I walked to my room and closed the door, walking to my window and opening it up. It was really nice out, and there was a cold breeze that made me shiver in the wind. I stuck my head outside and decided I was going to climb out, so I did. I sat against the side of the house for a while, staring at the grass and thinking about everything that had been going on for the past year of my life.
After about a half an hour passed by, while I lied on the grass and was staring up at the sky, looking at the clouds and how different they were compared to the ones in Florida. I was so mad at my father that I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I held the pain and hurt inside my heart, and closed my eyes to make the thought of him disappear.
Before I knew it the skyline eventually became darker, making the clouds turn a little pink, and a mixture of so many other colors. It was beautiful. I really wanted to get out of my house, and even though I was lying outside it still wasn't cutting it.
Suddenly I heard my phone ring from inside my bedroom, and I hurried off the grass and jumped inside, tripping over my feet and falling flat onto my face. I quickly got up, darted to my dresser and picked up the phone, pressing the start button and letting out a long breath.
"Hello?" I said quickly.
"I see you," the voice said.
"What?" I gasped, looking out the window and seeing who was there.
"I'm just kidding, it's me," he laughed. "Relax."
"Alex?" I growled, letting out another deep breath.
"Yeah. Sorry if I scared you."
"If? You did scare me, actually. Thanks a lot," I said.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he told me. "Really I am."
"Yup," I said.
"You can hang up on me if you want," he laughed again.
I smiled. "No, it's fine."
"Good. So, what's going on?"
"Well I was just lying outside looking up at the clouds," I answered quietly, kneeling in front of my opened window.
"That's nice," he said softly.
"Yeah, what about you? What have you been doing?"
"I'm at my house right now, standing out on the balcony, bored out of my mind."
"You have a balcony?"
"Yeah," he said, with what sounded like humor in his voice.
"Where?" I smiled at the imagine of him inside my head.
"Outside of my bedroom, I have a sliding door that goes out onto a small deck."
"Oh, that sounds cool," I said, sitting on my bed and sucking in a deep breath.
"Yeah, but it's not very amusing. I'm bored."
"Why don't you call one of your friends?" I tested, biting my lip and waiting nervously.
"But, I thought you and me were hanging out later?"
I smiled, letting out another short breath of relief. "Oh yeah," I said, trying not to seem desperate. "I forgot."
"Did you?"
"Yeah, sorry," I said, trying not to laugh either.
"We don't have to if you're not up for it anymore."
"Oh!" I immediately said, really loud. "No, I want to!"
I could tell he was trying not to laugh at me. "Alright, so when do you want me to come get you?"
"Um, when's good for you?"
"Anytime," he told me.
"What should I wear?" Of course he wouldn't be able to answer that, considering it's a question to ask a girl. But I couldn't call Stephanie, because it could ruin everything.
"Oh, I don't know," he said, more like a question.
"Do you have any idea where we're going?"
"Just wear anything, I'm going to take you to this lake I love going to."
"Aw, that sounds cool. Really?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I'll be ready in like, ten minutes."
"Alright. I'll be there," he told me.
"Okay," I smiled, even though he couldn't see me. "Bye."
"See ya."
As soon as he hung up I went to my closet and had no idea what to wear. I stood in there looking at everything for over five minutes and then my mother told me he was out front already. Shit! I grabbed a pair of my tight gray sweatpants and slid them on, and then I slipped a black tank top over my head and I put on a pair of my white shoes.
I ran to the bathroom and made sure I looked okay, and then I kissed my mom goodbye and ran out the front door. I was running so fast he had no time to even open the door for me by the time he saw me. I was already sitting next to him, closing the door and completely out of breath.
"Are you okay?" he grinned.
"Yup," I smiled, trying to catch my breath.
"I could have given you more time to get ready, if that's the reason you're having a hard time breathing."
"It's okay, I'm here."
"Alrighty then," he said, pulling out onto the road while I put the radio on.
"So, we're going to a lake?"
"Yeah. There's a dock," he explained. "It's really nice. There's trees surrounding everywhere, and the sky really stands out when the sun goes down."
"That sounds really pretty," I said, fidgeting with my hands. "I've never done something like this before."
"You forgot to put on your seat belt," he told me.
"Oh," I said anxiously, putting it on and turning to stare at him. "Thanks."
He smiled, and looked at me quickly from the corner of his eye. "No problem. I just, you know, don't want anything to happen to you."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked him, really curious.
"Sudden car accidents happen," he swallowed hard. "Diseases, stuff like that. Life can end in the matter of a few seconds."
"Oh, yeah," I muttered.
"Sorry. That was kind of random, I know."
Of course I had to laugh after his dimples appeared. "How far away is it?"
"Not far at all," he said. "We'll probably be there in five minutes with my driving."
"Okay. This is going to be fun," I said, smiling to myself.
"I'm always fun."
"Oh I bet," I rolled my eyes.
He rolled down the window and stuck his arm outside, and time went by quicker then I expected because of how fast he was driving. At one point his hand brushed against mine, but before I could do anything he pulled it away. I was still getting butterflies like you would never believe, but something just felt weird, almost secretive.
We finally pulled onto a street, which was very quiet and was leading into woods. It was some kind of path for cars, which I thought was really cool. There were flowers and plants everywhere, and I stuck my head out to let the breeze blow my hair in the wind.
I was having so much fun, and which really struck me as crazy was that I never felt awkward with him. We didn't even have to talk to have a good time with each other.
Only two minutes driving down the dirt road and then we reached the spot where there was room to park. He pulled under a big beautiful tree and we got out, and it was starting to get a little chilly outside. Once he walked around the car I saw how handsome he looked, with jeans and his patriots jacket, and of course his black hat which was still on backwards. Nothing about him got old. It was amazing, but scary, how strong my feelings for him were getting.
He locked the car and we walked onto a smaller path that was really woodsy. The sun was really starting to go down now, but it was still pretty light around us. The air smelled fresh and I could almost smell campfires that must have been miles away.
When the path ended I saw the most breathtaking lake ever. There was so much water, and the grass was pure green and there were flowers everywhere that I looked. There were trees around us, surrounding the edges of the lake, and when I looked straight ahead I saw the dock, which was built so we could feel like we were sitting in the middle of the water.
"Wow, it's so cool here," I said, smiling so widely my face was starting to get numb.
"You like it?"
"Yes!"
"Good. I hoped you would..."
"It's so beautiful! How did you find out about this place?"
"I do a lot of exploring," he told me, examining every part of my face.
"Exploring?"
"Yeah. I'm kind of a loner," he shrugged, putting his hands in his front pockets.
I laughed. "Well it's awesome!"
And then I raced over and ran across the grass, finally making it to the old wooden dock. Alexander was behind me so I walked all the way to the end and then sat down, with my legs hanging off the side.
He sat down next to me, not as close as I wanted him to though, and that's when I looked up at the sky in a daze. The sun was going down, making the clouds bright pink and mixtures of orange. I couldn't stop smiling at how beautiful everything was. The setting was so amazing. It was almost like a picture, a picture that could never be painted because of how many details there were. It was just one of those places where you could sit for hours, enjoying the view and its peaceful environment.
The sun was beginning to go behind the trees, and when I looked to the right of me I noticed that he was already looking at me. I had no other choice but to smile back.
"You look nice with the wind blowing your hair like that," he told me.
My heart was racing, and I tucked a curl behind my ear. "Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
"Thanks," I said carefully, looking down at the water, and then back to the sun.
"Not trying to, hit on you or anything though," he explained, sounding a little embarrassed.
"I know you're not."
"And I'm not flirting either," he added.
"Alex," I laughed. "I know. It's just a compliment. No biggy."
"Alright," he said.
"Thank you though, really."
"You're welcome," he finally replied.
Everything was so intense around him.
"How come this world is so scary?" I asked him, out of nowhere.
"What do you mean?"
I didn't answer him at first. "Like," I swallowed anxiously. "Why is everything so hard?"
"Good question," he said, fixing his hat.
"I don't understand why people can be so mean," I started to say.
"Me either."
"And how come there's divorce? Why would there even be such a thing?"
I could tell he was staring at me but I kept my eyes on the clouds. "Honestly, I don't know," he answered sadly.
"It just hurts me so much," I said, getting really emotional for some reason. "My own father cheated on my mom."
"I'm sorry, Rosie," he said quietly.
"For what? It's not your fault."
"I know it isn't."
"And it's not anyone else's fault either," I frowned. "It's his."
He let out a deep breath. "He made a mistake, a huge mistake, a mistake that he probably won't ever be able to forgive himself over."
"He shouldn't. He ruined our family," I said, trying to avoid the tears of my pain.
"Ruined?" he whispered, and when I looked over at him I couldn't believe the fear he had in his eyes.
"My life is messed up, can't you tell? I'm no fun at all. All I do when we hang out is talk about my problems and I'm sick of being this way," I looked away.
"But it doesn't bother me. Not even the least bit."
"But why? It should bother you," I argued.
"Because I like the fact that you can talk to me about anything," he said. "Especially the stuff you can't tell anyone else."
"But I'm always so depressed."
"No you're not," he objected.
"Why would he have another woman on the side, when he had my mother, the most beautiful person on this earth? She didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't deserve this," I told him, wanting him to hold me in his arms so bad. "All she did was love him."
"You don't think he still loves her? She's the mother of his children," he said softly.
"I mean in love," I stated. "She still is in love with him, that's why she moved us away probably."
"Because she couldn't take the pain?"
"She couldn't handle the idea of having us go to his house, where his new girlfriend is living with him," I answered.
"Your father must feel really shitty, he couldn't even talk to you on the phone the other day, right?"
"Yes, that's right..."
"So he must feel like a complete jerk."
"And he is." I said, so low I almost couldn't hear myself.
It thundered and we both jumped. "Is it supposed to rain?"
"I don't know," I shrugged, trying to stop thinking about my family.
"Should we chance it and just stay where we are?" he asked for my opinion.
"Yeah. I really like it here," I told him, making sure he heard the truth in my voice.
"You do?"
"Yeah. It's pretty and so peaceful. I feel like we should come here whenever we need to get away from reality."
"Okay," he agreed. "That's a deal."
"But, okay now I can't stop thinking about my dad," I scowled. "I hate thinking about him."
"Just try to think about something else," he said quietly, his hand hovering over mine, almost like he was just about to touch me until he put it in his pocket.
"He's the worst father ever. I hate him so much," I quivered.
"Hate's a strong word."
"I don't care. I mean it. I really do hate him," I said, crossing my arms while the wind blew against my face.
"Rosie," he whispered.
"No," I said, turning to face the other way, so that he wouldn't see the hurt expression that had developed. I just couldn't stand thinking about this subject, but yet I couldn't think about anything other then him.
"Divorce isn't fair. It's mean and cruel, but when two people start fighting they get distant from one another, and that isn't good for anyone that's living in the house," he explained. "Yes, what he did was wrong. He should have never even considered cheating on her, but maybe he's just going through something right now that nobody understands."
I glared at him with anger. "There is NO excuse to his cheating Alexander."
"I know, I'm, I'm just trying to help."
"Help? He broke up our family," I snapped.
"Broke it up? You and Jake did seem pretty close though," he questioned.
"Did, past tense. I hate him too."
"What about Jimmy? He didn't do anything, did he?"
"I don't know. No, he didn't. Jimmy didn't do anything. And I haven't even talked to my sister for months. She can't even stand speaking to me anymore."
"Why?"
"How am I supposed to know?" I challenged him, and let out a sharp breath.
"Um, I don't know. Call her," he told me.
"It's bigger then that. It isn't that simple," I argued.
"Oh, then I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you," he shrugged.
"We used to be so close to each other, when we were growing up. We shared a bedroom together," I laughed. "I knew where she kept her diary, and even the makeup she always used to try to hide from me. We were best friends, you know? We were so close. I mean she's older than me but we were the two girls, we had to stick together. She used to bring me into our room on nights where my father would come home drunk. She'd close the door and tuck me in. She would lay down with me, and tell me magical stories just to make the yelling muffle out," I suddenly could no longer speak.
He didn't say anything, he just stared at me, while I looked into his eyes and shook my head.
"It makes me want to cry," I admitted, trying to keep cool. "It's like we're not even sisters anymore."
"So why are you guys ignoring each other?" he asked, making my head spin. "Why hate her?"
Wait, I hated Jake and Jimmy, and my father? Could I really hate my family? Did I hate my mother, or my sister as well? I was starting to hate everyone. I couldn't stand how selfish I was starting to sound. But I couldn't control it...
"Jake is a jerk. I hate him almost as much as I hate my father," I whispered, not meaning for him to hear me. "He was like my best friend but now he's so mean. I don't know if I like him anymore. I don't even know if it's worth it. I care too much and he barely cares at all."
"You don't mean that."
"He stole money from our dad. It was all because of drugs, Alex." I told him, surprised with how much I was willing to tell him.
"Really?" his voice dropped.
"Yeah," I whispered.
"That's terrible..." he frowned.
"And Jimmy is just so aggravating sometimes. Please, don't get me wrong! I love my little brother. He's innocent through all of this. It's just go difficult to deal with it. He got handed a lot of shit and with our family problems it must be so strange for him to be dealing with all of this. But he needs so much of our mother's attention and sometimes that's all she seems to focus on. It's so hard to be in the same house as him when she's constantly thinking about him, and only him, instead of all four of us. And well, today he was fine. He was pretty good. I got stuck babysitting him but I had to do it for my mom. She really needed a break so I decided to just give her... She does a lot for him and he can be a lot to handle, and he's my baby brother so I don't mind watching him every now and then."
"That's really nice of you," he said quietly.
"I guess it is." I hesitated, not understanding why I was letting myself get so upset.
"Why is all of this coming out now?" he suddenly asked me.
I shrugged, crossing my arms as my hair blew out of my face. "Because I never had anyone to talk to about it," I softly admitted. "I always felt so alone. I couldn't talk to anyone."
"And now you can," he questioned, half grinning.
"Yeah," I answered back. "I can now."
A few minutes quickly went by, and everything was silent.
"Hey," he got my attention.
"What?" I asked, hating how much I was attracted to him.
He stared at me with a very unusual expression on his face, almost faith in his eyes, and he whispered under his breath, "You're beautiful."
I could feel my face turn hot, mostly out of being so shy, receiving a compliment like that from the boy who I already liked so much more then I wanted to let myself believe. "Thanks," I whispered.
"You said that as if you don't agree," he stated, making my stomach drop.
"You're good at reading people."
"So am I right?" he asked, gently taking my hand. "Do you even believe me?"
I stayed silent, at loss for words. "I want to believe you," I answered, quickly shaking my head. "But I just feel so crappy about myself lately."
"You shouldn't."
I smiled. "You're too sweet."
"I'm not just saying it to make you feel that way about me. I mean it."
"Mean what?" I softly asked him.
He stared straight into my eyes and didn't look away. "You're beautiful. It's just as simple as that."
"Nobody's ever called me that before," I admitted, very touched with how he made me feel about myself.
"Then they must be ugly."
I laughed, rolling my eyes as he laughed with me. "Thanks, Alex."
He nodded, loudly swallowing. I could tell something was bothering him just by the look in his eyes.
Twenty more minutes must have gone by, while we sat silently on the edge of the dock, staring out at the lake and the trees in the far distance, and the breeze blowing against our skin. We didn't say anything for that long, because the truth was we didn't need to. There we were, with each other, together, and that was all that really mattered.
"The sun's about to set," he told me, with calmness in his voice.
"It is?" I smiled, turning to meet his eyes in joy. "I never watched the sun go down before."
"You haven't?" he asked, almost feeling bad for me in a way.
"No. Come on, who would I ever be able to do something like this with? Not my family. I didn't really have that many friends, so, you're the first person showing me something as awesome as this. It looks like someone painted the sky, you know, with shades of orange and pink, and in some spots around the sun red, it's just so pretty," I let out, sucking in a deep breath right after I thought I said too much.
"Well if it makes you feel any better," he hesitated, looking away and smiling down at the water. "I've never watched this happen with someone else either. I always sat here alone."
"Wow," I whispered, loving how that sounded. He was the only boy who could say something that perfect without making it sound corny.
"Yeah."
I looked up and realized how dark it was getting now, and when I saw how close the sun was to disappearing, I let my eyes meet Alexander's. It was silent. Everything around us was blocked out, leaving me staring into his eyes, so deeply that I didn't realize us both leaning closer to each other. Was he about to kiss me? Suddenly it turned dark, the sun was gone in just a blink of an eye, and a raindrop fell from the sky and landed on my cheek. He quickly wiped it from my face, and then more raindrops began to fall and the thunder roared again, this time following with a strike of lightning.
"Oh shit," he laughed, taking my hand and pulling me up onto my feet.
"I can't believe it's raining!" I giggled, putting up my hands and letting the water pour into my opened fingers. I was sticking my tongue out like a little kid, and then more lightning hit.
"We're going to get struck, come on!"
"No," I laughed, spinning around and letting myself get soaked.
"Water isn't a great place to be near when there's lightning!"
"I know! I lived in Florida, remember? I used to do this all the time, trust me. We'll be fine!"
He was laughing really hard now and I couldn't believe how silly I was getting. "Are you serious?" he chuckled.
"Yes! I love the rain," I smiled, sitting back onto the dock and staring up at him.
"Um... Am I supposed to stand here and get wet with you?" he asked me.
"Yes, sit down next to me," I said. "And we'll get drenched together."
All he did was stare at me, the water already soaking his hair, looking amazed, and I could see him perfectly from the light that the moon was now making.
"Okay," he smiled, sitting down close to me with his legs out in front of him.
"This is fun," I laughed, smiling like you would never believe.
"And you say you're boring?"
"Well I am, kind of," I smiled, us both completely soaked in only the matter of a few seconds.
"What other girl sits outside at night, on a dock, in the pouring rain with thunder and lightning?" he grinned.
"I don't know," I smiled. "I guess I do have a fun side."
"Yeah, you do."
"I love the rain so much!"
"I can tell," he told me.
"It's just so amazing that water is really coming from inside the clouds," I laughed.
"Not literally inside the clouds," he said sarcastically. "Well, I mean I guess you could say that."
"Oh shut up," I laughed ridiculously, listening to the sounds of the thunder somewhere off in the far distance. "You know, there's so many things I want to do, like see a shooting star, or to sit in a rowboat like they do in the old romance movies, or to be danced with in the rain. I know that was awfully random, but, I never told anyone that. I'm glad I did."
He widely smiled.
"I've been telling you a lot, haven't I?" I laughed at myself. "I'm never this open."
"I never saw a shooting star either," he easily told me, "Or sat in a rowboat, but, on the other hand, I've danced with someone in the rain before. Just once though."
"Oh," I whispered, trying to be happy for him but I couldn't. "That's nice. Who was she?"
"Who was she?" he repeated my words.
"Well yeah. The girl, who was the girl you danced with?"
I smiled, watching him stand up and hold out his hand. "I haven't exactly asked her to yet," he answered, leaving me empty inside, completely breathless and speechless. "But I'm hoping she will say yes. Will you dance with me?"
I was very startled at this, so startled that I couldn't answer him at first. "Dance?" I echoed, running my fingers through my soaked hair, and now shaking with shyness. "Wait, you meant me?"
"Yeah," he laughed.
"Are you kidding?" I whispered, my mouth accidentally falling wide open with suspense.
"Um, no. I'm completely serious." He was quiet, waiting for me to reply, but truthfully I was too at loss for word to speak. "Want to dance?"
"Yeah," I smiled sheepishly, unable to breathe, taking his hand gently as he pulled me up. "But there's no music."
"So what?"
"So," I shrugged, "how do you dance without any sound? Isn't that impossible?"
"Nothing's impossible." He held me against his chest, his arm around my back and holding my hand with the other, as the rain kept falling. "There is sound though. Just listen, and you can hear the sound of the rain hitting the water, and the leaves on the trees too."
So at this point I listened, finally hearing exactly what he described. "And the wind," I quietly added in. "I didn't notice that," I said, looking up at him, trying to see through the hair that was covering my eyes.
"Now you do." He brushed it away from my face smoothly and we danced slowly without saying a word.
Wow, I thought, my mind racing rapidly. He just crossed off one of my 'Wants to Do'.
Wow, wow, wow. What will he do next?
Is he going to be the one sitting with me in a rowboat someday?
Are we going to see a glimpse of a blinking star shooting across the sky together?
After about an intense and warm minute passed by, the thunder roared again, this time following with a strike of lightning that must have been at the most a mile away. "Oh my god!" I screamed, flinging closer to him as he squeezed my hand and held my body tighter up against his.
"I told you!"
"Crap," I laughed, hysterically.
"Let's go!" he yelled, us both laughing but also scared of how bad the storm was really getting.
"Okay!"
And we ran across the dock in the hard-falling pouring rain, eventually running through the field and making it to the woods. It was so dark, and I could barely see anything because of how the trees were blocking the moonlight. I was starting to get scared, but once he tightened the grasp of his hand around mine I knew everything was going to be okay.
He kept pulling me while I followed behind him, and eventually we got enough shelter from under a huge tree's leaves and branches. We leaned against the trunk and he had his arm around me, making sure I wasn't anywhere out in the open.
"I'm so cold," I told him, shivering from the wind and rain.
"Damn, you are?"
I slowly nodded, wishing I had worn a sweatshirt. "Um... yeah.'
"Here," he said, pulling off his jacket and holding it up for me.
"It's alright, I'm okay. I'm already wet," I muttered.
"But if you're cold then this might help. Do it, just put it on."
"I'm okay Alex," I said, stubbornly.
"No," he smiled, as I turned around and shrugged my arms into the sleeves.
"Thanks," I whispered, as I zipped up the zipper.
"You're welcome Rosie," he said softly, still staring me straight in the eyes, with so much meaning behind them that I just had to look away.
And the rain must have continued for at least an hour, of nothing but silence. All we could hear were the sounds of nature, thunder, and the patterns of crickets calling for their mates, while I was standing with the most amazing boy I've ever met.