I'm Not Fine At All

By the_feminist_thumb

106K 2.7K 974

Losing one's parents can be one of the hardest things you can go through. Especially when you're only sixteen... More

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62

Chapter 63

1.7K 38 93
By the_feminist_thumb

Louis showed up at the hospital at around two-thirty, his eyes red and bloodshot both from crying and lack of sleep. Zayn was asleep on one of the benches in the hospital waiting room and Louis watched him for a moment, wondering where all the others were. A bored-looking nurse sat at the nurse's station and Louis walked up, drumming on the counter with his fingertips. "Visiting hours are over sir. Come back tomorrow at 10 AM and you may visit then." Louis felt himself tear up and he tried as best as he could to not slam his hand down on the counter. "Please, my boyfriend is in there and I need to see him. I promise I won't cause a disturbance, I just need to go in and see him." The woman looked between her computer and Louis, wondering if she should break the rules for him. He just seemed so broken that if she refused him he might freak out on her. "What's your boyfriend's name sir?" She finally asked, typing something into her computer.

Louis sighed in relief, so happy that he was going to be able to see his Harry. "His name is Harry Styles. Head trauma patient in the ICU." The woman hummed and put his name in, her brows furrowing as she read the screen. "It says we can only allow one visitor at a time, but it says that we have two people checked in. That's weird." Louis watched as she typed in a few more things, sighing and rolling her eyes as she did so. "I hate this new system. Nothing is where it's supposed to be and I can't get help for anything." She stepped back and looked into the room behind the counter. "Trace, can you help me? The system says that we already have two visitors checked into this patient's room but it says there can only be one visitor at a time." The other nurse looked at the name on the screen, her mouth opening. "Oh, I know what this is. The patient's brother and I think his boyfriend are in there sleeping. I allowed it because both of them looked too tired for them to sleep on the floor in here."

Louis cocked his head to the side, trying to think who this woman could think Harry's boyfriend was. "Well, this man says that he's Styles' boyfriend." Louis raised his hand as the nurse gestured to him, and the other woman looked confused. "But I saw the blonde boy kissing the patient." Louis chuckled and shook his head. "Oh, no. That was his best friend. I'm the boyfriend. The best friend is dating the brother." The nurse smiled and nodded, putting a hand to her chest. "Thank god. I did not want to have to deal with some jealous fight where someone's dating two people and both people come in. I have had many an earring ripped out during those kinds of fights." Louis's eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh my god. I'm glad I don't work in health care." Both nurses laughed, keeping it quiet since they were still in a hospital, and they fist-bumped each other.

"Oh, it has its ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to do anything else. Now, enough with the sappy stuff. About your boyfriend." She took over the computer, scrolling through and reading the screen. "I can check you in as a visitor, but you might have to get one of those other boys to leave the room before you can go in. We can stretch the rules a little bit, but three is a bit too much, especially for a head trauma patient." Louis nodded at the woman. "Here is your visitor sticker, keep it visible at all times when you're in a patient room, and if you could just print your name on it." She handed Louis the sticker and a pen, and Louis wrote his name in all caps. "Okay, you're all set. Just go down that hall and he's in room 28 A, it has a yellow sign on the door." Louis thanked the woman and walked down the hallway, stopping in front of the door.

Louis knocked twice, but heard nothing from the other side, so he pushed it open, the hinges creaking quietly. He cooed when he saw Liam and Niall curled up on the couch, Liam's arms wrapped tightly around the blonde. His attention was brought to the large white bed in the middle of the room a second later and he gasped when he saw the state of his boy. Tears came to the teen's eyes and he wiped at them, taking a seat next to the bed. Harry's hand was right in front of him, covered in IVs and tubes, but Louis was too scared to touch, afraid he would break the boy's frail bones. "Haz," He whispered, not even audible over the steady beeping of his heart monitor. "Baby, oh my god." Liam woke up at the sound of Louis's teary voice and he looked over, his heart shattering at the sight of Louis, sitting next to Harry's bed as he cried softly. "Baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. If I were here this wouldn't have happened. This is all my fault." Louis reached out and stroked Harry's hand, gently caressing his bright blue veins.

Liam stood up from the couch, making sure not to jostle Niall too much, and walked over to Louis. The older boy didn't see him at first, too wrapped up in Harry to notice, and he jumped when he felt a large hand on his shoulder. He whipped around, ready to hit whoever it was, but relaxed when he saw it was only Liam. "Oh. Hey, Li." Liam yawned and pulled Louis to his feet, enveloping him in a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're here, Lou. I can't- I can't do this alone." Liam stuttered as he got choked up, his eyes filling up with tears as Louis rubbed soothing circles over his back. "I know, Li. I know. What happened, why did he pass out?" Liam sighed and sat down in one of the chairs, Louis sitting next to him in the other. Louis held tight onto Harry's hand, not wanting to let him go ever again. "Apparently, according to the surgeon, he never fully healed after his accident, and he, uh, he hemorrhaged. While we were at the mall. A vein in his head or his brain burst and he just started bleeding internally, and then he blacked out. They said that the chances of him living through the night are really low, with his condition."

Louis gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes going wide with fear. "He might n-not live? H-How, he's so young? He's only a baby, he can't die, he's barely lived." Liam sighed and rubbed Louis's back, squeezing his shoulders gently. "I know, babes, I know. Just calm down, shh. Crying isn't going to solve anything at all. Just get some rest, okay? We all need it." The younger boy kissed Louis's forehead and then went back over to the couch, curling up with Niall so the blonde was half on top of him. Louis watched them with a heavy heart, wishing it was him and Harry cuddling. He moved the two chairs around to form a makeshift bed and laid down between the two, placing a blanket over his body. His breathing soon evened out and he fell fast asleep, the only sounds in the room being Liam's snores and the beeping of Harry's heart monitor.

The next morning, the three boys were woken up by a nurse coming in to check Harry's vitals and change his fluid bag. Liam sat up almost immediately, hovering behind the nurse as she measured Harry's blood pressure. "Is there anything I can help you with, love, or are you going to stand behind me the whole time while I check my patient?" Liam blushed and stepped away, sitting on the arm of the couch. Niall was sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, his blonde hair wild and all over the place. Louis was stretching in his chair, his back aching terribly from the angle he had slept in. "What are his vitals like? Is he okay? Is he gonna die?" Liam asked nervously from his seat, wringing his hands in his lap. The nurse took her stethoscope out of her ears and shook her head at the boys, a small smile peeking at the edge of her lips. "Good news, boys. He's doing wonderfully."

The group let out a collective sigh of relief as the woman took Harry's empty fluid bag from his IV stand and replaced it with a full one. "His heart rate is steady, his blood pressure is back up to normal, he has no clotting or any signs of infection in his head. He's healing wonderfully. I'll say he'll even be awake within the hour, that's how great he's doing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some other patients to attend to." The nurse waved to all of the boys and left the room, shutting the door behind her. "That's fucking wonderful. I can't fucking believe he's gonna be okay, and he's gonna be awake soon." Louis's eyes teared up, this time with tears of happiness instead of fear. Liam smiled and pulled both of the boys into a tight hug, kissing both of their heads. "Oh my god, he's okay. My boy is okay." Liam wiped at his eyes, sniffling as he stared at the boy on the bed.

They all sat around the room in silence for a long time, just staring at the boy on the bed in case anything happened with him. Still nothing, though. He hadn't moved a centimeter since the boys had gotten there the previous day. "Lads, it hasn't even been half an hour, don't worry. Maybe the nurse was wrong with her timing," Niall said shakily, gripping Liam's left hand tight with both of his hands. Their heads all whipped around when Harry's heart monitor skipped a beat, then went on like normal. "Is that supposed to happen?" Louis asked fearfully. No one answered. All of a sudden, Louis saw movement. Harry's finger had twitched. "Guys, guys, his finger. His finger moved," He whisper-yelled to the others. Liam and Niall looked closely, and sure enough, Harry's finger twitched again.

"Go on, Liam. You're his brother. You should be next to him when he wakes up." Niall pushed Liam to his feet and the bigger lad sat down next to Harry's bed, his hands immediately going to hold Harry's. The younger boy's hands twitched in Liam's hold, eventually moving around easily, and then the boy made a small noise, almost a groan. "Li," He said, his voice groggy and his eyes still closed. "Yes, Haz, I'm here. Can you open your eyes, babes?" Harry's eyelids fluttered, too heavy to open, and when they finally did, Harry's beautiful green eyes were revealed to the room. "What happened? What am I doing here?" Liam sighed and kissed Harry's knuckles. "You fell, darling. You really had us scared." Harry nodded sleepily, his eyes moving to the other two in the room. "Hi, Hazzy. How are you feeling, bud?" Niall asked, waving at the boy. "Not great. My head really hurts." Niall nodded and Louis stood up, coming to the edge of Harry's bed. "Hi, baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't here." Louis's face fell and his heart dropped down to his stomach when he saw the younger boy's face twist up in confusion as he stared at him.

"Who are you?"

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