Engie and I sit in anxiety. Neither of us wants to go out. Neither of us wants to leave. We both lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, not knowing how to do anything. The heat from his crock pot of emotions radiates to where I can feel it, but he bubbles silently. The lid could pop off at any moment. Soft ticks from the clock remind us it's only a matter of time. We just have to wait. Speeding it up to get it over with makes it so, so much worse.
We just need to wait.
He's so hard to read. I know why Engie's mad, but I don't know which part about it makes him mad. All of it makes me mad; strangling Spy has never felt more justified. I slowly face him. He places his hands on his stomach, fingers intertwined. "Engie," I whisper. "What are you going to do?"
"It's Scout," he calmly says back, monotone and devoid of his sweet tone. "Not much you and I can do." He gets up and sits on the edge of his bed. "Not much sense in fussin' over what you can't control."
"But--"
"Not much sense," he starts, sighing with frustration, "in fussin' what you can't control. I know you wanna stop it and make everyone stay happy and such, but you gotta remember that's not your job anymore." He's right. "You're just Mona now. And besides, it's Scout. You can do just about anything on God's green Earth, but you can't control Scout. With that said, you're likely also to hold me off in a fight." He rises and grabs his hardhat from his desk, adjusting it to fit his head. "To make up for what I know I'm gonna do later today, I'll make breakfast."
"Engie, is it bad that I didn't tell him?" I question. I don't know what I want to hear from him.
"Spy's good at deception, and you've got a good heart. I wouldn't beat myself up over it too much if it were me." He finally looks at me and holds out his hand. "Gotta go get Salvador up and talk about finding ya someplace to stay."
"What do you mean?"
"I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you didn't stay with Miss Pauling anymore." He reinforces his hand. "We'll get ya a new home. There're some new development plots we can look at." I take his hand, and he helps me up from his bed. I still wear his sweatshirt, and I don't think I'm taking it off for the sake of comfort. "Go on ahead and check on Salvador. I need to get washed up real quick."
"Okay," I quietly agree. I can't see his eyes, I don't know what he's feeling. I don't know what he's planning on doing. When I leave, Salvador's up. Jeans and a hoodie from Iremborough.
"What's up?" He questions. "You don't look too thrilled."
"Ah, well, shit hit the fan," I scoff. "Did you brush your teeth?"
"Yeah."
I enter the bathroom and brush my own teeth, staring at myself in the mirror. I went about it all wrong. I shouldn't have listened to Spy. No... I shouldn't have trusted Witch. Magic laundering. I should've seen through their ruse as soon as I pointed out it was literally just the plot of A Christmas Carol. It's already established that I'm stupid, so I shouldn't put too much stock into it. It's their fault they dragged us to Spy's house in the night's dead. It's their fault they chose Scout for Smissmas Past. Stupid. Stupid.
Everyone involved: Stupid. Alpha knew, too. How long has she known? It was just a gathering of secret holders. All but Engie knew, and I don't know if he's mad at me because of it. It wasn't my secret to tell, but it's still unclear if he's mad at me. He should be. I wash my face while I'm at it. Anything to stall going out. Heavy opens the other door, and he yawns as he positions himself in front of his mirror. I take Salvador with me, and we walk into the kitchen. Engie and Medic both use the stove on their own sides as they get different things accomplished. Sniper uses the coffee maker. Alpha's sat at the table with her head on the wooden top. I sigh and sit down next to her with Salvador on my other side, and I pick up Medic's newspaper to look in the ad listings.
"If I were you, Alpha, I'd get the hell out of dodge."
She groans. "Captain's coming to pick me up. If I had to choose, you'd never see me again."
Medic furrows his brows as he sets down a plate full of French toast down on the table. "What are you two talking about?"
"A category five hurricane named Jeremy," Alpha groans. Engie sets the pan he's holding down hard on the metal stove.
"Quit yer yappin'," he callously demands, and we stop talking. He serves bacon and eggs, and he peers over my shoulder as we look for any home sales together. Sniper awkwardly leans against the kitchen table and drinks from his mug.
'#1 Sniper'
Don't suppose they make those for friends, too, do they? The air is stale and unloving, no one daring to make a noise to go against Engie's orders. It's cold in here, and I don't mean temperature-wise. Alpha's guilty, even more so than I am. She was one to tease Scout as well, so I can only assume she was another one of the few mercs that Scout felt like he was being tolerated around. Salvador's confused as much as Medic is, and I don't want to be the one to fill them in.
Everyone's about to know today, anyway, so they can wait a few more hours. Or minutes. Spy walk in with Demo, and everyone in the kitchen stares at Spy. He stops lighting his cigarette. "Problem?"
"A mighty large one," Engie answers, no longer leaning over the back of my chair. "You've got some 'splainin' to do."
"What about?" He inquires as he flicks open his lighter and puts the flame to the tobacco.
"You-n-I both know what."
Scout enters.
Alpha bites her fingertips now, and she avoids looking anywhere but down. The tension is so thick, you'd need a chainsaw just to put a dent in it. The Bostonian glares at the Frenchman, and the Texan makes his presence in the room known. A western stand-off. Scout makes his way to the kitchen. "Morning," he mutters as he gets a bowl of cereal.
I fold the newspaper away. "Good morning," I shakily repeat. Engie takes his hand off of my shoulder, and I quickly yank on it to keep him near me. I don't know what Engie's capable of.
I don't know what Engie's capable of.
Spy walks away, but Scout addresses him. "So, when were you gonna tell me that you're my dad?" Spy stops dead in his tracks. Yeah, that wasn't a dream. Engie's grip grows stronger on my shoulder. "Because, y'know, I felt like that was something I needed to know."
I lean over to Salvador and whisper. "Go back to my room." He shakes his head and I grit my teeth. "Now, boy." He remains planted, so I stand up and attempt to leave the situation with both Engie and Salvador.
"Wait, hold on," Scout says, pointing at me with a spoon. "Nah, sit down. I could ask you the same thing, Rick," he grunts. "When was anyone gonna tell me that Spy is my deadbeat dad?" No one moves a muscle. He grabs his ceramic bowl and slams it onto the floor. I jump from the noise and close my eyes. "Who was gonna fuckin' tell me?"
"Scout," Medic growls. "Du bist außer Kontrolle geraten, control yourself."
"Oh, yeah, I bet you knew, Medicine Man," he taunts. "Doin' weird shit in your lab all day with our DNA. You were probably one of the first to know."
"I didn't," he volleys. "I don't. How can you be sure he is your father?"
"I saw it. Old bastard just got up and left when I was four. Fuckin' vanished. When were you gonna tell me, Mona?"
"I was going to--"
"Do not answer that," Spy orders, and I shut my mouth. "If you were listening, you would know why I left."
"Not even a letter," Scout sputters. He's physically shaking, and he's on the verge of bursting as he steps closer to Spy. We're caught in the middle, and we're being held hostage. "Couldn't even call me."
Engie puts both of his hands on me, and I hold on to him, as that's his own way of letting me know he's at least trying to stay out of it. Salvador's zoned out. He stares at the table, and he's no longer mentally present. Spy's still distant. "There were reasons. None that you would have gotten."
"Six fuckin' years," Scout seethes, knuckles turning white. He didn't bandage his hands today. "That's how long you've worked with me, Spy."
"The opportunity never presented itself. I saw it was best for everyone that I simply never told you."
"Why?"
"Because this would have happened," he motions to the general vicinity. "We would have a spectacle."
Engie rumbles. "Don't go makin' excuses now, Spy. Just say you're a coward and move it along."
"Shut it, beer keg," Scout barks. "You don't know what it's like. At least your dad still showed his face every once in a while."
The way he said that rubs me the wrong way. Salvador caught onto it, too, as he looks over at me. Sniper still remains silent in the background, coffee in his mug. He's invisible. Alpha's condition isn't something I can comment on anymore. She's in shambles, the weight of the situation crushing her heart. Engie takes his hands off of me, and I don't stop him.
It's my turn. "Okay, Scout, I admit I should've told you."
"Miss Fredrickson," Spy starts, but I shush him with a raised finger.
"But this isn't the right way to go about it. You're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to hurt right now, but you need some time to let off some steam so you can talk together without all the hostile energy."
He blinks. "Unless someone's going to tell me why they didn't say anythin' about this fucker being my father, keep it quiet."
"Because he told me he was going to tell you himself," I answer. "And he didn't get to that yet, obviously."
"You know Spy lies. That's literally his job. He gets paid to lie. Why would you fuckin' believe this dick?"
"Because I believed he would," I sigh. "Spy, were you telling the truth?"
Scout cuts him off. "Hind sight's twenty-twenty and shit. He'll do anything to save his ass so he gets off scot-free."
He still has that fist, so I get up and get in between the two of them to put some distance between the aggression. I put my hands up but don't touch Scout to push him back, but he just stares me down with malice in his pupils. I turn around and start pushing Spy back instead, but Scout just closes the space again until we're backed up to the armory. If I have to be a brick wall, let me be a brick wall. "Scout, I'm doing this for everyone's safety, move back."
"He didn't care about my safety when he ran off to go do what? Live in luxury?"
"Scout," I huff. "Move. Back."
Engie and Salvador move in, which only antagonizes Scout more. Anxiety swells. Scout bares his teeth. "Why are you even defending him, huh?"
"I'm not, I'm just trying to avoid a physical altercation. Nowhere did I say I condone Spy's actions."
"But you went along with it."
"Because I believe in giving people a chance."
Scout turns to the kitchen table. "How many of you knew, huh?" Alpha raises her hand immediately just to rid her consciousness of it, and Sniper does so shortly after. "Well, we've got a liar in here, but that's okay. I know you know."
Medic's sweeping up the shattered bowl, and he gives a grimace. "I didn't."
"Sure," he sarcastically stings.
I'm sandwiched between the two. "Scout, please. Just walk away, we can pick this up later."
"Or, better idea, we do it right now."
"I'm trying to help, please," I beg, at the end of my rope. "Just go cool off."
Salvador puts his hands on Scout and shoves him back. "You're too close." They size each other up, and Scout's only an inch taller than him to be intimidating. Scout's killed with his bare hands, though, that's a guarantee. I divert my awareness to them and keep Salvador back this time.
"Both of you, stop it." I raise my voice. "Salvador, go back to my room. Now."
"No." He says again.
"Then go sit." He backs away but stays on his feet. "Scout. Go."
He scoffs. "Who are you? My mom?"
My eye twitches, and I murmur under my breath. "No, but at least you have one."
"What was that?" He snaps. "Talkin' shit?" I back away from him until he hits me. His fist connects with my nose, and I stumble onto the floor. I keep backing away as he gets closer until Salvador grabs him by the back of his shirt and throws him to the ground. He hits his head on the floor and gets up after Engie pushes Salvador away. He and Alpha restrain Scout by his arms and drag him away. "Don't talk shit about my ma!"
I look at the blood on my fingertips. Copper aroma swirls in my nose, droplets collecting in the palm of my hand. I've had enough of this team.
"At least you have a mom!" I screech back, getting to my feet with Salvador's help. Scout ceases his struggling, realization washing over his face. Medic approaches me with an icepack and paper towels. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, anyway. "You're standing here bitching and whining about what you don't have, that you're taking what you do have for granted." My hands are shaking, and I feel pressure behind my eyes.
"She didn't care," Scout digs. I'm tired. "I wasn't the favorite."
"You think any of us were the favorite?" My nostrils burn from the blood that runs over my lips and stains my teeth. "Yeah, we both have shitty parents, but at least one of yours wanted anything to do with you. However you look at it, Stacy loves you a lot."
Scout breaks loose from his hold and storms off toward the locker rooms from where yells and metallic banging become prominent for some time. Medic cleans me up and sits me down at the table as he's concerned about a concussion, but I think I'll be fine. I deserve this, anyway. Engie grabs onto Spy's lapel and sucker punches him in the jaw. I get up to stop him, but he backs away on his own accord. "I don't take too kindly to snakes, so go on and git."
Spy's slow to correct himself, and he rolls his neck as he fixes his suit. He crushes the cigarette that fell out of his mouth, and he heads for the garage to leave. Scout's gone quiet. Everything went so wrong. It's all bad. There's nothing I can do to fix the situation, and I don't know how bad it's going to get. I don't work with them, I'm not responsible for them anymore. I still feel like it's my job to fix it. Salvador's on high alert, and Engie keeps asking me if I'm okay, to which I stopped responding after the third or fourth time. I eventually got up and went to the locker rooms with no one else. Scout sits on a bench and continually throws a baseball up before catching it again. I keep my distance, and he looks at me from under the brim of his hat. His knuckles are red, and some of them are bleeding.
He catches the ball and dryly chuckles. "You ever feel like you're sinking?"
"How so?" Our voices echo ever so slightly, and the bright white lights strain my eyes. "Sinking how?"
"Like quicksand. The more you try to help yourself, the worst you make it. You just kinda have to let whatever shit is happening to you happen since you already went and did the stupid thing to do and didn't watch your step. It slowly eats you up, and once it swallows you whole, you can't go back."
"Constantly." I rub my arm. "Everything I do is a misstep."
All I'm looking at is the brim of his hat as I watch the ball leave his grasp before falling into it once again. "I've been feeling like that for a long time. I think I'm already sunk, but some sick sonuva bitch gave me a snorkel and keeps adding more tube just so I can go deeper. I know I act like I ain't, Rick, but I'm going off the fucking deep end here."
I shrug. "There's not much I can say to you, Scout."
"Then just fucking listen up, m'kay? Shit's been hitting the fan for a long ass time. My dad leaves on Christmas and does nothing to support Mom and my seven bastard brothers. I break my arm and can't play baseball in middle school. Then I dropped out to find a job to help Mom and can't do track anymore. I finally find work and start working with these assholes that call themselves Team Fortress, I do this shit for six years and come to find that the fucker I hated the most out of all of them is my deadbeat dad living lavish and my two best friends that I thought were on my side no matter what keep this from me. And now I think I fucked up my chances with Cashew. See what I mean by sunk?"
"I know where your anger is Jeremy, but you can't take that out on other people. You can't go around hitting people when all they're doing is acting in your best interest."
He nods. "I don't beat up on women, I'm sorry."
"It's fine."
"No, serious-" he finally looks at me. "I don't do that. I really sorry that I hit you."
"I had it coming."
"No, you didn't. Spy did. You were just--"
"In the way?" I sniff. A drop runs down my lips again, and Scout watches in dismay as I wipe it away again. "I usually am. It's okay, don't worry about it."
"You're always like that." His voice is coated with concern. "You always brush shit off and act like it doesn't bother you."
"It really doesn't."
"You take shit lying down all the time. Get mad for once."
"Don't deflect onto me. You're still in hot water." My face is hurting now, and I groan as I scrunch my face. My heartbeat throbs in my ears. "I'll leave you alone for now."
"You sure you're good?" He's becoming troubled, but I dismiss him.
"Sit down, sit. Take a minute, j-just sit." I walk past Cashew on my way out as he goes to talk to Scout. He, Miss Campbell, and Neuro showed up a few minutes ago. Neuro shines a flashlight in my eyes and makes me do a set of tedious tasks just to be sure my brain didn't turn to soup.
"Right, Alpha, let's go," Neuro finally says, exhaustion dripping from every word. "Just so then we don't make things any worse than they already are."
"Right." She gets up and heads for the garage without saying bye. Engie takes off his hardhat and tugs on his glove.
"Let's go look at some apartments."
I nod and sniff again. "Yeah, let's."