out in my mum's car," he explained.
I nodded my head understanding and giving off the message that the memories were coming to me, when really they didn't ring a bell. I stood up and my vision went blurry again. Martin grabbed my arm and steadied me.
"Take it easy bro," he chuckled lightly. I was lucky to have him.
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The fact he was gone killed me. He knew me so well, he knew what was going with my dad, and Ty, he helped me through everything, but then he moved and wanted nothing to do with me. I let someone in my life and they betrayed me. I can only hope that the same won't happen with Ezra.
Me: Hey
Ezra: Hey, what are you up to
Me: Nothing much, came back from work around 10 minutes ago
Ezra: Your working at 8:30pm?
Me: Oh yeah
Ezra: Why?
Me: Because I like it
Ezra: That's gotta be a lie
Me: Haha, I have to go. Ttyl
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He was probably joking around but he got something right. I hated working, but if I didn't work, I wouldn't be able to afford food for my dad and I wouldn't be able afford booze either. I never wanted a job but when I was 12 my dad forced me to go do something, so I did.
I lay in bed, not in it, just on it. I stare up at my ceiling. My eyes soon drooped closed.
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"Get up Faggot!" My eyes snapped open to my dad.
I jumped up and he wrapped his hand around my throat tightly. I gasped for air. Soon enough my legs buckled and he laughed. Kicking me in the ribs multiple times, then he kicked my face several times before leaving. Just as I was about to get up he returned, forcing his shoe on me to hold me down.
"Stay still boy or it will hurt more," he warned.
Before I knew it, a steaming burn came onto my chest, burning my shirt and into my skin. Fuck, that hurt.
"I-It hurts p-p-please s-stop," I whimpered. He ignored me and placed it on the other side of my chest.
"Take it like a man, I will not have my son be a weakling. Actually you're not my son, you're your mother's son. And I'll tell you right now that she would have been very. Very! Disappointed in you. You killed her brat! And now you owe your life to me to make it up to me. Understood?"
I whimpered in response.
"Worthless waste of space," he mumbled, leaving my room.
I let his words sink into my head. He was right, as much as I wanted to deny it. I did kill my mum. Without me she would be alive living happily. I was weak. I began crying from the pain of his words and this burn, it hurt like hell.
The thought and reality of my pain was almost unbearable. I needed something. I crawled into the bathroom connected to my bedroom. How the shower still worked since the electricity bill was not payed, I did not know. Or maybe he just didn't pay for my room. Who knows? I went into my cabinet and felt around for a bottle. Like I said before, I was not suicidal and I was not going to be another statistic. Life had to be worth living right? I wasn't going to end my own life, but I did want something to numb the pain. I Shook out three of the tablets and shoved them down my throat, swallowing them. Now all I had to do was wait for them to kick in.
Whilst I wait I could hop into the shower. I crawled to the shower and turned it on. I expected to be hissing in pain from the water, but I felt nothing but the nice warmth of the water. I guess those pills were kicking quickly. They were strong but not illegal drug strong.
I got them when I had walked into a chemist after being beaten by Warren, another one of my bullies. I needed the strongest thing they had, I asked the lady and she gave me the strongest thing they had that didn't need a prescription.
Turning the water off I hopped out and grabbed a towel, then dried off quickly. I walked into the room feeling some what better after the pills. I have never wanted to end it all, I have wanted to end my pain sure, but not end it all. I guess the nerd had more secrets than some thought. Secrets that no one will ever find out. No one is perfect because perfect people don't exist. Right?
I took my phone off my bed and opened messages to read the unread ones from Ezra.
Ezra: Hey why aren't you at school?
Ezra: Are you sick?
Ezra: Hope your ok
Ezra: I don't think I've seen you miss a day of school haha
Ezra: Now I'm worried that your not here
Me: Sorry for worrying you, I'm fine. Just feeling a bit sick.
I smiled at my phone. I hardly knew Ezra, but it sure did feel nice to know that someone cared about me. Even if it doesn't last I guess. My phone lit up seconds after I sent my text.
Ezra: Thank god! Well I'll see you tomorrow?
Me: Yeah
I closed my phone and then put some joggers on. While those pills were still in a full effect, I could go and get some exercise. I looked in the mirror. I sure could use it.
I walked out the door and began running. I used to be on the track team back in primary school, I was a pretty fast runner in other words. As I ran I felt my mind feel better. Clearer. And for once in a long time I felt good. Maybe if I ran everyday then I could lose a kilos. Until I reach my goal weight. That I haven't deciphered yet, so lets call it..."Until I'm satisfied."
Realising I said that out loud I looked up to see that I was alone. Thank God.
I continued running until I got home. I went straight to the mirror. I guess it was going to take a while to reach was satisfied me, but I would get there. I pulled on the fat on my stomach. Then it began growling. A diet would do me good too. A smile formed. I was looking forward to a new me.
"Boy, get down here this fucking second," maybe not completely new, I thought.
I walked downstairs to see a sheet of paper in his hand. I gulped, hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.
"What. Is. This?" I didn't like that tone of voice.
"A umm, a test..." I procrastinated. Let's hope those pills were still working.
"Uh-huh and what did I tell you about grades?" His voice rose, in anger and volume.
"A 90 and above," I looked down as I said it.
"He smirked. Go get the belt," he instructed.
I went upstairs and got his belt. I was not risking what would happen if I didn't. I came back down handing it to him. Straight off the bat he hit on my bare legs causing them to buckle. He took a hit to my back, I heard my shirt tear on the second slash. Then my skin on the 5th. I deserve it.
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I splashed water on my face as an attempt to stop the raging burn on my body. He did my back, then my stomach, then he finished on my arms. I deserve it, I deserve it, I deserve it.
I told myself. But did I?
Can I have your thoughts on the chapter? I hope you guys are enjoying it, I am trying to keep it at a minimum for how triggering the scenes can be, if it does trigger you I deeply apologise and I would hate to have upset anyone. Would you like warnings on the chapters or anything? I would do that if wanted. Thank you for those have read this and yeah. I appreciate it!