Warning: smut
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"Don't look at me," you bit as you walked out of the bathroom. Your legs still felt like jelly, hair dripping wet as you had just gotten out of your bath, and Anakin was lying on the new bedsheets he'd put on the bed.
"But you're so pretty," he grinned toothily.
Your eyes glossed over with hot moisture, taken aback by the blunt compliment. He always knew just the right way to make you weak.
"No, c'mon, none of that," he chuckled, reaching out for you from the bed. You huffed and fell into his arms, rubbing your head against his chest, all warm and soft beneath you.
"Are we done being shy now?" he teased, rubbing your back. You only closed your eyes in response, melting into him.
"I will be, when you stop embarrassing me."
"Embarrassing you? I was just looking at you."
"That's all it takes."
He laughed again, closing his arms tighter around you. You were silent now, exhausted by the way you seemed to go boneless as soon as you touched the bed. And he thought maybe he'd let you get some rest, especially after everything you'd been through lately.
You felt him kiss your forehead real gently, and then whisper "goodnight". And almost as if he had willed it himself, you immediately plunged into a deep sleep.
You thought, with the immense amounts of pleasure he had given you only an hour before, you would have had pleasant, satisfied dreams.
But no.
Your mind returned to the Temple, like it had been doing for a whole month now each time you closed your eyes. Each time was a different snapshot of chaos: the roof smoking, plants knocked over, soldiers in white and blue slaughtering the Jedi, and Anakin walking up the steps, leading them in the massacre.
You didn't understand these dreams. Didn't understand why it was Anakin doing all these terrible things.
You thought it was just your mind conjuring him up because you missed him so terribly in your fathers lab, mixed with the misery and despair of being there, which is why you were dreaming of a massacre on the Jedi. It was the only explanation that made sense.
But this dream-- right now-- was more fucked up than anything you'd had before.
It was Anakin again, face shielded by that dark cloak. He was walking into a classroom, one that the younglings used in training.
A dozen tiny faces huddled behind chairs in the dark, but when Anakin walked in, they emerged in relief.
"Master Skywalker," a small, blonde-haired boy spoke up for the rest of them, and your heart melted at the fear in his eyes. "What are we going to do?"
Help them, you begged Anakin. All of the Jedi were dying, but he could help the children. Help them escape.
But he remained stone-still. Lowered his gaze. Met the child's eyes straight-on, cold and uncaring. And activated his lightsaber.
You wrenched yourself out of the dream as fast as you could, unable to watch anymore.
What the hell was that? What kind of fucked up dream did your mind just come up with?!
Maybe the lab messed you up more than you originally thought.
Anakin was sleeping beneath you, breathing deep and steady as you listened to his heart beat beneath his cheek. With each second that passed, you counted both of your heartbeats and let the comforting sound calm you.
In the morning, you'd ask him for advice on going to see someone. That dream crossed a line, and if there was a threat of you seeing any more of them like that, you wanted to get some help.
But for now, you just wanted to remain in the presence of your sleeping Jedi, softly holding you, breathing quietly underneath your body.
He sensed you were awake only a moment later, though. It was impossible for him to sleep when your force signature was like second nature to him, and he could feel everything you were like it was his own feelings.
He could tell you were bothered by something before he'd even woken up, his own mind plagued by the memory of you stone cold on that table. Unmoving even after he'd given you as much of his life force as he could.
It was the same dream he'd been having for months now.
"Bad dream?" you spoke up first, awake enough to notice the slight crinkle in his eyebrow, the frown on his face.
"The same old," he responded groggily.
"Same," you answered his silent question. Then you chuckled on top of him. "We're both kinda fucked up in the head."
He blinked, unsure whether to find that funny, until he listened to your giggles and joined in. "Yeah, I guess we are."
"Want me to get your mind off of it?" you let your hand drift to the v of his hips, tracing over one of the veins that led beneath his waistband. He sucked in a sharp breath.
"Y/n, your--"
"My head is fine," you kissed his chest. "And my hand... well I only need one. Technically, I don't need either."
His cheeks turned pink in the dark, but his face was still worried. "I don't want you hurting yourself."
"I won't hurt myself. I'll be super careful, I promise."
"You promise?"
"I just said."
"But Y/n," he cupped your cheek in his palm, making you look at him. "You're not just doing this because of before...?"
"No, no, no," you assured him, already sneaking down the length of his body and peering up at him deviously as you kissed the line between his abs. "I wanna do this. It'll make us both feel better."
"Are you sure?"
"Are you sure?" you threw the question back at him, letting your tongue trail lazily over the ridges over his abs. There was something so satisfying about painting them with your saliva like this, almost like you were claiming them as yours.
They were so pretty beneath your tongue, rolling like little mountains as you tasted the skin over the hard muscle. So fucking hot.
The little intake of breath gave him away. "Okay," he breathed. "Fine."
"'Fine,'" you rolled your eyes, loving how you had him at your mercy now, when just a few hours before it was the exact opposite. "You can do better than that."
"Don't mock me," he grumbled, taking your hair in his hands as you pulled at his waistband. He was only half-hard, but you didn't mind as you took him in your good hand, spitting on it to slicken the movement of your slow pumps.
You would have said something in response, but suddenly you were very infatuated with the sight of his cock working up and down in your palm. You kissed the tip lightly, remembering the first time you'd done this.
"You have such a pretty cock, you know that?" you mumbled slyly.
He hissed at the feeling of your lips on his sensitive skin, fingers tightening in your hair, ignoring your words. "Okay, what happened to you? Where'd my shy little Y/n go?"
"I'm not shy," you squeezed harder at the top of his dick, earning a low grunt from him.
"Sure seemed like it, only a little while ago."
"Well, I'm not usually like that," you sucked at his length, closing your eyes at the heady taste of him. "You just make me nervous."
"Is that why you'd barely let me look at you?" he peered down at you curiously, a sparkling mischief in his eye. He was having too much fun with this, and you were letting him get away with it too much.
You shut him up by spending the next thirty minutes licking at his dick, only waiting until his hips were rolling into you before you let him sink into your mouth, sucking and slobbering and fucking into your throat as much as you could take.
He smoothed your hair out of the way the hold time, encouraging you to take it slow, asking if your felt okay, if your head hurt, but you only took his ability to talk as a sign that weren't doing your job well enough. So you worked him with your good hand, stuffing his cock as deep as it would go, your throat gagging and squeezing around his length until he was fisting the sheets and his hips were stuttering and he was calling out all broken for you to direct him where to cum.
"Mouth, cum in my mouth," you let some spit dripple onto his swollen pink head, licking it up and taking him back between your lips. And just the sight of you-- hair all messy, lips wet and stretched around his thick length, eyes glossy with the strain it took on you to take him in your mouth-- had his cock twitching inside, pulsing with each gush of cum he shot into the back of your throat, ragged pants and moans ringing his pleasure out into the room.
You closed your eyes, focusing on breathing and swallowing, his fingers tight in your hair, abs glistening with a thin layer of sweat beneath your hand. And when he finished cumming, you gasped and let him fall from your mouth, wiping the spit off your face with the back of your hand.
"Maker, Y/n," he panted. "I-- you--"
"What?" you laughed at his inability to form sentences.
His head was thrown back against the pillow, cheeks all flushed, eyes closed, completely blissed out. And he wasn't moving a muscle, so you pulled his pants back up for him.
"Can't believe you--" he gulped. "Swallowed."
"I did it before."
"I know but... people don't usually do that."
You tilted your head at him, confused. "They don't?"
"Well, not always," he brought a hand up to smooth his hair back from his forehead, and then used the same hand to bring you back down to his chest. "Supposedly, it doesn't taste very good."
"Well, not particularly," you didn't want to hurt his feelings. "But I don't really care. I just like swallowing your cum."
He groaned again, sufferingly. "You can't just say things like that, baby."
"Why not?"
"'Doesn't make sense. You can't tell me you want me to finger you, but you can say that?"
You felt your face heat up at his words, squeamish at the mental picture in your head. "It's different."
He just shook his head, breath finally calming. "I'll never understand."
This time, it was you who watched him go back to sleep. The lights of the speeder cars shined over his relaxed face, glowing blue and green and red in the dark. The snow finally stopped, toppling over the outside of your sill in a pretty white mound, and you knew the streets would probably look the same.
The would probably be busy with snow-plowers, and people rushing to the markets for food in case another impromptu storm knocked out the power.
It was okay. You weren't really planning on going anywhere tomorrow, anyway.
You snuggled deeper into Anakin, smiling a little as you felt how peaceful this all was. No where to go, nothing to do, no one here but the sleeping man under your cheek. It was all you could ever want, and you desperately wished this could be forever.
It would be. Someday. You would make sure of it.
You thought about your future with him the whole night, not tired enough to go back to sleep, not even as the first rays of sunlight poked in through the blinds. The city was waking up again, more speeders out on the street, a couple more flurries of snow flaking down from the morning clouds, and you got up from the bed to get some more pain meds and use the bathroom.
When you got back to the room, Anakin was still sleeping soundly. So you just pulled the blankets up over him higher, and left to make some breakfast in the kitchen.
You were startled out of pouring your cereal by a soft knock on the door.
"Y/n," it was Obi-Wan. "It's me."
You eyed the door, peering at your bedroom to make sure that door was closed, before setting your cereal down.
Why was Obi-Wan here?
Was this about Anakin? Did he notice he hadn't come back to the Temple last night?
Your stomach shrunk to the pits of your gut as you slowly opened the door, quietly so it didn't make very much sound. Anakin was a light sleeper, and you really didn't want to wake him up. Not when he was sleeping so peacefully back there.
"Be quiet," you whispered as you let the older Jedi in. He shook some snow from his hair, hanging his wet robe up on the hangar by the door as he entered your apartment. He nodded his head at your warning, clasping his hands in front of him and regarding your sleep-attire with an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry for stopping by so early," he spoke lowly. You just waved him off, inviting him over to sit at the bar so you could eat your cereal and take your medicine.
"I was already up."
"Yes, well, I was hoping you would be. I want to talk to you about something."
Your stomach flipped again. Those eyes said it all.
"Anakin?"
He looked hesitant, a little guilty. "Yes."
"Look, I--"
"Y/n," he held up a hand. Blinked real slow, watching your hand pause in the air with cereal on your spoon. "Just let me speak, first. I want you to hear what I have to say."
You lowered your spoon back to the bowl. "Okay."
Swallowing hard, you fully prepared for him to tell you that he knew what was going on between you and Anakin. That you had to put an end to it now, before things went too far. That Obi-Wan would go to the Council if you refused, for Anakin's sake.
"You..." Obi-Wan flicked his eyes over your face multiple times, struggling to find where he should begin. He sighed lightly. "You are good for him."
What?
"I know how he feels about you. It's pretty obvious-- at least to me. I've known him for many years," he looked at the ceiling, remembering something, and shaking his head. "He's not very good at hiding his feelings. At all."
You wanted to smile at the truth behind that statement, but you were still too nervous to hear the rest of what he had to say.
"I've known for a while now, that you two were more... attached to each other than you should be. Than is allowed."
"Does anyone else know?" you couldn't hold back the question. If there was anyone else that knew-- you'd have to end it with Anakin. You wouldn't let him get kicked out of the Order for you, even if he said he wanted to leave anyways. You wouldn't allow it to happen like this.
"No one but me," Obi-Wan shook his head, and you sighed in relief. "Although I'm pretty sure Padme's caught on, from the tapes and all."
"Yeah, well, she'll be dealt with shortly."
"That's a discussion for another time."
"Right..." you nodded. "Go on."
"As I was saying. You're good for Anakin. I-- I hate to admit that, because it goes against everything I've been taught as a Jedi, but it's right. He needs you. He's lost too much, dealt with too much pain in his life..."
"I know."
"You take it all away from him. I can feel how he lights up in the force when you're around. Like it all goes away because you're there. He feels... complete."
"This is disgustingly corny," you wrinkled your nose to distract from the melting feeling in your chest. "What are you trying to say?"
Obi-Wan chuckled and looked down, apologizing. "I just wanted to tell you that I know about you two. And that I will do my best to support it from afar."
Your eyes lit up, and he continued.
"I can't exactly endorse it outright, or make any mention of it the public ever. You know what would happen if anyone else found out, especially the Council. But... I do know what it's like to have the love of your life ripped from you so suddenly. And I know what it would do to him, if that same thing happened to him."
You bit your lip, not knowing if you really wanted to ask your next question.
"What.. um... what would it do, exactly?"
Obi-Wan sighed again, eyes tired and stressed. He was thinking about something that happened in the past, obviously not a good memory. "The last time Anakin lost someone he loved, it was his mother."
You knew that.
"He found her in a tent, bleeding and tortured, and held her in his arms as she died."
You knew that, too.
"And afterwards, he killed each and every sandperson in the village that held her. Even the women, and the children."
You didn't know that.
The blood left your face after he said this.
The children.
Your mind immediately thought back to the dream you had just had, of Anakin igniting his lightsaber before all those terrified children. The little step back the blonde boy took, panic taking over his face.
He wouldn't--
"I know how it sounds," he nodded slowly. "But you must understand-- Anakin feels things deeper than you and I do. It's just how he was born."
"How could he become so angry?" To slaughter an entire village?
"It was more than anger," Obi-Wan explained. "It was grief and guilt, mixed with that anger. A crushing amount. Yoda even felt it, all the way back on Coruscant."
"He felt Anakin's emotions?"
"As I said, they are strong," Obi-Wan's face was grim. "When something particularly bad happens, it's like they release off of him in waves. They can be felt halfway across the galaxy, if you're strong enough to pick up on it."
"Holy shit..." you breathed, amazed at this all, but still unsure of why he was telling you this.
"The point is, Anakin took a step toward the dark side that day."
Your mouth dropped open again.
"It's bad, I know. But he hasn't been there since. Well, not until you... not until you..."
"Until I... died," you finished for him.
He winced. "Yeah."
"He... went to the darkside again?" you weren't sure how it all worked.
"Not exactly," Obi-Wan shook his head, and you breathed out in relief. "It's just the way he handled it all. How he... brought you back. What he did in order to do that... he had to have manipulated midichlorians. That's how you control life. It's something that only users of the dark side of the force have tried to do."
"Tried to do," you repeated, puzzled.
"Well, there's this legend..." and he spent the next 10 minutes telling you about the story of Darth Plagues the Wise, how it was just a story, but there may have been some truth to it. And that Anakin was proof of that.
You connected the dots on where he was going with this all on your own.
"I thought you just said I was good for him," you accused, pushing your bowl out of the way. You weren't hungry anymore. "Anakin's not going to go to the dark side for me. I won't even let him leave the Order for me."
"Has he mentioned doing that?"
Your heart stuttered at the look on his face. He didn't even look surprised.
"I already said, I won't let him."
"Good," Obi-Wan nodded. Then brought a hand up to take hold of your good one. It was rough, and strong, and comforting. "He needs the Jedi, even if he doesn't think so himself. They ground him, teach him how to use his powers for good. And you... well, you give him a purpose. You give him a reason to keep fighting for peace and for change within the galaxy. You make him believe in a better tomorrow, even amid this whole war."
"He's a good man already," you told him. "He was a hero before me, and he'd be a hero after me."
"Well, let's hope there's no 'after you,'" he squeezed your hand, and you agreed. Let's hope. "Because if he lost you... permanently... I'm not sure he would remain a Jedi. Or on the light side."
"You don't really think..."
"I don't want to think he'd do that," he shook his head. "But he might. He's proven that before. I just came here to warn you."
"Warn me to not break up with him?" you laughed hollowly at this. "Trust me, I won't be the one doing that."
"Okay," Obi-Wan was smiling now, a little sadly.
Anakin told you once, of a good friend of Obi-Wan's. Her name was Satine, and she'd died right in his arms, just like Anakin and his mother. You knew what he was thinking-- that he was glad Anakin found you, and that he hadn't lost you like he lost his love.
"I should go now," he finally said, clearing his throat. You stood up with him, following him to the door and handing him his cloak again. "Tell Anakin I stopped by for some milk. He's going to know I was here. And Y/n," he regarded you with one last look, that small, sad smile still on his face. "Thank you."
For what?
Loving him?
You guessed that's what he must have meant, because he didn't say anything else. Just walked out that door, and closed it softly behind him. You blinked a couple times after he left, replaying the conversation over in your head again.
You didn't have anything to worry about. Yes, it shocked you what Anakin had done to the sandpeople, but that was so many years ago. And his mother had just been found tortured to death-- you couldn't imagine what that must have felt like, so you couldn't judge him on his actions.
It probably burned him alive with guilt anyway, you didn't need to bring it up to make him feel even worse. So you decided you were just going to push it all to the back of your mind about it for now, and just focus on the fact that you had Obi-Wan's blessing.
You never assumed you'd get it from him-- he was such a stickler for the rules.
But it was nice, anyway, knowing he was on your side now. So nice, in fact, that it had you drifting back to your room with a warm little smile, opening the door to see Anakin still sleeping on your bed.
You ghosted over to the side of it, sliding in beside him and watching his face as he slept.
No. You would never be the one leaving him.
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A/N: normalize having dreams of Anakin slaughtering younglings and then sucking his dick right after <3
ps: lots of smut from here on out if you couldn't already tell