WITH NO COMPANY, NO LAPTOP and nothing to distract myself with, the night progressed rather slowly. It progressed so slowly that I began to rethink leaving Phi Kappa in such a hurry.
I decided to use the excess time for good-trying out a new skincare routine and washing my hair which was more of a tree than it was a bird's nest.
When the morning rolled along, it didn't take much dallying around for me to get out of bed and get ready for whatever class I had. I thought it was a little sad, but what was a person sans phone, work, and people? The whole no man is an island thing suddenly made a whole lot of sense.
I glanced down at my watch. I'd worn one today since I had no other means to check the time. I even took notes-lots of them. Talia would be so proud, but then again, screw her. I didn't care what she thought.
In other news, it was twelve-eighteen, and this lecture should've ended about thirty minutes ago.
Honestly, promising Colin a lunch date was the stupidest thing I could've done, especially considering the classes I had before noon. It was always like this. I thought all the overtime classes ended with highschool.
The lesson finally commenced twenty minutes later. I hurried out of the lecture hall with my bag flailing behind me. Colin would likely be pissed, or disappointed, and I couldn't blame him. It wouldn't be the first time I'd pulled a stunt like this. Granted, the stunts were never on purpose. Things just never seemed to work when it came to this. But he didn't get that, and I could not bring myself to blame him for it.
Fuck it. I blame the professor.
Sweet Cube was open, I could see. I paused in my rush. On one hand, there was an array of food I might not even have to pay for. I hadn't had the chance to eat before my classes, so I was starving, but ... I had somewhere to be.
I took a detour. After all, I needed to ask Colin where he was, and Nash might've seen my phone.
God was clearly rooting for me today, because even though Nash was nowhere in sight, Colin was seated on a barstool, right in front of the counter. I breathed a sigh of relief as I approached him.
"You're late," he grunted, hands buried deep in his golden hair. I frowned. "I'm kidding." He shot me a smile. "It's nice to see you."
"You saw me yesterday."
"This time's different. It's deliberate."
Hm was all I could say to that. I dropped my bag and went into the back to wash my hands and to plate freshly baked pastries. A perk of being an employee. I had to give it to Colin for ... showing up here of all places.
We moved to a window seat.
"Thank you," Colin said as I reached for a biscuit, "for not standing me up. I know I haven't been on my best behaviour. I'm sorry for all the times I might've offended you."
I took a bite out of my biscuit. My gaze remained on him. I did not care for what he was saying as long as there wasn't an awkward silence.
Too bad the awkwardness was fated to be.
What even was I expected to say? That it was fine? That I was okay with us being friends? I thought Colin was an okay person, but based on my personal rubric, I didn't think the word "friend" described him as accurately as "persistent stranger" did.
Sorry not sorry. This was a waste of time.
"You probably think I'm wasting your time," he continued. He wasn't wrong. What was the point of this, again? We hadn't yet reached the stage of friendship where we could hang out together and have things to fill in the silence with. As strangers, it was easy. Getting to know each other was a legit thing. As people whose relationship was rocky as rocky road ice cream was advertised to be, it was anything but.
It was also, as I'd mentioned before, pointless.
"Do you?"
Yes. "No. It's nice of you to own up to your mistakes. We're humans, we err. It's a part of life." I leaned forward. I could at least try to be interested. "How have your classes been?"
• • •
ALCOHOL WAS NEVER REALLY MY thing, but like every other living being, I had to at least indulge once in a while. I could let Nash take all the blame, but it wouldn't be so fair. After all, I was the one pouring ounces upon ounces of cheap, near tasteless beer down my throat. Classy as I may seem to the outside eye, I was never picky with my type of poison.
Nash wrapped his hand around my wrist, stopping me from lifting up my beer. "You might want to slow down a little."
"You might want to let go of my hand."
He sighed and easefully took the can from me. I was flabbergasted. "Lenny, you cannot drink away your ability to think. Sorry to break it to you, but downing two six-packs of beer isn't going to make you feel better."
Two six-packs of beer was a total exaggeration, but whatever. He could have his moment.
I relaxed in my seat, feeling the tension loosen in my shoulders. "I'm sorry," I said with a heavy breath, "I've got a question."
"Shoot." He brought my beer to his lips. Talk about betrayal.
"Would you refrain from physical contact with me if I were intoxicated?"
Nash pursed his lips. "That depends." He lifted a shoulder. "We are not together. You might wake up with regrets. Depending on the circumstance, it wouldn't be so right to. Some might consider it taking advantage."
A little alcohol never hurt anyone. Sure, it might be said to affect the brain, but where was the proof? I was perfectly fine. Maybe not totally sober, but I was sober enough to think straight. Sober enough to say, "I'm taking a break from men, anyway, so unless you're willing to do the devil's tango without expecting kisses, we probably won't be ... bumping uglies anytime soon."
Nash finished off my drink and took my hands. "A break, you say?" He leaned forward until our foreheads touched. "Did something happen?"
Throwing my arms around his neck, I sighed. "Nash, I think you might've been right. And no, nothing happened. I'm okay."
"Lenore," he breathed. My name sounded so much better coming from him than it did anyone else. "I'm going to need you to elaborate."
"I can't," I blurted, "I haven't thought enough about it. There's a small chance I might not mean what I say."
"You c-"
"I don't want to hurt you, you know. I like you." I met his eyes. "More than a little bit. I just ... I didn't want to come off as a ... as a hoe or something. It sounds kind of pathetic saying I have feelings for you after we sleep together. And I know I won't regret saying this, because it's all true. Or maybe it's not. Maybe I'm drunk. But drunk words are sober thoughts." I pulled back, averting my eyes. I could feel his gaze on me, the weight of it.
"I take it back. You can kiss me. If you still want t-"
He wanted to. He did. For the forty-plus seconds we sat there, bodies pressed together, my stomach furled and unfurled over and over. Nash was unconsciously aiding my project's progress and I could not be more grateful. And I knew. I knew I should not have been thinking about my project right then, but it was a force of habit.
He tried to pull away. I kissed him harder.
"Lenny," he muttered, his words muffled by my lips. He placed his hands over my own, slowly taking them off of him. I pulled back, eyes wide. "Lenny, you're ...." Our eyes met. He was breathing hard. We both were; chests heaving. "You're drunk."
This. Again. "I'm not."
"Lenny."
"Fuck, I'm not. I think I would know if I was." I took a much needed deep breath. "Look, Nash, you need to let go. Stop worrying about me, about what I think, what I feel, and just ... let go with me."
He let out a light chuckle, grazed my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. "I should be the one saying that." Nash sighed. "I don't think we should do this. Not right now."
"It's just sex."
He let out a breath. "Yeah, you're not sober. I don't think I've ever heard you say the word 'sex'. You're not crude, Lenny, you're fucking drunk."
With my brow arched for some reason, my head held high, and a lopsided smile on my lips, I got to my feet. "I thought you wanted me to want you. Guess I thought wrong."
Nash arched a brow as well, a twinkle of amusement in his brown eyes. He leaned back and crossed his arms. "I'm not having sex with you."
Damn you. "Have it your way."
He rolled his eyes, got out of his seat, and left the room.
• • •
PIPER DABBED A LIGHT DUSTING of powder on her nose and cheeks. I'd always thought the term "powder your cheeks" was just that-a term-but thanks to Piper and her very extensive knowledge of face baking, I'd learned something new.
CJ was nestled at the foot of Piper's bed. I'd asked them to come over after my less-than-sucessful attempt at seduction. CJ'd been at Piper's, anyway, because she wanted to give me an open opportunity to fulfill all of my deep, dark, desires. I, of course, didn't have the slightest clue what she was talking about. I'd had a not-so-good day with Colin, and more than anything, I wanted to rest. Unfortunately for me, Nash had been here, waiting at the door. Fortunately for me, he'd had my phone.
"At least you tried," said CJ.
"I think it's deserved," piper Piper. "She couldn't make up her mind. Plus, he did the right thing."
"He should have stayed to make sure she was okay."
"He didn't need to. And if he had, Lenny might've eventually forced his hand. I don't know about you, but I'm in no mood to sit and listen to Lenny talk about how she made a mistake by sleeping with him."
I tugged my blanket closer to my chest. "Actually, we have ... slept together. Once. During spring break."
Piper paused her face baking. "Hm," she said, "changes nothing." Her reaction surprised the hell out of me, but I was too drunk-and too tired-to let my surprise show. "It's hard to believe you did that," she continued, "I thought you didn't like him."
"Did she ever really say that, Piper?"
Piper's head snapped back. She glared at CJ. A tired smile passed my lips. I sunk into my mattress, thankful to even have a mattress. God, I was beat, and this discussion was not helping any matters.
"Maybe you need to refresh your memory, CJ."
Before CJ could think of a response that probably wasn't going to make sense, I asked the question at the forefront of my mind. "It's not Thursday. Why're you getting all dolled up?" I stifled a yawn.
CJ rolled on her back. "Haven't you heard? Piper's landed herself an exclusive sex buddy."
I sat a little straighter at this.
"He is not an 'exclusive sex buddy'; he's my ticket to a good grade."
CJ snickered. "Listen to yourself, Piper. You finished your article weeks ago."
"All. Thanks. To. Him."
And just like that, I regretted asking.
"You know, if you could please be less noisy, I'd appreciate it. It's late, I'm trying to sleep, and your bickering isn't helping."
Piper put down her blusher and glanced at one of CJ's stray watches. "I have to leave now, or I'll be even later than last time." She sighed. "Wish me luck."
"You won't need it," CJ called, "you have sex appeal."