The day was very different from all the other days. After college hours I was finally going to meet the guy in person whom I considered to be my boyfriend since a month now. Honestly, not a little bit of excitement worked inside me. It felt like meeting some random person. I don't know why, but I was not eager to dress nice as well. So, like every other day I went to college tying my hair up in a messy ponytail and wearing some normal jeans and top. None of my friends knew about this meeting. I also did not want anyone to know about this, except one, Neeladri, my first boyfriend. I just wanted to see his reaction after he gets to know about my meetup with my recent boyfriend. I won't lie, but his reactions actually forever bothered me. First love after all. I smiled to myself.
I and Neeladri met in college. We study in same class. Thus, gradually in the first year itself we grew close. First two years went nice, me, him, our love and friendship, everything was fine. Then suddenly came a big misunderstanding that broke us apart forever. We never broke up officially but we just stopped talking, rather let's say, I stopped talking to him. Our friends tried to bring us close and break the misconception I developed about him but the distance just kept on increasing. And when I finally realised that I was wrong about him and everything was just a misunderstanding, it was too late to make things correct. Still I tried, I tried hard but he didn't budge. He said that my feelings for him were mere infatuation. He left me asking me not to bother him anymore. I was hurt listening to it. He knew how much I loved him, still he insulted my feelings by naming it infatuation. After that day, I decided consciously that I would forever be happy without him and won't let his actions bother me.
Alas! The decision fade into thin air on the very next day. I noticed a cut over his palm and my heart sank. I neared him, just to ask whether he was okay, but he ignored me and didn't answer. His behaviour hurt me but somehow I managed to not let my tears ooze out in front of everyone. After that my tries of wooing his heart again, decreased gradually seeing his cold reaction to everything. I got addicted to social media platforms and spent all my free time over there just to keep my mind away from his thoughts.
There I met so many new people, few turned out good and few turned out creep. And then one fine day I met Abhi over there. He sounded nice and we slowly started talking and sharing so much. We exchanged numbers and also decided to meet but the first plan of meeting went unsuccessful. Abhi could not make it. That day when the meet got cancelled I told about Abhi to the closest friend of mine in my class, Shreya. She looked at me like she has seen a ghost and then turned her eyes towards Neel. Following her gaze I too looked at him. He was laughing aloud and was busy with his group. Maybe discussing the last night football match. He is a huge lover of football. When we both were together, he always said that his real girlfriend is football and I was the optional one. I joked about it but who knew I would really become the optional one someday. Thinking so, I looked away and concentrated over nothing.
Shreya asked so many questions about Abhi that day and I decided to make her meet him someday. Abhi is a nice guy, he is six years older than me but still we connected like two like-aged people. He joked a lot and did so much to make me happy but everything he did made me remember the time I spent with Neel. In this relationship, Abhi was the only one trying the break the ice everytime and I was just a puppet who allowed him depending on my own mood. Honestly, I was not like that but Neel's memories were too fresh for me to allow anyone else in my life in his place. Still I said yes to Abhi, I don't know why. I regret it now but I don't know what to do.
College came to an end for that day and I went out. As I reached near the main gate I turned my head to every possible directions to see where is Abhi but he was nowhere to be seen. So, I stood at the main gate, looking at the people rushing back to there home and kept waiting for him. Maybe after five-six minutes he arrived. He extended his arms for a hug, but it felt uncomfortable so I just hugged him formally for hardly two seconds and then parted to a comfortable distance.
“It is very crowded over here, let's go somewhere isolated” Abhi said.
Listening to Abhi I got remembered of the place of my memories. I and Neeladri have spent all our firsts in that place. That place was special. I could not think of any other place nearby, so I thought to take Abhi there. Abhi was continuously saying random things and I kept nodding listening to that.
After three minutes of walk, we reached at the back side of our college. No one went there thinking the place to be dirty and scary but I and Neeladri went there many times. It was a jungle, not much dense but it looked scary, probably because it lied isolated and no one visited. On one corner of that jungle, the college garbage was dumped, the green garbage.
“Ashlesha, can't we go somewhere else. This place is stinking” Abhi snapped me out of my memories.
The smell that Abhi named as stink, was the beautiful earthy smell after some heavy downpour. Neeladri loved this smell a lot. Seeing him I also learnt to love the nature. Thus, when Abhi said about this smell to be stink, I felt hurt.
“Hey where are you lost? Look into my eyes” Abhi's voice was husky, he came much closer without my notice and was looking straight into my eyes.
I knew what was going to happen next. I knew I was doing wrong but my strength to stop it was as if taken away. A drop oozed out of my eye and went down my cheeks. My memories were all clouded with Neeladri. No, I can't do this. I love Neeladri and I love only him. I can't allow anyone else to even touch me. My conscience shouted continuously and the voice, the name I was urging to hear all these months, came crashing from some distance.
"Esha stop, what are you doing” I felt the tight grip I was in until now getting loosened listening to the voice.
I opened my eyes and looked at my left, Neeladri. He was standing there, his eyes red, palm fisted and he was shivering. I have never seen him like that. I got scared. I stood numb at the place and saw him walking close.
“What the hell were you doing? You think everything is a joke? You think you have all the right to hurt me continuously and I won't say anything? You think you are doing correct by doing all these?” his questions weren't getting registered in my head.
Only thing I was looking at were his eyes and that one drop that oozed out of it. He was close, standing right in front of me like old times. His hands have gripped my shoulders, no it wasn't paining, it felt good. He at last was saying the truth. He at last was confessing the feelings he kept hidden.
“Who are you man? Leave my girlfriend, you are hurting her” Abhi said.
We both had no mood to part our eyes and look at him. So, I simply asked Abhi to leave. Even after that he tried pushing away Neeladri and then for the first time I saw Neeladri punch somebody.
“Listen, she doesn't love you. She was just using you to make me feel jealous. She just wanted to make me feel the pain she was going through after our break up. So please leave us alone for today. We badly need to talk” Neeladri said.
I don't know how, but he said everything that I did. I thought he never noticed my tries to make him feel jealous but now after he confirmed that he did notice, my tries were successful. I just wanted to hug him tight right then and slap him hard for hurting me.
Abhi went away after saying that he would call me at night. I said nothing in return and kept looking at his retreating figure. Once when he was out of our sight, Neeladri came close, very close. I could feel his breath over my face, that close.
“What were you doing Esha? Don't you know what you mean to me. Can't you understand my feelings. Why always I will have to explain things? How can you...” Neel paused, a sob left his mouth before he continued speaking “...Esha this is not love between you and that guy. You can do anything to make me feel jealous but getting intimate. You can't share everything of yours with other boys. You have always been mine and I won't be able to allow someone else to fill the gap. Esha...” his last words died in his throat.
My lips met his and I could feel him going stiff at that touch. After sometime I felt him reacting. I felt his hands holding both sides of my face. I felt his lips giving all the pleasure present in this earth to me. And then, heaven also started its dance rhythmically over the earth. Every drop of water falling over us, deepened the deed we were doing. Neeladri's need was making me melt in his embrace. I was ready to be his forever, I can't loose him for anything.
I don't after how much time we left each other but when we parted, I could see the red in Neeladri's eyes was vanishing. He has been my baby since long now. I know what he wants when. I know how to make him feel protected just like he knows how to scold me when I do something wrong.
“Don't ever leave me Neel, I would die the next time” my heart was aching because of the love I had for him.
“I am sorry, I thought we won't be happy together in future but you proved me wrong. I thought you would move on but never knew if you do it then that would kill me slowly. I am sorry. I know I have hurt you a lot, I have insulted your feelings for me”
“I love you Neel, today, tomorrow, day after and everyday after” I crashed in his arms.
He gripped me securely, protectively and dropped innumerable kisses over my head. I could hear his heart that only beats for me. I dropped a kiss over his heart as this thought crossed my mind and closed my eyes peacefully.
“Just for your information, Abhi is not a good guy. He would have cheated you after the intimacy. Thank me later for saving you” Neel has this bad habit of making everything funny by the end.
“And how do you know it?”
“I am a boy, and a boy always keeps latest updates of his ex girlfriend. Moreover, I was curious to know about the boy whom you chose after me, so, I took Shreya as my lead. She shared everything that you shared with her and then I had my own sources”
“Stupid, who have asked you to get hurt like this? Easily you could have come to me and I would have accepted you” I heard him chuckle.
“Then things wouldn't have turned this filmy right?”
“True enough, but please don't leave me next time. I would then die and scare you after becoming ghost”
Listening to it Neel softly loosened his grip and made me look into his eyes. The next thing I knew was him savouring my lips as his drug and me giving all of me to him.
___________
Love is not only choosing everything right. At times we commit mistakes but at the end when we have someone to show us the right path, it feels heaven on earth.
Much love always
Nilanjana ❤️