Misery loves company
Chapter 14: Sometimes love doesn't win
Hey guys :) Back with another one. Just want to say thank you again for all the support and love. I would love to hear your feedback on this chapter but I hope you enjoy.
P.S does contains some things that are sensitive.
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Her eyes stole my heart,her smile gave me life ,her presence made me high, her touch left me breathless.~perry poetry
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Amy's pov :
I woke up to Leo in my arms which he must have wiggled himself into when he arrived. I saw Penny and Mary there now but they didn't look happy but I assumed it was just from yesterday and everything.
"Morning. How's Sheldon doing this morning? " I asked knowing his surgery was successful but I wanted to know if he was awake yet.
Mary was in tears using Penny's shoulder for comfort. I started to get worried now.
"Mary why don't you take Leo to get some breakfast. I will fill her on everything. " Penny said comforting her.
Mary nodded then quickly wiped her tears," Leo sweetie let's go get some breakfast then you can come see mommy straight after ." she said trying to remain cheerful.
Leo said goodbye then hopped off the bed to go with Mary and they were both gone.
"What's going on ?" I asked.
"We were waiting for you to wake up sweetie. It's Sheldon. " She said trying not to cry.
"What happened ?"
"Ames. He flat lined. The doctors are trying to bring him back but it's been a couple minutes and we haven't heard anything. " Penny said with more tears now.
"No. No I refuse to believe that. He didn't say goodbye. He isn't gone. " I said refusing to believe what was being said.
I tried to get up and get the drips in my skin out but Penny pushed me back into bed.
"Penny let me go. I need to see for myself. " I said getting angrier now.
"You can't honey. They won't let you in. They are trying to revive him. We just have to wait. " Penny said more sternly.
"No he promised he would come back. He promised he would say goodbye if he couldn't. He didn't say goodbye. Penny please tell me this is some joke. " I said crying.
"I'm sorry . I wish it was. " She said sitting next to me as she hugged me.
"I should've stayed. I should've said goodbye. I can't lose him. Please I don't want to lose him. Sheldon please. If you can hear me please come back. Please. "
Penny pulled me in tighter not sure what to say listening to my crying as I could hear hers.
What was going on ? How could this have happened ? He said he would come back? He said I was his ticket back ? I was here and he wasn't. I then remembered Leo. My sweet little boy.
"Does Leo know ?" I asked.
"No he doesn't. Luckily he was with Wil when it happened and when they came back we decided to visit you instead. So he didn't think anything strange. I couldn't tell him Amy. I looked into his beautiful eyes that look so much like Sheldon's and remembered his scream yesterday when you collapsed. That piercing scream is still in my head Ames. I couldn't tell him. I'm sorry. " She said crying now.
"It's okay Penny. Thank you for looking after him. We will just see what happens. He really has eyes like Sheldon. " I said remembering how I always used to love seeing Leo's ocean blue eyes next to Sheldon's. Their eyes were almost identical. They were both beautiful.
"He does. He is really beautiful. He has the best traits from both of you. "
"Penny. I don't think I can do this if he is gone. I don't think I can live in a world without him. I wouldn't know how. " I said now letting the realisation hit me.
"I know. We will take it one day at a time. Let's just see how today ends first. "
I laid on her shoulder again not believing what I just woken up to. I should've just stayed asleep. Stayed in my perfect world of peace. Stayed in my perfect bubble but now it was popped and I could never get that again. My husband could never come back.
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Sheldon's pov:
"I thought I would never see you again. " I said looking at both my grandparents.
"I know Sheldon. We thought we weren't going to see you either. " My meemaw said.
"Sheldon how could you be here right now ? I thought you chose the real world ?" My father said.
"I did. I chose the real world. I chose to fight. So how can I be here?" I asked.
"Sheldon. Your body can only sustain so much fighting. With your surgery you had to fight to keep yourself connected to the real world while your connection was here. You had to fight to not keep her here.That is alot with physical fighting to. Sometimes your body gives up before you do. It just happens. " My pop pop said like he understood.
"That happened to you. You fought until your body gave up ?" I asked.
He nodded then looked at me with a smile,"Sheldon I would never leave your Meemaw or my children and grandchildren. I wouldn't leave you. " .
"I know. " I said.
"But you didn't when you were little. You told yourself it was your fault that I left. You told yourself that I would even choose the harshest thing such as death to get away from you. You were the only one who didn't say goodbye because you were too small to understand what was going on and you thought it was because I was running away from you. "
"Well I didn't understand then that you didn't have a choice on it. I knew how much you loved meemaw and how much she loved you so I couldn't understand why you left. The only answer was that it was me."
"It was never you. I want you to know that. If I could come back to watch you get the nobel prize or get married or have children I would. "
"I missed you pop pop"I said almost in tears.
"I missed you too. You know I am so proud of you for remaining in science no matter how hard it was because everyone was doing something else. I'm proud of you for choosing what you love despite other people's opinions on it. "
I hugged him now realising this is the first time I did since I was 5. I missed it. I almost cried but I forced the tears back in.
"Mary did a wonderful job raising you my boy. I wish you could tell her that.You grew up to be such an amazing person and I am so grateful I got to watch you grow up. " My meemaw said now.
"I am so grateful I had you as a meemaw." I said hugging her.
"My moon pie. It hurt so much that I had to leave you but I knew you would understand because you had Amy like I have your pop pop. "She said looking at my pop pop now with a smile.
"I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say how much I love you. I didn't get to say how much you being there for me meant to me. If you weren't there through pop pop and my dad's death I don't think I could have done it. " I said.
"You would have done just fine. All you needed was yourself. You never needed anyone but yourself. You just prefer to need other people because they prefer to need you to. "
"Mama was a wreck when you left. I didn't think she would survive after you. You were the one she was closer with and I didn't think Missy and Georgie would get through it either. "
"I know. I always teased Mary and told her she was such a mama's girl because she was the only child who made sure I was okay and lived near me while my other children left but I don't think I told her how much it meant to me that she stayed. How proud I was for getting through everything with three kids. "
"She was always stubborn when she knew what she wanted which was frustrating sometimes but she turned it into one of the best qualities to have. " My pop pop said now.
"Missy is alot like Mary. She is hard headed but kind and she is so bubbly. She has so much of Mary in her and Georgie was always the leader. He took charge and made sure everyone was protected . He was always such a caring boy but hid it under layers like it was a quality that was embarrassing to have. I definitely think I got lucky in the children and grandchildren department. " My meemaw said.
"We both were darling. I was lucky to find you. " My pop pop said as he kissed her forehead.
"Do you miss Amy ? " She said looking at me now as she held my pop pop's hand.
I nodded realising that even though she left I am still gone. I could have made her stay but I remembered Leo crying terrified to lose her. She had to go back I told myself.
"Mary would always say how much Sheldon and Amy were like you two." My dad said smiling.
"That's funny since your meemaw tried to chase her away. "My pop pop said laughing now.
"Only because I was looking after my Moon pie. If she stayed through all of that then I would know she is planning to stay for the long run and she stayed through all of it like I hoped. I must say that day I saw how much she loved you and how much you loved her by the way you were willing to tell me off for her." My Meemaw said.
"I couldn't have two of my favorite people fighting. I wouldn't have it. I was scared but it would hurt me more to have you guys against each other but in the end I didn't have to do much thankfully. "
"Well I absolutely adore her. It took some time but she knew what she wanted and she got it. "
I then heard her voice,"Sheldon,please if you can hear me at all please come back. Please. You promised. Please. " .
I could hear the tears in her voice. It hurt me that I was the reason for her tears. I hated hearing her like that. It seemed like I was the only one who could hear her. So maybe I had a chance on getting back if I could hear her. I remembered the promise I made her. I would at least try even if it was just to say goodbye. I would try until I had nothing in me anymore. I wanted to stay here but she needed me. She preferred to need me.
I got up to head to the door as I opened it my meemaw called out to me," Where are you going ?".
"I am intending on fulfilling a promise I made or at least try to. " I said with a smile watching my pop pop pull her in more now.
I hated I never grew up watching them. I hated how long my meemaw had to live without him until they were reunited again. I understand how my meemaw must have felt without him but she was happier now. She was at peace now because she was with him. I gave them a smile then closed the door.
I ran down all the flights of stairs until I arrived outside. I ran down the empty street as fast as my legs could let me. I didn't know where I was running to but I knew who I was running to. I was running to her.
I could hear her voice in my head now that kept my legs moving. Her smile popped into my mind and I could hear her cute little laugh she had. I ran faster and faster wishing with everything in me for it to work. I preferred to need her not because she preferred to need me but because I couldn't imagine anything better to do with my life than live it with her. It was only a benefit that she happened to prefer to need me to.
"I'm coming Ames. I swear I am trying. I am going to keep my promise. Whether it is goodbye or forever I am coming. " I said feeling myself slowly fade away knowing it was working.
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Amy's pov:
"Bye Leo. I will talk to you later tonight over the phone before you sleep. Listen to Uncle Stuart and Aunty Denise for me please. " I said trying not to cry infront of him as he hugged me.
"Okay mommy. I love you. " He said holding Denise's hand now.
"I love you to my boy. I will talk to you later. " I said as I watched them leave.
"It's been to long. We have to start fearing the worst. " I said letting reality sink in as I looked at everyone in my room.
"Let's just hold onto hope okay Ames. I just want to live in my bubble of denial for a little longer. " Mary said holding my hand now.
"I'm sorry Mary for everything but I want you to know that no matter what happens you mean so much to us all. You have been the mother most of us wished we had when we were younger and we are so grateful that you have taken all of us into your family because of your son. We want you to know that no matter what we are going to be here always. " I said not imagining what it must feel like for her to be losing her son.
"You people mean the world to me. I couldn't have asked for better friends for my baby boy and I couldn't have asked for a better wife for him either. You stuck around through the darkest parts and for that I am grateful. " Mary said with tears filled in her eyes now.
The doctor came into the room looking so tired but still tried to have a smile. Through day one he has always been there for Sheldon and us. Trying his best to give him back to us. We gave him room as he made his way to the middle so everyone could hear him.
"It took some time. Longer than we hoped but we got him back. " The doctor said like he could breathe.
We all smiled not believing he was going to be okay. Having our worst fears vanish. The doctor still didn't look happy though.
"Sheldon went a long time without oxygen that it could maybe cause some long term damage or organ failure . It looks like the surgery was just a little too much for his body to take. We have to keep an eye on him and transfer him to the ICU. I hope he remains stable for now. Just be happy that he is okay for now. You have a little more time with him. " He said.
"Thank you doctor. " Mary said.
"How are you feeling Amy ? " He then asked me.
"Tired and in a little pain but the medication is helping thank you doctor. " I said with a smile.
"You don't give us a scare like that again please. I know how much you love Sheldon but I'm sure he wouldn't want you leaving them just yet. " He said trying to be kind.
I knew we became more than patients to him. He was emotionally involved. He was also worried that Sheldon wouldn't come back to us. He cared for all of us.
"I know doctor. I will try not to do that again" I said trying to give a smile now remembering Sheldon pushing me to come back here,to them. Our family that needed us but they only had me. It had to be enough because it was better than none but we all wanted him to be okay.
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Sheldon's pov:
I was here. I was in Amy's room. I saw everyone with her now. They were relieved but still worried about me. They were scared I was going to be gone forever but I am here now. They just couldn't see me. I was so happy it worked. I was here.
I was with Amy. I pushed through and I was here like I promised her. I watched everyone talk trying to keep each other's mind busy so they didn't feel the fear of losing me as strong. I watched the family Amy had when I was gone. They were hers as much as they were mine. She worked her way into everyone's hearts. She never saw the beauty of her presence. The way how she caught everyone's attention by just talking and how caring,kind and amazing she was. I hated she could never see it. If only she saw how beautiful she really was.
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"Why are you looking at me like that ?" Amy asked looking at Sheldon next to her as they washed the dishes.
"Because you are beautiful and you are washing the dishes wrong. " Sheldon said with a smile.
"Excuse me. I am not washing the dishes wrong. I am just doing it the way I do it. " She said smiling.
"That is the wrong way. My way is always right. " Sheldon said laughing now.
"That's what you like to think. " Amy said.
Sheldon moved to stand behind her now as his arms were around hers helping wash the dishes.
"That's not what I like to think. It is what I know. " He whispered in her ear.
Amy turned around now and put some of the bubbly soap on his nose.
"Then what you know is wrong. " She said smiling
Sheldon wiped the soap off his nose immediately then laughed.
"Since when have you known me to be wrong. " He said.
"About 10 seconds ago when you said I wash the dishes wrong. " Amy said.
Sheldon collected some soapy bubbles in his hand now while Amy tried to get away from him but he followed her.
"No Sheldon. " Amy said giggling the closer Sheldon got.
She was backed into the table and Sheldon took his thumbs to wipe the soapy bubbles on her cheek. Before Amy could wipe it away he leaned closer and kissed her.
"We should wash dishes together more often. " Amy said in between the kisses.
"We do wash the dishes together often. " Sheldon said getting oxygen now.
"Never like this. I think the way we used to do it is the wrong way of washing dishes. " Amy said laughing as she kissed him again.
"Hmm I think you are right. Now go get cleaned up while I finish washing the dishes. " Sheldon said breaking the kiss.
"Why can't I help finish washing the dishes ?" Amy asked.
"Because you are full of bubbles and you wash the dishes wrong. " Sheldon said smiling.
"I do not. You never had any complaints on all the other times we washed the dishes. " Amy said crossing her arms determined to prove her innocence.
"Because you are beautiful which makes you get away with alot of things but tonight I am taking back washing the dishes no matter how beautiful you are. "
"Hmm fine then you can wash the dishes tonight but I wash the dishes by myself doing it my way. " Amy said then leant closer to his ear," The wrong way. " She whispered then left to the bathroom with the bubbles still on her cheeks.
Sheldon chuckled then went back to washing the dishes.
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I loved how she was always so determined to prove her point of view and fight for what was right. I loved her. I could feel myself slipping away now. I knew I didn't have long. I knew I only fought for a goodbye but I was really hoping it was forever. I was hoping I would get back to my family but I was grateful they would at least get a goodbye. Not a proper one but they didn't have to hear me. I just needed to do what I promised her.
I hated that I had to leave her. That she would have to live without me like my meemaw did with my pop pop. I hated how she would have to raise our children alone but she wasn't alone. She had our family but I wish I was there to. I wish I could stay but I knew it wasn't my decision anymore. The decision was made for me. My dice was rolled. The game ended. There was nothing more I could do.
I watched my mother,missy and brother. This was going to hurt them. They couldn't lose someone else but knowing they had my friends put me at peace. I looked at Penny and Leonard who I was so proud of. They both tried to depend on each other through this even though I knew how much Penny wanted a drink right now and Leonard wanted to leave and ignore all this but they knew that wasn't the best way to handle it. They figured it out together and I was so proud of them. I knew they could do this together they just had to remind themselves they were there.
There Bernadette and Howard was knowing they could do this together. I only wish they let everyone else help them to. I only hoped they knew how much their friendship meant to me. How important they are to this group. They were going to be okay I knew that but I wanted them to not close themselves off as much. I hope they don't close themselves from the group completely because of me.
Rajesh was always the everything in our group. He was caring,funny,weird, social,anti social,smart and so much more. He always made things more interesting and always made sure everyone was okay even when he was hurting. I knew he was going to be fine because he always persevered no matter how tough things got.
They were all going to be fine. They just needed to remember they had each other. I wish I could see Leo for the last time physically infront of me but I knew that was pushing my luck.
One by one I made my goodbyes as if they could hear me then sat on the hospital bed watching Amy hold my mom's hand. I stoked her cheek with my thumb hoping she could feel me. I kissed her forehead feeling the tears trail down my cheek.
"Goodbye Amy. I'm sorry I couldn't come back. I really tried. I am going to miss you more times than a heart beats in a minute. You will always be my heartworm. My heartworm. " I said then getting up and looking back at all of them one last time before leaving the room.
I made my way to my room in the ICU with my unconscious body. I saw Wil there now crying and I listened to him. I wish he could hear me. I wish he knew it wasn't his fault. None of this was his fault.
"Bye Wil. Please know none of this is your fault. You were a great friend and I appreciate everything you have done for me. You have always been some type of hero to me and I hope you look after them for me while I'm gone. " I said then sitting down leaning on the cold wall waiting for the feeling to take me away.
"Sheldon ?" Wil said looking in my direction and before I could do anything I was outside apartment 4A again.
I was officially gone. I officially said my goodbyes. I did what I needed to do. It was the best I could do. I really did try for everyone but my best wasn't good enough. I opened the door now to find meemaw,pop pop and my dad in the same place I left them in.
"I am officially back. " I said sounding sadder now.
"Aww come here moon pie. It's going to be okay. " My meemaw said.
I sat next to her as she hugged me and I felt the tears finally pour down now. I was gone. No longer coming back. Never seeing Amy again. Never complaining about how she washes the dishes. I was now Romeo without his Juliet.
to be continued...
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Okay did I cry writing this ? Yes I did but I swear it isn't over. We are almost there but this is not over. Thank you so much for all your support and love on my story. I appreciate it all.Till the next chapter :)