The floor wasn't the only thing left broken last night. I was too. For the first time, I woke up actually remember what happened before I fell asleep. I passed out after my outburst and woke up back in bed. My body was bandaged up and it was clear that the girls had taken care of me overnight. I got up out of bed. I looked around my room and had a bitter taste in my mouth. For some reason, it felt like I didn't belong there anymore.
**I told them these injuries were nothing. I hope they didn't spend too much time on me and they've been taking care of everybody else.**
I grabbed my sword and got dressed to leave. I had no intention of staying here any longer and I needed to go.
**I don't belong here anymore. It's time to hit the road and just see where Ringo takes me.**
I quietly snuck out of the room I was in. The halls were quiet and it seemed things had calmed down since yesterday. I didn't know if I should say bye to everyone, or just leave and not have them worry.
**Maybe I'll leave a note.**
I crept through the halls and made my way up to Nezuko's room. I knew she wasn't there since she was resting in a patient's room with Aoi. I headed inside the room to see the mess from yesterday had been cleaned up.
**Must've been the Kakushi.**
I walked over and took the journal off the bed. I got sentimental as I flipped through the pages and considered taking the journal with me.
**Nezuko would like to have it more than I would. I'll leave it.**
I ripped out some pages so I could write goodbye letters to everybody before I left. I started with Shinobu.
~~ Lady Shinobu, thank you for everything you've done for me over these last few years. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to repay the hospitality you've shown me, but if the opportunity ever arises then I'll take it without hesitation. I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down, but I'll be out of your hair now. Maybe I'm wishful thinking, but someday down the road, I hope that we may get to fight side by side as Hashira. I don't know, I'm kind of just writing stuff at this point... Love you like family, and I'm sad to go, but just know that I have nothing but respect for you. Truly, Y/N.~~
**I don't know if Shinobu and Kanao are back yet, but I'll leave this letter somewhere that Lady Shinobu will see it.**
I folded the paper in half so I could leave it somewhere for her to see later when I was already gone.
**I'll write to Kiyo, Naho, and Sumi next. One letter to save time.**
~~ Naho, Kiyo, and Sumi... It'd be sugarcoating to say that you all have been a breath of fresh air since I got here. I know I may have intimidated you all when first arrived, but I'm glad we could grow so close. You're all just wonderful bundles of energy and I'm amazed at your prowess in the medical field. You're all still young, so within a few years you may even be better than Shinobu! Thanks again for my new sword sheath, I treasure it like it's a part of my body. Just promise me you all won't be sad if I end up leaving this note and never saying a proper goodbye in person. Keep being great, and we're destined to meet again someday. Yours, Y/N~~
I folded that note too and placed it with the note I had for Shinobu. I was getting emotional while writing, but I had already made my mind up. I didn't deserve to be here right now.
**I think Kanao might appreciate a letter too.**
~~ Hey, Kanao! I'm leaving this letter with Shinobu, but I'm hoping she can get it to you. You've always been amazingly talented, so much so that I was in disbelief that we're in the same age group. You should really consider dropping that coin thing and just expressing yourself more freely. People would appreciate getting to know you better. I haven't found my mentor yet, but I'm glad you have Shinobu. Cling to her, but not too clingy... Grow with her and meet me again sometime in the future where we will have both reached unimaginable levels. Be safe, Y/N.~~
I did the same thing to that letter that I did with the other two.
**Following this pattern, Aoi's next.**
~~Miss Aoi... I'm especially sorry to you. I keep saying I won't make you worry about me, but I guess I have to one more time. I don't know how many people you spill your heart to, but you did to me multiple times, and I deeply cherished that. However, I feel like I trampled on it... I'm sorry for that. But I know that you're a strong girl regardless of how you think of yourself. One of the strongest girls I've ever met! Be brave and keep doing what you do. Next time we meet, I'll make up for everything and we can start over. Best regards, Y/N.~~
There was a lot I wanted to write to Aoi, but I decided to leave it at that. I set the note aside and thought about who I should write to next.
**Would Zenitsu and Inosuke appreciate a letter? I'm sure Zenitsu would, but Inosuke would probably lose it or try to eat it or something... Whatever, it's not my business what they do with them.**
~~ To Inosuke, the Mountain God. It's been an honor serving as one of your minions, but I'm going to be taking my leave now. You have trained me well and I will go out and spread the word of your greatness! Remember always that you are the strongest! From your minion, [INAUDIBLE]! ~~
I wrote my name how Inosuke thought it was pronounced. He'd mentioned before that he couldn't read, but maybe one of the others could read it to him.
~~ Zenitsu, I wish you the best in life and especially your love life. I know you have strong feelings, but try to take the females' into consideration every so often. And you're not weak, I've seen how hard you can train when you have something to aim for. When you feel like quitting, just remember why you started. Sayonara, Y/N.~~
I placed Inosuke and Zenitsu's letters aside with the rest of them and thought about who I would write to next. Tanjiro and Nezuko were the only two remaining that I felt I needed to write to before I left.
~~ Hey, Tanjiro... By the time you see this, I'm going to be long gone. I know you have a strong sense of smell, but for my sake, please don't come after me. I have some self-searching to do and I don't think I can do it here. I've had fun getting to know you and I think I could even call you family at this point. I didn't forget our promise, either... I just need a little bit more time before I'm even capable of helping you. Sorry to up and leave after what you said to me a couple of nights ago, but if I talked to you first, I might've changed my mind about leaving. I know you, Tanjiro, so I know you won't take this personally. Meet me in the future. Wait for me. From Y/N.~~
I considered scrapping the note and starting over, but I decided it would suffice. The first things that came to heart were the most genuine. Besides, the more time I wasted, the more time I was giving somebody to catch me before I left. Nezuko was the only one left.
~~ Hey there, Nezuko. I hope you don't hate me for this, but I'm going away again without saying anything. I need you to know how much I enjoy our time together and I cherish it more than anything. However, in order to be better for you, I've decided I need to leave. I know it's abrupt and we just made plans to write a story together and stuff, but we're gonna have to put it off for a while. Sorry... I don't care if you're a demon, you and Tanjiro have changed my outlook on things for the better. I don't even know if you'll ever see this letter, and if you do, I don't know when, but for my own selfish reasons, I thought I should let you know that...~~
I considered scribbling out the last part of the letter and just wrapping it up there, but I didn't want to leave Nezuko confused when I left.
~~I love you, Nezuko. I really do. You've been so good to me and have been the shining light to my darkness. Isn't it funny how the only demon in my life is the closest thing to an angel? Kind of ironic if you ask me. Hopefully, I can see you again someday, Sleeping Beauty. Until then, with love, Y/N.~~
The letters were done as I organized them all and marked them separately so I would know which belongs to who. I decided not to write to Jazz or Tesla as I hoped I could go see them before I left. I gathered all of the notes, the journal, and my belongings as I looked around the room once more.
**Whether it be Urokodaki's or it be this room... Nezuko hasn't changed.**
I left the room quietly and crept through the halls again. I didn't want to bring any attention to myself as I went to deliver these letters. I made my way to Naho, Sumi, and Kiyo's joint room and slipped the letter under the door so they could see it when they came back for the night. I left and headed for my next destination. Shinobu's office was close to the girls' rooms, so I headed there next. I don't think Shinobu and Kanao were back yet since I didn't hear anything, so I went inside the office and left both notes for her and Kanao on the desk. I didn't know where Kanao's room was, but I knew Lady Shinobu could get it to her.
**Maybe I should leave them all here with Shinobu so she can hand them out later... No, that's a foolish idea! Put in this effort one last time.**
I left the office quietly and went to the room where Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu had been staying. Tanjiro was likely outside training and the other 2 hadn't returned from their mission yet. I could quietly head in and leave the letters on their beds. I had to deliver the last two letters which were the hardest two. Aoi and Nezuko. I didn't know where Aoi's room was, so I had to bring it to the room she was in now. I could've left Nezuko's in her room, but a Kakushi may have trashed it while cleaning up, so I had to also get it to her.
**Please let them both still be asleep.**
I headed down to the room they were being treated in and put my ear to the door. I didn't hear any noise from inside, and it felt void of any presence. I knew nobody was inside except Nezuko and Aoi as I slowly headed in. Nezuko was asleep and so was Aoi. I smiled in relief that I couldn't have to confront either of them as I moved over to in between their beds.
**Both of them are asleep, so I can drop these letters and get out-**
Aoi: Kiyo? Is that you with my medicine?
I looked over at Aoi who was slowly opening her eyes. She looked over at me and almost hopped out of bed as she sat up. She looked confused as to why I had all of my gear on and looked so ready to leave.
Aoi: Y/N, you-
I leaned in and hugged her. She didn't have the strength to pull away, but even if she did I don't think she would've. I didn't speak a word but rather left my emotions on the other side of that door. I handed her the letter I'd wrote for her and she started to open it. I gently held her hands down so she couldn't open it and shook my head. I took the letter back from her and lowered her back down on the bed. I placed the letter on a desk just out of her reach.
**Somebody can give it to her later. I don't want her reading this while I'm still around. It'll break her heart...**
Aoi: Where-
I put my index finger over my lips as a gesture for her to stay quiet. I looked over at Nezuko and decided to let her keep the journal. I placed the journal on the desk next to her bed and left the note on top of the journal. I lifted Nezuko up slightly and gave her a long hug before lying her back down.
**She'll get to it eventually. I'm leaving half of my heart with you, Nezuko. Bring it back to me one of these days.**
I looked back at Aoi who was staring at me helpless to stop me. If she had more energy, she'd likely be yelling at me right now, but she couldn't. I waved to her without a word as I left the room. I held my chest and bit my lip when I got into the hall. My heart was in pain.
**Goodbyes always hurt, and that's the reason I didn't want to see anybody before I left.**
I decided to wrap up by sneaking through the halls until I reached the room where Jazz had brought Tesla before. I leaned against the door and didn't feel that anybody was in there except Jazz and Tesla. I walked in and saw Tesla, awake, lying in bed messing with her medication kit. Jazz was sprawled out on a bed next to hers sleeping.
Tesla: Dulzura! Hey!
Y/N: Could you be a little bit quieter?
She looked at me sideways.
Tesla: You avoiding someone?
Y/N: Everyone... But forget me, how are you holding up?
Tesla lifted her shirt up and I averted my eyes
Tesla: Relax, I wasn't showing anything explicit.
I looked back and saw her stomach wrapped up.
Tesla: It might leave a scar, but I'm okay. I've had worse.
**Really? You wouldn't have been able to guess.**
Y/N: That's good to hear. Takes a weight off my chest.
Tesla: I'm flattered that you were worried.
Y/N: Of course I was.
Tesla: You and Jazz both.
She looked over at Jazz lying on the bed.
Tesla: She's exhausted. She's expending all her energy trying to look after me, but I'm fine really.
Y/N: She's being a caring sister. That's sweet of her.
Tesla: She's got a hard exterior and a soft interior. Even softer than me.
She chuckled.
Tesla: Why are you so geared up, going on a mission?
Y/N: You could say that. I'm kind of excited. It's my first mission since my promotion to Kanoe.
Tesla: Kanoe already? Impressive! We really do need to catch up when you get back.
**When I get back huh? I'm sorry, but that may be a bit longer than you think.**
Y/N: Might take a little while.
Tesla: I can wait.
Y/N: Tesla, by the way, since I'm leaving I won't be able to introduce you, but this mansion is actually owned by one of the Hashira if you know about them.
Tesla: Ah yes, Jazz and I have heard about them before. One of them lives here? I'm getting goosebumps.
Y/N: Yeah, Lady Shinobu Kocho lives here and she's actually wanted to meet you.
Tesla: She knows about me?
Y/N: You may or may not have come up in one of our conversations before... But she's similar to you! She loves medical science and she words with toxins. You two would get along so well. I want you to go see her when you're better.
Tesla: I'll do that.
Y/N: Good. I really should get going, though. Besides, you need your rest to recover. See you later, Tesla. Later, Jazz even though she can't hear me.
Tesla: I'll let her know you said bye.
Jazz: I can hear you guys you know?
Jazz sat up and looked at me.
Jazz: I'm not dumb either.
Y/N: What? I never said that?
Jazz: I was referring to your tone of voice. You're not happy right now. I can hear it. You said you're excited about this mission, but you don't sound it.
**She saw right through my tone of voice. I'm not happy to leave, but I have to!**
Y/N: I guess I'm just a bit nervous is all.
Jazz: Mhm...
She wasn't convinced and laid back down.
Jazz: Bye...
I gave Tesla a hug before I headed for the door.
Y/N: See ya.
I left the room and quietly, but quickly, made my way for the front door. I managed to get out without being spotted by anybody. I calmly walked over to the woods as to not draw suspicion to myself, but once I got out of sight, I ran through the woods as fast as I could. There was one place I still needed to go. Somewhere I've been putting off for years, since the Final Selection. I had nowhere else to go but there, so I headed that way.
**Will he still be there when I arrive? I hope for some type of closure.**
I headed through the woods with a heavy heart as I raced back to my hometown and to the home of my Master. I was unsure of what I would find when I got there, would he still be there?
I Wondered