Song: Space Song - Beach House
Everything was dull without Tooru.
It had been a little over a week since the fire, and Iwaizumi hadn't heard a whisper from his friend. With every unanswered text message and missed call, Iwa found himself spiraling.
He laid on his bed, staring at a framed photo of him and Tooru from middle school and noticed just how happy the two of them looked. Just how innocent.
Iwaizumi hadn't been to school since the incident, and today was the day he had decided to go back. His mom had agreed to drive him, not wanting him to linger too long outside of Tooru's destroyed house on his way to school. She hadn't come out and said that explicitly, but Hajime knew.
"Honey, are you ready to go?" she said from the doorway, her face falling when she saw what he was looking at so intently.
Iwa shrugged. "I guess so," he said, setting down the photo of Tooru and heading out to the car.
one month later
Iwaizumi sat alone at the fountain, waiting for someone he knew wouldn't show up. He sketched aimlessly in his notebook, and tried to remember the way Oikawa's face looked when he was smiling. No matter how much he drew and redrew, it didn't seem to turn out right. He grasped out for the details in his memory, but they only eluded him.
He waited an extra minute or two, hoping today would be the day, but it wasn't. It never was.
Hajime closed his sketchbook, unsatisfied with his drawing, and headed over to Nozy without Tooru for the 40th day in a row.
Knowing there wouldn't be an answer, Iwa called Tooru's phone again. It rang seven times, as it always did, before playing Oikawa's automated message.
This is Tooru Oikawa's cell phone. I'm probably super busy, so please leave a message and I'll return your call. Thanks.
"Where are you, Tooru? Please call me back. I miss you. Please," Hajime said before hanging up and shoving his phone back in his pocket.
Even though it had been over a month, the police had no concrete leads whatsoever. They knew two things for certain though: Tooru's family had been killed by a gun with the fire being a coverup and that the bullets found in the bodies matched the bullets found at the drive-by shooting.
Iwaizumi hadn't seen nor heard from Tooru since that terrible day, the aftermath of it still weighing on Iwa. He had nightmares sometimes, but he didn't mind too much because it was the only time he ever actually saw Tooru.
"Hey there, Iwa. How's it been?" Kuroo asked, already making Hajime's favorite cup of coffee.
"Same as yesterday," he responded, slumping against the counter.
Kuroo sighed, sliding Iwa's cup over to him. "Nothing from Oikawa?"
"No."
"I'm worried about him too, but I'm sure he's still reeling from what happened to his family," Tetsuro assured.
Hajime shrugged. "He could text me at least...I miss him."
"I know, but he has to take time for himself. He'll come back when he's ready."
Iwaizumi locked eyes with Kuroo, finding his concern endearing. "You're probably right," he said.
Tetsuro nodded, focusing his attention on the new customers coming in. "Trust Tooru. I'm sure he knows what he's doing."
At that, Iwaizumi waved goodbye and headed to school, still frustrated that he couldn't remember how Oikawa's eyes looked when he was smiling.
. . .
Without Tooru, Iwa found it increasingly hard to focus on his studies. Instead of paying attention, he stared at his best friend's empty seat, worrying about whether he was okay or not.
Hajime was still staring at Oikawa's vacant desk before and after the morning bell rang, not taking a single note.
About halfway through class, the door opened, startling everyone. Iwaizumi looked up and had to blink several times to make sure he was actually seeing what he was seeing.
It was Tooru. His hood over his head and a dark purple bruise around his left eye. He looked sick and tired, his hands shaking slightly.
Iwaizumi fought the urge to run to him and stayed seated, his leg bouncing with anticipation.
The class fell quiet as Oikawa walked to his seat in the back of the room beside Hajime, their eyes following him like spotlights. He slumped into his seat, resting his hand on his face to cover the bruise.
The class reluctantly resumed, the language lesson dragging on like usual, but Iwa was shaking. With excitement. With worry. With anger. He couldn't tell.
"Tooru?" he whispered, desperate to look him in the face. But Oikawa stayed facing forward, not even acknowledging Iwaizumi's presence.
"Tooru, please," Hajime whispered again, placing his hand on Oikawa's desk.
"Quiet in the back," the teacher said strictly, giving Iwa a look. Hajime shrunk into himself, a feeling of sadness washing over him.
He waited ten minutes. Fifteen. Thirty. Until finally, the lunch bell rang.
Tooru got up immediately and rushed out the door, leaving Iwa to push through the crowded halls.
"Sorry," he said under his breath, accidentally shoving a girl into her locker.
He saw Oikawa turn sharply down the hallway towards the exit door, and he ran to catch up, desperate to see him. To hear his voice.
"Tooru! Where are you going?" Iwaizumi asked, reaching out to grab Oikawa's wrist.
He turned around and stared at Hajime's hand on him. He looked up, terror behind his eyes. "Why are you following me?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I follow you, huh? I haven't seen you in what's felt like forever," Iwa said, trying to keep his tears from falling.
"We can't talk here. Come on," Oikawa said, leading Iwaizumi into the empty art room at the end of the hallway.
Once inside, Tooru locked the door and turned to face his best friend. "I'm sorry, Hajime. I know you needed me."
Iwa's face fell. Tooru never called him by his first name like that. Why was he doing it now? "Where were you?"
"I've been avoiding you. I'll admit that, but it was all to protect you. I promise," he assured, grabbing Iwaizumi's shoulders.
"Protect me from what? I worried about you all this time. You could've at least told me you were okay," Hajime said, giving into his tears.
Oikawa looked away, his own tears slipping onto the tiled floor. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you."
"Then why did you even come here?"
Tooru sighed, shaking his head. "I came to see you and to say goodbye. I realize now that this has been a mistake."
Hajime's face fell, his heart breaking at Oikawa's words. "Why are you doing this?" he asked.
"I can't tell you, " he said again.
"Why not? You're my best friend, Tooru."
"I had to do something about it, okay! I couldn't just sit and accept everyone's pity," he said through quiet sobs.
Hajime's mind began to race. "What have you done, Tooru?"
Oikawa shook his head. "I'm leaving. It'll be better that way."
Tooru turned to leave, letting go of Iwa's shoulders. "Wait!" he shouted, grabbing onto Oikawa's wrist again. "You can't," he said, trailing off.
"This is for your own good," Tooru explained, trying to pull away again.
"You can't leave me. Not like this," Hajime pleaded, tightening his grip on Oikawa.
Tooru sighed, locking eyes with him. "Iwa, let go of me. I have to leave," he said, silent tears slipping down his cheeks.
"I need you," Iwaizumi said simply.
"Hajime, let me go. It's sad to see you so desperate. It's not like we were going to be friends forever anyway. Not after we both graduated," Tooru said, his tone turning harsh.
"I'll follow you wherever you go. A couple of hateful words won't stop me," Iwaizumi said.
At that, Tooru slumped forward, his tears overtaking him. "You don't know what it's like, Iwa. To lose everyone. To see your family's bodies burn to ash right in front of you," he said, hiding his face in his hands.
"You didn't lose everyone, Tooru. You still have me. You know that, right?" Iwaizumi assured, wrapping his arms tightly around Oikawa.
"If I tell you about everything, there's no going back. The Tooru you once knew died in that fire too. I don't even know who I am anymore," he admitted, burying his face into Iwa's shoulder.
"You're still Tooru. I trust that whatever you did, you had a good reason."
Oikawa backed away, staring Hajime in the eyes. "I don't regret anything I've done, and I don't expect you to understand the reasoning behind it all."
"If you would just tell me what it is-"
"I'm only trying to protect you, and telling you this would put you in danger. You have such a bright future ahead of you, and I don't want you to abandon that because of me," Tooru explained.
Hajime shook his head, desperate for Oikawa to understand. "You have it all wrong. I know I don't tell you enough, but you're so important to me. More than you'll ever know. I'd die for you. Do you understand that?"
Tooru ran his hands through his hair, pulling it at the roots. "Please don't say things like that."
"What? The truth?"
Oikawa met his gaze, his eyes red from crying. "I'd never ask you to die for me, Iwaizumi. Ever."
"Please. Can't we just stay friends? It's been so long...I can't imagine not seeing you. These past few weeks have been hell."
"I'm sorry. It's just-"
"Will you meet for coffee at least? If only one last time?" Hajime begged.
Tooru smiled softly, pulling Iwa back into an embrace. "I've missed you. You always know what I need before I do," he said before backing away.
Hajime looked longingly into Tooru's eyes. He wondered who had given him that bruise. He wanted to kiss Tooru so badly. His gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips, noticing the curve of his smile and how much he had missed that.
"I'll meet you at Nozy after school, okay?" he said, walking over to unlock the door.
Iwaizumi nodded, his body longing for Tooru. "Promise?"
"I promise, Iwa. I hope Tetsuro remembers my order after all this time," he joked before disappearing into the hallway, leaving Hajime alone in the empty art room.
. . .
Even though Iwaizumi had been there millions of times, Nozy felt absolutely suffocating to him as he waited for Tooru.
His heart raced and his hands shook in both anticipation and anxiety. He had tried to draw something to clear his mind, but even that couldn't calm him down. It was a minute past the time they were supposed to meet, and Hajime's hope was beginning to dwindle. Each passing second felt like an eternity, and only Tooru walking through that front door would make this torture end.
Kuroo had seen Hajime walk in, but the place was busy and they hadn't had the chance to talk until now. "Hey, Iwa. Why didn't you get any coffee?" Tetsuro asked, coming over to sit with Iwaizumi for his thirty minute break.
"I don't think my stomach can handle it right now," Hajime admitted, surprised to see the genuine worry on Kuroo's face.
"Did something happen at school? You don't seem like yourself."
Iwaizumi checked the time. Oikawa was two minutes late now. Was he even coming? Tooru never broke a promise. Never. "No...well...yeah, but I-"
The small bell on the door interrupted Hajime's train of thought, and he let out a deep breath of relief. Oikawa's eyes met his, an apology in them.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," he said, approaching their favorite table near the back corner of Nozy.
Hajime shook his head. "It's okay. Really, don't worry about it," he said, just grateful that Oikawa had actually shown up.
Kuroo's eyes widened as he stood up so Tooru could have his seat. "Oikawa? What are you doing here?"
Tooru stared Tetsuro down, trying to communicate something without saying it explicitly. "I came here to talk to Iwaizumi."
"Well, I'll let you guys talk then...It's good to see you, Tooru," he said before reluctantly heading to the break room, leaving the two of them alone.
Once Kuroo was out of earshot, Hajime looked at Oikawa, trying his best to see behind the mask he had so obviously put up. "I'll ask you again, Tooru. Where the hell have you been this whole time, huh?"
"I've been avoiding that question for a reason. I simply can't tell you, and I don't expect you to understand that," Oikawa responded, a sad look on his face.
"Then make me understand. I meant what I said earlier. I would die for you. So please, I'm begging you, let me help you," Hajime pleaded.
Oikawa dropped his head, his feathery bangs shielding his eyes from Iwaizumi's longing gaze. "I can't. Please don't make me do this to you."
"I'm not someone you need to protect. I was the one protecting you from bullets, remember? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but we need each other. Be honest, could you just move on and forget about me?"
Tooru looked up, tears almost overflowing. "I tried, but I couldn't stay away from you. I just...I just wanted to see you one last time. I didn't want your last memory of me to be screaming in front of my burning house. So please, stop making this harder for me than it has to be," he begged.
"It doesn't have to be difficult or complicated. Just tell me where you've been so I can follow you there."
"If I tell you, you're going to hate me. I know it," Tooru said, trying to keep his voice from breaking.
Hajime reached across the table, gripping Oikawa's hands in his. "I could never hate you. I can't even imagine it," he assured.
Tooru met his gaze, a stray tear slipping down his bruised cheek. "Iwa, I-"
Before Oikawa could finish, a hand smacked down on the table. "Oikawa, can we talk for a minute? Outside, please," Kuroo said, his eyes almost angry.
"What for?" Tooru asked, furiously wiping his tears away in what must have been embarrassment.
"Just for a minute," Tetsuro emphasized, not acknowledging Hajime whatsoever.
Iwa looked over at Oikawa expecting him to tell Kuroo no, but he only nodded and got up from his seat. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, okay?" he said, something resembling fear distorting his voice.
"Okay," Iwaizumi said reluctantly as they both disappeared into the outside loading area.
That promised minute passed and Iwa was even more nervous than before. What the hell could they be talking about that Hajime couldn't be a part of? Iwaizumi considered Kuroo one of his most trusted friends. He had been there for him when Tooru was gone, and he had even expressed his frustration at Oikawa's negligence towards their friendship. Was he giving him a lecture? If he was, Iwaizumi didn't want Tooru to know just how hard he had taken his absence. That would only hurt Oikawa more.
One minute turned into five, and Hajime was becoming restless. Should he go outside and check on them? No. That would be wrong. But then again, he needed to know. Eventually, the waiting was too much.
He pushed back his chair and headed over to the door, careful to minimize the creaking sound it made when he opened it. He slipped outside, his back against the outer wall, trying his best to hear Tooru's voice among the traffic sounds.
"I know I can't tell him, but I-"
"There's nothing else to it. You can't tell him. I thought we both agreed that protecting him was our top priority. He can't get involved. Do you understand?" Kuroo said almost angrily.
Oikawa slammed his fist against the wall, making Iwa jump. "I know that, damn it!"
"If you knew that, then why were you with him, huh? I told you not to talk to him. He has hope now, Tooru. Now you're just being cruel."
"I needed to see him. He means a lot to me, you know? It scares me sometimes just how much I rely on him," Oikawa admitted.
Iwaizumi tried to steady his breathing, but his emotions were beginning to overtake him.
"Is there something you're not telling me? About Iwaizumi," Kuroo asked.
"There must be a way I can still see him without him ever finding out," Tooru said, avoiding the question altogether.
Kuroo sighed. "No. There isn't. If there were, I would have told you already. Either you cut ties, or...well you know what happens," he said, trailing off.
"He won't give up. Trust me, he'll find out even if we don't tell him."
"If he finds out, you know what I'll have to do, and I care about him too much to do that to him. If you love him like you say you do, you'll have to push him away. Make him believe that you don't want him anymore. That's the only solution I can think of," Tetsuro explained.
At that point, Iwaizumi decided that it was time he put his two cents into this conversation. He turned the corner, all reason going out the window.
"Don't you think I have a say in whatever the fuck you two are gossiping about back here, huh?" he asked, staring angrily at Tooru.
"Iwa! How long have you been standing there?" Tooru asked, panic showing on his face.
"Long enough," he responded, glaring at Tetsuro. "Tell me, how long have you known where Tooru has been?"
Kuroo grabbed Iwaizumi's shoulders, a look of pure terror in his eyes. "Iwa, you shouldn't be here. I told you to wait inside, damn it."
"Don't fucking touch me!" Hajime shouted, shaking out of Kuroo's grip.
Tooru stepped between them, a look of anguish in his eyes. "Calm down, okay?"
"Whatever it is you've got yourself into with Tetsuro, I can help you get out of it. It's obvious he's forcing you into this," Iwaizumi said, pointing a finger at Kuroo.
"No, he didn't force me. I'm doing this willingly. For my family," Oikawa explained.
Iwaizumi's chest hurt, like someone was stabbing into it. "I don't understand," he said, a lump forming in his throat.
"If I tell you, you'll have no choice but to join me, and I'd never ask that of you, Hajime," he said. Iwaizumi's first name sounded heartbreaking on Tooru's lips.
A million thoughts ran through Hajime's head all at once, not a single one of them making a bit of sense. All Iwaizumi knew for sure was that he was in love with Tooru, and he couldn't just abandon that. After not seeing him for weeks, he had realized just how much Oikawa meant to him. He had missed the smell of him. The way his voice sounded. He would give anything just to feel his skin on Tooru's, and that feeling only intensified the longer they had been apart.
"I don't intend on breaking my promise to you. I told you that I would follow you wherever you go, and I meant that," Iwaizumi said, watching as Kuroo's face fell with realization behind Oikawa.
He wasn't going to abandon his best friend. Even if a friend was all Tooru could ever be, Iwaizumi would endure that torture for him.
Kuroo pushed forward. "Are you sure you want to know? Once we tell you, there's no going back. Sometimes, ignorance is more peaceful."
"Tooru, do you want me to stay?" Iwaizumi asked.
Oikawa sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I wish you would just leave on your own, then I wouldn't hate myself so much."
"Tetsuro, I'm committed to Tooru. I'm not leaving his side, and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen," Iwaizumi said, his heart breaking a little as Oikawa turned away tears streaming down his face at his friend's words.
Kuroo sighed. "Oikawa has been living with me and my friends for the past few weeks. We work for a guy who has agreed to help Tooru, but with that comes a sacrifice that is hard to comprehend."
He paused, looking at Oikawa's horrified face. "Our boss was one of Tooru's father's allies in the underground, and he's probably Oikawa's best chance of going against the men who killed his family."
"What have you done, Tooru?" Iwaizumi asked, countless possibilities going through his head.
"I know this looks bad, but I needed to do something. I couldn't just sit back and pity myself. Kuroo gave me a way out. He saved my life, Iwa. Who knows what I would've done if he hadn't..." Oikawa trailed off.
"What are you saying? You would have killed yourself if Kuroo hadn't stepped in?" Hajime asked, realization weighing down on him.
"I'm sorry, Iwa," Tooru said, noticing the horror on Iwaizumi's face.
If Tooru had done it, would Iwaizumi even know? Or would he be left waiting for Oikawa to come back, when in reality, he never would? The mere thought of it made Hajime's knees weak.
"I should've been there for you. You needed me, and I just-"
"No, Iwaizumi. Don't blame yourself. Please," Oikawa pleaded.
Kuroo stepped forward again, forcing Hajime to look him in the eye. "Iwaizumi, listen. If you just leave here now and forget about everything, we can all go our separate ways. I know it must seem unfair, but I'm only trying to save you. Please, I'm begging you, don't do what I think you're going to do."
Hajime's heart dropped down into his stomach, the weight of this choice almost too much for him. "You know I can't just walk away."
Tetsuro sighed, placing a hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder. "I figured you'd say that."
"Tooru, I will go wherever you go. No matter how dangerous it gets. I'll protect you, as long as you promise to protect me too," Hajime said, giving Oikawa a small smile.
"So there's no way I can change your mind?" Oikawa asked, the final glimmer of hope leaving his eyes.
"Afraid not," Iwa said, looking at Kuroo. "What do I need to do, Tetsuro?"
Kuroo sighed, defeat prevalent on his face. "Once I get off work, you can come with me to my apartment. I'll catch you up there. But know this, there is no backing out now. Your life isn't in your hands or mine anymore. That's the most important thing you need to understand about all this."
Hajime ignored the depth of that statement and embraced Tooru, letting his worries melt away with the feeling of Oikawa's arms holding him close.