The sky had already taken on an orange hue when Will and I started the course for his apartment. We unanimously decided, earlier on, that we'd talk at his place as Erin was currently at their uncle's place. I shifted and looked out the window at the wanning sky and rising moon. I mildly reminisced on the day and Debbie's beautiful wedding and all the fun I had.
But as the car neared William's upstate apartment, my nerves kicked in. I started feeling unsure about everything. What untold truths would I discover tonight? Were there even any untold truths?
The questions churned in my head leaving me uncertain and frustrated. Only one thing was certain and that was the little life currently forming in my womb. Odd, how I could already develop love for something so small and unseen. My hands unconsciously lowered to my abdomen.
"Are you okay?" William momentarily faced me then returned his focus to the road ahead.
"Yup," I placed my hands on my thighs instead.
"You sure?" He pressed, stealing another glance.
"Positive." I nodded and instantly grimaced. Why of all the words? Will interrupted my internal conflict and took my left hand in his and placed it on his thigh. I stared at our intertwined hands wondering how much longer this blissful ignorance would last.
"I need water." I announced as soon as we entered Will's apartment and dashed for his kitchen. I distantly heard his phone ring while filling my glass with water. With my back against the island counter, I drank to my fill then breathed out. I could do this. Everything would be alright. Why was I even so nervous? What was the worst that could happen? Famous last words...
Dropping the empty glass in the sink, I returned to the living room.
"Will, we need to—"
"I'm going to kill that bastard!" He abruptly stood up, throwing his phone down to the couch but it bounced off and landed on the floor instead. There was the definite sound of glass cracking before the silence came.
I'd never seen him this angry before. I took a small step forward, "what's wrong?"
He looked up and when his eyes locked on mine (ridiculous as it may sound), it felt like the world turned upside down. Not my world, his but by association, mine probably would too. I was scared.
"This was a mistake," he looked so pitiful and lonely I almost didn't hear his words. "I should have ended it before it began." He continued.
"What are you saying?" I slowly asked.
"The past month, Chicago, kissing you that first time, I shouldn't have. It's all my fault, I'm so sorry." His head bowed low and that was when it came. The shift, the upside down.
"Are you breaking up with me right now?" A single mirthless laugh.
"I don't know how else to—"
"You fucking asshole," I didn't wait for him to finish the words that'd no doubt tilt my world even more. "How dare you stand there and tell me it was all a mistake?" I wanted to cry.
How dare you stand there and break my heart for the second time?
"Is there even a big secret or you're really just an asshole and I've stupidly let my guard down again? I can't do this, I really can't." I grabbed my purse from the center table and bolted out of his apartment.
I angrily pressed the elevator button while hot tears now blurred my vision.
"Please let me explain." Two strong arms turned me around and I pushed them off.
"Don't touch me, just go away!" I entered the elevator. "Also, we weren't in a relationship so you can't end what we never started. And don't follow me." I warned vehemently and the last thing I saw before the doors closed was Will's crestfallen face.
Outside, I blindly hailed a taxi and inside it, cried my heart out because in the end, I really wanted there to be something, anything. I really wanted something to hold onto.
I was a fool.
***
"What the hell happened to you?" Cecile gasped as I walked into the apartment some thirty minutes later. "Did your talk not go well?"
"We didn't get to talk," I sniffed and bent to remove my heels. "He said everything was a mistake before we could." I laughed although what I really wanted to do was cry. Her face fell.
"I'm so sorry P." She opened her arms and my head fell on her shoulder.
__
Nearly twenty four hours later, I was dry eyed, huddled under a blanket on the couch and blankly staring at the TV while my sister was at the door talking to the man I despised the most at the moment. He'd bombarded my phone with calls and texts all through yesterday night till this afternoon but I was having none of it.
"Sorry William but she really doesn't want to see you right now." Or ever.
"I understand." I heard him say. There was some murmuring then shuffling before the door was finally closed.
Cece appeared in my line of sight and dropped on the coffee table, sitting directly in front of me. "Do you think he really meant it? Saying it was a mistake? Because his actions are really saying differently."
"I don't know, I don't care."
"If you didn't care you wouldn't be under a blanket nursing a broken heart P."
I glared at her but she gave me the look only a mastered annoying bigger sister could pull.
"Okay! I do care and that's why I'm under a blanket nursing a broken heart, what next?"
"We watch TV, scoot over." She got on the couch with me, picked the remote and increased the volume of the show playing.
Five minutes in and I still couldn't focus. I sighed.
"I don't want to care, if there's a reason other than what he made me believe when he ended things years ago or why he said all that yesterday, I don't want to care about any of it," my gaze shifted to the loose threads on the beige blanket, "but I do care and I don't know what to do."
"I can't decide for you what to do but I know you'll make the right decision, eventually. But, you'll need a plan for tomorrow at work. Will you be okay seeing him?"
I shrugged.
"I don't think I can up and quit just yet." I gazed round the apartment. "This place is a work benefit, we'd be homeless in a month and returning on our hides to Seattle. I'm not going to stop paying the lawyer fees by the way, so don't even mention it."
"I wasn't going to," she smiled although I knew she certainly would have. It was quiet for a few, then, "I wouldn't mind it, returning to Seattle." Cece toyed with a throw pillow.
I turned, nearly giving myself whiplash, hearing it for the first time. "You want to go back to Seattle?"
"Not right now," she rushed out then sank back, "but you know I can't stay here forever P."
Already so used to us living together, I never imagined anything otherwise. I couldn't imagine anything otherwise.
"I think I need to go back to my roots for total healing, if that makes sense." She laughed.
"It does."
Healing was different for everyone.
"But it won't be now, until after the trial and the baby." She smiled again.
I nodded because she must have thought it over for days and because I'd always support her decisions but I didn't smile because I already missed her and couldn't be selfish this time around.
"Okay."
***
"Transfer me."
After mulling it over some more yesterday, it seemed like my best option for now. I really couldn't quit yet, not without the security of a new apartment and job. It would be careless and I think I'd been careless enough as of late. Hence, the next best thing; transferring. I really couldn't keep working with William daily either, I'd definitely lose my mind, temper and cool.
"Back to the department Heather and I originally came from." I finished.
"If that's what you—"
"It is what I want." I said with finality.
"Okay," he may have said something else but my feet moved quickly, heading out of his office. To my dilemma, he followed right behind.
"Can we talk?" He held my elbow.
"No," I shrugged his hand off.
"I know I messed up big time again—"
"Exactly, again." I couldn't resist responding. "I don't care though William, about whatever explanation you have, because what could make up for you being such a shit head years ago? And an even bigger shit head Saturday night? But like I said, we weren't in an actual relationship anyway, just fuck buddies, so I really do—"
"Ophelia, Mr Illston..." I heard a shaky voice and sharply turned to find an embarrassed looking Heather and a wide eyed Lilian.
Shit.
"Look what you've done now." I murmured angrily before sharply walking away from the situation that'd definitely haunt me for nights. Talk about embarrassing.
I ended up in an empty board room. A board room Will and I snuck around in severally. The memories made me mad. Seeing him this morning had made me angry. Whatever secret he withheld made me even angrier. The possibility of discovering there was really nothing and he was just an asshole made me the angriest.
I tilted my head back and sighed. Getting this angry was likely not good energy for a forming foetus. I envisioned a beautiful newborn with cerulean blue eyes like mine and smiled feeling slightly better.
"Hey." Heather entered.
"Hey." I said with all the awkwardness I still felt.
"Are you alright?"
"I've been better." I said and she smiled sympathetically.
"I'm sorry about before and whatever it is, I really hope you two are able to solve it." She smiled then patted my arm encouragingly and walked out.
Barely five minutes later, someone else walked in. It was Lilian. She pulled out the chair Heather occupied merely minutes ago and sat. It was silent for a few seconds.
"Why did you not say anything?" She started.
"Would it have made much of a difference?"
"Maybe not." She chuckled and it was definitely the first time I was hearing her chuckle. It made her look her age; twenty something and younger. "But as stealthy as you believed you were, I caught wind of the sneaking around weeks ago."
My eyes went wide.
"And you didn't feed me to the dogs?" I asked seriously perplexed.
"Mr Illston has not had a girlfriend or anything close to even a fling since I have known him. I thought there must be something there, and well," she cleared her throat, "you are not half bad."
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were complimenting me."
She gave me a wry smile.
"Set this place up. We have a meeting by 11. No slacking." Stern as ever, she stood up and left.
I grinned to myself then groaned, "I'm starving."
***
"It has been over three months since you were both moved from your departments to work directly under me. I appreciate the work you've both put in since March and now if you wish to transfer back to your original departments, that will be fine. The window is open. HR now has some possible replacements on standby." William sat at one end of the long conference table while Heather and I sat in the middle, on either side of the oval table. It'd been two days since I put out my request and he was finally granting it.
"I don't mind staying as a PA. I've actually come to like it." Heather answered first.
"I want to transfer." I said after and Will nodded.
Heather smiled at me sadly.
"I guess can leave then?" She asked.
"You can." Will answered.
It was only us left in the boardroom now but my gaze was on the surface of the table. I heard the deliberate footsteps before the chair by my side was pulled out.
"The transfer files." He slid a brown manila document my way.
"Okay." I picked it up, ready to leave.
"This weekend, I'll tell you everything. Please let me." The desperation in his eyes had me staying an extra second.
"There's no guarantee it'll change anything."
By the end of the week, I'd returned to the fourteenth floor with Jo, Bella and John and settled back into my original job. It felt pretty good although I think I was now going through a lackluster for desk jobs. I visited Heather occasionally and thankfully, Will was at Illston tech the rest of the week.
Friday evening, after exiting the subway, my belly rumbled and I thought about how little I'd eaten all day. Entering the apartment at half past six, I called out. "Cece I'm hungry!"
Cece came out from the room smiling like a rod was stuck up her nostril. About to question her weird face, a very familiar blonde, brown eyed woman appeared from behind her.
"Mom?"
***
I planned to have this out earlier but sadly, some circumstances couldn't allow. It's here now anyway and I hope you guys loved it.
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See you next time loves❤