AFTER ABOUT TWELVE MINUTES of waiting for Cameron to get dressed and come downstairs, I decided to check on him. "Cameron, are you dressed yet? It's been twelve minutes." No answer. I opened the door and peeked my head in, only to see him laying back in his bed.
"I'm dying."
"No you're not." I walked over to him and pulled off the covers, only to reveal Cameron in a fresh outfit. "So you got up, got dressed... and laid back in bed?" He nodded, tiredly.
The phone rang. I reached for it, only to have my arm pulled back by Cameron. "Don't answer it."
"I have to, otherwise he'll keep calling." He sighed, resting his eyes. "Frye residence. I wonder, who on Earth could be calling?"
"Where is he?"
"Paul McCartney? Being handsome, I suppose."
"Haha." He laughed, sarcastically. "Everyone knows George was the best looking Beatle."
"Okay, seriously? I beg to differ. Have you seen-"
"Are you guys arguing over the Beatles? You know they broke up like fifteen years ago, right? We were barely alive." Cameron argued.
"Let a woman dream, Cam." I sighed.
"Look, Cameron, are you coming or not?" Cameron groaned in response. "I'm serious, man, this is ridiculous. Making me wait around the house for you."
"Why can't you let me rot in peace?"
"Cameron, this is my ninth sick day. If I get caught, I won't graduate. I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for you." He paused, probably expecting a response from Cameron. "Think about the secret. You wouldn't want her to know, would you?"
"He's telling me later today, anyway." I spoke proudly from beside the phone.
"What?" Ferris' voice was filled with shock and confusion. "Cameron, you're gonna tell her?"
"I never said that. I said maybe."
"No, you said if I control Ferris, you'll tell me." I corrected him.
"Yeah right. Even if I behaved myself, you don't have the guts."
"Oh yea?" Cameron sat back up. "Sarah, I-" He cut himself off once he realized what he was doing, and laid back down.
"Cameron, if you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new bestfriend."
"Hey, I'm his bestfriend." I crossed my arms, turning to look at Cameron, my expression softening. "Right?"
"You're both my bestfriend." The line went dead.
"You're both my bestfriend." I mocked under my breath.
"Don't be like that." Cameron sat slumped on the side of his bed.
"Alright." I sighed. "Are we going or what?" He nodded, sliding out of bed and slipping his shoes on. "I always liked this jersey." I gestured to the one he was wearing.
"Yea?" He looked up at me with raised eyebrows.
"Mhmm. It looks good on you." My eyes slightly widened as I stared at the ground, registering what I'd just said.
"You think?" I looked up to see a smile on his face.
"Yea, well, that and red is my favorite color." I tried to cover up my slip-up. "Ready to go?" He nodded and we walked out of the house and to his car. He sat there for a minute, staring straight ahead. "Cam, are you gonna start the car?"
"I don't know about this, Sare. Maybe I should just stay home."
I sighed at his inconsistency. "Whatever you wanna do, Cam." We sat in silence for a minute or so. "Cam?"
"He'll keep calling me." He squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. "He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty." He sighed. "This is ridiculous. Okay, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go." He finally started the car, so I buckled my seatbelt. Only a second later, he took the key out of the ignition, slamming on the steering wheel.
"Cameron, we don't have to go." I rubbed his arm, earning nothing but silence.
"You're right, we'll stay." We got out of the car and he stomped to the front door, swiftly turning around and walking to the back of the car. He stood still before jumping in place out of anger.
"Clearly you don't wanna go, so we won't go." I held onto his shoulders to keep him from jumping.
"This is complete bullshit!" He yelled, getting into the car once again.
I rubbed my temples before, once again, getting into the passenger seat of his car. This time, he started the car instantly, and began driving the short distance to Ferris' house.
It only took ten minutes, if that, to get there. We walked up to the front door and I knocked. "Housekeeping!" I spoke in a high pitch voice, as if to disguise myself.
"JJ, I told you not to-" Ferris looked surprised when he opened the door to see my face. "Oh, it's you."
"I missed you too!" I faked a smile, hugging him.
"Yea, I guess I might've missed you. Maybe." He patted my back before I ended the hug, stepping aside to let him and Cameron greet one another. "Cameron!" He pulled him in for a hug before Cameron pushed him off.
"What're we doing here, Ferris?" We stepped into the house, Ferris closing the door behind us.
"You're here to have the greatest day of your lives." Ferris said as if it were obvious. "But first, I need one small favor." He flashed a big smile before handing Cameron the phone.
"Uh-uh. No way, Ferris." He placed the phone back on the hook. "I am not making a phony call for you."
"Well of course it's gonna be phony, what else do you use to make a call?" He looked at us expectantly, waiting for a laugh. "Cmon, Cameron, I need you to call Rooney and pretend to be Sloane's dad to get her out of school."
"No, Ferris. I'm not doing it." He crossed his arms.
"Sarah, Cameron's told me-"
"Give me the damn phone." Cameron snatched the phone from Ferris' hand before dialing the number and taking his jersey off to get more comfortable, revealing a green shirt with suspenders.
"Now when he answers, tell him Sloane's grandma died and you're calling to excuse her from class."
The phone rang once before someone answered. "This is George Peterson." Cameron said in a funny voice. I snuck under his arm and stood chest to chest, more like face to chest, with Cameron in order to hear the conversation.
"Oh. Uh, please hold." There was a pause. "Ed Rooney."
"This is George Peterson."
"How are you today, sir?"
"Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning, as you may have heard."
"Yea, I heard, and..." He tsked. "Oh, I'm all broken up. Boy, what a blow." I rolled my eyes at his bad acting.
"Yea, well, it's been a tough morning, and we've got a lot of family business to take care of. So if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it."
"Uh, sure. I'd be happy to. You, uh, you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane." I looked up at Cameron, receiving the same shocked look that I wore. "I want to see this dead grandmother, firsthand."
"George, honey, who is that on the phone?" I spoke in a sad tone.
"Uh, it's Sloane's principal, sweetie. He's said something about wanting to see her body." Cameron said in more of a question.
"That's right. Roll her bones on over here and I'll be happy to release your daughter."
While we were on the phone with Rooney, Ferris called the assistant principal to throw them off. "How dare you speak to us like that. My mother's just died and you're making jokes?" I tried my best to make it sound like I was crying.
"Yea? I'll tell you what, dipshit. You don't like my policies, you can just come on down here, and smooch my big old white butt. Pucker up, buttercup." Hushed whispers could be heard from the other side of the line, which we could only assume meant Rooney had learned that Ferris was on line two.
He put us on hold. "Do you think it's working?" I whispered, in case he suddenly popped back in.
"I don't know."
We heard a click, followed by Rooney's voice. "Mr. Peterson?" Cameron cleared his throat in response. "Um, I don't- I think I owe you an apology, sir." He stuttered.
"Well, I should say you do."
"I, uh... I- I- I-"
"Well, I think you should be sorry, for Christ's sake. A family member dies, and you insult not only me, but my wife as well." I felt a tingle in my stomach when he called me his wife. "What the hell is the matter with you, anyway?"
"Well, I- I really don't know, sir. I mean, I- I didn't think I was talking to you, I thought I was talking to somebody else." Cameron started doing a cute little dance while he was listening to Rooney ramble. "You know, sir, that I would never deliberately insult you or your wife like that. I- I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am."
"Pardon my french, but your an asshole!" Cameron yelled into the phone. I pressed my face into his chest in order to muffle my laughter. "Asshole!" He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer, further muffling my laughter.
"Uh, you... you're absolutely right, sir. You've hit the nail right on the head."
"This isn't over yet, buster. Do you read me?"
"Uh, loud and clear, Mr. Peterson."
"Call me sir, goddamn it!" That threw me into another fit of laughter.
"Yes, yes, yes sir, yes sir." He stammered again.
"That's better. And you just mind your p's and q's, buster. And remember who you're dealin' with."
"Woah, am I interrupting something?" Ferris whispered, walking into the kitchen.
"What? Of course not." I pulled away from Cameron, his hand dropping from my waist. "Where'd you get the suit?"
"I've gotta look the part, don't I?" He adjusted his collar.
"Ferris, I'm just... I'm a little scared 'cause what if he... what if he recognizes my voice?" Cameron asked, keeping his hand covering the phone.
"Impossible. You're doing great. Isn't he doing great?" He nudged me.
"Yea." I gulped. "You're doing great."
"Rooney?" I walked back over to Cameron, listening closely.
"Uh, just a... a little office difficulty, sir."
"Rooney, I don't have all day to bark at you, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet, like my wife." I smiled at that. "I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes by herself. I don't want anybody-" Ferris hit Cameron in the arm, causing me to turn around and hit him in the arm.
"Don't hit him."
"Well that's too suspicious. He'll think somethings up. Cover it." They started silently arguing.
"Rooney! Rooney."
"Yes, yes."
"Listen here, pay attention. I changed my mind. I want you out in front of the school with her. I'd like to have a few words with you, by god." This time, Ferris slapped the phone out of Cameron's hand.
"You don't want her alone, you don't want someone with her. Make up your mind, dammit!" I slapped Ferris in between each word.
Cameron picked up the phone and stared yelling into it. "On second thought, we don't have time to talk right now. We'll get together soon and we'll have lunch." Ferris kicked him in the butt, taking the phone and hanging it back on the hook.
"Will you two stop fighting? God, you're such babies."