I still haven't managed to talk to Olivia about the scar we both saw. She's acting as if it didn't happen at all, and who am I to upset her by bringing it up again. I've always made it clear to her that if she needs to talk to anyone about anything I'll always be there for my angel.
I've been pretty distracted lately during practice, so much so that even coach has told me if I don't get my head in the game he'll kick me off the team. I've had so many emotions running through my mind, ones I'm not too sure what to do with and I'm not even sure if I should even have them.
Just as me and Logan are walking off court, I notice Ashley walking over to us. She undoing her hair as she walks over, clearly just coming from cheer practice.
Once she reaches us she, as usual, places her hand on my bicep. I've learnt to just ignore since nothing I can do will get her to stop.
"Hey boys, how are you feeling after practice? I'm sure you ache real bad," in response to Ashley's blatant flirting, Logan shakes his head and walks off muttering "crazy bitch". Now that, I can agree with. "So Hun, have you thought about that date yet?"
Ashley has asked me out so many times I think I've lost count, although every time I reject her she doesn't seem fazed at all. "When did I say that, I clearly said no, like every other time."
I start to walk away, I've had enough of her crazy right now, and shout, "And stop fucking calling me hun!"
Logan's waiting outside the locker room where he's all dressed already. Fuck that was quick. He's always managed to get ready in 30 seconds, it's a mystery I can not solve for the life of me.
I walk in and just grab my bags, deciding to take a shower at home so I don't have to make Logan wait.
Once I meet Logan outside waiting on his phone, he suddenly looks up with a smirk on his face telling me he needs to talk to me. This guy sure is weird as hell.
"So you know I've been tutoring Liv and all," he looks at me expectantly, but I have no idea what to say so I just wave for him to continue, "Well since your best friends, I thought I should tell you this." Me eyebrows furrow in concern, what the fuck does he know that I don't. She tells me everything. "We kind of kissed the other day." Apparently not.
What the fuck?
She wouldn't do that would she. I know Logan's my best friend and all, but what the fuck. She isn't stupid enough to have her first kiss with some fucker she barely knows, but I guess she does know him. They see each other for tutoring once a week, sometimes even twice. It was naïve of me to think they wouldn't be talking on a personal level.
Shit.
I don't know what to do, she wouldn't do that and not tell me. He's got to be lying, but what does he get out of lying?
The anger inside me starts to boil higher and higher, but I keep it inside for the time being. He can't see me get mad, because then he'll know.
Wait, but that fucker already knew. That was the whole reason I told him what happened to Liv the day she fainted.
Over the years I've learnt how to keep a straight face when you feel like you might explode from the anger inside, or you might break from the pain. Right now it seems to be a mixture of both and clearly, telling by the way I now hold Logan's collar in my hand and have him slammed against the lockers, I can't exactly control them together.
"What the fuck did you just say Logan," he looks at me unwavering clearly expecting this response, but then a smirk takes over his face and I have a sudden urge to beat it off his face. Who the hell does he think he is, parading around all happy that he kissed my Liv.
"Fucking forget it," and with that I slam him back against the lockers and walk off, I need to calm down because I don't want to hurt my best friend. Even if he may have hurt me and changed things forever.
I must have read all the signs wrong, I really thought I had a shot.
Guess I was real wrong.
~~~~~
Me, Kacy and Logan are all walking to homeroom since Tyler said he was busy and can't take me, so Logan insisted he did.
A familiar chuckle catches my attention. What is he doing, I thought he was busy today.
I turn around and ice fills my lungs, I feel like someone just poured a bucket of ice water over me and my heart.
It's Tyler and Ashley.
Fucking Ashley.
He whispers something in her ear that makes her giggle. I feel sick. This can't be right. I've got to be seeing it wrong, but when I look over to Casey, I see the remorse in her eyes. She's seeing it too.
He kisses her on the cheek, and again she giggles. He grabs her hand and pulls her over to some storage cupboard. As if aware of my stare, he turns and locks eyes with me for only a second before he slams the door.
All I needed was that one look to feel sick to my stomach. He was so proud of himself. That smug fucking smiles on his face and the glint of mischief in his eyes.
I thought we had something special, but he clearly doesn't care about me at all.
The last I hear is Logan muttering "Oh shit, that was not meant to happen." I'm too caught up on that look on his face to care about what he means, and I feel like I'm about to vomit. I run to the bathroom, while Kacy runs after me, and spend at least a half hour violently crying and vomiting.
~~~~~
It's been a week since that shit-show of a morning, and I've chosen to pretend I didn't see anything and that Tyler doesn't even exist. It's stupid to think I could pretend it didn't happen, because I still can't get that smile on his face out of my head.
"Liv, come on." I turn to face Kacy, she's doing my hair for this 'not date' with Logan. I could do with feeling better, so I decided to dress up to build my self-confidence back up. She's doing my hair in loose waves that I'm going to tie back with a cute ribbon my mom bought for me. I keep getting lost in thought and we don't have much time until we need to go.
I finish applying my makeup, and Kacy finishes with my hair. I know she's reluctant about going all-out for this 'study date' as I now call it, but I'm not too sure why.
I get Kacy to wait on my bed while I get ready into my clothes. I put on a pink sundress with cute little daisies on it. Checking that the door is locked, I rummage through the drawer under the sink until I find the little black box I was looking for. Grabbing the key from on top of the doorway, I unlock the box and open it. Tears threaten at all its contents, but I grab the one thing I want and put it away again.
I undo the metal clasp on the leather bracelet and manage to loop it around all my hair twice, tight enough it won't slip, but loose enough it doesn't hurt. I grab the ribbon and begin to cover the bracelet. I don't want Tyler to know I still have it just yet, because I don't want him to ask for it back. I need it. I always wear it when I need Tyler but can't have him. I need him with me right now, even though I hate him for what he did I will still always need him. It also makes me feel less guilty about this date thing, I don't want it to seem like I'm replacing Tyler.
I will always be his. Always his.