"Take a sit Mr Amin"the doctor said while taking his seat.any problem Doctor?Abba asked worriedly.
Suicide is more complex than a 'decision' the doctor explained as Abba listened carefully.
People who attempt suicide aren't always convinced it's the only option. It's more often that they have exhausted their emotional reserves to continue pursuing those options. It is, in many ways, the ultimate state of burnout.
That state of burnout doesn't happen overnight, either.
In order to attempt suicide, a person has to be in the neurological state where they can override their own survival instincts. At that point, it's an acute state — not totally unlike a heart attack or other medical crisis.
A person has to have reached a point when they feel their capacity for emotional pain has outweighed the amount of time they're able to wait for relief, at the same moment when they have access to the means to end their life. The very fact that someone can progress that far is a much stronger reflection of the state of mental health in our country.
We didn't fail, and neither did you. The system failed us all.
In her case A suicide attempt doesn't necessarily mean someone didn't believe they were loved.
It doesn't mean your loved one didn't know you cared or believed they wouldn't get the unconditional acceptance and care that you (without a doubt) had to offer. Even for those who meticulously planned and appeared very committed to killing themselves, they are — in a way — sabotaging themselves. The longer we take to plan, the more we leave open the possibility of an intervention or slipup.and in that case You will most likely be going home with a recommendation for follow-up care with a therapist.
"I hope you get all what I'm trying to say Mr.Amin?
"Yes doctor"I just want the best for her,I don't want her feeling all this way and all.
"We has some test done on her and it looks like she's been suffering from a severe headache which is leading to lots of complications in her brain"
"Yes and that's exactly what I'm afraid of"
"Well in this case you need to take extra care of her,you need to monitor her time to time and most likely she shouldn't be all alone,try hard to get things off her mind,you don't need a therapist she'll be absolutely fine in about some days,we gave her an injection to help her rest and so she'll be awake in two or due three days inshallah"he said with a smile
"Thank you Doctor Huzaif"Abba said returning his smile with a sad one.
He walked straight to the room and looking up he saw zulaiha,khalifa,Afan,Aisha,Halima,her mum and Dad all seated in the room.
"Grandpa,grandpa,they kids said running towards Abba,how are you my little prince and princess?he said flashing them a sad smile,we are fine grandpa but Aunty is not,why is she laying there grandpa?aisha asked she'll be fine princess don't worry okay?okay she said while Afan was up on Abbas sided hip.what the doctor said?Mami asked worriedly,he said she'll be fine in about two or due three days-they gave her injection to help her rest,so I think y'all should go home and rest.im not leaving here without Bibi Mami said cleaning a lone tear that threatened to fall,Mami you need to get home,zulaiha and Halima will stay here okay?no the house is boring without Bibi,what will I do there alone?Taslim and Yasmin will keep you accompany,just get some rest and you can come back in the morning okay?okay finally Mami agreed to leave,mama said goodbye to Ma and zualiaha and then left with Mami and Muhammad while Ma was waiting for waiting for her husband who was talking to Abba,Halima and zulaiha agreed to stay with Amaani and minutes later everyone left leaving Halima and zulaiha,while Abba left with Afan and Aisha to sleep over at his house,Khalil left for home and Ma and her husband left too-saying she'll send the driver to bring dinner and some clothes for them.
Zulaiha and Halima sat their in silence wondering how this beautiful soul could think of committing suicide like no one cared to love her ever in this life,deep in their thoughts zulaiha started to sin loudly bringing Halima out of her own thoughts.
"What happened?why the hell are you crying?aint you supposed to be strong for her?then why do you choose to be weak now when she needs you the most,now c'mon don't cry or else I'll also cry Halima said while hugging zuzu her sob died down and she started to smile looking at her sister,do you know I've never seen a strong woman with a gold of heart like my sister ever in this world?do you know how much she've gone through,how much she've endured just to survive and fight her thought?ive been the worst sister ever,I never knew until today,I've misunderstood her from the start how will I face her,how'll I live without her,with the things I've told her in the past,after all she've shown nothing but love to me and everyone in particular,she has a lot of life lessons and experience which I've never gone through I love my sister. She is my best friend. Did she used to follow me around like a duckling imprinted on its mama? Yeap. Did she used to annoy the heck out of me and I would lay awake concocting escape plans? Yeap. Fast forward to adulthood. My sister is the only person who knows everything about me. She listens without judgement. Doesn't feel the need to offer me advice. She was the first person I call when life happens. She's just there as always even when we were not close at all,when we were not on taking terms,she did still try to talk to me and have a little chit chat and a conversation but I always refuse to listen to her instead I insult the fuck out of her and she'd just walk ahead and not say anything,she cared for my children even when I told her not to pick them up or touch them,but she's always been there wanting to hold them in her arms,they loved her too but I always find a way to not let my kids go any where near her,I did always see her sighting them from afar and smiling at them,she was always their like a body guard to look after them from afar,said while crying loud and then she was silenced for a while before she continue while I listened attentively with watery eyes,you know what Halima I did all that thinking my sister was just like our mum,I thought she will only be a pain in the butt and be as evil or more as my mum but I was wrong and it took a long time before I realized.
It was on a Saturday during a mid term break from both school and islamiya,Amaani always wake up as early as 6:30AM to do all the house chores and make breakfast while everyone was asleep,she worked hard like a maid and not even Jamila dare to help her,I punished her for nothing making excuses saying she has to learn how to do all the work and learn to care for everyone Incase she gets married to a man who implies to the tradition of no maids, even after knowing she's a good cook and a hard-worker who knows how to do everything in the house even more than I can,I was pregnant with Aisha and that made things lot more easier,after she's done with the house chores and everything,she personally cooks whatever I ask her to cook for me giving her almost three to five meals to cook including dessert,she massages my legs and doesn't even have the time to eat or take care of herself ,I always feel the need to shout at her and no one says anything,abba wasn't aware and mama didn't bother saying a shit about it,she carried son sayingbit was pregnancy hormones even after knowing it wasn't,there was a day in a the evening I went to Amaani's room to ask her about something but found out that she was praying,while waiting for her I found her diary on her night stand and I opened it to come across a poem-"Running, running
far away.
Escaping dreams
of yesterday.
Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left everything there ,
I was denied the love I deserved
And now am paying for the price ,
I thought it was a dream;I thought it wasn't real,
But the pain really hurts and it's really how I feel .
Memories keep coming back and so do all of the tears.
I hear your voice ,and as quick as the smile came ,it quickly disappears"
And their were lots more of poems but I was so jealous at the moment,and I didn't even know what they mean,I was always jealous of how she was with dad and finally when her relationship with dad dead down completely I new I got a big chance to make mine shine,not that we were not close or didn't have a good relationship but I wanted more knowing my sister was the little one at the time she needed the love of both parent but at the time she got only a one sided love not experiencing a full time unconditional love from a mother,he knew she needed our mum more than ever and Abba was trying to fit in the space with love and affection,I know my sister was talented and I was simply jealous of her academic performance and how she got a lot of attention from the media and more pf proposals came sliding through her even though she was young,she paused to cry and then continued,a day came when I was talking to Abba for hours in the parlor andAisha was crying while Amaani was shouting my name,I rushed to her quickly to attend to my baby and then suddenly she blurted out"what where you discussing with dad for so long?'"I paused to look at her from head to toes to see where that is coming from,why do you care? I asked almost shouting and she looked up at me with watery eyes I knew she wasn't going to answer me and so I said to her-'Amebo ..or you want to go and tell your evil mother ,that's all you do ,gossiping is your job,you were born with the genetics of gossiping,Brainless bimbo,offensive armpit odor' I looked at her in disgust,she felt hurt with what I said and she ran quickly to her room,I didn't feel bad at all,infact I was happy seeing her in pain-it was all I wanted,after feeding Affan I went to Ammani's room seeing that she was praying I was shocked knowing the time was just 11:20AM,ooh so now your praying came my rude but angry voice,munafika what prayer is this one kuma-ooh sallah munafikai wato saboda karki changa mai dipper din shi shine kika fara sallah munafika (hypocrite which prayer is this one again-ooh the hypocrites prayer,so because you don't want to change his dipper that's why you started praying abhi hypocrite)I kept insulting her and through my view I could see tears gushing down her cheeks while praying,and that's one more thing I couldn't do or understand in her life ,but for Amaani prayer is peace,she finds peace whenever she feels insecure or when she's hurt,she finds peace when she prays and Allah almighty eases her pain,all this while I was so dumb to understand,apart from the five daily prayers I do,I don't know any other one than to think of doing it,she was one strong young religious woman that at her age you could only find 1% of people like her,but believe me now I regret each moment I insulted and humiliated her in this life,jealousy got in the way and all I could think of doing was punishing her for being perfect and how everyone loves her,it was late when we got into good terms and I could never make it up to her,forgive me ooh Allah"she said while sobbing hard and I hugged her tightly saying soothing words to her ear.
Minutes later,the driver came in and gave us the food and cloths that Ma send to us,we prayed,ate and gist a little-when I saw an incoming video call from the girls and I picked up.
" Hello girl"they all said
"Holaa,I replied back.
Maryam-"So you didn't bother telling us you reached home safely,tried reaching Amaani but something went wrong,her phone isn't going through and wherever the hell are you,it doesn't look like home?"
Abida-"yeah girl,you didn't mind calling why?"
Halima-"sorry girls,I've been busy and yeah I'm at the hospital going to spend the night here too"
Fatiti-What the fuck girl?hospital,you don't look sick by the way,who's sick?"
Yusrah-"is Ma okay?
Halima-everyone's fine,it's Amaani,she tried to commit suicide"
Yusrah-"Subhanallah,is she okay?
Maryam-What?what happened?
Abida-when? How?
Abida-which hospital are you at right now?
Halima-calm down girls,they reached the hospital in time,she's unconscious,she'll be awake in two or due three days inshallah.
Abida-alhamdulillah huh.
Yusrah-Thank God,may Allah grant her quick shiffa
Maryam-I'm in a shock really,I can't breath.
Fatiti-send me the address I'll visit tomorow.
Halima-Ameen,she said while turning to her back camera so they could see an unconscious Amaani.
Fatiti-she looks pale and weak.
Halima-I have to go girls I'll talk to you later,I'll send the address to y'all later.bye,I hanged up the call before they could reply.turning to my left is ya zuzu was already asleep,and so I said my azkhar and slept off too.