I almost knocked. It was so very close. But my hand stopped inches from the door, and refused to move. Some feelings woke up inside me, that weren’t there before: anger and aversion. To hell with that! I was not going to enter his bedroom, not after what happened. The deal or not, there were limits. All I wanted was out. Out of this damn palace and its annoying monarch. I had enough of him, the ring, The Hollow Ones. I didn’t care anymore.
I turned back and walked away. But there was no way I was going back to my chambers either. The most reasonable option now was to find the crown jewels and run away again.
I knew they weren’t in his rooms. I snooped a little while he was lying sick. The last place I saw them was his study, so that was where I was going to search for them.
Since he thought we had a deal, he probably didn’t think I would snoop. Not today anyway. That gave me a chance.
I went down the stairs trying to locate the king’s study again. I memorised how to get there before, and now I hoped I still remembered the way.
It turned out my memory wasn’t so bad after all. I had no trouble finding the right room. There was no one around, so I tried the handle and realised the door was unlocked. I entered cautiously, ready run or hide if necessary but there was no need. The room was dark and empty, and I had to go back to borrow a candle from a candelabrum. I locked the door behind me. I didn’t want anyone to catch me.
Like the last time I’ve been here, I noticed many papers lying around. I still didn’t understand the language so didn’t bother with them, and headed straight to the desk planning to search the drawers. I was opening the first of them when something caught my eye.
There were drawings lying on the table-top. They looked so strange surrounded by all the documents, that I got interested.
I took the first one, pulling it from under some other paper and my eyes went wide.
It was a sketched portrait of a woman. Curious, I looked closely. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Her hair was a mess, but somehow the author made her look beautiful in some wild way. I took the other one and saw the same woman in a dress, sitting on the king’s throne. The third one showed her pouting face, which made her look like an angry kitten. Then there was her laughing, smirking, staring into the distance and finally standing half dressed in her nightgown. Whoever drew these has done it with a great deal of affection. It was visible in the gentleness of every line and attention to detail. She was clearly adored and cherished by the one whose eyes saw her this way. But there was also some sadness in those drawings: longing, and a feeling of loss.
I knew who was the author of those. Who else if not the king? It was his study after all.
And I had no problem establishing who the model was.
I had to sit down, shocked by the discovery. Of all the things I could suspect the Elvenking of, drawing my portraits was the last. He just didn’t seem to be an artistic type. Or sensitive. Or romantic. I could picture him cutting something into pieces to protect me, or presenting me with some jewellery, but drawing – nope. It seemed just weird and somehow out of place. Did I enter the wrong study, and found the works of some other elf, who was secretly in love with me? I snorted. Yeah, like this was any more probable. I looked around and found a few more pictures. Me, the way I looked when I first came to Mirkwood, then me in a ragged dress, and me in his tent with my blouse revealing a little too much. When I looked at the last one, it made me blush. Now I knew who changed my clothes after my fight with Sauron. The drawing didn’t reveal the most strategic parts, but was quite provocative, and I had to fight the urge to confiscate it. However it was not like it would make the memory disappear from Thranduil’s mind, so I let it be. Watching those pictures made me feel strange, like something warm was surrounding my heart, and there were moments I had a funny feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t unpleasant, just weird, and spooked me a little.
The anger and dejection fought for their place for a while, but then disappeared completely. Now I felt ashamed about wanting to leave him like that, not caring about his life, without any attempt to make things better between us. He didn’t deserve that kind of treatment from me. I’ve been a really awful wife so far.
And only then I realised those negative emotions weren’t mine to begin with. They weren’t the king’s either since his emotions felt completely different, and I have never mistaken them form mine – except at the moment of our kiss, but I wasn’t kissing anyone now. A shiver ran through my body. Someone was manipulating me? But who? Or what? I looked at the stone, but it seemed completely innocent and inactive. I started thinking then. Why didn’t coming here seem unlogical to me? Suddenly I understood how stupid this idea was and how ridiculous it all looked. What would have happened if I didn’t find those drawings by accident, which changed my mood completely? Would I do something even more idiotic? I shook my head.
No, I was probably just tired or something. No need to get paranoid. No one was messing with my head, period. I thought, but didn’t really believe it. There was nothing to be done about it however. I was yet to speak with my magical piece of jewellery about a few other matters, and till then there was no point in speculating.
After looking at the drawings again – which strangely seemed to make me happy somehow - I hid all of the king’s works under the papers and, making sure no one was around, exited the room. I didn’t really believe the elves haven’t seen me entering, but being caught red-handed wouldn’t be pleasant. Especially not after what I discovered. Gosh, I didn’t even know he could draw. It seemed there were quite a lot of things I didn’t know about Thranduil, and there were also many he didn’t know about me. But how could we, if we never really talked? And I had to admit it was also my fault. But it was just so hard to have a conversation with him. It felt like I was wrestling a dragon. All right, he cared about me, I knew that. But he wanted much more than I could give, and it scared me. I always had to be on my guard, ready to jump away, because, if left unmonitored, the king would cross every line there was. Still, I was going to try it once more. Maybe this time it would work?
Standing in front of king’s chambers again I knocked once and waited a minute, then knocked again just to make sure he heard me, but still with no result. Elves had great hearing, so it wasn’t possible that the Elvenking just didn’t notice. So there were only three options left: he was ignoring me, he wasn’t in the room or… he was sick again.
I still remembered those dreadful lines on his chest, and the memory of him lying motionless on his bed last time he was poisoned also lingered in my mind, making my worry rise. So after a short moment of gathering my courage I opened the door and entered.
The room was empty and dark, so I lit the candles, and looked around. I couldn’t believe the king forgot about our meeting and walked out. Did he not want to see me anymore after what I’ve done? Well, I guess I would be quite upset if I was him, but… I thought he cared about me a little more than that. I felt sad, and then rapidly shook my head. What the hell was I thinking?! Those drawings clearly messed with my emotions, and I really had to get a grip on those.
My gaze fell upon the wardrobe, and I remembered our last conversation in this room, when he was lying in his bed half conscious and dying. He said then, that I was welcome to rummage through anything I wanted. Well then, why not? I had to admit I was quite curious what I would find. Elves seemed to keep all of their clothes in wardrobes, including their underwear. There were even special shelves for those inside. I blushed. Oh gosh, what was wrong with me?! I didn’t care about the king’s underclothes! Absolutely not!… Right? That was what I was trying to convince myself about while opening the closet’s door.
My jaw dropped. There was another room out there! I thought it was just a typical piece of furniture, but it turned out it was connected to the wall, and led to a whole new chamber.
I had time to admire a few dress-like garments and was curiously searching for some more intimate items, when suddenly the door opened widely, and the king walked in.
I jumped, startled and probably bright red judging from the burning sensation on my cheeks, and walked out of the closet. Oh damn, I felt like dying right now.
And he looked stunning. I mean he was always well dressed, and all, but now he was just shining with ‘look how beautiful I am’. He was clearly trying to impress someone, and it appeared that this someone was me since it was our promised evening together. I instantly felt really out of place. Like a servant or something. A husband with better hair and clothes than me was a nightmare. He even wore more jewellery! At that moment I really wanted to run away, although I still couldn’t stop staring at him.
“What… is the meaning of this? What are you doing?” He asked surprised and clearly alarmed, and I felt really stupid. What was I thinking entering his chambers and going through his things?! Honestly, my brain just didn’t seem to work properly lately. But I had to get out of this situation with my honour intact. Well… as much intact as possible, considering the circumstances.
“Rummaging through your wardrobe.” I replied innocently, although I knew that my blush was giving me away. “And you know, at first I thought they were all dresses. I even got worried that I entered the wrong room.” I teased. “But then I remembered that you wear such things.”
I knew the joke wasn’t of the best kind, but I was nervous.
“Why would you wish to rummage through my wardrobe?” Asked the king, his expression puzzled. He clearly expected a different answer. Or a different behaviour. And since he didn’t react to my mean comment, he must have expected something much, much worse. But come to think of it, last time we saw each other he almost raped me, and I bit him. I guessed he had every right to be afraid of some hysterical screams and such. But I managed to partly get over our little incident already and wasn’t going to make a scene. Besides I wasn’t the kind of person who makes scenes, I preferred to bite and kick. And well… he had every right to be afraid of that too.
“Well, you rummaged through mine.” I remarked. “It is only fair, don’t you think? And you did say I can.”
Confusion and worry were slowly replaced with a small yet still shy smirk.
“And you chose this particular time, because…?”
“I was bored, and you are late.” I replied.
“I am late?” He asked, in a tone, which implied that it was me who was really late, and then moved my way. He looked intimidating, but instead of worry I felt excitement. “It was not me who walked away from the door of my chambers, giving the impression you chose to leave my Halls once more.” He remarked. I looked at him surprised. He knew? How? Could he hear it or maybe he had someone spying on me?
“Excuses.” I waved my hand. “Facts are that you weren’t here when I came.”
“I have been searching for you.” He answered, taking another step my way.
“Not hard enough I see.” I retorted, trying to look displeased. His smirk became more visible.
“As you mentioned before, you have become quite skilled in running away from me.” He remarked, and I laughed.
“This time I wasn’t even trying.” I said, smiling at him mischievously. “You are slipping Your Highness.” I teased.
“My Lord.” He corrected me.
“Well, then… You are slipping My Lord.” I winked at him out of an impulse, and blushed slightly right after. I was pretty sure one shouldn’t wink at a king, not even his wife. Or maybe especially not his wife. But Thranduil didn’t seem to mind.
“You have a way of disrupting my concentration.” He replied, taking another step my way. Suddenly, the temperature in the room went up, a lot.
“I’m trying not to.” I answered truthfully, thinking of how much I had been avoiding the physical contact, or any sexual allusions so far.
“Not hard enough I see.” He repeated my words still smirking, and moved towards me again. Automatically I looked at my dress, which seemed to be the definition of not-sexy. “Ah yes, that.” He grimaced. “I should have had it burned.”
“Don’t you dare!” I exclaimed, fearing he would actually do it. This was my only absolutely-not-pretty gown. Spending evenings with the king wearing something he could actually like would be too dangerous.
“And how do you intend to stop me?” He took two quick steps my way, and I had to start withdrawing. He was too close now. Oh damn! Why did I enter here again? Did I really not learn from my mistakes?! And now he probably thought that the bite was some sort of foreplay or something. Ugh. I had to get out of this situation, but in a more diplomatic way than last time.
“How about not taking it off?” I asked, monitoring his every movement. I really didn’t know what words would turn him off without offending his royal-husband ego right now.
“Then, I fear, I would be forced to rescue you from such a dreadful fate.”
Dilation of his pupils gave me a good idea about what kind of rescue he had in mind, and I shivered. Although I wasn’t entirely sure if it was fear or excitement that I was feeling.
“Oh I am suuure fear is what you feel thinking about it.” I replied sarcastically.
“And what is it that you feel My Lady?” He asked and I instantly felt I’d had enough. This was way too much of sexual tension for my liking.
“Nothing whatsoever.” I lied, hoping it sounded convincing.
“Is that so?” He murmured while closing the distance between us.
While he was advancing I was moving back accordingly, and suddenly felt a wall behind my back. He smiled in a predatory way seeing a brief moment of panic mixed with excitement in my eyes before I could get a hold on myself, and for the first time since the beginning of our conversation I got really scared. He looked like a wolf who has just caught the rabbit, and I got an impression I was going to get consumed.
“You play games My Lady.” He whispered. “But are you prepared for the consequences?”
Whoops, I overdid it again. The king clearly had problems controlling himself today. Did he eat some elf-arousing plant? Or maybe too long time of sexual abstinence was taking its toll? I wondered when was the last time he was with a woman. One way or the other, it was high time to change the subject.
“There won’t be any if you’re dead.” I answered in the most unromantic and un-sexy way I could think of. It worked. Thranduil’s expression turned into shocked and disbelieving. I realised that he thought I was threatening him, and quickly added: “The poison is still inside you. We should do something about it before it kills you.”
“Explain.” He ordered, suddenly going into the king-mode. It was startling, but I managed not to flinch. I tried to walk around him, creating more space between us, but he didn’t let me. So I was just standing there, almost pressed to the wall, feeling trapped.
“The thing I was looking at before you… lost control was an inactive poison in your veins.” I started explaining. “It should have been gone by now, but somehow it isn’t.”
“Why?” He asked and I realised I’d almost forgotten how scary the Elvenking could be if he tried enough. There was so much anger in his eyes it made my hands sweat.
“I don’t know. I will have to ask my ring.” I admitted. Thranduil’s eyes went wide in surprise.
“Ask your ring?” He repeated like he wasn’t sure if he heard right.
“Yes.” I sighed. “It’s all its fault. Those monsters that hurt you were after it.” I tried hard not to lie, and at the same time reveal as little as possible. “I sent them away, but it seems something didn’t work right.”
The king released me and started slowly walking around the room in his usual graceful way. He looked so threatening I was afraid to say anything.
“Tell me about that ring of yours.” He finally demanded. “Where did you find it? What magic does it do?”
“Why?” I dared to ask. He looked at me with those piercing eyes of his, and I almost averted mine.
“I need to know what kind of magic we are dealing with.” He replied. “Only then I may attempt to neutralise it.”
“You can’t.” I murmured.
“Indeed?” He asked and his tone was menacing. That made me even more nervous.
“Your healers couldn’t do anything about your illness, so it is clearly not something the elf magic can fight against.” I explained, and saw a long forgotten fury in his eyes.
“There are many forces in this world which we could use.” He answered sternly.
“Or I could just ask the ring, and then do what it says.” I proposed.
“And risk deceit?” The king retorted angrily. “It may speak to you, but this does not mean it cares. It is just a magical item. It may find another bearer.”
“It will not deceive me, it wants me to live.” I declared, although I wasn’t so sure about it. What did I know about its real motives? But one thing was certain: I didn’t have any other choice. Only that stupid piece of jewellery knew what to do with the poison.
“It has already endangered your life more than once.” He stated. “It clearly does not desire it strongly enough.”
“It does. It just isn’t as overprotective as you are.” I retorted, which made him furious again.
“Do you despise the fact that I wish your life to be as long as possible?” He snarled.
“No, but it’s not MY life that is in jeopardy now.” I remarked. “It is yours.”
He froze hearing that, and then turned away from me. I wondered what was that all about.
“Yes, you shall probably survive my death. Our bond is not yet strong enough.” He spoke quietly, and somehow sad. “However breaking such link leaves scars which nothing can heal. It is a pain beyond measure, one that cannot be soothed. All there is left is to endure it. Forever.” He clenched his fists. “I do not wish such fate for you.”
I was standing there, looking at him stunned. So this was what he was so angry about? He could die and it was ME he was worried for?! Then I remembered that for him I had already died once, and realised he was speaking from experience.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I didn’t want to think about it now. I couldn’t bring myself to even consider the possibility of his death. Not if I could help it. It was all my fault after all, and so my responsibility.
“I don’t want it either. It sounds really terrible.” I said, approaching him. “But I am doing it my way, and I hope you let me, because I really need your cooperation. The ring will help, I am certain of it.” I declared.
“And if I forbid it?” He asked, turning slightly to look at me.
“Oh, you know me My Lord.” I smirked. “I will do it anyway.”
“You have spent too many days with dwarves, wife.” He spoke, facing me and narrowing his eyes. “You are as stubborn as them.”
I laughed.
“You should tell them that.” I informed him. “They will be happy to know that they broke the Elvenking’s bride.” Seeing that the king didn’t appreciate the joke I turned serious again. “The ring isn’t evil.” I assured him. “It will help. What weakens me, weakens it. It wants you to live probably as much as I do, just isn’t so emotional about it. But at least it can think straight around you when I can’t, so it should have a sensible plan.” I added, and only seeing the look of sheer wonderment combined with joy in the king’s eyes made me realise what I had just said.
“S-so, if there are no further questions, I should retire. There is one other conversation left to have.” I said, moving quickly, almost panicky towards the door. Oh, now I was DEFINITELY not staying in his bedroom any minute longer.
”Not yet, please, My Lady.” Thranduil’s voice stopped me. “There is something I wish to show you.”
I didn’t know where he led me this time. There were too many stairs, turns and twists. The only thing I knew was that it was up. When we finally stopped in front of some door he opened them and moved to the side, letting me in.
What I saw in front of me was mesmerising.
The room was dark, with just a candle standing on a small table, on which I could see a small meal and wine. But it wasn’t the fire that gave out the most light. I didn’t know what they were, but they reminded me of fireflies back at home. They were flying all around, surprisingly not trying to get out. The reason might have been all those beautiful, slightly glowing pale-blue flowers, that seemed to attract the insects and were placed everywhere around the room. Those I had never seen before either, and ended up staring at them with amazement.
The whole chamber looked like it was taken out of some fairy tale. Thinking it just couldn’t get any lovelier I looked at the ceiling and my breath caught in my throat. It was see-through and I saw the moon and stars shining at us. This was just… This was… I wasn’t able to find the right word to describe it.
Watching it all I almost forgot that Thranduil was in the room with me, until I’ve heard his voice behind me.
“Is it to your liking, My Lady?” He asked.
“What is this?” I answered with a question, instantly getting worried. It was way too much effort for our regular evening meeting. Something was off.
“An apology.” He replied looking me in the eyes and I understood. So he did feel guilty about forcing himself on me after all. Was it the reason why he left the dining hall so quickly? To prepare this? And here I thought he didn’t want to look at me, or even suspected him of treating it as a foreplay. I underestimated him again, terribly.
“I owe you one too.” I said, sighing. “I provoked you.” I admitted. Too ashamed to look at him anymore, I averted my gaze, concentrating on the beautiful surroundings. Oh damn, why was it all so complicated? Why couldn’t I just talk to him simply, honestly? But it wouldn’t work, I knew it wouldn’t. It just wasn’t us.
“Your sole existence tests my restraint in more ways than anyone could withstand.” He replied whispering into my ear and I jumped.
Seeing the king’s content expression I was just opening my mouth to make some witty reply, but my stomach chose this exact moment to growl. I blushed, heavily.
“Shall we eat?” Suggested Thranduil, inviting me to sit at the table. There was no choice but to follow.
We ate, drank and talked for the rest of the evening. I asked about the plants, the insects and the ceiling, and he patiently explained everything. The flowers were nocturnal, and grew underground together with the bugs, for which they were the only source of food. And the view that was above our heads had been created with elvish magic.
We hadn’t argued once during that time, and it was almost unbelievable.
After I had finished eating, he led me back to my chambers.
“Ask that ring of yours if you wish.” He said, when we stopped in front of the door to my bedroom. “However I shall also search for answers. Only then we will decide.”
I sighed.
“You don’t trust my judgement.” I stated. Somehow it wasn’t surprising.
“It is known to be rather poor, and has no appreciation for my efforts and hospitality.” He retorted and I opened my mouth feeling offended.
“Should I remind you that you locked me in the dungeons the first time we met?” I remarked.
“Which did nothing to improve your manners.” He replied, smirking.
“Oh great, we’re arguing again.” I snorted. “All right, I had enough, we should just go to bed and sleep.” I said, opening the door.
“Is it an invitation?” He murmured with a sly smile on his lips.
“No!” I exclaimed. “Good night Your Highness!” I said, almost slamming the door in his face. He didn’t seem offended though. On the contrary, he looked like he was having fun.
I leaned against the wall, right next to the entrance, and yawned. Gods, this was a really long, tiring and totally crazy day, and it wasn’t even over yet. A conversation with the ring was awaiting me. I hoped it was going to get talkative, otherwise I would have to start thinking about some disciplinary measures.