They trekked in the general direction of the houses, not really a hundred percent sure if they were going the right way. Lucky for them Valerie had her ever-present guide to lead them to salvation.
Whatever. Just go in a north west direction. Just walk.
The voice seemed almost lethargic.
"Where's that?" Valerie whispered, pretending to cough.
Sigh. Just straight, woman. Walk until you hit timber.
She grudgingly listened. She needed help not attitude at the moment.
Since departing from the city it had been at bit off- maybe it had been affected by coming into such close contact with another inner demon in the form of Axel's mind. She tried to make contact with it a few more times but it had subdued and refused to answer anything she asked it.
Night was starting to fall, sending the landscape around them into a serene hush except for the cool night wind every now and then that made the trees around them shiver with anticipation for their adventure. Mabel pulled out the slim, high beam torches she had brought, handing one to each person. On the whole they didn't talk much, except for when asking a general question such as how much longer they'd have to walk. Each was lost in their own thoughts, some much darker than others. Valerie was still trying to communicate with her little helper while Robyn was grimly remembering the soldier she had killed- the image of her knife protruding from his chest stuck at the forefront of her mind. She has never actually killed someone before - it was a lot worse than she had expected. She had blood on he hands and a life to carry on her back when judgement day came. If Valerie has known what her friend was going through then maybe she could have alleviated the guilt but Robyn was such a secretive person, hiding any emotional wounds under her bravado and if push came to shove Robyn would still be careful in telling others what she really thought.
“Look! Look over there!” Mabel jumped up and down suddenly, a wide beam on her face. “They’re over there, guys! Come on!”
Without waiting for the others she took off, her backpack bouncing against her back as she ran. Valerie sped up, running after her just in case that something unknown awaited them there.
“We’re here, guys! Look! We’ve effing made it!” Mabel screamed again.
Up ahead was a assortment of medium sized wooden houses some in better conditions than others but each with its own veranda. She threw her pack to the ground and leapt around cheering with tear pouring down her face. Valerie became breathless upon seeing the sigh of the houses- albeit they were a little worn down by liveable by their standards by far. She started crying too, getting down on her knees and pressing herself down against the grass in an attempt to get closer to the beauty all around her that was coming to life before their eyes. This was it. This was their safe heaven, their safe house, their new home.
They’d actually made. It for all this time Valerie had thought that maybe they were just living a strange sort of fantasy and that they’d be caught in no time but here it was. Real in front of them, the smell of rotting wood in the air. It was real. They were safe.
Robyn arrived, winded and cried with joy, whooping and spinning around in circles, tearing up. The most unfazed one out of all of them was Theodore who was just staring at them like they were crazy (which was probably true).
“Is this it?” They’re piles of crap. These could fall over at any minute and crush us in our sleep if we slept in there. What if there’s wild dogs or strange insects or the whole structure is poisoned and planted here just so we could find it?? What if-“ He was cut off and Valerie reached up and grabbed him by the arm, yanking him to the ground. She shushed him, crying and made him lay down on his back like her, looking up through the sparse leaves and up at the full moon.
“See? Free. Freedom. That’s what you wanted.” She whispered in his ear, smiling through her tears. “Don’t you understand? We’re safe now. Nothing else matters. We could be living in a sewer or on cloud nine and it wouldn’t make a difference if we were still safe.” She sobbed happily, collapsing back onto the grass and rolling around with a inhibition that she hadn’t ever felt. Her whole life had amounted up to this moment. She was finally free.
Robyn was still leaping with joy, running her hands over the thick bark of the trees and pulling stray leaves and flowers from around her, sticking them in her hair.
“Ladies and gentleman. We are home and we shall rule over this, our little nesting with hearts of gold and nerves of steel and have fun, be happy and be free and no one in the fucking world can take that from us ever again!” She yelled, a dazed smile on her face.
She allowed Mabel to jump on her back and they weaved in and out of trees, whooping and looking like a pair of the happiest woodland creatures ever made.
Theodore shook his head, smiling bashfully at them. Valerie guessed that he’d never seen such wild behaviour where he came from and was probably trying to make sense of everything that was happening in the moment. She laughed and pushed him back down as he made a move to get up.
“Theodore, just give in to it all.” She whispered, closing her eyes and feeling the encompassing power of nature all around her. She could feel his warmth as he was lying on her arm, trying to take a breather.
“Let your instincts take over now, runaway.” She shouted, laughing deliriously again.
And so he did.
***
They made a bonfire out of all the tinder they could find, throwing rotting pieces, leaves and bark and soon it was immensely huge, roaring with the same energy that had them all dancing around. Longer outer garments were shed and soon they were all running around in shorts and singlets cheering. Robyn had snuck out a tube of lipstick from the sector and had used it to apply war lines on each of her comrades’ faces. They were beyond the point of caring if they should be quiet – there was no one that dared to come out here anyways and any watch guards wouldn’t see the blaze – the forest covered them well enough to hide them fully from view. They had turned into something more – almost animal, screaming until their voices were hoarse and dancing until they feet hurt. Even the outsider Theodore lost his inhibitions and was one of the most vocal ones out of all of them. They were all surprised by that.
They decided not to sleep in the houses the first night – they could inspect them tomorrow morning when the sun brought them more light. Mabel went around; setting up compact sleeping bags for them all while the other three tired themselves out. When they finally did they collapsed onto their beds, breathing hard and giggling at any sound. They watched the fire die down through the night and Valerie was mesmerised at Robyn’s stillness as she brought her knees to her chest, simply sitting and watching. Her warm dark eyes – almost seeming orange, reflected the dancing flames stunningly and the light outlined the sharp planes of her face – she was a stunning but in a wild looking way at that. Valerie sighed to herself, wondering how scary she must look. Twigs and branches had nestled into her hair during their trek and she was sure that if she would shake her hair out properly then a family of birds might fall out, nest and all. She smiled contently to herself at the image.
Theodore had dozed off, curled up towards the fire, a bit of drool making its way down the side of his pale face. Mabel showed no signs of sleeping; she stumbled around, singing softly to herself with flowers in her hair – blending into the beauty around her flawlessly.
This is wonderful. I’m glad you made it.
Valerie smiled again, resting her head against her arm.
“Glad you’re talking to me again” she murmured, trying not to smile too much.
Couldn’t leave you to celebrate by yourself now, could I?
Valerie had the sudden urge to hug her inner voice but there was no physical way of doing that.
“Thanks. For everything.” She said, instead hugging her knees.
“Not a problem” replied Robyn, cocking her head and giving her a quizzical look. Valerie spluttered as she tried to keep from laughing.
***
The next morning they tidied up as much as a group of teenagers could under their circumstances and set out to inspect their new property. Valerie went into the first house, equipped with a crowbar that Calice had packed for her, just in case. The door was stuck and she had to kick at it a few times to get it to open. Inside there was no need for a torch, the windows allowed enough light in to illuminate the room well. If it hadn’t been for the dust covering all the furniture, Valerie would have thought that someone was still living there. Inside the floor was dusty and spotted with animal poop and something in the corner that looked like a pile of abandoned rags. It wasn’t exactly high class Sin City but it’d do with a bit of sprucing up. Valerie scrunched up her nose, seeing the rotting wood planes under the window. Everything would need to be fixed. She moved through the houses, inspecting them each unyieldingly and finally found one of the bigger ones that seemed clean enough and big enough to house them all comfortably. She went back to their little base camp to find that Mabel had gone out with Theodore and collected whatever edible berries that she could find from the surrounding bushes. Robyn arrived back soon after, carrying a walking stick.
“There’s a steam about yay miles that way, out yonder.” She jerked her thumb in the direction behind her. “Clean and it’s got a few fish.”
Valerie decided to go check it out and hopefully wash up but to her dismay Theodore agreed to accompany her, destroying any hopes of doing the latter. Grumbling, she hiked in the direction in which Robyn had told them and found the path quite safe save for the stray boulder. It was easy enough to navigate at night, she observed – great if they wanted to get water at night.
It was a beautiful stream, nestled in a valley. The running water looked faster and colder than she expected but it wasn’t enough to deter her from crouching at the edge to take a long awaited drink.
“It’s good. You should have some.” She said, eyeing him. He shook his head, taking a step back.
“I don’t know if my body will agree with it.” He mumbled, going pink. Valerie gave him a confused look.
“Um- the water I’m use to is f-filtered and purified.” He stammered, looking down at his shoes.
She wore an incredulous look. “Wow. Can’t get any weirder than that. Come on, don’t be such a wuss, try it.”
He hesitated and she made impatient gestured until he consented and cautiously sat on the bank, scooping up a mouthful. He swallowed after resisting for at least three minutes and sat dumbfounded next to her, a look of horror on his face.
“If I die, you’ll be responsible” He moaned.
“You’ll be fine, kid.” She said airily. “Actually if you’re done here, do you mind going back? I kinda want to wash up.”
He gave her a blank look.
“Alone. In the stream. Without clothes on.” She sighed.
He managed a cheeky smile. “I don’t mind staying.” He said, earning him a elbow to the side. He didn’t protest after that and left her to herself.
She undressed and waded into the water, shrieking thanks to the cold temperature. She managed to wash out all the debris she had accumulated in her hair and dunked herself four times into the peaceful calm below before emerging, teeth chattering. She washed her underclothes in the steam as well. She sat on a small boulder in the sun, waiting for her clothes to dry and untangling her dark copper red hair, humming softly to herself.
Get dressed before someone comes looking for you, hon.
Valerie rolled her eyes. “Fine. I was just enjoying the feeling of the sun on my skin. Thanks for coming in and being a downer.” She muttered with a smile, pulling her boots on after she had gotten her singlet on. Her cargo pants were still a bit damp but she could manage. She took one last drink from the steam and headed back, realising that they were going to have to eat soon and that mean the dreaded task of cooking something edible – something in which Robyn believed she was skilled, an idea that everyone else disagreed with.
***
Theodore had loitered around and maybe once or twice peeked over the nearby bushes to see how she was doing – just to make sure she was safe – he would have insisted if caught. Who could blame the teenager who had been sheltered from everything his whole life by his mother? Had she known that he had stayed she would have punched him up until he was bloody but luckily for him the only sign that he had done anything that he shouldn’t have was the pink tinge to his cheeks and neck when he made eye contact with her after she had returned, dark hair still wet.
Mabel looked up from where she was sorting out cans of food with a worried smile – bless Calice for thinking ahead. Valerie breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Robyn wasn’t in charge of food. “We have enough to last us a week or so. We’re going to have to start foraging or hunting or stealing. I can do the first one.”
Mabel tried for another smile, this one more of a grimace. The glamour of their little escapade was starting to wear off. They were coming to the crude realisation that they were actually going to have to start getting organised if they wanted to survive out there in the middle of nowhere.
“Where’s Robyn?” Valerie asked, rubbing her arms and trying to distract herself.
Theodore piped up from where he was leaning on the railing of one of the verandas.
“Fixing up the house. Just cleaning up, really. She said that she found a bunch of cleaning products in one of the cupboards.”
“And what are you doing, runaway? You know around here we all pitch in.” Valerie said.
Theodore lifted his chin defiantly. “You didn’t say that a few minutes ago when you were just sitting on a rock, taking your fair time.” His eyes widened as he realised his mistake.
Valerie froze. “You little shit!” She yelled. Theodore did the rational thing and took off in the opposite direction, shouting that he needed to go to the bathroom.
I was right. He is a weird kid. Leave him. Go find Robyn – she’ll need your help. I can practically feel her frazzled nerves.
With a lot of muttering and cursing Valerie marched away, Mabel giggling as she watched the whole event unfold in front of her eyes.
Valerie was still in earshot when she heard Theodore ask: “Is she gone?”
“She will get her hands on the little bitch pervert and strangle said pervert when she gets back” Valerie shouted over her shoulder innocently.
Well said, hon, you’re getting more eloquent with each passing day.
Valerie managed a wry smile. She trekked slowly through the wilderness, making sure to stick carefully to the designated paths that the previous owner had made, having the same idea in mind as her .The granny flats varied in size and where spread out generously over the cleared land with little paths leading to each other. Valerie preferred to take the scenic view – both to admire the splendour around her and to take as long as possible so that she would have to clean up less. She ran up the veranda, the old stairs creaking under her feet. Noisy. Not good when hiding. They’d have to replace the whole structure if all the houses were like this.
Inside she found Robyn sitting in the middle of the room on the shag rug, legs crossed and her cigarette in her hand – tapping it so that ash fell down into an ever-growing pile. She had a rag tied around her head like a bandana.
Her friend smiled upon her arrival. “Glad you could join me. I direly needed some company.” With a sigh Valerie sat down unceremoniously. “Thank god you’re not working. I needed a break.” Valerie said with a smile.
Lazy bugger. I would smite you.
Valerie laughed, glad to at least be able to pretend with Robyn that they were still in that little happy bubble in which they had arrived.
“We’re going to be alright, Val.” Robyn said, leaning her head on her friend’s shoulder.
“You know it, Ro.”
In the end they actually did pitch in together and get some work done, wiped away the mould and mildew from the window sills, cleaning away left over debris from the previous participants Whoever had lived here before them had left in a harry – there were still a handful of cans in one cupboard. That wasn’t a very comforting to the two girls – they could practically feel each other’s worry from across the lounge room. To their credit, the people beforehand had tried to put in carpet flooring in two of the bedrooms but seemingly given up. The life of a rogue was never easy.
To Robyn’s joy she found the bathroom which houses a very chipped and dirty porcelain bathtub. “Val! Come here! Look at this beauty!” She had cried, making Valerie run through the house.
Robyn was on her knees, running her hands over the smooth material. “We could use this – make bubble baths! Sure we’d need to trek buckets of water up from the stream somehow but we could make it work-“
She turned to her friend, eyes shining. “Why stop here, we could renovate every house – invite others to come live with us, ooh! I know – That Axel guy and any kids from the Institution that are still roaming the streets. Maybe we could even set up Calice and Billy here!”
Valerie had a sudden vision of life here in 10 years time when maybe a small community would have begun to thrive. She imagined a baby balanced on her hip, standing in the middle of a stage, directing expectant faces looking up at her. It was a possible scenario as she was now the leader of the group – but an imaginary one at that.
Brown haired, green eyed baby? You’ve already planned what your and Tanner’s children would look like? Lovesick fool.
Valerie ignored the heat that crept up her neck as a result of the comment. It was just a stupid fantasy anyway.
“Maybe, Ro. We’ll see.” She managed a smile for her friend as she moved back into the main room, wishing with all her might that maybe, just maybe her stupid fantasy would come true. She was allowed to dream at least – a privilege that she had been robbed of before. Only as of late had she been allowed to fully exercise her imagination – now with the hope and knowledge that it was possible. One day. Hopefully in the nearest possible future.
Robyn cried out with joy again, sounding on the verge of tears. She screamed that she had found a large Tampax box. Valerie answered her with much the same gusto.
Mabel came in to the house and looked around gasping. “Ro, everything looks clean!” She took a deep breath. “Oh my – it even smells clean!” She giggled enthusiastically.
Robyn snickered. “Oh Mabel, I haven’t done anything with the place yet. Just wait until I bring in Frank the backstabbing zombie unicorn – he’s my interior designer.” Mabel’s blank face made her cackle.
“Don’t be mean to the poor girl, Ro. Everyone knows that Frank prefers to be called by his real name. Theodore.” Valerie said, managing a straight face. The three of them burst into laughter just for the sake of it.
Theodore came in, hands in his pockets. He froze in the doorway, watching the three girls express amusement in such a scary way.
“What just happened? What did I miss?” He asked. He ran a hair through his unruly blonde curls, making them stand up. The three looked at him and completely lost it, Valerie tumbled backwards onto the couch and flipped over the side, legs flailing in the air.
“Stop it! Stop it!” Screamed Mabel, laughing and clutching her stomach. “I. Am. Going. To. Pee. Myself!”
Theodore left the room with a huff when he didn’t get his answer. “Fine. This time I’ll really be peeing in the bushes.”
“No wait Frank! Come back!” Screamed Robyn, she too fell back onto the couch and landed on top of a spluttering Val.
Suddenly there was a sharp yell from outside. Robyn and Valerie bolted upright and Mabel picked up the crowbar that Valerie had left leaning against the wall, rushing to the veranda.
“Theo. What is it? Are you okay?”
Mabel ran outside and gave a squeal. Robyn and Val elbowed each other accidently in a rush to get out the front door.
Outside there made stupid by being met with the sight of Theodore and Mabel cooing over a brown Great Dane. Robyn screamed at them for causing such a scene but Valerie got tunnel vision. She stared down the dog, breathing increasing rapidly and her heart banging against her chest. She stumbled backwards.
Dog. Its a dog. Shit it’s a big fucking dog. Hon, Get away, Val. GIANT DOG. KILL IT KILL IT.
Valerie whirled around, her eyes landing on a shovel left under the window on the veranda. She had to do something; the dog was going to get them.
Valerie tripped backwards, still having trouble breathing. She hefted the shovel, shaking fingers tightening around the wood.
You have to do it. Save them. Hon, do it.
Her whole world went woozy and then she blacked out – one minute she was on the veranda and the next she had her face pressed against the grass, crying and thrashing with a weight on her back.
“Don’t let it get me! Please- Help!” She screamed, spitting as the grass got into her mouth. Her breathing was hitched and she kept on flailing. Finally the weight was gone and she was being pulled up by someone.
The dog was a way off into the distance, looking in their direction. Valerie screamed again, kicking. “Get it away – please – it’s going to get me-“
She made out someone trying to speak to her.
“Val, hey, sweetie, calm down. It’s okay. Everything’s okay, It’s harmless. Breathe. We’ve got you safe.”
She registered Robyn’s voice and her head lolled back onto her shoulder to make out her warm eyes looking down at her in concern. Valerie gasped again, realising what had just happened and crumpled. Luckily Theo was on hand to held Robyn keep her upright. Mabel stood off to the side, gingerly holding the shovel. With her energy zapped she leaned heavily against one of her two friends, sobbing.
“Does this happen often?” Asked a male voice. Theodore, definitely Theodore.
“No but she’s got a history with dogs-“ Robyn whispered, shushing Valerie as she whimpered and stroking her hair softly.
“Let’s get her inside. On the couch. Do you have breather machine? - Wait that’s stupid. Sorry. See if you can find a paper bag or something – it’s just a panic attack. Quick- get the bag. I’ll drag her inside.”
Valerie was passed from one pair of arms to another a little bit too roughly. Someone ran up the stairs.
“You’re heavier than you look.” He muttered. Valerie was too distressed to respond. She whined again, fighting in his grip.
“Inside. Away.” She tried to get up and failed.
“Whoa, partner. Don’t push it. Just stay still, I’ve er- got you.”Theo dragged her up the veranda and into the house, duping her unceremoniously onto the dusty couch where she started breathing disjointedly again. He crouched by her side as Robyn gave him the scrunched up bag.
“It’s the only one I could find- wait- what on earth are you doing?”
Theodore dumped the contents of the bag – mushrooms – onto the floor and held the bag up to her face.
“Hey, Val. Can you try breathing deeply? Just in and out. The bag will help. Just breathe, for me. In and out, slowly. Come on, you can do it.”
She obeyed only because he had put on a commanding tone – he meant no nonsense. She watched, dazed – the bag inflated and deflated before her eyes and for some reason it helped.
Robyn was bent over next to Theo, hands on her knees and watching him in awe. “How did you know it would work?”
His answer held a bitter tone. “My mother. Had panic attacks all the time. If we didn’t have a machine nearby she’d use one of her bags.”
After a few minutes she had come to her senses a little more and could breathe without feeling like she was going to choke on every breath.
“I-I’m so sorry, guys.” She whispered, curling up with her back to them.
Robyn gently turned her over to face them. “Hey, it’s okay.”
Valerie refused to look her in the eye. She gave up with a sigh, dusting off her hands. “I’ll go get Mabel. Try talking some sense into this one.”
Theodore sat there awkwardly for a few moments, humming and hawing. Valerie groaned, turning back.
If it makes you feel any better, you didn’t even hit the mutt so no harm done. Maybe freaked everyone out a tiny bit but besides that everything’s fine and dandy. I personally think you should work on your aim a little bit.
Valerie groaned and Theodore must have taken it as her waiting for him to say something. He cleared his throat a few times.
“Thanks for saving us back there.”
She swore at him and covered her head with a cushion.
“I-ah- maybe Mabel can help.” He took off. He wasn’t really one for small talk.
She was finally left in silence for enough time to get her thoughts together and they weren’t to her liking. What had she being thinking? She truly was a nut case – it had been proven.
If you feel bad you can kind of blame some of it on me. I mean – I did egg you on a bit- freaked out slightly. Sorry.
“It’s okay” mumbled Valerie.
“That’s right, everything’s okay.” Replied Mabel who had snuck up on her quietly. Valerie felt as if her heart had climbed into her mouth. She had nearly been caught red handed.
“Mabel, you don’t have to give me a pep talk or anything. I’m fine, really. I just need to distract myself.”
Mabel smiled at her. “Perfect. I’ve got to go back to Gluttony to get some more supplies. We can go together and stop by Calice’s house. We can even spend the night there. Sounds great, right? Come with me. Maybe we could even search for more people from the Institute and bring them with us.”
Valerie knew that she meant Tanner, not her mother. It seemed that Mabel had already moved through the stages of grief and was now on the path to acceptance, albeit not fully. She had still cried late a night when she though no one was awake at Calice’s. Last night had been a first, she had actually been distracted enough to enjoy herself.
Say yes. I know Tanner’s still out there. I can feel it. We’ll find him if we go, I promise.
Valerie managed a small smile to Mabel’s delight. She laughed. “Let’s go.”