CHAPTER NINETEEN:
“Ben?” I questioned through the darkness. It was a useless inquiry though; I knew it was him.
“Hey Megan,” he said playfully with an underlying hint of malice.
I gulped, unsure of what to say. I could barely see him in the lightless environment. That frightened me because it meant that I couldn’t see his body or how close it was to mine. My heart was sputtering uncomfortably at the thought of even accidently coming in contact with him. His touch was like poison and I felt as though it would destroy me.
It suddenly occurred to me that my fear was still rendering me motionless. I felt stuck. I was too afraid to walk around him or even turn around in case he reacted. Who knew what he wanted from me? Perhaps we simply ran into each other? Or maybe he had purposely gotten in my way? It didn’t really matter. All that was going through my mind was how afraid I was.
“So, how’s Niall?” Ben asked, hissing his name.
I just swallowed, apparently speechless as well. Somehow I had never imagined our next confrontation being like this. I thought by some miracle I would tell Ben what an asshole he was but of course I was too much of a coward.
“You’re not saying much Megan,” Ben pointed out, “How are we supposed to catch up if I'm the only one talking?”
“I-I don’t want to catch up with you,” I stuttered pathetically.
He laughed cruelly, “You’re never up for anything, are you?”
“When it comes to you, no.”
I didn’t see or hear him come closer, but I felt him. His chest just barely made contact with mine, making me shudder. I took a large step back and tried not to trip.
“Do you need something?” I asked, finding my voice.
I watched his silhouette shrug, “Maybe.”
Suddenly a spark of courage erupted from inside of me. I grabbed hold of it and stood my ground. “Ben, you need to leave me alone,” I stated simply yet firm.
He laughed, “And why is that? Will Niall kick my ass if I get too close? Oh wait, he’s not even here, he’s not even in the country.”
I slowly shook my head even though I wasn’t sure if he could even detect the slight movement in the darkness. “Actually I was thinking more along the lines of ‘you leave me alone or I’ll call the police.’”
Now that managed to scare him. I watched the black figure freeze. Nothing but silence followed.
“I didn’t press charges against you Ben, but if you don’t stay the fuck away from me, I swear to god I will,” I told him, my voice confident and finally void of any shakiness.
When the silence was prolonged, I decided that I wasn’t going to wait around for him to give me some bullshit reply. Instead I tightened my grip on my shoulder bag and took one tentative step around him. Once I started to walk it became a lot easier. I didn’t look behind me, I just kept moving until I felt I was far enough away. There were street lights where I was then, which somehow took away nearly all of my uneasiness. The confrontation with Ben was still making my heart race, however. But I tried to ignore it. I just kept walking until I reached the familiar light from my front porch.
For once I was relieved to be coming home. I spent most of my time with Niall when he was around so I didn’t have to be there. I didn’t want to be there, especially when my dad was home. He was still as much of an alcoholic as ever and probably twice as callous. He had just become increasingly hard-hearted as the years went on and it seemed as though I was always trying to figure out who he really was.
Nonetheless, that night I was glad to come home to him. Somehow he seemed safer than Ben. Perhaps it was because deep down inside of my dad, beneath the cold front and the drunken defeats, I knew he loved me. It was a sick kind of love, but it was love all the same.
So when I saw him that night, sitting alone on the sofa, I decided to talk to him. I wasn’t completely sure what to say, but I needed to hear his voice. I wanted him to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. Usually Niall would tell me this along with a promise that he would keep me safe, but he wasn’t around. Of course he called and texted me like mad...but it wasn’t quite the same thing.
“Dad,” I said quietly, sneaking into the living room.
It took him a minute to see me coming around the sofa but when he did he seemed surprised. “Megan,” he acknowledged me, seemingly lost. He didn’t seem like his usual drunken self that night. Something about him was off; he was oddly calm and spaced out. “Are you alright?”
I nodded slowly, “I think so.”
His green eyes searched my face for something that I’m not sure he found. “You know I’d do anything for you, right darlin’?”
I stared at him warily, wondering where this was coming from.
“Daddy is something wrong?”
He rested his face in his hands stressfully. After running a hand through his thick, dark hair he finally looked at me again. “No baby, go to sleep, alright? It’s gettin’ late.”
After a long minute of contemplation I did as he said. The entire conversation confused me. What was up with him? I tried to write it off as nothing...but something inside of me knew it was wasn’t. Still, I managed to push the strangeness aside. I think it was Ben’s voice still lingering in my mind that allowed me to do so. I was still a little shaken, despite the fact that nothing had happened.
I locked myself in my room; an old habit of mine, and sat awkwardly on the edge of my bed. I really wasn’t sure what to do with myself. The entire night had left a bad feeling festering in the pit of my stomach. My insides felt raw and all I could think to do was curl up on my bed. I didn’t bother to shower or even change; I just pushed off my jeans and curled up under the covers for a few minutes.
Eventually the silence began eating me alive though. I stared at my phone for about five minutes before I dialled a familiar number. I chewed my nails as I impatiently waited for Niall to pick up. When he did I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hello, uh Megan, is that you?” he asked after I just breathed into the phone.
“Oh, um yeah, it’s me,” I mumbled in a strange tone.
Niall quickly laughed, as carefree as ever. “Hey babe, how’re you doing today?”
I bit my lip before answering, “Alright...”
“And why are you just alright?”
I sighed. I wasn’t really sure what to tell him. I didn’t want to bring up Ben because...well I didn’t want to bring up Ben. I just really wanted to talk to Niall. His voice was normal and familiar. “I don’t really know,” I answered, “It was just...strange I guess.”
“You wanna tell me about it?” he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.
“Not really,” I muttered, “Tell me about your day? What have you been up to over there?”
Niall laughed, “Well, um, quite a lot. We’ve been doing a lot of rehearsing and just preparing for the show. The people here are really great.”
I smiled to myself, “That sounds amazing. Tell me about them?”
I listened intently as Niall went into a long description of the new people he’s met. He’s rather fond of the guys he’s been put in a group with. To be honest I couldn’t even remember all of their names. I recalled him mentioning Harry and Zayn, simply because he had some funny stories to tell me about them. The other two slipped my mind. As if I would ever remember them all.
It was nice though, just listening to Niall speak. It was comforting. He was one of those people I could listen to ramble for hours and hours. Somehow everything that came out of his mouth was entertaining at the least.
Eventually I fell asleep though and hoped that the next day would fit the pieces together.
*
I woke up early the next morning. I’m not entirely sure why. When I dragged myself downstairs to the kitchen, I was surprised to see that my dad had already left. Well, I assumed he had already left considering he wasn’t planted on the sofa. He has taken to sleeping on the couch since a little while after my mum died. I had never really thought about it when I was younger. It had somehow made its way into my mind that I always found him there simply because that’s where he passed out. And then I got older and realized there might be more to it than that. I think the real reason for forcing himself into such discomfort was so he wouldn’t have to sleep in his bedroom, and his bed, alone.
I never went into the room myself. All of my mother’s possessions were still stored in every nook and cranny of the small space. Her clothes were in the closet as well as the dresser, her jewellery was still lying on the counter of the vanity, and, if I could remember, the last book she was reading was still hidden in the depths of the drawer of her bedside.
The thought of it all made me shudder as I quietly peeked out the front window. Sure enough my dad’s car was no one to be seen. I briefly wondered where he would be this early on a Sunday but easily wrote it off. A part of me didn’t want to know for some reason or another.
Not wanting to be alone that day, I decided to call Cassidy. I picked up the line and dialed the number I knew off by heart before waiting. I waited for what felt like too long before I heard the dial tone. Frustrated, I hung the thing up and tried again. I must have tried at least four times before I finally got the point. It wasn’t going to work.
I rummaged through the notes we had taped to the refrigerator. They were covered in unfamiliar phone numbers and addresses. Eventually I found the one for the phone company and ran upstairs to grab my cell phone. I called the number and nervously gulped when a man with a deep, throaty voice answered.
“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Uh, yeah, hi, my phone line seems to be down...?”
After a few minutes of him asking me questions I barely knew the answer to, he seemed to have gathered enough information to be satisfied. Once he found my account, however, he seemed rather confused himself.
“Well, according to the statement Miss, your phone bill hasn’t been paid in nearly three months, which is why we’ve cut off service.”
Something inside of me dropped, and I really wasn’t sure why. Why hadn’t my dad paid the bill? And why wasn’t he home? “Oh,” I said idiotically, “Well...can I pay it?”
I spent another ten or so minutes on the phone just discussing payment options. When the conversation ended I quickly rushed downstairs. I couldn’t explain myself if I tried but I had a very bad feeling that something was wrong. Or off at the very least.
My eyes scanned the living room, searching for anything I had missed. Any sign that would help me solve whatever the hell was wrong. The only things that really seemed off were the fact that there weren’t nearly as many empty liquor bottles sitting on the table, and that the blankets on the sofa had all been folded up and organized.
With a sigh a dropped down onto the nearest chair and let my head fall into my hands. I was overreacting, wasn’t I?
Without further contemplation I stood up, ran to the washroom, and had a shower. I threw on any clothes that were clean before heading out the door.
I didn’t have a lot of money, but I knew I had a little amount in my savings account. I had started saving up for school a few years earlier, but who was I kidding? I barely had enough to even get to the school let alone pay for tuition. I took a fair amount of money out to pay the phone bill, feeling satisfied and yet wrong in some way after doing so.
On the way back to my house I passed a few familiar faces. They were mostly just my dad’s friends. Usually, they would give me a little greeting or something...any sort of acknowledgement really, but not that time. One man gave me a small, almost sympathetic smile while another seemed almost guilty. Figuring I was just seeing things, I just gave a polite smile back before heading on my way.
Once I was home I really wasn’t sure what to do. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house for whatever reason. I wanted to wait there until my dad came home...
I waited a long time...a very long time...
It was nearing eleven p.m. when I was almost in tears. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call someone? Should I go out looking for him? All these questions scattered across my mind that I couldn’t find answers for. All I knew was that something was wrong...then again I had been wrong before.
About twenty minutes into my anxiety attack I heard my cell phone go off. I literally jumped for it. My logic was incredibly off; somehow I thought it might be my dad texting me from his nonexistent phone.
I opened the message and nearly chucked the thing across the room when I saw that it was from Ben. What could he possibly want to annoy me with now? I wasn’t in the mood for any of his bullshit.
You’re gonna regret what you said to me last night Megan. You won’t be calling the cops on me, I’ll make sure of it...is what the text read.
Hi guys :) So I feel like I haven’t updated in forever...:(...I’m sorry about that to anyone who has been reading this and waiting for updates. This is a really busy month for me. I have exams coming up and all of my FCAs, which are basically huge projects that are worth 10% of mark, are due this week so I’ve been trying REALLLYYY hard to finish them and do a good job. Once exams are finished I’ll be updating as much as I do regularly :)
Anyway...I’ve decided on an end for this story and now I just have to write it! I’m pretty excited for what’s coming up...even though these last few chapters have been a little slow in my opinion. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! Please tell me what you think omg I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever..ok BYEEE dUMPLINGGSSS xxxx